Icefire1424
Member
Your son sounds like my daughter. This weekend for a snack she wanted cheese, crackers and summer sausage. What two year old likes sausages?
Don't get me wrong, I'm proud as all get out, but still find it a bit odd!
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ParentGaf OT: Birth, Bib and Beyond
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Your son sounds like my daughter. This weekend for a snack she wanted cheese, crackers and summer sausage. What two year old likes sausages?
Don't get me wrong, I'm proud as all get out, but still find it a bit odd!
Yeah, don't get me wrong, it's exciting to see them grow up and see their personalities develop more, but still, it's killing me.
Maybe I want more kids, I dunno
Monkeylord
Member
10 weeks left (approx.) till I get to meet my son. My GF is now at that terrified stage where everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) is making her question if she's good enough to be a parent.
"I put my jumper on inside out AND back to front... our son is so screwed. I'm gonna be a rubbish mummy".
She's also finding it very uncomfortable to sleep, not helped at all by the fact that he's mostly active at night.
As I understand it, it's only gonna get worse from here on out.
"I put my jumper on inside out AND back to front... our son is so screwed. I'm gonna be a rubbish mummy".
She's also finding it very uncomfortable to sleep, not helped at all by the fact that he's mostly active at night.
As I understand it, it's only gonna get worse from here on out.
H.Protagonist
[-_-]/
Aww, sorry it didn't go quite to plan. I'm sure your wife knows that a healthy baby is the big end goal and thus you've had great success, but having what you've imagined (and hoped for) thrown out the window can be pretty tough, mentally speaking. I know my sis was bitterly disappointed with hers and it messed with her for a bit, so give her some extra hugs. Glad he's in good form in the end, though!
For the booze, I'd also heard that dark beer, especially, was good for milk production. Wine for blood loss, I was told, and beer was A-OK in moderate amounts at the right time. They did say that you could also drink just as you start breastfeeding because it won't be in your bloodstream just yet, so there's that too. Huzzah~
I see... Cheers. It does seem to be a rather contested topic. I have some as a last resort, but yeah, I'll use it with a grain of salt (if I do in the end).
I'm dreading kid shows, to be honest. I've seen what they do to parents. Even kid's books make my head hurt. I've been reading excerpts from The Hobbit and my current fantasy pick to her instead.
That's a bit reassuring. Hocus or not, at least it worked for someone!
Good idea. Will do.
Just have her watch an episode of 16 and Pregnant. She'll see just how silly she's being to worry so much.
For the sleep thing, ah, I don't miss that. Does she have a pregnancy noodle (big, long pillow)? Warm baths, low grade panadol right before bed to dull the hip pain, and heat packs can help a bit too.
Pimplitosaurio
Member
I've tried soy and almond milk in coffee before and it's...foul.
For the cutting bit, glad to know it might have some effect. It's only been two days, but she does seem slightly better, I have to admit. And the drops don't help? The moms on the WTE forums have been raving about Infacoil or gripe water, etc., saying it's been great. If it got worse I was thinking of trying it now that she's a month old. Will ask the midwife about it/simethicone. Cheers.
Really? :/ Why is pregnancy such a trial even after? You don't get any sleep AND caffeine (the only joy in a no-sleep life) is bad? The midwives never mentioned it to me, but I'll ask today during her check-up. Thanks for the heads up. Yay for beer, at least.
How'd the birth go, btw? Last update was labor.
About the coffee: The wife was craving it hard because she stopped drinking coffe like a month before birth. Our kid is four months old and she(my wife, not the kid) has been drinking coffee for like 3 months, so I think it depends, because coffee does nothing to the kid, but when she ate cheesse it was a rock concert of farts all day long. Right now, she can eat a little cheesse, so hang on.
She has been breastfeeding exclusively(sp?) but she also doesn't drink that much coffee(2 small cups in the morning, and another in the afternoon if the has time/energy)
DCharlie
And even i am moderately surprised
I was thinking about it today
My wife has a brother who is 10 years her junior, When i started dating her, he was 13. We've been together for 16 years.
