Support NeoGAF

[Liquidsnake]

A guy once told me to not have any emotional attachment that I could not walk out on in 30 seconds flat if I feel the heat coming around the corner.

 

[DeathoftheEndless]

A guy once told me to not have any emotional attachment that I could not walk out on in 30 seconds flat if I feel the heat coming around the corner.

Didn't you shoot that guy and hold his hand as he died?

 

[Violet_0]

nvm missed the update

 

[Blargonaut]

Alright guys well I just got back so..

First I want to say thank you for all the kind words and encouragement. I've been depressed for a very long time now and often times I feel so alone. the sentiment that you guys present isn't foreign to me, but most of the time I just can't help to flip it and put myself at fault. Despite everything that had happens I would often consider myself crazy for thinking anything was going on, or that I was just blowing things out of proportions. So thank you all for being on my side. I haven't felt like anyone's been on my side for a long time.

Anyway, so I went to the dance. It was a pretty cool place, basically a mansion and there was a ton of people. I ended standing around for about 10 mins because I can't find her. Eventually a random girl comes up to me and asks to dance, so I do and it was fun. I'm terrible bUT whatever. After that dance she finds me, and then "susan" and I dance. it's really fun, but after the song we break away so she can dance with other people. It doesn't bug me because I know that's just how these things work. and besides, she's really good and I'm not so I don't want to hold her back.in the meantime I practice for a while. After, she finds me again and introduces me to this guy, umm let's call him jack. Jack actually seems like a really nice guy, we chat for a while and I practice with him for a bit. And then she introduces me to "bill". He also seems like a nice guy, he's all sweaty from dancing. He reaches out to me and shakes my hand and says it's nice to meet me. He asks how I like it and suggests I dance with his friend because she's good to practice with. after, he runs off to dance with someone. This is the only interaction I have with him.

Susan sticks around for a while and we dance again for one song before she goes to dance with people again. So I'm alone but I end up dancing with about 5 different people and it was a lot of fun. The last one in particular was a very sweet girl from Oklahoma. We were both pretty terrible bUT we had fun.

Eventually I got to sit when jack comes by and sits next to me. We're just watching people dance, so I ask how long he's know susan and bill. He tells me hes only known susan for about a week and bill for about a month. And then I ask if they are together and he says he doesn't know. So I just leave it be for a while and continue to dance. I end up dancing with Oklahoma again before taking a break. At this point I spot bill sitting across the room talking to a girl sitting next to him, and then I see susan come up to him. He gestures for her to sit on his lap, and she does. they're just sitting there talking and I can see him kinda rubbing/tapping her back.it goes on for about 3 minutes before she runs off to dance with someone.

After sometime I'm still just sitting there, jack comes back and sits next to me. We're just sitting when susan comes up to us and says "there's my boys". I mostly ignore her, and then Oklahoma comes up behind her and asks me to dance. So I just bypass her and go. She ends up interrupting us though and tells me their going to leave. I ask why aND she says it's cause they want to beat the rush and Yada yada. She wants to know if I want to have one last dance, Oklahoma is cool with it and so we dance.

During it she's talking to me about just random stuff. I look at her and ask why she invited me. She told me she just wanted me to have a fun time. It wasn't really the answer I was looking for. Anyway we finish and Jack comes up next to us. I can see bill leaning against the wall in front of me. She's wrapping things up and ready to say goodbye. Right as she does though, I reach my hand to her face and try to kiss her. She pushes me away, and tells me no. But I try one more time this time just going for the cheek. She tells me no again. I do this because I wanted to see what she would do. Every time we've kissed it happens this same exact way.

Yes I admit it was awkward but I felt like I needed to do it. I don't know, something came over me and I just needed to know what would happen. jack definitely was surprised, he just kinda stood there. After that, she looks at me grabs my hand and says "I'll talk to you later. Okay?". I look at her in the eye and almost without delay I reply "No, you won't". At this point I turn her away and kinda nudge her off.

I see her walk off with Jack towards Bill, and I go back to my seat. looking as they walk off I see her in an opening, she has her hands to her face and it's clear that she's crying...a lot. Bill comes up to her to see whats wrong, but she pushes him away before she disappears behind a door.

