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Quandary of the male virgin
- Thread starter Wendo
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brooklyngooner
Member
Waychel said:
While that's a nice use of bold, I'd hardly call it berating. And I used the term "some" and didn't call any by name, so there's no lack of respect in what I wrote.
Again, though, you seem to be dividing the world into two camps: promiscuous and not. You can have casual sex once in a while without being a slut. However, you seem only to be able to discuss things in binary terms. That's what I find odd.
Of course I don't have any quibble with principles, be they religious or health-related; I find using haughty, arbitrarily self-interested principles to mask emotional shortcomings to be goofy.
Question to you: would you consider my girlfriend, with whom am in a loving, monogamous relationship, to be a slut because she has had casual sex?
D
Deleted member 4784
Unconfirmed Member
brooklyngooner said:
How is there no lack of respect in calling people "childish" for not adhering to what they may consider a promiscuous lifestyle?
Maybe because I have a different perspective than yourself? I find it far more binary to claim that anyone not of your own perspective is "childish" in comparison.
I find it far more goofy to psycho-analyze a person so assumptively based on their sexual lifestyle.
I was speaking of my own principles and upbringing; not your girlfriend's. Also, I fail to see how any premature opinion I may have of your girlfriend based on the limited facts being made available to me holds any relevance to the topic being discussed.
In a way this is true according to this guy:
http://www.mypleasure.com/education/qanda/questions/49.asp
Oh well, I'll just date them young (not 16 young, but like, 19 young).
Or I could keep whackin'. Hmm. Rosy Palms never talks back or gives any grief; very easy going. No stress with this relationship!
brooklyngooner
Member
Waychel said:
You're really missing the point and arguing straw men. I never at all claimed anyone was childish for not adhering to a promiscuous lifestyle, I don't know where you got that. Do you even know the meaning of the word? It is used to connote someone who is unselective in his or her sexual escapades. It doesn't mean simply someone who has sex.
In addition, I even repeated what I meant: claiming principles to mask emotional misgivings and misconceptions is childish. Likewise did I not claim that anyone who says they don't have sex due to principles is lying. Nor did I claim that anyone who doesn't agree with me is childish.
But I do find your division of the world into sex-abstaining principled vs. promiscuous to be childish, not to mention ill-informed.
Mr. Blonde
Member
You are a loser.
If you're a virigin by choice, don't worry about it.
I'm a 20 yo virgin by choice. Up until I was about 16, I was really shy. That changed, but seeing some friends and cousin's relationships, I didn't have interest in getting into a premature relationship. It's expensive and time consuming, and when it's over they're depressed and realize their doing bad in school.
I've had a few girls hit on me in college, but I've turned them down because they were slutty and not that good looking. One of them was actually okay, but she was drunk when she hit on me, and I don't go for that.
Now that I'm only about two years from graduation, I'm beginning to be more open to relationships.
Don't get me wrong tho, if a hot girl hit on me, I'd hit that.
But there's absolutely nothing wrong with being a virgin by choice, I'd say until about 25. It's no accomplishment to get laid. Everyone's capable of it, and there's nothing unique about it. But devoting yourself to get a good education and job, and then seek to meet a girl and start a family...that's far more unique and far more accomplishing. That's what I'm trying to do.
I'm a 20 yo virgin by choice. Up until I was about 16, I was really shy. That changed, but seeing some friends and cousin's relationships, I didn't have interest in getting into a premature relationship. It's expensive and time consuming, and when it's over they're depressed and realize their doing bad in school.
I've had a few girls hit on me in college, but I've turned them down because they were slutty and not that good looking. One of them was actually okay, but she was drunk when she hit on me, and I don't go for that.
Now that I'm only about two years from graduation, I'm beginning to be more open to relationships.
Don't get me wrong tho, if a hot girl hit on me, I'd hit that.
But there's absolutely nothing wrong with being a virgin by choice, I'd say until about 25. It's no accomplishment to get laid. Everyone's capable of it, and there's nothing unique about it. But devoting yourself to get a good education and job, and then seek to meet a girl and start a family...that's far more unique and far more accomplishing. That's what I'm trying to do.