My eldest boy is 7 - but growing up very fast. He's quickly gotten to that "don't hold my hand" - but i'm still one of his favourite people, but eventually that's going to start changing as he hangs out with his friends.
Our youngest is 3, but he's still pretty much a baby and still has the "cute" factor about him.
It's making me sad that we won't have a third, but given the complications of the last pregnancy we can't possibly do it.
All this said, the sadness is quickly extinguished by the excitement of seeing just what the pair of them can achieve.
Skellig Gra
Member
Pete has come down with something. When he cries he sounds like he has been smoking for 40 years. No fever which is good. Off to the doctor tomorrow hopefully nothing too serious.
My girl was the same at that age. She grew out of it in the end. Just try not to get frustrated with them, at least in front of them. It's hard to see them act in that manner, and does have you doubting your skills as a parent, but it will pass in time. I put it down to them getting frustrated at wanting to do something, but not being able to, much like how a paraplegic might act in the same way. Just empathise with them, talk calmly to them, and they'll grow out of that phase.
H.Protagonist
[-_-]/
That's definitely nice to hear. I don't drink much anymore (2 cups max), but to lose one more of the few things keeping me going after a month + of 2 hours of sleep, blowouts, and a poor gassy baby might be the blow that does me in.
I'm day 4? 5? in of no dairy and thought I'd seen some improvement, but now the baby has started 'smacking' at the nipple like she's breaking the latch and tons of wind is definitely getting in. -_- Nothing I do seems to correct this from positions, to re-latching, to adjusting, etc. It's so frustrating.
Has anyone else or their partner had this problem...?
Skellig Gra
Member
Yes, my wife was told it takes 2 weeks before the dairy leaves your system.That's definitely nice to hear. I don't drink much anymore (2 cups max), but to lose one more of the few things keeping me going after a month + of 2 hours of sleep, blowouts, and a poor gassy baby might be the blow that does me in.
I'm day 4? 5? in of no dairy and thought I'd seen some improvement, but now the baby has started 'smacking' at the nipple like she's breaking the latch and tons of wind is definitely getting in. -_- Nothing I do seems to correct this from positions, to re-latching, to adjusting, etc. It's so frustrating.
Has anyone else or their partner had this problem...?
echoshifting
Banned
Got a question for ya ParentGaf.
My daughter, Mia, is 9 years old. She has always played outside in view of the house, but we recently moved to a new area and the friends she has made here are all a good 5+ minute bike ride away. The parents in this neighborhood seem completely comfortable letting their children roam free (they show up at our door a lot). These friends seem to have not-so-great road safety rules; I'd say my daughter is excellent in that area and has a good grasp of "stranger danger" but I worry about the influence of peers, here.
So...how old were your kids when you started letting them wander away from the nest on their own? Looking back, I believe I was right around her age when my parents actually let me leave the neighborhood entirely and go to the nearby 7-Eleven, near a very busy street. Am I being overprotective?
Any advice is appreciated.
My daughter, Mia, is 9 years old. She has always played outside in view of the house, but we recently moved to a new area and the friends she has made here are all a good 5+ minute bike ride away. The parents in this neighborhood seem completely comfortable letting their children roam free (they show up at our door a lot). These friends seem to have not-so-great road safety rules; I'd say my daughter is excellent in that area and has a good grasp of "stranger danger" but I worry about the influence of peers, here.
So...how old were your kids when you started letting them wander away from the nest on their own? Looking back, I believe I was right around her age when my parents actually let me leave the neighborhood entirely and go to the nearby 7-Eleven, near a very busy street. Am I being overprotective?
Any advice is appreciated.
Vincent Grayson
Member
My girls are 10 and almost 12, and they've had the run of at least our entire street for a while now. My oldest will walk to the library and such, but it's all neighborhood-type streets.
I think it depends on her, really. If you trust her to pay attention, it should be fine.
hey_monkey
Banned
I feel like GAF is producing an attractive next generation overall. GOOD JOB, EVERYONE.
This thread almost makes me want to have another one, so please everyone keep posting about how sleepless you are. It helps.