I end up leaving soon after that. I end up seeing bill chatting it up with the lobby people alone, so I assume that she ran off on her own. A situation like that happened on the Sunday when my car got smashed. I ended up saying something that really pushed her and she walked off Crying on her own. it looked exactly the same.

A part of me regrets ruining her night like that, but at the same time this girl has Ibeen destroying me daily for the last 3 months. And seriously what she did right in front of me was uncalled for. it's clear she has 0 respect for me. so yes I made a scene, and that's kinda embarrassing. But I feel like I know now more then ever. I'm done.

I look at her in the eye and almost without delay I reply "No, you won't".

The incision was clean

Stitch up the loose ends, and move on, OP.

Be happy :3

 

[Agentnibs]

Haha, yeah.. trying to understand the culture of these people.. mansion swing dancing parties every week?

Straight out of The Great Gatsby or something.

You are not this chick's boyfriend, I think that much is clear. So, you can either continue trying to be her friend or you can cut off contact, but don't hold on to some false hope that you guys will get together.

Also, I'm still really confused at this dancing thing. What the hell is it? Loving the fictional names, by the way. Susan, Bill, Jack, Oklahoma; quite a cast.

This thread hurts to read. Not a nice situation for you dude. Why would she invite you to a party, only to sit on the lap of some other guy though. Looks like she wanted to make it clear it's over.

Everyone dancing and asking eachother to dance at the party almost seems like a teen movie to me though, pretty funny mental image.

Haha so about the dance. It's a weekly swing dancing group that happens at this mansion in downtown austin. It's actually really cool, and all sorts of people come out. It's not slow dancing like some awkward high school dance. some people are very good and some people are just starting out. It's a shame the way things are because I don't think I'll ever be able to show my face there again. It was really fun, and I met some really nice people like oklahoma.

she started going every week late last year. This was the first time I've ever been, she would always make excuses or get uncomfortable when I asked to go.

 

[-ImaginaryInsider]

Keep in mind that someone manipulative like she appears to be may be attracted to your newly formed back bone. She might reach out to you, make promises, etc. just like she has in the past.

Common scenario is: manipulative jerk uses their significant other... S/O eventually breaks it off.. manipulative jerk begs to be taken back, because they subconsciously can't stand to be broken up with... then they will end it with their S/O so that they can be the one to break it off and feel empowered.

Agree completely, his value will now go up, and if she doesn't start texting him again very soon, he's probably at least moved to the top of her backup list. He should definitely block her number and ignore her completely, which is advice very few people follow.

 

[TheOMan]

You need to get Oklahoma's contact info.

 

[davepoobond]

Haha, yeah.. trying to understand the culture of these people.. mansion swing dancing parties every week?

Straight out of The Great Gatsby or something.

im sure they do more than just swing dance

also, its strange how people from Oklahoma would fly out there and know about it

 

[Kozak]

congrats OP, you handled that pretty well.

 

[Syckx]

Good job, OP. Most of us will go through something like that. Take it as a lesson learned and go find someone worthwhile.

 

[Resilient]

OP good job! But like so many do, you must not regress. You stood up for yourself and respected yourself. I imagine for the first time in a while. Tomorrow, hold your head up high and be proud! And get Oklahomas contact details of you can!

 

[malyce]

3 months betweens presses? Sounds like she is in an open relationship with bill and jack but not with you. Glad you wised up and cut that shit out. Really toxic situation.

"No, you won't"

Precise ether.

 

[Agentnibs]

3 months betweens presses? Sounds like she is in an open relationship with bill and jack but not with you. Glad you wised up and cut that shit out. Really toxic situation.

"No, you won't"

Precise ether.

Well jack really was just a friend. But yeah Bill is different. thinking back on it I find it odd that that bill didn't come up to me to say bye. He was just standing there alone while Susan, jack and I were talking. This is supposed to be the nicest dude ever according to her and others I know. To have him just sit back seems out of character for him.

Anyway, I'm having a tough time this morning gaf. I can't help but want to say something to her. I want to know how's she's doing, and if I really reached out to her. I imagine she's probably doing whatever she planned on doing with her friends the week before like nothing happened. But what is she thinking, does she even care at all?