Actually, I'd love to be a father at 23, so long as I'm married and have a stable job. I don't want to be like 35 and having kids. That'll create so many health problems for your kids and you'll be like 60 when all of them leave the house.
I'm a 21 year old virgin, and there are some things in this thread that ring true with me, but you couldn't call me a usual case. I have this whole fantasy sex life which has taken the place of a real one, which has served the purpose of both sexual release and sexual development.. one which has involved hundreds of people over a period of several years.
There's nothing physiologically wrong with me... I have all the same cravings and needs as most other males my age. I just locked myself into an unusual lifestyle, and the main reason why I've stuck with it, I think, is simple convenience. It's a lot easier to send an instant message than it is to go to the trouble and expense to buy dinner for a girl who may or may not be willing to put out (which, however, I have done).
I don't feel in the least guilty or upset about this. I feel, in a way, like I'm on the avant-garde. Someday I can write a book about it which will startle a lot of people, but also show another way in which humanity can express itself...
There's nothing physiologically wrong with me... I have all the same cravings and needs as most other males my age. I just locked myself into an unusual lifestyle, and the main reason why I've stuck with it, I think, is simple convenience. It's a lot easier to send an instant message than it is to go to the trouble and expense to buy dinner for a girl who may or may not be willing to put out (which, however, I have done).
I don't feel in the least guilty or upset about this. I feel, in a way, like I'm on the avant-garde. Someday I can write a book about it which will startle a lot of people, but also show another way in which humanity can express itself...
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I was in a hot tub with 6 girls last Friday, 3 of whom were performing quasi lesbian acts mainly for performance reasons...and I didn't try anything at all despite the fact that they were clearly aching to be fucked. It's not like I didn't have enough time to try and pull something (12:30 - 4:30 AM), or reason (a lot of not so subtle grabbing and feeling going on), it's just that I suck at life.
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:lol I actually came to the same conclusion half-way through the post.
Situations like that pop up less and less as you get older, which is why you gotta jump on that as much as you can when your young. Of course none of this matters if you are secure in your thoughts and beliefs, but you do NOT want to be in one of the "I missed out" or "if only I.." in the future cuz that's the worst feeling in the world.
I can see where ToxicAdam is coming from too. Having sex is like learning to walk. You start with these little baby steps that some may find cute but no one is impressed with, but keep workin at it until you're breakdancin all up in those holes of love. And that shit doesn't happen overnight regardless of how much porn you watch.
Women want you experienced. It's a double standard that also helps that stigma that there is something wrong with virgin men (even though there isn't, of course). During sex a woman can just lay there, know nothing about sex, and a lot of guys will get what they want out of it. But a man CAN'T just lay there. You are expected to do shit. You are expected to bring them as much pleasure as you get from it if not more. So it's better to learn early, so when you find the one you want to get serious with there are no problems in this dept.
But of course it's not necessary. You can survive just fine and find a woman that accepts your baby steps (because they WILL be baby steps at first. Unavoidable). Or she may have similar morals or attitude and be in the same boat you are in. It's not necessarily difficult. Just don't have any regrets cuz you'll never get this time back. And there will never again be this many 18-21 year olds that are ok to be with before you turn into an old bastard with a folder on your desktop named Lindsey Lohan. But if you are cool with it, congrats. You are stronger than I
It's hard to understand though. In college there are so many beautiful girls everywhere. There are so many sexual images thrown in your face through the media, and willing girls ready to try more than they might when they are older, that it's hard to see how you can't be hiring a secretary (Desparate booty on line 3? Please hold) just to track all the sex you could be having. If it's a serious relationship you need, then get in one and hit that shit into next wednsday. Just don't wait TOO long, or it may actually hurt you in the long run
I was in a hot tub with 6 girls last Friday, 3 of whom were performing quasi lesbian acts mainly for performance reasons...and I didn't try anything at all despite the fact that they were clearly aching to be fucked. It's not like I didn't have enough time to try and pull something (12:30 - 4:30 AM), or reason (a lot of not so subtle grabbing and feeling going on), it's just that I suck at life.