That's definitely nice to hear. I don't drink much anymore (2 cups max), but to lose one more of the few things keeping me going after a month + of 2 hours of sleep, blowouts, and a poor gassy baby might be the blow that does me in.
I'm day 4? 5? in of no dairy and thought I'd seen some improvement, but now the baby has started 'smacking' at the nipple like she's breaking the latch and tons of wind is definitely getting in. -_- Nothing I do seems to correct this from positions, to re-latching, to adjusting, etc. It's so frustrating.
Has anyone else or their partner had this problem...?
I had a lot of trouble BFing in general, but that was because my milk production wasn't up to snuff. However, because we weren't sure what was going on, I tried a lot of things, and the nipple shields helped (the little silicone covers that make nipples more like bottle nipples, I guess). Kind of a pain in the ass (or in the tit), and not an optimal solution for many reasons, but maybe something to try? It did help with getting a better latch.
Septimus Prime
Member
Have you also tried those gel things? They don't help with latching, but you're supposed to refrigerate them and put them on after feeding for some cooling relief.
I think my son just hit his 2-week growth spurt. He's hungry like every hour. And since it takes about an hour to feed him anyway, it's like non-stop.
I think my son just hit his 2-week growth spurt. He's hungry like every hour. And since it takes about an hour to feed him anyway, it's like non-stop.
Camp Freddie
Member
That's definitely nice to hear. I don't drink much anymore (2 cups max), but to lose one more of the few things keeping me going after a month + of 2 hours of sleep, blowouts, and a poor gassy baby might be the blow that does me in.
I'm day 4? 5? in of no dairy and thought I'd seen some improvement, but now the baby has started 'smacking' at the nipple like she's breaking the latch and tons of wind is definitely getting in. -_- Nothing I do seems to correct this from positions, to re-latching, to adjusting, etc. It's so frustrating.
Has anyone else or their partner had this problem...?
For what it's worth, my first child was a nightmare to breastfeed and went through various phases of not latching on properly. My wife tried all sorts of techniques and my child went through an entirely random sequence of finding new ways to not latch properly and get upset. We'd think we'd nailed it and then a week later there'd be some new issue.
We had to use a bottle to "top him up" since he was losing weight. We went to exclusively bottle feeding after about a month. Health workers were worse than useless, with advice that came down to "Keep trying, stay positive, you'll get there eventually". Nope.
Then we had our second and despite doing everything exactly the same, she has exclusively breastfed with no problems and will not accept anything else at all (this is getting to be a problem as she needs to be weened).
When people say that all kids are different, it's not just a wishy-washy pleasantry.
My eldest is 4 and currently going through an awkward stage. I think they just want to test boundaries and lack the empathy to really understand the consequences of their actions. They also lack an understanding of their own feelings and will defensively blame their actions on other things, usually you. I hear lots of, "NO! YOU'RE BEING NAUGHTY, NOT ME!"
Being patient and firm with them is the only way. It's fucking hard to find a line between letting them get away with stuff and being overly punishing. I probably err on the former side, since I find myself failing to follow through on some promised punishment because I'm simply too tired.
We took my daughter to the store for the first time. Got her all glammed up.
She lasted about 15 minutes before she started crying and my wife had a mini-anxiety attack so she took her to the car.
The baby loves car rides though and sitting in her car seat.
Omg, she's looks like a little doll. I almost feel jealous. My 8 month old suddenly seem so grown. We plan on having more kids with not too many years between them, but I need at least 2 more years for my own sanity. lol
Thanks for the advice. Good to hear!
Halcyon
Member
I'm trying to get as many pictures of her looking cute as I can before she outgrows everything.
We're still deciding if we want another baby. Right now we're pretty set with just the 1 but it's all still very new.
Icefire1424
Member
Really odd that you brought this up. My daughters 2nd birthday and party was also on Saturday. Lots of family, lots going on, no nap that day, and she was outstanding. Interacted with everybody, didn't cry or get overwhelmed once, even started playing to the camera when someone would point one at her ("cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese!).
