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Random thoughts.

22:22:22

22:22:22

NO PAIN TRANCE CONTINUE
I have two relatively old phones in perfect condition. Gonna take a try to put my sim card in it but without all the apps and pictures and shit. Like a reset you know. Only my contacts. Sigh. We'll see.
 
22:22:22

22:22:22

NO PAIN TRANCE CONTINUE
It's so weird I'm turning 41 the day after tomorrow. My brother, mom and dad (divorced) come to visit around a hour past noon.

This morning I bought some stuff (childish perhaps) to give some bday ambience.

SZdV2tF.jpg



🙈😅🙈
 
N

nightmare-slain

Banned
64bitmodels said:
what happens when you run apple software on a Microsoft operating system :messenger_tears_of_joy:
Click to expand...
Yeah I know. I don’t actually use iTunes. I only had to download it to restore my iPhone to iOS 16 as I was on iOS 17 beta and was having too many problems.

I’ve been thinking about getting a Mac again. Really like the look of the new 15” MacBook Air. Was going to buy one but still quite a wait for custom spec models. I’m in no rush so I’ll wait for the M3 models.
 
ProgenitorCastle

ProgenitorCastle

Banned
22•22 said:
Care to elaborate
Click to expand...
So I had another casual lunch date with my co worker crush...I should've known things were off from the get go because she was quieter than usual. I even asked her if she was okay and that she's usually more talkative than that. We talked, on and off from that point, and then things felt like usual between us. That is when I fucking decided to make the leap and confess to her I like her. Her reaction was that she liked everyone in the office including me which I thought was a nice way of saying she doesn't like me back like that. We went to McDonalds and had lunch there, and the pattern of silence and convo continued. Then on the way back to work was when the bombshell happened. She appeared to be looking for someone, idk who. And then decided to go our separate ways! I had no words, no nothing. I told her See ya! And went my way so shocked and surprised. Why did she ditch me?! WTF HAPPENED. I am so worried...I hope she is okay. She still didn't show up at work. It's probably because I fucking confessed wasn't it. It always fucking ends terribly when I confess. Fuck my life.

edit: I might be overreacting. She is here in the office but we did not speak yet. She may be okay after all. Sorry for whining like a little bitch.
 
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64bitmodels

64bitmodels

Reverse groomer.
TIL that the deep, dark, otherworldly bass i keep hearing in DNB songs (and EDM in general) that feels like it is encompassing my entire reality and transporting me through space, time and technology is called a reese bass. and i've only heard of it now despite years of listening to breakbeats and DNB.

yeah i'm definitely learning how to make that in my spare time.
 
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Con_Z_ǝdʇ

Con_Z_ǝdʇ

Live from NeoGAF, it's Friday Night!
64bitmodels said:
TIL that the deep, dark, otherworldly bass i keep hearing in DNB songs (and EDM in general) that feels like it is encompassing my entire reality and transporting me through space, time and technology is called a reese bass. and i've only heard of it now despite years of listening to breakbeats and DNB.

yeah i'm definitely learning how to make that in my spare time.
Click to expand...
You gotta keep layering!


 
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Nydius

Nydius

Member
I miss having a prescription for lorzaepam and I'm pissed off that junkies and the knee-jerk reaction to them has made it next to impossible for me to ever get a legitimate treatment for my occasional severe panic attacks. But even mention a benzodiazepine and you're immediately suspected of drug seeking behavior.
 
N

nightmare-slain

Banned
i remember exactly what i was doing 15 years ago today at this exact time.

it was school summer holidays and i was sitting in my bedroom recording a cover of this song on my laptop:




i don't think i've actually listened to that song again since that day. at the same time i was on Facebook chatting to my best friend and a girl i had a crush on. my bedroom walls were bare as we had just stripped the wallpaper off them the night before. i remember the night before too... me and my dad were taking the wallpaper off. he was listening to music on his 256mb mp3 player. one of the songs was Wake Me Up When September Ends by Green Day. Afterwards, I was sitting downstairs with my mum and dad. My dad was watching TV and I was sitting on the floor with my laptop recording music.

anyway, this day 15 years ago while I was recording music and chatting online I got a phone call. Two infact. I can't remember what the first one was about but I'll never forget the second call or the rest of that day.