I also can't help but start thinking that what if this was her honest attempt at making a change. And i ruined it...The day she invited me she did tell me to expect her to behave the same way shes always has with her friends. Maybe that's why I tried to kiss her, to see where I stand. I think back on what she said when I asked her what her intention was for inviting me. She told me it was because she just wanted me to have a fun time.. did she just pity me? Or did she genuinely care about me and try to do something about it the only way she knew how. She's always been terrible at expressing her feelings. And she did break down crying when she left. Was it because she knew she messed up, regrets everything, and didn't want to lose me? She's told me these things before. Or was she just embarrassed, scared of being revealed among her friends and potential romantic partners.

I haven't talked to her, and I don't plan to say anything either. I haven't heard anything from her, I'm not sure if I ever will. But I want to say...something.

 

[SystemShock2]

If this were her honest attempt at making a change, she wouldn't have sat on that guy's lap, she would have spent more time with you, and she would have let you kiss her. You've done the right thing, so don't second guess yourself now.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

Well jack really was just a friend. But yeah Bill is different. thinking back on it I find it odd that that bill didn't come up to me to say bye. He was just standing there alone while Susan, jack and I were talking. This is supposed to be the nicest dude ever according to her and others I know. To have him just sit back seems out of character for him.

Anyway, I'm having a tough time this morning gaf. I can't help but want to say something to her. I want to know how's she's doing, and if I really reached out to her. I imagine she's probably doing whatever she planned on doing with her friends the week before like nothing happened. But what is she thinking, does she even care at all?

I also can't help but start thinking that what if this was her honest attempt at making a change. And i ruined it...The day she invited me she did tell me to expect her to behave the same way shes always has with her friends. Maybe that's why I tried to kiss her, to see where I stand. I think back on what she said when I asked her what her intention was for inviting me. She told me it was because she just wanted me to have a fun time.. did she just pity me? Or did she genuinely care about me and try to do something about it the only way she knew how. She's always been terrible at expressing her feelings. And she did break down crying when she left. Was it because she knew she messed up, regrets everything, and didn't want to lose me? She's told me these things before. Or was she just embarrassed, scared of being revealed among her friends and potential romantic partners.

I haven't talked to her, and I don't plan to say anything either. I haven't heard anything from her, I'm not sure if I ever will. But I want to say...something.

Seriously? You finale ended it well and now you want to go crawling back? At what point, with the way she acted that night, did she show she turned a new leaf and was going to be different? Don't worry, I'll wait.

 

[TheBaldEmperor]

Well jack really was just a friend. But yeah Bill is different. thinking back on it I find it odd that that bill didn't come up to me to say bye. He was just standing there alone while Susan, jack and I were talking. This is supposed to be the nicest dude ever according to her and others I know. To have him just sit back seems out of character for him.

Anyway, I'm having a tough time this morning gaf. I can't help but want to say something to her. I want to know how's she's doing, and if I really reached out to her. I imagine she's probably doing whatever she planned on doing with her friends the week before like nothing happened. But what is she thinking, does she even care at all?

I also can't help but start thinking that what if this was her honest attempt at making a change. And i ruined it...The day she invited me she did tell me to expect her to behave the same way shes always has with her friends. Maybe that's why I tried to kiss her, to see where I stand. I think back on what she said when I asked her what her intention was for inviting me. She told me it was because she just wanted me to have a fun time.. did she just pity me? Or did she genuinely care about me and try to do something about it the only way she knew how. She's always been terrible at expressing her feelings. And she did break down crying when she left. Was it because she knew she messed up, regrets everything, and didn't want to lose me? She's told me these things before. Or was she just embarrassed, scared of being revealed among her friends and potential romantic partners.

I haven't talked to her, and I don't plan to say anything either. I haven't heard anything from her, I'm not sure if I ever will. But I want to say...something.

Don't say a damn thing to her. You already said what needs to be said.

 

[Ric Flair]

Haha so about the dance. It's a weekly swing dancing group that happens at this mansion in downtown austin. It's actually really cool, and all sorts of people come out. It's not slow dancing like some awkward high school dance. some people are very good and some people are just starting out. It's a shame the way things are because I don't think I'll ever be able to show my face there again. It was really fun, and I met some really nice people like oklahoma.

she started going every week late last year. This was the first time I've ever been, she would always make excuses or get uncomfortable when I asked to go.