Sunday we had a 5 hour drive back home, and she took a 2.5 hour nap, did really well in the car, and had no problems getting into a bath and getting ready for the night when we got home.
But overnight...yikes. She reverted back to 6 months old. Woke up several times overnight, didn't want to go back to sleep, really restless...we're all exhausted today. Not sure if she's just trying to get back into her routine after being out of it for a few days or if she has a cold or something coming on, but was really surprising how rough a night it was given how amazingly awesome she was the last few days.
echoshifting
Banned
Thanks! Yeah, I trust her to be safe. Just a big step so my wife and I are both pretty nervous about it.
Skellig Gra
Member
Well done man. Don't ever give up on making her look nice. I know lots of parents just want to throw the kid in plain onesies but you'll look back at these pictures the rest of your life and smile.We took my daughter to the store for the first time. Got her all glammed up.
She lasted about 15 minutes before she started crying and my wife had a mini-anxiety attack so she took her to the car.
The baby loves car rides though and sitting in her car seat.
H.Protagonist
[-_-]/
I meant more the 'smacking' latching issue, but I'm definitely counting down the days until that 2 week mark!
And here I thought I'd picked a fairly uncommon name for mine.
Haha. We've yet to see how Mia will turn out once she fills out. She kinda looks like a cross-eyed Jabba these days. In fact, I had to get her passport photos for our move to England and because a one month old can't really hold their head straight for prolonged periods and are still learning to focus, her pictures came out...special. Like, she ate another baby and did hard drugs special.
For the BF issue, after looking a lot online, I think the latching issue is related to hyperlactation. My milk recently started spraying, we've had a few greenish diapers, that smacking/clicking latching issue, the horrible gassiness, and the constant feeding all point to the let down being too strong and her getting too much of that foremilk. It sounds plausible, anyway. Trying new positions and a bit of block feeding to correct it. Can't hurt anyway. Will look into the nipple shields if it persists, though.
I haven't heard of gel things, but I've gotten past the cracked/bleeding/pain part, so I think I'm good. Would have loved those the first three weeks, though. ;_;
I feel ya on the feeding thing. I wish I could guarantee it gets more drawn out between feeds, and it does for many, but I'm still in the 'every hour' boat at 5 weeks. Still better than the every 30 minute cluster feeds!
Thanks, yo~ Checked it out and it's definitely given me a lot of food for thought. Sad about the soy, though. My husband went on a huge hunt for milk alternatives for my latte and came back with a bunch of varieties of soy to try...
Sorry you guys had such trouble. This whole breastfeeding thing seems ridiculously complicated, painful, and problematic. It's no wonder a large number of mothers give up and switch to formula. The whole guilt/ "Keep trying, stay positive, you'll get there eventually" stuff really stokes my grill. (<--did you see the whole Jamie Oliver twitter blow-up about this the other day?)Anyway, thanks for sharing. I'm remaining positive that I'll find a solution, but I'll switch to formula if I have to and screw the naysayers. Good luck on your second mini!
Icefire1424
Member
Also, Mia was in the running as one of the top three names for our daughter as well.
H.Protagonist
[-_-]/
Haha. I guess some names just resonate at certain times. I'd also liked Sophia, but I saw it was #2 overall this year and sadly let it go. Then my cousin's daughter was born 2 weeks before my daughter and he named her... Sophia.
Septimus Prime
Member
Mia is better than Sophia, anyway. Here's why: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/06/short-names-lead-to-higher-salaries_n_3223658.html
EDIT: Yo, I messed up! It's actually $10,800 better!
She'll thank you for her extra $7,200.
EDIT: Yo, I messed up! It's actually $10,800 better!
echoshifting
Banned
And here I thought I'd picked a fairly uncommon name for mine.
Ha ha, I actually edited the name in when I saw you have a Mia as well.
It's been in the top ten for a few years now I think.#winningatparenting
TheBryanJZX90
Member
So does anyone else get extremely anxious and nervous every single time your kid picks up a pencil or scissors or anything sharp and pointy and does anything other than sit perfectly still? Like I can't stop being terrified of her falling or tripping and stabbing herself in the eye.
