For the lazy . . . original has links explaining the jokes.
Conservative Political Action Conference
March 6-8, 2014 Washington, D.C.
Program of Events
Introduction: Daniel Schneider, Executive Director, American Conservative Union
Session Title: Remarks by The Honorable Paul Ryan, Chairman, Committee to Voucherize Medicare and Privatize Social Security
Speakers: The Hon. Paul Ryan (WI-01)
Session Title: Pregnant Women: Hosts or Mothers?
Speakers: Virginia State Senator Steve Martin (VA-11)
Session Title: Book Signing: How to Make Your Wife Submissive
Speakers: The Hon. Steve Pearce (NM-02)
Session Title: Why Social Security is Really a Ponzi Scheme
Speakers: The Hon. Joe Heck (NV-03), The Hon. Mike Coffman (CO-06), Congressional Candidate Steve Lonegan (NJ-03)
Session Title: The Downside of a Female President
Speakers: Fox News Host Bill OReilly
Session Title: Entertainment by Ted Nugent
Speakers: Ted Nugent
Session Title: Workshop: How to Shut Down the Government without the Voter Backlash
Speakers: The Hon. Ted Cruz (R-TX) (Moderator)
Session Title: How to Lose a Campaign in a Swing State
Speakers: Former Virginia Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli
Session Title: SuperPACSs: An Investment Strategy
Speakers: Karl Rove (Moderator), David Koch, Joe Ricketts, Harold Simmons
Session Title: The Republican Health Care Proposal
Speakers: TBD
Session Title: The Path to 270 (Obamacare Repeal Votes)
Speaker: The Hon. Eric Cantor (VA-07)
Session Title: Hot Mic Awareness in a Blind Rage
Speakers: The Hon. Michael Grimm (NY-11)
Session Title: Shoot on Sight: An Immigration Reform Strategy
Speakers: Republican Senate candidate Chris Mapp (R-TX)
Session Title: Remarks by Donald Trump, Chairman and President, The Trump Organization
Speakers: Donald Trump, Chairman and President, The Trump Organization
Session Title: Workshop: Data and Targeting 101: Meet The Internet
Speakers: NRCC Intern
Session Title: How to Fend off A Tea Party Primary
Speaker: NRCC Chairman Greg Walden (OR-02)
Session Title: How to Challenge a RINO Speaker: Congressional candidate Dennis Linthicum (OR-02)
Session Title: Off-the-Record Presentation: Our Base Scares Me1
Speakers: The Hon. John Boehner (OH-08)
Session Title: Subsidies vs. Loopholes: Debating the Ultimate Donor Reward
Speakers: The Hon. Kevin McCarthy (CA-23)
Session Title: Why We Cant Count to 218 Votes
Speakers: Hon. John Boehner (OH-08), Hon. Eric Cantor (VA-07), Hon. Kevin McCarthy (CA-23)
1 This session has been relocated to Marco Island, FL. Merlot and Handkerchiefs will be provided.
Session Title: Family Surrogates: Duck Dynasty or The Duggars
Speakers: Phil Robertson, Jim Bob Duggar
Closing: The Honorable Sarah Palin
Speakers: The Honorable Sarah Palin, former Governor of Alaska