I know exactly how you're feeling, and you're better than that. If she really cared about you she would've kissed you right then and there. She treated you like shit, don't let her win. You call or text her now, or any time in the near future and you're admitting defeat. Last night you stormed the beaches of Normandy, don't let her take that away from you


edit: Also, if you text her and she doesn't reply, think how fucking shitty that will make you feel

 

[davepoobond]

Well jack really was just a friend. But yeah Bill is different. thinking back on it I find it odd that that bill didn't come up to me to say bye. He was just standing there alone while Susan, jack and I were talking. This is supposed to be the nicest dude ever according to her and others I know. To have him just sit back seems out of character for him.

Anyway, I'm having a tough time this morning gaf. I can't help but want to say something to her. I want to know how's she's doing, and if I really reached out to her. I imagine she's probably doing whatever she planned on doing with her friends the week before like nothing happened. But what is she thinking, does she even care at all?

I also can't help but start thinking that what if this was her honest attempt at making a change. And i ruined it...The day she invited me she did tell me to expect her to behave the same way shes always has with her friends. Maybe that's why I tried to kiss her, to see where I stand. I think back on what she said when I asked her what her intention was for inviting me. She told me it was because she just wanted me to have a fun time.. did she just pity me? Or did she genuinely care about me and try to do something about it the only way she knew how. She's always been terrible at expressing her feelings. And she did break down crying when she left. Was it because she knew she messed up, regrets everything, and didn't want to lose me? She's told me these things before. Or was she just embarrassed, scared of being revealed among her friends and potential romantic partners.

I haven't talked to her, and I don't plan to say anything either. I haven't heard anything from her, I'm not sure if I ever will. But I want to say...something.

"She wants you to have fun" -- you are completely capable, I would think, of having fun if you wanted to, you don't need to be taken to the playground to play with the other kids

Not letting you kiss her -- shows she doesn't want anyone to know there's anything between you guys to anyone.

Sitting on guys lap while knowing you are there -- showing you who is in control in the relationship between you and her and trying to make you jealous probably on top of it

When she introduced you to everyone she wasn't like "this is my boyfriend" right?


Just don't even bother. Why do anything more with this psycho?

 

[John Kowalski]

five bucks op can't resist the pull

 

[davepoobond]

five bucks op can't resist the pull

They never do. No one makes a relationship thread to actually listen to the advice in it. If he does he will be the first one I can think of

 

[OpinionatedCyborg]

Well jack really was just a friend. But yeah Bill is different. thinking back on it I find it odd that that bill didn't come up to me to say bye. He was just standing there alone while Susan, jack and I were talking. This is supposed to be the nicest dude ever according to her and others I know. To have him just sit back seems out of character for him.

Anyway, I'm having a tough time this morning gaf. I can't help but want to say something to her. I want to know how's she's doing, and if I really reached out to her. I imagine she's probably doing whatever she planned on doing with her friends the week before like nothing happened. But what is she thinking, does she even care at all?

I also can't help but start thinking that what if this was her honest attempt at making a change. And i ruined it...The day she invited me she did tell me to expect her to behave the same way shes always has with her friends. Maybe that's why I tried to kiss her, to see where I stand. I think back on what she said when I asked her what her intention was for inviting me. She told me it was because she just wanted me to have a fun time.. did she just pity me? Or did she genuinely care about me and try to do something about it the only way she knew how. She's always been terrible at expressing her feelings. And she did break down crying when she left. Was it because she knew she messed up, regrets everything, and didn't want to lose me? She's told me these things before. Or was she just embarrassed, scared of being revealed among her friends and potential romantic partners.

I haven't talked to her, and I don't plan to say anything either. I haven't heard anything from her, I'm not sure if I ever will. But I want to say...something.

rofl

 

[KnockOneOff]

Bloody hell you should write a book!

Anyway she has lost interest and is with this new guy, but she doesn't want to hurt you hense why she is dragging it on

The other guy won't know your in the picture neither I doubt, so maybe turn up when she is with the other guy and see what happens.

No point wasting your life ducking about with heart break mate

 

[Kyne]

OP, don't give in. Sorry the weather is so shitty today.. (I'm also in Austin)

I'm surprised no one's asked yet (maybe I missed it) but how old are you and her?