Septimus Prime
Member
If I ever have a daughter, I'd want to name her Ema
(which my wife already vetoed in favor of the regular "Emma" spelling. Sorry about that $3,600, Ema)
Steeped in a Sea of Games
Member
Dude, I wish I could help you, but I'm suffering from the exact same problem. I get to play around 3 hours of video games a week and that's after everyone's gone to bed. Even then it's hard for me to want to stay up because I'm so tired I usually just want to go to bed myself or I end up staying up too late and feeling exhausted the next day.
I haven't been to the gym proper in months because I'm just so burned out. It's hard for me to go through the motions of getting both the kids completely dressed up in their winter clothes (which takes forever), in their carseats, and then the stress of getting them through parking lots etc. by myself. Part of this is because I started working weekends overnight so my schedule is crazy since I still watch the kids during the week (meaning I'm constantly adjusting my schedule from overnights to being awake during the day). I still take them out, but it's usually with my wife and for more important things like ECFE class or the mall park etc. I hope that summer makes it easier for us to get out again.
The kids are so needy that they pretty much never leave us alone. I can get my son to play with playdoh or something, but then my daughter will be screaming and need attention or something. Sit on the couch and they're there climbing all over me or the wife. The only time I get is the 30 min or so I let them watch Sesame Street or Daniel Tiger. My wife offered to watch the kids alone so I could go see Batman V Superman but I feel too guilty when I'm gone like that. We have someone who will watch the kids, but usually just once every other month or so, so I have to be really picky about what we go do during that time. Man, just two days ago my son was vomiting everywhere from some stomach bug and I spent the entire day cleaning up puke or letting him sleep on me. It felt good to be able to help him, but it was stressful as hell because my daughter couldn't understand why I had to basically ignore her at times.
I see this as a consequence of having family so far away. It would be nice to just drop the kids off at grandma's house for an afternoon just so I could get a breather, but that's not an option for me. I could desperately use a vacation, but my wife is out of vacation days right now so I'm pretty much boned. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids and I'd never trade in being a parent for anything, but damn if I'm not spiraling a little right now. Maybe it's just a consequence of having toddlers.
It's tough, there's no doubt about it. You have to pick and choose your times to do things, but sacrifices have to be made in the short term. I try and involve our eldest in as many menial tasks as possible - yes, it takes twice as long to put the washing away when she helps, but it's nice to involve her, I can keep an eye on her, it's not TV, it's something different. (This stems from an article I saw in passing - if someone is angry, give them some towels or sheets to fold, it's supposed to be therapeutic and calming.) She comes outside and watches me cut the lawn, or safely plays within sight - again, it works quite well.
As a reference point, once I get home from work, the first two hours are spent with the kids, getting them ready for bed, bath etc. Then one of us will cook dinner whilst the other potters around with light tidying, making lunches. Then I'll get cracking on the dishwasher, washing etc. I might get to sit down for an hour, for some TV. Then it gets to around 10pm, so it's final bits of housework and prep for the morning (always do what you can the night before rather than leaving it to the morning) before bed.
I could stay up until 11, half 11, playing games - but I know I'll feel it the next day - especially during the week (as I'm up at 5 to do breakfasts, lunches and pop on a slow cook too).
During all of that, there's no real time for gaming at all. Eventually our youngest will be more settled at night, and she'll get into a decent sleep routine. Once that happens, I might find an hour in the evening once or twice a week for gaming. I've accepted this - I know it will get easier as they get older. I distinctly remember being able to play quite a lot of games when our firstborn hit about 12-18 months (had fully adjusted to solids, and was crawling and walking) - it's just picking and choosing (and getting lucky too).
Just don't expect to finish something like Baldur's Gate in a week like the good old days
As a reference point, once I get home from work, the first two hours are spent with the kids, getting them ready for bed, bath etc. Then one of us will cook dinner whilst the other potters around with light tidying, making lunches. Then I'll get cracking on the dishwasher, washing etc. I might get to sit down for an hour, for some TV. Then it gets to around 10pm, so it's final bits of housework and prep for the morning (always do what you can the night before rather than leaving it to the morning) before bed.