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:lol I actually came to the same conclusion half-way through the post.
Situations like that pop up less and less as you get older, which is why you gotta jump on that as much as you can when your young. Of course none of this matters if you are secure in your thoughts and beliefs, but you do NOT want to be in one of the "I missed out" or "if only I.." in the future cuz that's the worst feeling in the world.I can see where ToxicAdam is coming from too. Having sex is like learning to walk. You start with these little baby steps that some may find cute but no one is impressed with, but keep workin at it until you're breakdancin all up in those holes of love. And that shit doesn't happen overnight regardless of how much porn you watch.
Women want you experienced. It's a double standard that also helps that stigma that there is something wrong with virgin men (even though there isn't, of course). During sex a woman can just lay there, know nothing about sex, and a lot of guys will get what they want out of it. But a man CAN'T just lay there. You are expected to do shit. You are expected to bring them as much pleasure as you get from it if not more. So it's better to learn early, so when you find the one you want to get serious with there are no problems in this dept.
But of course it's not necessary. You can survive just fine and find a woman that accepts your baby steps (because they WILL be baby steps at first. Unavoidable). Or she may have similar morals or attitude and be in the same boat you are in. It's not necessarily difficult. Just don't have any regrets cuz you'll never get this time back. And there will never again be this many 18-21 year olds that are ok to be with before you turn into an old bastard with a folder on your desktop named Lindsey Lohan. But if you are cool with it, congrats. You are stronger than I
It's hard to understand though. In college there are so many beautiful girls everywhere. There are so many sexual images thrown in your face through the media, and willing girls ready to try more than they might when they are older, that it's hard to see how you can't be hiring a secretary (Desparate booty on line 3? Please hold) just to track all the sex you could be having. If it's a serious relationship you need, then get in one and hit that shit into next wednsday. Just don't wait TOO long, or it may actually hurt you in the long run
Wait this thread has made me WAY confused o.o??
1.) A girl that sleeps around is a slut.
2.) A girl won't like a virgin boy.
3.) A guy can/should go around getting sexual experience.
4.) Said guy, would not be refered to as a slut.
I know almost all of you are guys but this is pretty biased. No matter what the girl ends up the badguy either because she sleeps around (getting "experience" like guys) and because she doesn't want to put up with someone inexperienced!
1.) A girl that sleeps around is a slut.
2.) A girl won't like a virgin boy.
3.) A guy can/should go around getting sexual experience.
4.) Said guy, would not be refered to as a slut.
I know almost all of you are guys but this is pretty biased. No matter what the girl ends up the badguy either because she sleeps around (getting "experience" like guys) and because she doesn't want to put up with someone inexperienced!
Lindsay said:Wait this thread has made me WAY confused o.o??
1.) A girl that sleeps around is a slut.
2.) A girl won't like a virgin boy.
3.) A guy can/should go around getting sexual experience.
4.) Said guy, would not be refered to as a slut.
I know almost all of you are guys but this is pretty biased. No matter what the girl ends up the badguy either because she sleeps around (getting "experience" like guys) and because she doesn't want to put up with someone inexperienced!
Welcome to the real world. Plenty of double standards to go around.
NEXT!
Drinky Crow
Banned
This thread is full of shitty advice.
The ONLY consequence of being a virgin is the asshole attitudes of other dudes who make a big fuckin' deal out of it. Take your time and go for the score when you've conquered your insecurities and fears, and do it on your own fucking timetable -- and no-one elses. Anyone who cares what you do and don't do with your dick in the pursuit of healthy sexuality, and/or uses that as a reason to demean or patronize you, is a worthless tool.
I have NEVER heard of sexual inexperience being anything approaching a dealbreaker in a real relationship. If you're at all sensitive and interested in the pleasure of your partner, you'll learn quickly, and that can be a great bonding experience.
Back to my normal trolling. The More You Know, and all that.