 

[Agentnibs]

I know exactly how you're feeling, and you're better than that. If she really cared about you she would've kissed you right then and there. She treated you like shit, don't let her win. You call or text her now, or any time in the near future and you're admitting defeat. Last night you stormed the beaches of Normandy, don't let her take that away from you


edit: Also, if you text her and she doesn't reply, think how fucking shitty that will make you feel

Yeah you're right. I haven't done anything and I don't plan too, but sometimes it gets tough. I'm lonely, my roommate and best friend is leaving for the airforce in two weeks and it's making me nervous. my therapist thinks I'm depressed and has referred me to see a psychiatrist to get prescribed antidepressants. Its very difficult to root for myself because I can't shake blaming myself for everything that's happened, not only with her but my ex before her and all sorts of other things. But I'm really trying here, I know shes been no good for me. At least not this year, but I miss her and long for the days where we were happy. Like I said, it wasn't always so easy but she was making me better.

I won't text or call her. I know that the second I do I give her control of my life again and I don't want that.

 

[Jaffaboy]

Was it her making you better/happy, or you simply being in a relationship that was making you better/happy? Don't confuse the two.

 

[Darksol]

Well jack really was just a friend. But yeah Bill is different. thinking back on it I find it odd that that bill didn't come up to me to say bye. He was just standing there alone while Susan, jack and I were talking. This is supposed to be the nicest dude ever according to her and others I know. To have him just sit back seems out of character for him.

Anyway, I'm having a tough time this morning gaf. I can't help but want to say something to her. I want to know how's she's doing, and if I really reached out to her. I imagine she's probably doing whatever she planned on doing with her friends the week before like nothing happened. But what is she thinking, does she even care at all?

I also can't help but start thinking that what if this was her honest attempt at making a change. And i ruined it...The day she invited me she did tell me to expect her to behave the same way shes always has with her friends. Maybe that's why I tried to kiss her, to see where I stand. I think back on what she said when I asked her what her intention was for inviting me. She told me it was because she just wanted me to have a fun time.. did she just pity me? Or did she genuinely care about me and try to do something about it the only way she knew how. She's always been terrible at expressing her feelings. And she did break down crying when she left. Was it because she knew she messed up, regrets everything, and didn't want to lose me? She's told me these things before. Or was she just embarrassed, scared of being revealed among her friends and potential romantic partners.

I haven't talked to her, and I don't plan to say anything either. I haven't heard anything from her, I'm not sure if I ever will. But I want to say...something.

No.

 

[Damerman]

Cut off all contact. Hit the gym, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

RIP dog

This post reminds me high fructose corn syrup...

 

[kamineko]

Yeah you're right. I haven't done anything and I don't plan too, but sometimes it gets tough. I'm lonely, my roommate and best friend is leaving for the airforce in two weeks and it's making me nervous. my therapist thinks I'm depressed and has referred me to see a psychiatrist to get prescribed antidepressants. Its very difficult to root for myself because I can't shake blaming myself for everything that's happened, not only with her but my ex before her and all sorts of other things. But I'm really trying here, I know shes been no good for me. At least not this year, but I miss her and long for the days where we were happy. Like I said, it wasn't always so easy but she was making me better.

I won't text or call her. I know that the second I do I give her control of my life again and I don't want that.

It's natural to wanna tell her how it is, get better closure from her, etc. The thing is, you've already tried to do this in good faith, and got nothing but flimflam bullshit in return. You disclosed your concerns and feelings repeatedly, and she just isn't the type of person to reciprocate. That is a problem with her, not you, and it will greatly limit her own happiness. No need to let her further limit yours.

& besides, your last words to her were like movie perfect. You wanna hold that note. Be good to yourself. Not every crap thing that happens in your life is your fault, you know? It's a serious question. Some folks don't know. Her conduct isn't your responsibility. It never was.

 

[K' Dash]

Any update on this? I hope OP didn't contact her after that finishing move he pulled, I'm right now in a very toxic "something" with a girl, I know I need to bail out, but damn, we have so much in common and my other lady friends are not as awesome, I wish we could be just friends with nothing romantic/sexual involved :/

Not setting a good example here, but I hope you just move on man.