I could stay up until 11, half 11, playing games - but I know I'll feel it the next day - especially during the week (as I'm up at 5 to do breakfasts, lunches and pop on a slow cook too).
During all of that, there's no real time for gaming at all. Eventually our youngest will be more settled at night, and she'll get into a decent sleep routine. Once that happens, I might find an hour in the evening once or twice a week for gaming. I've accepted this - I know it will get easier as they get older. I distinctly remember being able to play quite a lot of games when our firstborn hit about 12-18 months (had fully adjusted to solids, and was crawling and walking) - it's just picking and choosing (and getting lucky too).
Just don't expect to finish something like Baldur's Gate in a week like the good old days
Vincent Grayson
Member
IMO, you start by discarding the whole "no TV" thing. Sure, don't plop them down in front of the TV every time you need 5 minutes, but hell, you and your wife could relax with your child and watch some family-friendly something. It gives everyone a chance to chill the hell out for a bit without having to play the "Will he get up the second we put him down to sleep?" game.
Aside from that, all I can say is that it gets better. In time, they occupy themselves with things, or it's easier for one of you to take a break while the other minds your kid for a while. And then eventually, they're legit people and you've got all the free time in the world while they're off watching YouTube or breaking dolls down into component parts to make new dolls out of, or whatever the hell it is my kids are always doing.
Does anyone here have any good advice on potty training? We trained our daughter last Thanksgiving using some 3-day training book. She took to it really well. We went on vacation. Had no accidents for about 2 weeks. Everyone was pretty impressed. Then came home and went to daycare for a few days, and suddenly had one. Ever since she's been basically back to... nothing. We went through lots of underwear for a few days before we gave up and just went back to diapers. We tried doing the three day thing again, it almost seemed to work once, but after a day or two clean she went back. AFAICT she really just has no interest at all. No promises of rewards seem to inspire her. I'm pretty leery about trying to punish her for it.
We constantly hear that she'll tell us when she's ready... but its frustrating. She's three. From what I've read that's getting a bit old, and her friends are mostly trained now. I have all these theories I come up with about it (i.e we traumatized her the first time through when she wasn't ready, or she sees her one year old brother getting changed and is jealous, etc. etc.) but I just want it done.
Anyone have any good tricks for stubborn kids?
We constantly hear that she'll tell us when she's ready... but its frustrating. She's three. From what I've read that's getting a bit old, and her friends are mostly trained now. I have all these theories I come up with about it (i.e we traumatized her the first time through when she wasn't ready, or she sees her one year old brother getting changed and is jealous, etc. etc.) but I just want it done.
Anyone have any good tricks for stubborn kids?
Icefire1424
Member
Regarding the maintaining of personal lives thing...
That hit the wife and myself really hard as well. What I can tell you is that it does get better. For us it seemed like every six months or so was a milestone. The first year was particularly difficult, compounded by the lack of sleep for everybody. As mentioned though, it gets easier. Our daughter is only 2 years old now, but as she is sleeping better I am finding there is more time to relax, even if it isn't as much as we got before kiddo arrived. Establishing a routine helped, as our little one knew around 7pm it was bath time, and by 7:30 we would get her ready for bed, rock her for a bit, and put her in the crib when she fell asleep. Usually by 8 she was down and we had a couple hours to breathe. Even when she's awake nowadays, she can occupy herself by playing with toys or coloring or doing whatever for long enough that I can duck into the kitchen to make some coffee, or pick up a bit, or do whatever needs to be done.
Point is, hang in there. Especially for the first year it will seem like there is no time for anything.