The ONLY consequence of being a virgin is the asshole attitudes of other dudes who make a big fuckin' deal out of it. Take your time and go for the score when you've conquered your insecurities and fears, and do it on your own fucking timetable -- and no-one elses. Anyone who cares what you do and don't do with your dick in the pursuit of healthy sexuality, and/or uses that as a reason to demean or patronize you, is a worthless tool.
I have NEVER heard of sexual inexperience being anything approaching a dealbreaker in a real relationship. If you're at all sensitive and interested in the pleasure of your partner, you'll learn quickly, and that can be a great bonding experience.
Back to my normal trolling. The More You Know, and all that.
Drinky Crow
Banned
Obviously NOT first-hand experience. Sounds like typical dude talk, trying to make the competition stay out of the ring.
I'm just saying I've heard lots of stories of girls being turned off by guys when they turn out to be virgins, and decide to not have sex with them when they otherwise would have. I can't believe all of these stores are made up for the sake of "competition".Drinky Crow said:
Lindsay said:Wait this thread has made me WAY confused o.o??
1.) A girl that sleeps around is a slut.
2.) A girl won't like a virgin boy.
3.) A guy can/should go around getting sexual experience.
4.) Said guy, would not be refered to as a slut.
I know almost all of you are guys but this is pretty biased. No matter what the girl ends up the badguy either because she sleeps around (getting "experience" like guys) and because she doesn't want to put up with someone inexperienced!
Personally, I view guys who constantly sleep around or cheat or whatever in the same way as I'd view a "slut". There just isn't a male version of the word. =P (Well, there isn't a male version of the word that is as derogatory as 'slut', anyway)
teh_pwn said:
I know three people who were fathers by 23, and you can see the regret in their eyes. There's nothing like just starting out on your own, and then being hit with the cold, hard, reality that another life is actually depending on you for survival, and has been since your junior year of college.
-jinx- said:
Just running off of these details; if there's more to it, ignore my commentary:
But if I were in that same exact scenario, I would've been more humiliated than anything else; that the situation had gotten to the point of being a game. But that's just me.
Quite honestly, inexperienced guys are hot. Plenty of girls enjoy the chance to break in someone, and be broken in by them likewise. I don't want a guy that's been around much if at all... nor do I think all virgins are bad in bed. I've had one shock the hell out of me and I'm 100% certain he wasn't lying. And even if they don't, it's always new and different with someone new and there is a learning curve regardless.
Do yourself a favor and do what works for you. Later on you'll find the right woman for you, be it one that accepts or agrees with the casual and frequent sex you had before, or that you've waited, or that you were somewhere in between.
Do yourself a favor and do what works for you. Later on you'll find the right woman for you, be it one that accepts or agrees with the casual and frequent sex you had before, or that you've waited, or that you were somewhere in between.
Hey admitting it is the first step.
There's no harm in spending hours getting to know each others bodies, what works and doesn't work. No shame in having to nudge someone in the right direction or be nudged, or talk about it, or whatever. If you (generic you) don't tell someone what feels good, you have only yourself to blame if they don't read your mind. Likewise, if you don't pay attention when your lover communicates (verbally or otherwise) you might as well stay home. Really there's not much if any of an edge to being experienced, aside from gaining confidence. And virgins can be as confident and secure as the next guy, and sometimes when they are not, their vulnerability is rather charming and intimate. It certainly sets me at ease. I don't trust a lot of men... and being overly experienced gives them a distinct disadvantage in getting close to me in any fashion.
And I'll be the first to admit I'm not typical. The tried and true tricks probably won't work on me anyway, so you're (generic you) better off working from the ground up. Less frustrating for both of us. Some guys are near impossible to divert from their planned schedule of stops and routines. *yawn* A little personalized and individual attention please. I'm not a connect the dots poster, and I'm not the same girl you picked up last week.
There's no harm in spending hours getting to know each others bodies, what works and doesn't work. No shame in having to nudge someone in the right direction or be nudged, or talk about it, or whatever. If you (generic you) don't tell someone what feels good, you have only yourself to blame if they don't read your mind. Likewise, if you don't pay attention when your lover communicates (verbally or otherwise) you might as well stay home. Really there's not much if any of an edge to being experienced, aside from gaining confidence. And virgins can be as confident and secure as the next guy, and sometimes when they are not, their vulnerability is rather charming and intimate. It certainly sets me at ease. I don't trust a lot of men... and being overly experienced gives them a distinct disadvantage in getting close to me in any fashion.
