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[Drinky Crow]

I tire of men reacting like I'm broken because their fail safe trick did not work, or because I need something specific.

The cocky wasn't funny enough, or vice versa?

 

[border]

Well posting personal anecdotes at GAF has never been my style, so I cannot blame you. You might consider fiction as a way to work out the worst experiences. That's not really my way either but it seems to work for many others.

Stereotypes are helpful so long as you just realize that they are stereotypes -- they can hold much truth, but not an absolute truth. If someone superficially fits a stereotype then (s)he should at least realize that it is something that (s)he have to work against. And vice versa of course....if you think a potential mate fits a bad profile, then perhaps look for things that might set them apart. I got bad vibes from wrench girl, and have kind of exorcised her from the list of "Old GFs that I would consider rekindling things with"....though I think she fits a "type" not yet discussed here.

You are on the phone while typing all this? =P

 

[Azala]

I don't like cocky funny... gee... who'da thunk it.

I do have my ways of working things out, though none of what you listed. And yes I'm on the phone... I know what am I thinking, quiet time my son is sleeping (well sort of unfortunately), I could be gaming!

Hey if you ever want to talk about wench girl, you know where my PM box is. Despite our frequent encounters on the opposite sides of the spectrum, we still seem to manage pretty well at getting along.

 

[border]

That's one weird thing I don't understand about women -- how they can do a million different things while they're on the phone. If someone tells me that they're in the middle of something else in a phone conversation, I tend to just give up or tune out. Maybe it's possible that you get "full service" while a lady is fixing dinner at the same time, but I tend to think that there's not much point when someone's attention is divided. I once phoned a girl who I had a non-sexual relationship with (and didn't intend on starting one).....she said she was in the bathtub and I had to let her go beacuase it just felt too dirty :lol Perhaps she thought it was normal, but I doubt I would have been able to keep my head straight

 

[open_mouth_]

Wendo, I'm in the same boat as you man. I'm engaged and set to be married in a few months (when I turn 24) and I've yet to have sex. I've had opportunities, but I just don't believe in sex out of wedlock for many reasons. Wacking off has kept me sane, though, that's for sure.

After marriage, I'm gonna have sex at least 300 times the first year. AT LEAST!

 

[pollo]

Dude, I'm nineteen, really haven't had that much sex, and I'm bored with it. RE4>Sex.

amen. when its nothing but missionary, id rather play mercenaries.

HAHA GET IT? GET IT?

 

[psycho_snake]

Being a virgin after 20 is something outside of the norm these days, but You shouldnt judge someone because they havent had sex. Maybe those people are really nice, funny etc, so to say that they are "losers" or to outcast them is wrong" Just ignore poeple who judge you like that, they're the ones that have to change.

Im still a virgin, but Im still 15 as well. I have a girlfriend and we have been going out for a few months), but I dont know when and if that time will come for me now or later. I will make sure however that i do get laid before high school ends!

As for being alcohol free at 21, I honestly find it hard to believe. Especially with society today, how is it possible that you have never had an alcoholid drink?

btw jinx, you're a lucky man. thats the best situation any man could have been in.

 

[Jotaro]

As for being alcohol free at 21, I honestly find it hard to believe. Especially with society today, how is it possible that you have never had an alcoholid drink?

By saying no, and watching the collateral damages of those who abused it.

 

[Littleberu]

By saying no, and watching the collateral damages of those who abused it.

Collateral damages? Like "having fun"?

 

[Koshiro]

Collateral damages? Like "having fun"?

You're quite weak if alcohol = fun.

 

[Pedigree Chum]

if you havent caved into booze by 20, your life must be easy.

I smoke instead...don't have a stomach for booze.

 

[border]

You're quite weak if alcohol = fun.

Yeah, because that's really what he meant. =\

 

[MoxManiac]

I enjoy drinking alcohol. If enjoyment = fun, does that mean i'm weak? That's a pretty dumb arguement.

 

[Jotaro]

I am thankful to my father for having teased me up with Rhum, Whisky, Vodka and Cider when I was a little boy, it made me want to avoid alcohol like the plague. I never could stand the taste of it, ever. Of course, what my father (gently mind you) did back in the day incluenced me, but it fits me better. Being in parties, watching all my friends losing their minds, throwing up, acting like idiots, plus all the problems that are linked to alcohol and drinking, made me never want to drink alcohol in my entire life, which I pretty much did.