Edit: Speaking of personal time, it's something we're still working on. To be perfectly honest, the relationship between my wife and I has suffered significantly since our daughter was born two years ago. At first I chalked up the total lack of intimacy and passion to us both being exhausted, overworked and stressed, but two years later I'm coming to the realization that something else is going on. Her mom is very sick (cancer) which is only adding more stress, but it's getting to the point that I'm realizing we need help. We've had discussions before and although she reassures me that she still loves me, it's very obvious that something changed. This weekend I'm hoping to convince her to speaking with her doctor about a few things (complete loss of libido), and possibly a therapist to help her deal with the other stresses in her life. I'd wish I'd taken this step sooner, but some advice I'd like to pass on is to make your relationships a priority. Don't neglect it!
That hit the wife and myself really hard as well. What I can tell you is that it does get better. For us it seemed like every six months or so was a milestone. The first year was particularly difficult, compounded by the lack of sleep for everybody. As mentioned though, it gets easier. Our daughter is only 2 years old now, but as she is sleeping better I am finding there is more time to relax, even if it isn't as much as we got before kiddo arrived. Establishing a routine helped, as our little one knew around 7pm it was bath time, and by 7:30 we would get her ready for bed, rock her for a bit, and put her in the crib when she fell asleep. Usually by 8 she was down and we had a couple hours to breathe. Even when she's awake nowadays, she can occupy herself by playing with toys or coloring or doing whatever for long enough that I can duck into the kitchen to make some coffee, or pick up a bit, or do whatever needs to be done.
Point is, hang in there. Especially for the first year it will seem like there is no time for anything.
Edit: Speaking of personal time, it's something we're still working on. To be perfectly honest, the relationship between my wife and I has suffered significantly since our daughter was born two years ago. At first I chalked up the total lack of intimacy and passion to us both being exhausted, overworked and stressed, but two years later I'm coming to the realization that something else is going on. Her mom is very sick (cancer) which is only adding more stress, but it's getting to the point that I'm realizing we need help. We've had discussions before and although she reassures me that she still loves me, it's very obvious that something changed. This weekend I'm hoping to convince her to speaking with her doctor about a few things (complete loss of libido), and possibly a therapist to help her deal with the other stresses in her life. I'd wish I'd taken this step sooner, but some advice I'd like to pass on is to make your relationships a priority. Don't neglect it!
Steeped in a Sea of Games
Member
I don't have a lot of advice for you as I'm struggling with my 2.5 year old. I basically had to call underwear quits and go back to training diapers while encouraging potty trips because I couldn't handle the mess anymore. I will say this, I've heard that daycare can really throw a wrench into potty training as kids get used to their own situation and the differences at daycare can be tricky. My ECFE teacher was talking to someone about this same problem and they said not to really worry too much about it because they'll get it with time. Just keep up your efforts and try not to get too crazy about it. Every kid learns at their own pace and it doesn't mean anything about their intelligence etc.
Wife and I have definitely had more issues the last 6 months or so. Having the two kids under 3 with very little support has put a lot of strain on both of us so even little things can easily turn into an argument. This mixed with some of my own anxiety issues and I had to reel myself back in a few weeks ago. We had to have a long talk late one evening and come up with some plans to try to find some more time together somehow.
We try to follow those guidelines too. I try to keep TV time under an hour a day, but it's tricky with how burnt out I am. I try not to feel bad about the occasional TV binge day, but those days have been far too often lately. I'm seriously dying for summer at this point. One of our biggest issues is that, all alone, my oldest wouldn't be such a problem, but together with my 1.5 yr old daughter, they feed off of each other. My daughter starts getting attention and suddenly my son needs it too. My daughter screams, my son screams, etc. etc.
Icefire1424
Member
Rather personal question for any mothers that might be perusing the thread, as I'm still thinking about this.
Curious if any other women have experienced a complete loss of libido, even after weaning little one, and what, if anything, restored it?
Wife and I have been talking about this for awhile, and that seems to be the case with us. Sad to say her libido is simply gone, a full 18 months after our daughter switched to the bottle. To the point that she almost physically recoils if I touch her beyond a hug or a kiss. Goes without saying, but it's hard for me not to feel constantly rejected.