And I'll be the first to admit I'm not typical. The tried and true tricks probably won't work on me anyway, so you're (generic you) better off working from the ground up. Less frustrating for both of us. Some guys are near impossible to divert from their planned schedule of stops and routines. *yawn* A little personalized and individual attention please. I'm not a connect the dots poster, and I'm not the same girl you picked up last week.
:lol :lol
You've always known how to make me laugh, and they say a sense of humor is sexy...
I'm in a playful mood tonight and it's going to come back and haunt me I'm sure. My reserved, shy, and serious demeanor is being crumpled as we speak. Maybe I should cut back on the mudslide and try getting more than 3 hours sleep.
Ah border, you know we'd kill each other. We're always on the opposite side of the argument.
[edit] :lol You guys are killing me.
You've always known how to make me laugh, and they say a sense of humor is sexy...
I'm in a playful mood tonight and it's going to come back and haunt me I'm sure. My reserved, shy, and serious demeanor is being crumpled as we speak. Maybe I should cut back on the mudslide and try getting more than 3 hours sleep.
Ah border, you know we'd kill each other. We're always on the opposite side of the argument.
[edit] :lol You guys are killing me.
:lol @ border & demon.
Hey Azala, thanks for the honest input. (Although I'm not quite sure I believe your "Quite honestly, inexperienced guys are hot" line ;P). It's nice to hear something constructive instead of the "haha, you inexperienced guys suck" shtick that seemed to pervade the thread at first.
Hey Azala, thanks for the honest input. (Although I'm not quite sure I believe your "Quite honestly, inexperienced guys are hot" line ;P). It's nice to hear something constructive instead of the "haha, you inexperienced guys suck" shtick that seemed to pervade the thread at first.
I've always been very selective in my relationships and something I look for is less sexual experience. I really don't think I could emotionally handle a relationship with someone that had such casual views on something I view so seriously. We'd be too different on far too sensitive and key of a subject. My perfect man has always been inxperienced, the more so the better. Ah to be their first kiss... And I do regret that I've been unable to offer the same in return. And no I'm not religious at all, it's just my hopeless romantic ethics and ideals. I respect others who make different choices, as long as no one gets hurt (though sadly often many do) and they act responsibly, accepting the consequences of their choices and being honest and not taking advantage of others.
A lot of my female friends also prefer less experienced men over players, and would accept a virgin with very little if any concern, perhaps even a pleasant surprise. Guys who date around more receive more suspicion and find it harder to gain trust and intimacy. But really it's like everything in life, there is variety. I also have friends that prefer an experienced guy, or even a player, for various reasons; though knowing many of them it's not for healthy reasons. I don't mean that as a commentary on all women like that, but it does play a role for some, myself included. I've not always been as noble and healthy in my motives as I'd like to be.
My point is, worry about yourself and don't let what you think others feel or want taint your own views and desires. The rest will even out in the end. You never know who you will end up with, and what repurcussions your actions now will have on that future relationship. The best thing you can do is do what's best and right for you, so you have fewer regrets later. And if your desires lead you down the path of waiting or being more reserved in your exploits, don't apologize, and don't let the pressure get to you. It's all hype, it's all bullshit and it's completely unnecessary mental anguish.
A lot of my female friends also prefer less experienced men over players, and would accept a virgin with very little if any concern, perhaps even a pleasant surprise. Guys who date around more receive more suspicion and find it harder to gain trust and intimacy. But really it's like everything in life, there is variety. I also have friends that prefer an experienced guy, or even a player, for various reasons; though knowing many of them it's not for healthy reasons. I don't mean that as a commentary on all women like that, but it does play a role for some, myself included. I've not always been as noble and healthy in my motives as I'd like to be.