That is, save for a Mousseux for the year 2000, and a Budweiser, which I despised. Other than that, I never drank any alcohol, I spitted it back. But that's me, that's not a lifestyle that is gonna suit to everyone, I never went into bars or clubs. I guess I enjoy keeping a carthesian mind all the time, that fits me pretty well.

 

[slayn]

thread derailment, woo.

Its possible to drink somethign with alchohol that doesn't taste terrible and not get drunk and puke everywhere. There really isn't much of a point, I tend to do that just to not stand out. Not a very good reason I suppose but then there isn't exactly any downsides either.

so like if my friends are drinking I'll make a weak to moderate spiced rum and coke (kinda tastes like vanilla coke) which actually tastes pretty good. And I've never actually gotten drunk simply because the drinks I like aren't strong enough without consuming massive amounts of liquid (which I simply can't do, alchohol or no).

drinks I reccomend for alchohol haters:

rum and coke
blue uv and sprite/sprite remix
frozen drinks

I've also noticed a trend that people generate an instant dislike to whatever they try first. For instance the first 'hard' thing I tried was vodka and to this day I hate vodka. Rum I tried 2nd and it wasn't too bad. Gin I tried much much later and I found it surprisingly tolerable. But even in gettin gused to alchohol I still hate vodka unless it is of the blue UV variety.

 

[evil solrac v3.0]

all the hard drinks i've ever tried i liked. yet dont drink unless it's offered to me. weird huh?

 

[Escape Goat]

I've found the joys of drinking mind erasers. Yummy. But whoooo, dont drink too many. :lol The name makes sense then.

 

[Dilbert]

But if I were in that same exact scenario, I would've been more humiliated than anything else; that the situation had gotten to the point of being a game. But that's just me.

That's 100% true.

Although it SOUNDS like a great experience to have, my first time was mind-blowingly awful...and when I found out that a good chunk of the reason that girl had wanted me was to win a bet, it felt lousy to the point that things did not continue.

There's a lot of stuff in this thread I'd like to respond to, but time doesn't permit now.

 

[Crispy]

I have had some alcoholic beverages tonight and English is not my native language, so bear with me here.

Tonight I went to some bars and café's with a few friends of mine, with the intention of at least making contact with someone I didn't know yet, a girl or guy, doesn't matter, but of course I'd prefer a cute girl. So we went to this dancing bar where there are more than enough fine looking girls, but...I just could not do it, I couldn't go talk to them. What's more: I felt a sort of panic while I was there. Everyone was dancing and having a good time and I just stood there, frozen, I couldn't dance because I absolutely loathed the music and seeing all those guys easily picking up girls just made me incredibly depressed. I felt like one of the most socially inept people I could think of.

Now my good mood of the last few days is totally destoyed, I thought I could do it, I thought I could make contact with other people, but I was wrong. I don't know, maybe I'll turn into some kind of hermit so that I'll never have to deal with anything like this anymore. forget it, forget women, I'll just stay on my own.

 

[Jotaro]

I have had some alcoholic beverages tonight and English is not my native language, so bear with me here.

Tonight I went to some bars and café's with a few friends of mine, with the intention of at least making contact with someone I didn't know yet, a girl or guy, doesn't matter, but of course I'd prefer a cute girl. So we went to this dancing bar where there are more than enough fine looking girls, but...I just could not do it, I couldn't go talk to them. What's more: I felt a sort of panic while I was there. Everyone was dancing and having a good time and I just stood there, frozen, I couldn't dance because I absolutely loathed the music and seeing all those guys easily picking up girls just made me incredibly depressed. I felt like one of the most socially inept people I could think of.

Now my good mood of the last few days is totally destoyed, I thought I could do it, I thought I could make contact with other people, but I was wrong. I don't know, maybe I'll turn into some kind of hermit so that I'll never have to deal with anything like this anymore. forget it, forget women, I'll just stay on my own.

The Smiths - How soon is now?