:messenger_pensive:
 
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22:22:22

22:22:22

NO PAIN TRANCE CONTINUE
Nydius said:
I miss having a prescription for lorzaepam and I'm pissed off that junkies and the knee-jerk reaction to them has made it next to impossible for me to ever get a legitimate treatment for my occasional severe panic attacks. But even mention a benzodiazepine and you're immediately suspected of drug seeking behavior.
Click to expand...

I see you're banned and only seen this post of yours.. With that said.

I've been almost a decade on lorazepam and heavy sleeping pills. I completely agree with your thoughts expressed in your post.

I could write paragraph after paragraph on why.

Including how Psychiatry interprets "addiction." Although to be fair there are different forms of addiction.

In our case it was simply not being able to cope with a certain state of being and all it brought with it regarding functioning in our world in a myriad of negative ways.

I'm not a clinical psychiatrist. But they don't walk in my shoes 24/7 both mentally and physically.

At one point I decided to stop with the sleep meds; they make your sleep worse.

My lasting coping mechanisms where the Benzodiazepines and alcohol. And that's the thing; If water and apples gave the same results I'd use those.

I'm currently on BromazeLam. Which I order online. The BromazePam from the doctor doesn't work well enough.

Sure is has it's share of (negative) side effects; but at least my severe PTSS symptoms get to a place as such I can operate from a much broader framework regarding undergoing actions I otherwise wouldn't be able to.

Took me a long time not to abuse them (for they also are muscle relaxers, as is alchohol. #chronic pain)

But I'm recently in control and thankful I can choose to not have a 24/7 fight or flight/ever present high amount of adrenaline state of being.
Constant state of being on edge, always on the look out for danger, constantly scanning etc

See, PTSS tenses up your mind but your muscles as well. And after 3 decades my body couldn't handle it anymore.

Anyway I get it. Much love ♡
 
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64bitmodels

64bitmodels

Reverse groomer.
CGNoire said:
Why cant people tell that Clark Kent and Superman are the same Person.
He is just wearing glasses... is Metropolis just full of a bunch of Retards?
Click to expand...
he also wears a mask that covers the entire top half of his face

wait no you were talking about superman. shit, yeah i guess metropolis is pretty dumb then LOL
 
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N

nightmare-slain

Banned
almost shit myself. my boss got my days off mixed up for next week but luckily i kept proof. even if he didn't let me take it i'd still not go in. i've spent too much fucking money to not take time off work. about £550 on somewhere to stay and train tickets and £250 on tickets for for things to do. and about £150 on other shit to take with me. Spent almost £1,000 so yeah.... i'll not be going to work next week lol. It's sorted now though so it's cool.
 
Mitsurux

Mitsurux

Member
After a time, you may find that having is not so pleasing a thing after all as wanting. It is not logical, but is often true. Spock - Star Trek TOS
 
Lunarorbit

Lunarorbit

Member
Really need the nfl season to start so these non stories go away.

Dwayne wade just won't shut up about Paul pierce. Get over yourself dude. Plus you spell your first name wrong.

The orioles suspend their announcer cause he brought up a Stat.

Ron riveria tells everyone what they already knew, that Eric bienemy is an asshole. Now I gotta read about it for the next week.

I wish baseball was still interesting
 
64bitmodels

64bitmodels

Reverse groomer.

This whole 15 year old producer from atlanta meme really reminds me of the same thing but for soundcloud rappers. Filthy Frank made a video on it years ago that still holds up today
 
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N

nightmare-slain

Banned
For years I've hated on Facebook/Meta but I joined Instagram last month. I did want to delete my account but reactivated it and I'm actually using it. I have also signed up for WhatsApp :messenger_fearful:

I started using Facebook years ago maybe around 2008/2009 and was addicted to it for years before I quit and started hating on it. I don't want to rejoin Facebook but I'm enjoying Instagram. I don't really need it but it's an alternative to Twitter/X. I still use Twitter/X but with all the shit that's been going on with Elon i thought I better find an alternative. Tried Mastodon but didn't do anything for me.

WhatsApp is just too difficult to avoid. I told everyone if they need me they can call/text me but it's crazy how much of a grip this fucking app has on everyone and to get in touch with many utility companies (internet, gas/electric, etc) they have their support through WhatsApp. So I guess I don't want to be left behind or make things difficult. As much as I tried to resist I decided it's best to give in.

You fuckin win Zuck :messenger_pensive:
 
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