My point is, worry about yourself and don't let what you think others feel or want taint your own views and desires. The rest will even out in the end. You never know who you will end up with, and what repurcussions your actions now will have on that future relationship. The best thing you can do is do what's best and right for you, so you have fewer regrets later. And if your desires lead you down the path of waiting or being more reserved in your exploits, don't apologize, and don't let the pressure get to you. It's all hype, it's all bullshit and it's completely unnecessary mental anguish.
This inspired me. I had a couple folders with a total of 9 gigs of porn...thousands of 'softcore' pictures and shitloads of little videos that I've acquired over the past three or four years. Lots of fond memories. And I just deleted it all. I also deleted a bookmarked folder with a couple really nice daily sample porn sites. Can't fuckin believe I did that, but I don't even care.....self-gratification isn't even that gratifying anymore....lately it seems with each passing month it just feels less and less fulfilling and it almost kinda depresses me each time I do it. I'm just sick of resorting to it. Hell, I haven't even wanked it since Tuesday, although it's been kinda tough.w0o said:
I really need laid.
I don't think that we're always on the opposite side of things. You are pretty reasonable and very smart, though you just have a unique outlook that occaisionally leaves things open to a joke or two.Azala said:
As it is, I can see how girls might find inexperience attractive or endearing in the same way some guys find it attractive in women. Behind that there might be some darker urge to have power and authority in the sexual relationship, or to shape someone to their own will. When a guy says "I like virgins" most people generally think there's something somewhat nefarious behind it....should the same hold true for a woman that says the same thing? It usually isn't thought of in the same way though, so if we are eliminating double standards then perhaps someone should decide whether virgin-seeking is healthy or depraved, regardless of who does it. When a guy who's "been around" says he wants a girl that is "pure" (or something close to it), it's thought of as sexist at best, extreme hypocrisy at worst.
I think the negative consequences of virginity/inexperience can get worse as you grow old though. When you are 24 and dating a girl who's 21, she might find inexperience a bit attractive because it gives her a tiny edge over someone older and more learned. When you're 32 and dating a 29-year-old, I imagine that ineptitude will be much more annoying to a partner.
Saturnman said:God damn it.
Just when I had stopped reading Alucard's LJ, I missed the big news.
Definitely not something I would even think about posting on an online journal. Heck, my oldest friend didn't know 'til like a month afterwards. Just didn't think it had to be made public knowledge or be shouted from the rooftops. And no worries about not reading my LJ, it's full of a lot of shite anyways, so I understand.
I can't speak for all women, but I can speak for myself and perhaps a few of my friends on this one. Virgins and inexperienced men are desirable because they feel safer. Men who wait, or view sex as less of a casual thing, or a conquest thing tend to be considerably less likely to treat you like a piece of meat, pressure you into things, or mistreat you. Vulnerability is something we can relate to, as intimacy can be incredibly vulnerable and exposing to some women. It can bring men down to a level we rarely think of them in, and it is refreshing and sexy (when balanced out - i.e. I don't need or want a whiny sniffly brat that wants me to be his mommy, and always hold his hand, who enjoys being a doormat, and has no opinions of his own). On a more primitive side, it can be refreshing to be with a man who does not have expectations for how you should behave or respond. I tire of men reacting like I'm broken because their fail safe trick did not work, or because I need something specific. It can be nice to learn together, to not have to deal with preconceived notions, or the ghosts of sexual experiences past. I'm not looking to corrupt anyone, or get a notch in my bedpost. But I do want someone who shares my values and views and I'm more likely to find that in someone less experienced. I'm also more likely to find someone that will savor things more, and be romantic and allow themselves to be vulnerable and sentimental.
If a virgin was just after me to lose his, he wouldn't be nearly as attractive. He'd be on level with a guy just looking to get laid, because that's exactly what he would be doing.
I see your point about the hypocrisy. When I think of men doing the same the first thing that comes to mind is the stereotype. A guy who has slept around, has many one night stands, very few is any relationships, enjoyed his teens, college years and viewed sex as emotion free gratification and has gone from desiring threesomes and extreme sexual indulgences to looking for someone safe and pure that he can 'respect.' It basically demeans the women that have come before. And inadvertently devalues the ones that come after. Being a virgin or being pure does not mean you will be any less exuberant, experimentive, playful or talented of a lover.