 

[jackissocool]

OP, sounds like you made the right decision here. You were nice all along and patient just as she'd been with you. That's admirable, and a truly loving relationship takes work like that. I'm glad you went to the dance to get a true look at the situation, and breaking it off was the right decision. She's not a psycho, just confused and has feelings for two people, but I doubt she's some malicious backstabber. You both want the relationship to continue, but it wouldn't've worked and you saw that. Ending it helps her just as much as you - that's how relationships work.

Don't contact her and don't go back. You're both hurting and I don't think anyone was the villain here. If she does contact you, be brief:

"This is the last time we're talking. Our relationship wasn't good for either of us and you know it as well as I do. I hope things go well for you. Goodbye."

Don't make it a conversation, just a message delivery. Say your piece and be done, no matter what. Take the time you need to mourn your dog. It sounds like you're comfortable flirting and dancing, so get out on the dating scene and don't mope more than a day or two. You seem like a mature, nice guy, OP. There are lots of mature, nice people out there for you.

There's some weird red pill shit in this thread. Don't listen to them.

 

[Booshka]

Yeah you're right. I haven't done anything and I don't plan too, but sometimes it gets tough. I'm lonely, my roommate and best friend is leaving for the airforce in two weeks and it's making me nervous. my therapist thinks I'm depressed and has referred me to see a psychiatrist to get prescribed antidepressants. Its very difficult to root for myself because I can't shake blaming myself for everything that's happened, not only with her but my ex before her and all sorts of other things. But I'm really trying here, I know shes been no good for me. At least not this year, but I miss her and long for the days where we were happy. Like I said, it wasn't always so easy but she was making me better.

I won't text or call her. I know that the second I do I give her control of my life again and I don't want that.

Don't let a shitty relationship be a part of your depression. It wasn't your fault, you got used, and had/have trouble letting go. You gotta move on and focus on what is causing your personal problems, those personal problems are why you are blaming yourself for this failed relationship.

I'll say it again, it's not your fault, it was just a bad relationship, you are now free of it, move on, and get better. Improve yourself and you will get into better relationships with better people.

 

[SnakeSlashRO]

...as opposed to other kinds of women? I'm not even sure what this sentence means. Don't all men and women choose who they want to be with?

Also, OP, your situation sounds incredibly similar to one of mine. Hardest thing I've ever done was breaking up with her while I still loved her, but it was absolutely, 100% the correct action. Be prepared to fully mourn the relationship you've lost and don't give into the impulse to contact her. Reach out to those you love for help in this difficult time. Treat this break-up like a death, because it is one in a sense; the death of all possibility and love between you and "Susan."

Yes men and women choose each other, but what you are misunderstanding is that in this situation (and sounds like even in your own) you both have given the woman the power to make the decision of the course of the relationship....(over just ending it because the girl's a flipflop) I say that because in good relationships, that have run its course, mature individuals can make a clean break to pursue what they want, im not saying it isn't okay to be upset or mourn the loss of a companion, but when you go though all these hoops you play yourself for a fool, waiting on anyone (man or woman) hand and foot like this is pathetic.

But maybe it's a personality difference? I've never had relationship issues where the motives of myself or my girlfriend were unclear, nor have myself or any of my previous ex's (with me) have contacted me back and fourth to continue an uncertain relationship where there is wavering on one or both sides. Once that shit start's its already over, mature people own up to it and just say "Hey I'm not feeling this anymore".

Do you understand now?

 

[Vagabundo]

Don't fall into the trap of needing some closure on this whole saga. You might not get it OP. Some people just don't have the ability to give emotional closure because they are not in touch with their feeling. This girl sounds like that.

The big red light in your story for me is that she wouldn't kiss you in front of the others. She sat on Bills lap, but she would kiss you? The guy she is suppose to be dating? Nawww she's hiding you away from them.

Stick with your guns now lad. Time to move on. Go out get drunk, go talk to other friends, hit the gym/running track, play video games, whatever. Keep busy and don't fall into that emotional trap - your ex - again.

 

[DrM]

I haven't talked to her, and I don't plan to say anything either. I haven't heard anything from her, I'm not sure if I ever will. But I want to say...something.

I have been in similar situation on the beginning od the month. She started dating somebody else and tried to hide that from me.

It is hard to resist temptation of contacting ex, but don't do it. Delete all her contacts, put her telephone number under 'DO NOT ANSWER' category.