 

[slayn]

Jesus man, you just have to get over it and do it. This thread is full of Opa's.

Just DO IT, it might be hard but you have too. It's like a job interview, no one wants to go to it, people dred it, but you do it because you want to get paid.

uhh, no. People that don't suffer from social anxiety just don't understand. I would guess a lot of people here 'suffer' from it to varying degrees though. just DO IT means nothing.

I assume I suffer from social anxiety (or some other wonderful 'condition'). And while I blame myself for it as well as my laziness not to do anything about it, its not the same as just being nervous. I had a job interview recently. I was nervous. Being nervous makes you a bit tense. Hands get a little sweaty, heart beating a little faster, etc. When I'm at a party or something, its not the same thing. its a feeling much more difficult to describe. It doesn't even really matter if I plan doing anything at a gathering of people. Just my presence there irks me. Like if someone came up to me and said they'd pay me 20 bucks just to sit at a table in a crowded bar with people I don't really know and I don't have to do or say anything for a few hours I could do it but it would be extremely uncomfortable. Its not about being nervous. Its not about being uncomfortable in an uncertain situation. Its about having a completely irrational fear that you know to be irrational and can't do shit about and can't explain.

 

[ChrisReid]

In my opinion, she's not a very awesome woman if she's going to pass me over just because I'm inexperienced.

That's exactly what a virgin would say.

 

[Virgin Wii]

I haven't read the whole thread, so forgive me if my thoughts have already been expressed. The negative stigma associated with the male virgin derives from how males are typically perceived: sex starved perverts who live mostly for the pussy. If you're 20+ and a virgin, then you obviously are a loser and a failure, because God knows you want sex more than anything. This is also why many women find virgins a turnoff. Women like confidence, and they can't seriously comprehend a confident, 20-something man being a virgin by choice; something must be wrong with you. Sexual proficiency has something to do with it, too, but not as much.

Some of the responses I've read serve to illustrate this: a lot of people here are saying things like, "you could get a girl if you tried" and "just be yourself around women," which ignores the fact that you said you were content with your status as a virgin and weren't looking to get rid of it any time soon. They can't believe it either.

Sad but true, watcha gonna do.

 

[Crispy]

The Smiths - How soon is now?

Very fitting.

Well I had a good night's sleep and see things a bit more positive now, I did find out something last night. Clubs and bars just aren't my place to go pick up women. I just can't compete with other people there. Sure, I'm pretty good looking, but socially I can't compare. I need time to get to know someone before I can really give myself and you just don't get that time in such a setting. On top of that I just feel out of place, which doesn't help because it negatively affects my mood and it clearly shows in how I act. So I could approach someone, but it wouldn't matter anyway. It's a mission failed from the start.

 

[Wendo]

This has been a really interesting thread.

First off: when it comes to drinking, I don't do it for several reasons. One is that I'm taking a cluster headache medication that doesn't allow for alcohol consumption, second is that my extended family is riddled with alcoholics, and third is that I've had a serious episode of unipolar depression some years ago. I'd be putting myself at a serious risk if I were to start drinking, and I don't want to mess up my life if I can avoid it.

And you know, like I said, I'm not against the idea of responsible drinking. I can go to parties with a can of pop, let people know I'm the designated driver, and just be myself.

When it comes to sex, I really don't have a defined set of principles other than I think that it should be reserved for serious relationships. One of the principle reasons for this is that I think that you need to trust your partner and know their sexual history (from a safety standpoint) before you engage in sexual activity. A quick fling with a random chick is fun, sure, but it also carries a high risk- pregnancy, AIDS, STDs, etc. Condoms can negate that to a large extent, but I still think that you need to be responsible and be able to trust your partner.

And this "saftey" factor is pretty ingrained. It's funny- the only potential "sex dream" I've ever had ended quickly when I realized that I didn't have a condom.

Why have I not had sex yet? I haven't been in a relationship that's been "serious" yet.

Why have I not had a serious relationship yet? I really haven't had time to try and actively persue girls. I work full time, go to school full time (18 credits a quarter), and am also doing preproduction on a feature film. This also includes having to work at night on fridays and on the weekend in order to pay for school and rent. It's really just the reality of my life at this point, but I should be done with school soon.