But you're right, that isn't always the case, and no one should assume. It's really all about motives, and not about outside appearances. And maybe when I'm in my 30's I won't be seeking partners to be as inexperienced as I am currently, but I can say that if I have a genuine spark with someone I won't mind putting the extra time and care in to nurture their inexperience regardless of their age. And it would take a rare experienced man indeed to win my affection.
If a virgin was just after me to lose his, he wouldn't be nearly as attractive. He'd be on level with a guy just looking to get laid, because that's exactly what he would be doing.
I see your point about the hypocrisy. When I think of men doing the same the first thing that comes to mind is the stereotype. A guy who has slept around, has many one night stands, very few is any relationships, enjoyed his teens, college years and viewed sex as emotion free gratification and has gone from desiring threesomes and extreme sexual indulgences to looking for someone safe and pure that he can 'respect.' It basically demeans the women that have come before. And inadvertently devalues the ones that come after. Being a virgin or being pure does not mean you will be any less exuberant, experimentive, playful or talented of a lover.
But you're right, that isn't always the case, and no one should assume. It's really all about motives, and not about outside appearances. And maybe when I'm in my 30's I won't be seeking partners to be as inexperienced as I am currently, but I can say that if I have a genuine spark with someone I won't mind putting the extra time and care in to nurture their inexperience regardless of their age. And it would take a rare experienced man indeed to win my affection.
I think this is maybe the most important point to pull out, and a decent justification of at least one double standard in the sexual world. Or maybe not, I dunno. Do all female virgin-seekers do it because they like the feeling of safety? Do all male virgin-seekers do it because they want to feel powerful and important? Or can it ever be the other way around? I can certainly imagine a woman who wants sexual control over a man....just as much as I can imagine a man who wants a woman to value sex as much as he does. At any rate, it should perhaps take us beyond whining about double standards and make us realize that there are a multiude of types and pathologies for both sexes, and attributing a particular mindset to one gender or the other is not accurate or satisfying.
I can't help but imagine that there is a funny story or two behind this comment. Let us know the next time you are drinking mudslides
Oh I agree border. I can easily imagine women who want the power (and some that don't so they avoid virgins). And I can see and know men that prefer women to value sex as they do. But I do see a propensity that's gender based, and it makes me wary. Stereotypes aren't just there to harm, they are also a psychological tool to help protect us and help us make sense of and understand our environment. Without them we'd die. The key is to find a balance between understandable self protection and propagating hurtful and damaging preconceived notions that also severely limit our social interactions and thus success and ultimate satisfaction.
Yes, there is a funny story or two, but I doubt it would ever get posted on GAF. That would seriously break my rule of keeping really intimate details to myself. And maybe they aren't so much funny as sad. While I can see the humor in them they were also incredibly hurtful and traumatic. I'm a shy person and when I was still coming into my sexual confidence (and I still have a ways to go) it was very hard for me to defend my needs and maintain a positive self image. It still unnerves me to this day, that little voice in the back of my head that waits with baited breath to see if I can find the strength to express my needs and if they'll be laughed at.
Four drinks down btw, and they are technically White Russians, and I am stopping with them or someone is going to hang up the phone on me. And that would be bad.
Yes, there is a funny story or two, but I doubt it would ever get posted on GAF. That would seriously break my rule of keeping really intimate details to myself. And maybe they aren't so much funny as sad. While I can see the humor in them they were also incredibly hurtful and traumatic. I'm a shy person and when I was still coming into my sexual confidence (and I still have a ways to go) it was very hard for me to defend my needs and maintain a positive self image. It still unnerves me to this day, that little voice in the back of my head that waits with baited breath to see if I can find the strength to express my needs and if they'll be laughed at.
Four drinks down btw, and they are technically White Russians, and I am stopping with them or someone is going to hang up the phone on me. And that would be bad.
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