Go for a walk, go into club, to the gym and do something that you really like to do to keep yourself occupied and do not, I repeat, do not think about her. You deserve better. It is hard but you can do it.

 

[MindGamingMantis]

This sounds similar to what I went through for 3 years. Get away from her. She broke up with me a couple days ago, but I'm so numb to it. It's whatever lol.

 

[Zoned]

I am ready to bet that OP hasn't given on her and still want some "answers" whereas the girl is already over this thing long time ago.

 

[MadraptorMan]

I hope you can manage to stay away from her. That Oklahoma girl sounds promising, though? I suppose you didn't get her number or anything huh.

 

[Majima Everywhere System]

TLDR: "I want to shake the guy's hand who is fucking my girlfriend."

You are frustrated and hurt because you pretend this is what you want, but it's absolutely what you don't want. Next time get jealous, frustrated, angry, and indignant. It lets them know you care.

 

[Always-honest]

It's your choice to end the drama.
There doesn't need to be a lot of drama in relationships, but some people can't seem to be able to live without.

Horrible about your dog... damn....

 

[SneakyStephan]

Cmon dude, she cuts you completely out of her life (outside of your dates her social life doesn't seem to include you at all) , then on top of that she won't kiss you in front of the other dude.
It can't get much more clear than that. There is a difference between having a seperate group of friends and not wanting to let those friends know about the relationship.

You want closure (to know the facts) but she's not going to give it to you... Which is also really fucking shitty of her.
I would've talked to the bill guy during the dance night to ask him what's up, odds are he's in the same position as you are (doesn't know she's seeing two different people).

Gaf threads about this shit are always 'dump her' 'plenty of fish' but the story told in this one was really painful to read.
Let it go it's not worth the grief considering the situation.

The odds that she's been telling you the truth all along are incredibly low, and even if she was then your anxiety and insecurity caused by the way she acts is not going to go away. Do you really think she'll change (low odds on top of low odds) and that if she did that she wouldn't somehow resent you for making her change? You'll be struck by lightning before this ever works out well.
The longer you keep this up the more baggage you're going to end up with in future relationships.
So stop before you really become damaged goods

 

[Usobuko]

Cut off all contact. Hit the gym, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

RIP dog

She's a hot mess, cut your loss op.

Rip dog indeed.

 

[NaughtyCalibur]

But I'm really trying here, I know shes been no good for me. At least not this year, but I miss her and long for the days where we were happy. Like I said, it wasn't always so easy but she was making me better.

I know this feeling all too well, having just went through it myself a month ago. You long for the good times to come back and keep on rolling. You'll get those good times again, just never with her. It's impossible. It'd be like biting into a delicious Five Guys burger that you know was dropped in cat vomit before bagged.

The whole thing is tainted now, and even if she woke up tomorrow morning with this Earth shattering revelation that she's an asshole and declares you're the love of her life like some dumb Hollywood romcom it shouldn't deter you. Why? Because this chick is clearly fickle and could just as easily wake up two days later feeling the inverse. This is what happened to me, btw. Don't be me. I should know better; shame on me.

Be better than me and never talk to her again. It's over, and as much as it sucks, it really is a great thing for you.

 

[Iph]

Thanks, so far today I've been feeling pretty alright. I feel like I took control of the situation at that moment and stopped giving her power of me. I can actually eat today.




It did feel really good to say. in that moment I felt like all my walls fell and I finally took control over my life. It's was so quick and sudden too, it's not something I thought I could do.

Congrats! Seriously- I didn't read everything but that sounded complicated, dramatic and toxic/frustrating as heck. I empathize massively in that this was a necessary decision for you if you felt you could eat after and had that relief of "formally" having control of your life back after you dealt with these things hanging over your head.

I recently went through the same thing in "formally" ending things with an abusive ex (with a twist!) and if I didn't have great friends who were there for me when I was avoiding anyone and everything that didn't involve getting away from a toxic relationship like this, I'd be a LOT worse off.

I'm so sorry about your dog. Give yourself time to get over that. That's something that's such an awful hurt, regardless of how it happened. Hang out with good friends, hit the gym, build on your hobbies, build on healthy outlets that you NEED to help you get over the relationship with this person drained you of any healthy outlets because it was what you were constantly putting your emotional and mental energy in.

