Using a throwaway because I'm probably gonna get butchered for this. But whatever, how many fucks can one man spare. How many fucks can one man give before he has had enough.
Tim Cook is one greedy mofo. On a scale of an A through F, I'd give you a solid C-. And that's being really generous (unlike you, you son of a bitch).
Let's not even talk about how the polish of OS X and iOS has gone down over time. Let's not even talk about the bugs in every release, how every update leads people in with the constant hope of "this is the one, this the one which will make your device run like new". Oh man, let's fucking update. Oh wait, this shit isn't what they promised. Nah, let's not talk about any of that. Because that's not gonna change, is it? Planned obsolescence is the name of the game. Fuck your old customers without any lube, that's how we roll, am I right?
Instead, let's talk your constant unwillingness to give a single fuck about your customers and your willingness to always give a fuck when your stinginess comes into play. You deny staingate on the MacBook Pro line up until the very end when you feel your pockets are threatened by a consumer lawsuit. Hell even Steve held a fucking press conference for antenna-gate while you highfived Jony on sales while iPhone 6's were being bent, many with no fault of the consumer. 16 GB of storage on a flagship phone which is supposed to last into 2016. And that sneaky little fuck Phil Schiller just jumps over it with the words "great customer experience" and "5GB iButt Storage" - Phil, I'd bet you any amount of money that you've personally never used the 16 GB device a single day of your life, and neither has anyone in your upper management, otherwise, you'd fucking know how much of a pain in the ass it is to work with the actual 12GB of storage so many of your customers put up with. One might think Jony would put some sense into Cook, but he's kinda busy working in the iPhone Thinness Lab, making the next iPhone thinner - that's all Jony is good for now (let's put the lack of even the simplest of design insights like a dark mode aside from the bright empty mess that was and is iOS7+, as well as the atrocious "all day hurr durr" battery life you promote - or maybe even the half assed implementation of third party keyboards or your rigid adherence to UI that you won't let people customize). You refused to add 2 GB of RAM until you absolutely had to, which deeply hurt the consumer experience on Safari and most other iOS apps. Your iPad "Pro", expected to compete with the Surface, comes with a base of 32GB of storage and with half of the functionality, and the "Apple Pencil" sticks out like a sore thumb when you want to charge it - let's not even talk about the ridiculous pricing on the keyboard. Spread out those apps guys, we're going full iOS productivity levels here - large empty spaces, 4x5 app grid on a 13 inch display, you know the drill.
We're not even close to done. It's 20-fucking-16 soon, and apparently, you can justify selling a 4k iMac machine with a 5400rpm HDD which would have probably been considered outdated even a decade ago - this is supposed to last people more than a year? A PROSUMER DESKTOP - is that what you call this? You can justify decreasing the base SSD storage for the fusion drives for no good reason (except money, of course). You make your iMacs thinner for no reason (a desktop machine that's not supposed to be portable) while taking away features that people actually need. You have no logical sense about customers who might need dedicated GPUs, or customers who might want to upgrade their RAM - nah, let's seal everything as tightly as our asses and ears, am I right? A 480p webcam on your latest MacBook so you can call the next one an upgrade. You can justify releasing the crap that was the "iPad 3" and updating it months later when you realized that your customers would call you out when your processor couldn't even support the Retina display you put in. Pages is a mess. Numbers is a mess. Both of those lack the basic functionality even Microsoft Office gives. The Mac App Store is a desolate, barren mess. iTunes - bloated garbage. Beyond all those things, Apple Music is a total incoherent clusterfuck - you decided to play the catch up game, and you couldn't even come close to the smoothness, UI/UX considerations, music discovery, and curation of Spotify. How many years did you have to think this over? To make it perfect? Did you even use this shit yourself? Or were you too busy buying Beats and releasing new colors for their headphones to match your thin iPhones? Because this shit isn't made for humans. Not to mention the countless people experiencing problems playing music offline, streaming music, finding music, or other shit. And not only did you half ass Apple Music, hell, you even managed to half ass Apple TV - no Siri search at release? No categories in the app store? 200mb app size limit? And calling it a revolution when 70-80% of the functionality is matched by a fucking HDMI stick? This is a 4th generation product. How about fucking Siri? It's been 4-5 years since you bought the company that made it, but yet Siri can't do shit on the iPhone - I would rather talk to a fucking rock, and Cortana and Google are miles and miles ahead. And what in the actual fucking world happened to Apple Maps. A company known for perfection brought to its knees (along with its customers) and fucked by one of the poorest implementations of a service one could ever imagine.
And even the smaller things, nah we're not done yet, even the smallest things. Your product naming fucking sucks - iPad (ok, that's the first one), iPad 2 (nice, that's the second one), "the new iPad" - wtf? iPad Air, oh that seems like the logical next step. iPhone 6S Plus - how the fuck do you expect people to say that smoothly? What happened to iPhone 5C line? By the way, Jony, how the actual fuck did you approve this case. (Oh, and the only difference between the iPad Mini 2 and iPad Mini 3 was TouchID, which you charged another $100 for.) Your ads absolutely fucking suck - at least Jobs had the taste to show his products in a beautiful way. What the fuck is this. What the fuck is this. What the actual fuck is this. The best you can do is "This is the iPhone. blahblahblahblahblah"? Jimmy Fallon and Justin Timberlake voiceovers? Oh go fuck yourself, man - and don't blame it on the ad agencies, because you approve every single frame of this bullshit before it goes on air. What happened to this. Where is the character. Where is the emotion. Where is the passion dammit. Time for a controversial opinion (haha, like what I've said so far isn't enough to be crucified a few times): Your Apple Watch fucking sucks. It's not a reincarnation of the iPod like everyone says - no, we're not gonna all regret our words a few years later. It doesn't do anything useful, it's slow as shit, and it's a product category you stepped into for no good reason. Here you are partnering with Hermès on making some ultra-affordable /s Apple Watch bands while your customers get fucked by all of the issues mentioned above. Spreading yourself thin is something you're great at - don't take that as a compliment.
You said in your quarterly call that you "don't care about the bloody ROI" - I think you misspoke man. All you fucking care about is the bloody ROI, you heartless sneaky little shit.
And even with all of this. All of this fucking garbage, you still manage to convince people to defend your decisions (until you make the changes, which are then defended by the same people again). The greatest thing your company ever managed to do which perhaps no other company has managed to do on this scale, is have your marketing done by people. Let people do your work. Let them defend your mistakes. Let them cover your ass. Let them post on /r/apple with "Hey guys, I realized how Apple TV is a true revolution, hurr durr Siri", "Hey guys, I realized how Apple Watch is a true revolution, hurr durr personal". Let them argue for you. Let them answer for you. Let them get fucked in the ass for you.
Maybe this people advertising was more justifiable when your products actually worked smoothly, before you took over. Now, it's a huge fucking circlejerk in which every single voice of dissent is drowned out before it has a chance to speak, to say what it wants to say.
Man, I've been using Apple products since 1996. In almost 20 years, I have never seen such a series of bad decisions being made by what was once a great company. A company which once had a passion for technology, not a business for technology. Taste. Refinement. Perfection. Making you feel like you got your money's worth. Somewhere in the core of Apple, I'm sure there are talented people who still believe in the vision Steve started with. But Cook, Cue, and co. are gonna fuck Apple over to hell.