I really don't know about "sex being so much better if it's with someone you love" vs other types, so I can't comment. I will say though that I've actually had an attractive girl (that I didn't know) offer me the opportunity of having sex, and I turned her down. It just felt wrong, and out of character for me.

My intentions with starting this thread were to just get a better feel for people's perspectives on virginity. Do I have a sense of insecurity about it? I would say rather that I just don't know enough about the social norms. For instance, I get the impression from interviews that if Jessica Alba were somehow (miraculously) interested in me, she'd be turned off by my "virginity", especially at my age. And that just feels kind of wierd despite how irrational, unlikely, and remote it is.

I guess if you were interested in a girl that held that mentality, you'd be best to not reveal your virginity status until you've performed well (hopefully). In truth though, I don't think that I'd end up with a girl like that, but rather one with a more Azala type mentality. And by the way, Azala, thank you for your posts, it's made me feel much, much better. It's good to know that there are girls out there that think like that.

And, for the record, I'm going to have read up on things like kama sutra and the like before having sex. I refuse to believe that all male virgins are destined to have a "poor" first time. While actual experience will trump other types of practice, I think that solid research would still yield good results.

 

[psycho_snake]

I have had some alcoholic beverages tonight and English is not my native language, so bear with me here.

Tonight I went to some bars and café's with a few friends of mine, with the intention of at least making contact with someone I didn't know yet, a girl or guy, doesn't matter, but of course I'd prefer a cute girl. So we went to this dancing bar where there are more than enough fine looking girls, but...I just could not do it, I couldn't go talk to them. What's more: I felt a sort of panic while I was there. Everyone was dancing and having a good time and I just stood there, frozen, I couldn't dance because I absolutely loathed the music and seeing all those guys easily picking up girls just made me incredibly depressed. I felt like one of the most socially inept people I could think of.

Now my good mood of the last few days is totally destoyed, I thought I could do it, I thought I could make contact with other people, but I was wrong. I don't know, maybe I'll turn into some kind of hermit so that I'll never have to deal with anything like this anymore. forget it, forget women, I'll just stay on my own.

There is always one solution to this and thats self confidence. You have to be confident and proud of yourself. i used to be low on self confidence, but when I began to become more confident, my life changed. i have a GF, I feel I can talk to anyone and I feel much better.

 

[Crispy]

There is always one solution to this and thats self confidence. You have to be confident and proud of yourself. i used to be low on self confidence, but when I began to become more confident, my life changed. i have a GF, I feel I can talk to anyone and I feel much better.

Yes, I know my self confidence isn't what it should be, but I have no idea how to be more confident. I know I'm a lot more confident already than I used to be a few years ago, but I have no idea why. I've read enough articles about it, people have told me stuff I should be proud of, but it doesn't seem to click with me. Can you elaborate a little on how you gained confidence?

 

[Boogie]

That's exactly what a virgin would say.

That's exactly what a jackass would say.

 

[Jotaro]

Yes, I know my self confidence isn't what it should be, but I have no idea how to be more confident. I know I'm a lot more confident already than I used to be a few years ago, but I have no idea why. I've read enough articles about it, people have told me stuff I should be proud of, but it doesn't seem to click with me. Can you elaborate a little on how you gained confidence?

I can help you. Sometimes, men will only react, will only really change when they cannot avoid something, and this is a wake-up call.

You first must learn on how to rely on yourself. Of course, without going overboard, because at some point you will need the opinion, appreciation of others or you will burst like a balloon. You have to find what you are good at. Remember that Simpsons episode with Dustin Hoffman who voiced the suppleant teacher? You ARE good at some things. Find what they are. Altough you may not be the best at something (I'd read Voltaire, I'd read philosophers, journalists, I'd always find myself so small and unworthy, and in some way, I really am), you are good at something.

You must find satisfaction by creating, by building up, by succeeding in something, something that will be only be the results of YOUR OWN TWO HANDS. Look at your two hands. Think about yourself. Think about what your hands, and your brain, can lead you to. Go for the long run, step by step, you have absolutely no need to rush. It will be very hard this way, but patience brings good rewards. And when you will have gained a feeling of accomplishment, and confidence, you will always be better with the others. You will be yourself, but you won't be either a whiner or a stud, you will be yourself, and you will be well-liked, just for the way you are. Because in the end, that's all what we are looking for.