It's spring, get outside, enjoy some nicer weather, recover. You deserve better. Give yourself a breather of not considering anything serious so you can get into a good place mentally after all that you went through so you're be receptive to a healthier relationship if you could want another after what you went through. I'm sorry you had to go through this- you have a huge heart, the girl sounded confused as hell, or maybe was just that toxic but you know what? It doesn't matter anymore because you're most important OP. Take care of yourself and celebrate having your life back with good friends and family. I feel for you so much and GAF is awesome for encouraging you away from this. You're incredible for attempting to deal with this OP. Remember, you deserve better, put yourself first for a while for your own sake, avoid anyone who doesn't facilitate/understand that and stay awesome. <3

 

[LifEndz]

Wow, that's a lot of dancing. I don't even know you OP and reading that made me cringe. Instead of trying to lockdown that girl you should've been making moves with Oklahoma girl. I hope you got her number or email or whatever people ask for nowadays. I'd cut off all communication with the other one. You both sound young and maybe she's not looking to be in a relationship right now...which is her prerogative. You can't force it. Trying to show she's yours by kissing her or whatever is never a good look. Hell, I wouldn't even do something like that to a girlfriend, let alone someone I'm trying to make a girlfriend.

 

[Cow Mengde]

I haven't talked to her, and I don't plan to say anything either. I haven't heard anything from her, I'm not sure if I ever will. But I want to say...something.

No! No! No! No! No!

 

[IISANDERII]

Well jack really was just a friend. But yeah Bill is different. thinking back on it I find it odd that that bill didn't come up to me to say bye. He was just standing there alone while Susan, jack and I were talking. This is supposed to be the nicest dude ever according to her and others I know. To have him just sit back seems out of character for him.

Anyway, I'm having a tough time this morning gaf. I can't help but want to say something to her. I want to know how's she's doing, and if I really reached out to her. I imagine she's probably doing whatever she planned on doing with her friends the week before like nothing happened. But what is she thinking, does she even care at all?

I also can't help but start thinking that what if this was her honest attempt at making a change. And i ruined it...The day she invited me she did tell me to expect her to behave the same way shes always has with her friends. Maybe that's why I tried to kiss her, to see where I stand. I think back on what she said when I asked her what her intention was for inviting me. She told me it was because she just wanted me to have a fun time.. did she just pity me? Or did she genuinely care about me and try to do something about it the only way she knew how. She's always been terrible at expressing her feelings. And she did break down crying when she left. Was it because she knew she messed up, regrets everything, and didn't want to lose me? She's told me these things before. Or was she just embarrassed, scared of being revealed among her friends and potential romantic partners.

I haven't talked to her, and I don't plan to say anything either. I haven't heard anything from her, I'm not sure if I ever will. But I want to say...something.

 

[Future PhaZe]

I know you're looking for her to admit that she was a bitch for the way she's treated you and that she's sorry, but trust me, her being the way she is will be punishment enough for her and will catch up to her at some point. Just move on.

 

[LifEndz]

I haven't talked to her, and I don't plan to say anything either. I haven't heard anything from her, I'm not sure if I ever will. But I want to say...something.

 

[PopFisto]

I suppose the source of OPs confusion is why doesn't this girl just dump him? Why does she keep leading him on, if she cares so little for him? Why have sex with him, even if it is after 6 months? The answer OP is, you're the third fiddle.

I've seen this many times before to varying degrees. But, she wants you in the background waiting for her, incase nothing works out for her. She believes she can do this to you, because she sees you as a pushover, as someone who is desperate for her, so she believes as long as she treats you somewhat nicely, you will be there.

A friend of mine recently was in a very similar situation. Sorta GF who would never tell him where she would go or with who when she would meet her friends. She would refuse to tell him. And would not take his calls, so once he called her landline, when she said not to, and she said, " I call you! You don't call me!" and she slammed the phone. He was the fifth fiddle to her.

But yea, she doesn't care about you. But she would probably like you to worship her and await her in case her banging and dating other dudes doesn't work out. Good for you OP. I know it hurts, but you did the right thing. Ended it like a baller. Frankly, I woulda been a lot less composed than you.

 

[CloudyTuba]

One thing I've learned from my relationships is that if my relationship is ever complicated enough to make a post this long, I should probably have ended it already.