After doing a bit of homework, I've learned that it's not uncommon for hormonal changes to be present for sometimes long periods after the birth of a child (or weaning off breastfeeding), and in those instances seeing a doctor may help to identify the potential for something else going on. I suppose I'm just curious to see if anyone else has experienced this before. This experience has been emotionally draining, frustrating and has caused a disconnect in our relationship, and it would help to know that it's something that might be addressed. It's doubly difficult as my wife isn't really personally affected by the loss of libido, outside she knows it's impactful to me. Tough situation, still trying to figure out what I can do.
Curious if any other women have experienced a complete loss of libido, even after weaning little one, and what, if anything, restored it?
Wife and I have been talking about this for awhile, and that seems to be the case with us. Sad to say her libido is simply gone, a full 18 months after our daughter switched to the bottle. To the point that she almost physically recoils if I touch her beyond a hug or a kiss. Goes without saying, but it's hard for me not to feel constantly rejected.
After doing a bit of homework, I've learned that it's not uncommon for hormonal changes to be present for sometimes long periods after the birth of a child (or weaning off breastfeeding), and in those instances seeing a doctor may help to identify the potential for something else going on. I suppose I'm just curious to see if anyone else has experienced this before. This experience has been emotionally draining, frustrating and has caused a disconnect in our relationship, and it would help to know that it's something that might be addressed. It's doubly difficult as my wife isn't really personally affected by the loss of libido, outside she knows it's impactful to me. Tough situation, still trying to figure out what I can do.
I don't know about advice for your situation, but we used a 3-day potty training book as well. What I wanted to say though, is that there is no silver bullet guide for anything (not just potty training).
For any of these self-help type books in parenting, you have to have an open mind and read them to extract the ideas and modify the idea to suit you and your child.
I don't know which book you read, but what I took from or book was that potty training isn't about learning to go to the toilet. It's more about learning the FEELING of going to the toilet and learning to anticipate it and go to the potty.
The books describes cold turkey no nappies for the parents' sake more than the child. It required three solid days of monitoring and learning the signs of when the child needed to go before they knew and letting them know.
But we didn't follow the guide strictly - for one we still used nappies over night. But for the most part our daughter got the idea in about a week. There will always be regression and you have to be strong. Try not to be angry because accidents do happen and kids do not need the anxiety of getting in trouble when they go to the toilet.
So I can't offer any advice except that you need to tailor whatever regime you're using for your child, whom you know best.
Lol, our daughter actually purposefully regressed a couple times where she would stand and announce she was going and just go in her pants. Those times we did have to tell her off.
It's all part and parcel. I have my own anxiety issues, and that with dealing with two kids, personal time, relationship time, chores etc is a real tough act to balance.
Sacrifices have to be made in some or all areas and its up to every person to choose their priorities.
I'm the one full time at home and it does drive you insane at times.
That said, I do believe that you need to mix it up to stay sane. Like occasionally just shirk some responsibilities or just give up some other stuff you personally enjoy altogether. Lol I personally made my new year's resolution this year to play more games and watch more movies.
Like everyone says it does get better. Lol and just as it ft better with our first child, we had our second.
Sometimes it feels like solo parenting because with two you naturally have to deal with one or the other hold more full time.
I'm confused. By no TV except for 40 minutes, do you mean for the children or the adults?
My "TV" (120" Projector) has been on pretty much non stop since Nick was born. It's hooked up to the PC and we use it as the light source at night, a Pink Noise generator (lifesaver) and entertainment for us to maintain sanity during long nights. He can only see two feet in front of him so he can't see the screen anyway.
My "TV" (120" Projector) has been on pretty much non stop since Nick was born. It's hooked up to the PC and we use it as the light source at night, a Pink Noise generator (lifesaver) and entertainment for us to maintain sanity during long nights. He can only see two feet in front of him so he can't see the screen anyway.
Septimus Prime
Member
Question for multi-lingual parents: do you speak to your kids in not-English? I'm trying to speak to my son more in Mandarin, since I want him to be able to code switch like I can (or better yet, better than I can), but it feels kind of weird and forced. I also fear that, since my Mandarin really isn't all that great, he'll end up with a broken version of it like mine (sounds fluent, but I don't know a lot of words, nor can I read) instead of true fluency when he's older.