PERSONA THREE PORTABLE -SIDE CLARA-
So I've hit like, rank three on this New Game + run of Persona 3 Portable, and Clara's trying as desperately as the glass cage she lives inside of will permit to convince Junpei to give more than two fucks about how much she loves him. Like, fuck being her cupid with Akihiko, Junpei, girlfriend wants
you. Shinji's great and all but she wants
you. Theo is a literal God of Sex and girl just wants
younpei. And it was while feeling this immense, unbearable frustration for my fave girl's loss that it dawned on me.
Persona 3 Portable is like a rom-com.
Bear with me, because I know one or two of you with a Makoto avatar is now reeling in his chair saying "Corvbro, no, this is the dark, gritty, mature game. What the fuck are you on about, mate?" Well let me tell you what I'm on about: valium. Shit's amazing.
Er.
What I mean is that the set up is thus: Our attractive, energetic, go-getting female lead has just started a new job at SEES, and early on she makes a friend. Junpei's not the most amazingly handsome guy in the world, but he's cute, and he's nice, and what's more is he really cares about
her. But he's denser than dark matter, and doesn't recognize girlfriend's feelings for him, or vice versa. So there's some run around and she goes through a series of other hook ups before realizing he's "The One" and running back to have a passionate kiss with him while the rain reveals their fit bodies beneath their slightly-too-tight clothing and girls in the audience cry weepy tears of deep joy.
But wait. It turns out that by this point, Clara's missed her boat and Junpei now has
a significantly less awesome girlfriend. Fangirls will
hate her to death. but every sane person in the audience knows she's not nearly as much of a toxic bitch as the movie wants us to think she is so we can root for the heroine.
At this point in any romantic comedy DISASTER SHOULD STRIKE and our heroine ought to go through some TURBULENT TIMES before finally hooking the fuck up with the boy she's been after the entire movie.
But really this is an indie movie so we all learn a life lesson as she fails to hook up with Junpei and we're all left to suffer whatever the lady equivalent of blue balls is.