And then always treat everyone with respect. But respect of yourself prevails upon everything else; that is the key in there. Never judge without knowing, but if you must, be careful, and never judge someone without giving a fair chance. Never deem someone extremely low, nor extremely high. Do the same with you.


I remember I was once browsing amazon's books section and I saw a random quote from a user review that really makes me laugh: "That might not work for everyone, but my attitude with women is to always picture the ones that seem out of my range taking a big dump." :lol

 

[Wendo]

Not to be blunt, but did you start this thread because you are unhappy being a virgin, or because you're happy to be one? I've reread your post a couple of times, and still can't figure out what it is that you want from the forum.

Yes, being a virgin at 21 is definitely outside the norm in a statistical sense. But if you're happy with the choices you've made, then statistics don't matter, right?

With that being said, you have some a priori ideas about sex which are hard to justify given your complete lack of experience. I mean, how do you know that a random hookup is a "bad" thing unless you've tried it? Yeah, it's not for everyone, but until you go out and have some experiences, it's strange to have such a strong feeling about what's right for you. As long as you're careful with your health and are honest about your intentions with your partners, there's nothing wrong with exploring sex with a variety of partners.

For what it's worth, I also lost my virginity later in life (I was 22), and it coincided with moving out on my own, discovering that alcohol wasn't necessarily a bad thing, and hanging out with a slightly different crowd of people. Not everyone I've slept with was someone I had an intense emotional connection with (though some were), but along the way, I learned from each of them. Now, I'm in a position (no pun intended) to be able to pleasure someone far better than I could have as a complete newbie.

Finally, although I won't rehash the story here since I believe I've already told it once, I ended up losing my virginity as the result of a bet. Some girls I worked with (damn cute ones, too) found out that I still had my V-card, and they started a pool to see who could be the first one to get me in the sack.

Just out of curiosity, why did you wait until you were 22?

 

[Polari]

I have had some alcoholic beverages tonight and English is not my native language, so bear with me here.

Tonight I went to some bars and café's with a few friends of mine, with the intention of at least making contact with someone I didn't know yet, a girl or guy, doesn't matter, but of course I'd prefer a cute girl. So we went to this dancing bar where there are more than enough fine looking girls, but...I just could not do it, I couldn't go talk to them. What's more: I felt a sort of panic while I was there. Everyone was dancing and having a good time and I just stood there, frozen, I couldn't dance because I absolutely loathed the music and seeing all those guys easily picking up girls just made me incredibly depressed. I felt like one of the most socially inept people I could think of.

Now my good mood of the last few days is totally destoyed, I thought I could do it, I thought I could make contact with other people, but I was wrong. I don't know, maybe I'll turn into some kind of hermit so that I'll never have to deal with anything like this anymore. forget it, forget women, I'll just stay on my own.

Nights like that happen, you've just got to roll with it (or go home and as mentioned before, listen to "How Soon is Now?"). Having a few more drinks (or more than a few) usually helps too. Just remember, pretty much everyone has their moments like that, and you probably weren't the only one in the club feeling like that at the time, even though you may have felt that was the case.

 

[Crispy]

Great post Jotaro! You really make a point there and I recognize myself in it too. I often take the easy way out, relying too much on others. That way I don't get much satisfaction out of what I do and I can't be very proud of it. I'll really have to turn my life around and maybe it will take time, but I'll get there, I'll be the person I want to be. Thank you for helping me along the way.

And women...they.....they don't go to the toilet, just like celebrities!!! NOOOOOO

 

[Jotaro]

Ben Harper - With my own two hands

And women they don't go to the toilet, just like celebrities!

For that reason alone, I think Duke Nukem 3D had more realism than all other games. :lol

 

[Jacobi]

I don't get why drinking is so much fun, but I enjoy watching drunken people. I haven't also lost the cherry and I actually don't care. I'm gonna be a preacher so I won't ever loose it maybe. But I know some people who are actually desperate for it...