SquiddyCracker
Banned
My god, you poor man.
Just break it up with her, she's found some new meat and is just sticking by you out of pity (especially after your dog died.)
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Relationship-GAF: please help, this girl is driving me crazy
- Thread starter Agentnibs
- Start date
- Status
My god, you poor man.
Just break it up with her, she's found some new meat and is just sticking by you out of pity (especially after your dog died.)
So sorry to hear about the dog OP 
As for this "Susan" she sounds like a complete bitch. I don't think I could handle seeing this dude in the flesh. I also don't know the girl but can you trust that she hasn't been having sex with this guy? I couldn't be in the same room thinking he'd done this. Cut her loose man
As for this "Susan" she sounds like a complete bitch. I don't think I could handle seeing this dude in the flesh. I also don't know the girl but can you trust that she hasn't been having sex with this guy? I couldn't be in the same room thinking he'd done this. Cut her loose man
Holy shit, dude. Not cool.
Clockwork
Member
Based on her behavior at the dance it sounds like she is stringing both of you guys along while not quite divulging the extent of her relationship to either of you. He probably thinks you're just a good friend just as you were supposed to think he was just a good friend. When you came together it became strikingly awkward (with her sitting on his lap and getting a back rub and when you tried to kiss her) likely leaving the both of you going "wtf?" in either instance.
She wants the best of both worlds. You have to show her she can't. Bow out gracefully from this one and sever ties. She's an attention whore.
She wants the best of both worlds. You have to show her she can't. Bow out gracefully from this one and sever ties. She's an attention whore.
Fucking awesome dude, nice that you manned up and ended it. Don't feel bad about it either, she was the one in the wrong here.
Monochrome_F3ar
Neo Member
Stuff like this is why I dont date. Not worth the drama. Random safe hookups and FWBs for me!
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
About time dude. And you didn't ruin her night so fuck that shit.
……forgetit
Member
Plot twist, the guy is gay and married.
DeathoftheEndless
Crashing this plane... with no survivors!
Stay true to your word. You seem like a good guy and you deserve to be treated better than that.
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
That wouldn't be a plot twist though...
evilromero
Member
Dude, I'm so sorry to hear about your dog passing. I think you need to spend time mourning for a friend who truly loved you, rather than a damaged individual like this girl. Your dog was there for you, tried to find you. You had a best friend already waiting at home. Don't misplace your priorities. Spend time with those who truly appreciate it.
LifEndz
Member
Sometimes taking a break is a good thing. I learned long ago not to rely on someone else to make me happy and not to be afraid to be single. Sometimes people hold on to something that's already over out of fear of the above. It's not fair to either of you. You sound young. You have a lot of life to live. Take a break, block her number and email and as the kids say, do you.
Edit: sorry about your dog. My dog was hit by a car the night before my first day of highschool. I'll never forgot how hard it was not crying my eyes that first day of 9th grade.
Hope it all works out for you, OP.
Edit: sorry about your dog. My dog was hit by a car the night before my first day of highschool. I'll never forgot how hard it was not crying my eyes that first day of 9th grade.
Hope it all works out for you, OP.
Ganzlinger
Member
You are in an endless cycle, OP.
Future PhaZe
Member
Dont return calls. Delete.
Trust me man.
Trust me man.
Ron Mexico
Member
So I don't usually post a whole lot, but this one struck a chord with me.
From what it sounds like, you're in college or thereabouts so I'm guessing you're somewhere in your early 20s-- as you said, not your first relationship, but maybe the thoughts of longer-term were starting to creep in a bit. You're not thinking you're playing 100% for keeps, but hey, you're getting a little older, starting to establish yourself, probably looking at friends and classmates who have supposedly found "the one" and started looking at "Susan" through that lens. It's ok. It's happened to a lot of us. Myself included.
I had met my Susan at 24 through work. Was in a long-term relationship that was going nowhere and here comes this total breath of fresh air. Seemed fun, flirtatious, attractive (even had a tattoo on her forearm of the Triforce of all things). She had issues, sure. Depression? Check. Cycles of being distant then apologetic for being distant then times of pure bliss then lather, rinse, repeat? Check.
Sound a little familiar? Hope so.
Anyway, I didn't heed any of the warning signals. None of the boom-bust cycles were concerning to me because I was in love and fuck you if you were going to convince me otherwise. Was she perfect? No. But she was out of my league (so I had thought at the time) and this was far better than I could ever do otherwise. So I stayed. Except it wasn't 18 months. It was 6 years. And a ring (actually 2, as the first one was "stolen" 2 weeks before the wedding-- long story).
So my Susan also had her own problems like I mentioned above. The ring on her finger doesn't change the thoughts in her head. Depression is still a thing. Can't just wish it away. In comes "Bill"-- just a friend she met through some other hobbies she had, hobbies I encouraged because hey, that's the right thing to do (and it is.) Bill was just a friend was the popular refrain-- there was no attraction, hell, he was even engaged...and 9 years younger (I'm 31 at this point, she's 29, he's 20). The worse the depression became, the more I encouraged her to get help. The more I encouraged, the more Bill seemed to enter the picture to "just get her mind on something else". Starts staying out until all hours of the night, we barely talk, you get it. You know what's happening.
I think you know how this story ends. I'll keep going anyway.
The next 6 months are pure hell. I'm miserable but determined to hang on because I made that commitment. We weren't just dating. We were married and dammit, I wasn't going to be a statistic.
On the day before our anniversary, I had enough and told her to leave. My mind is all over the place-- she was supposedly the one for me, I could never do better, what happens in a divorce, etc etc etc.
The next day I felt like a million bucks. Honestly. Chalked it up to just my mind's way of dealing with the stress. A month goes by, same thing. 3 months go by, still feeling the same. 6 months go by and I start thinking "Shit. Maybe I was more miserable than I had thought". Sobering. Soon after, we divorced. Cost me a small fortune between filing fees, moving expenses (as I was done with the apartment we lived in), etc. Was 110% worth it. Every. Last. Penny.
So what's the moral of the (extremely long-winded) story? You got out and got out before it had the chance to be worse. As much as it sucks now, tomorrow is going to feel better. The day after will feel even better than that. There's every chance that someone else will make you fall harder and deeper and that might not work either. The thing is though, you'll make yourself better for it. Life is always moving forward. There's always a new challenge. Nothing is ever as good as it gets. Don't ever settle.
Nobody ever pulled me aside the entire time to voice their concerns. I didn't have GAF for advice. You're already ahead of the game and you'll stay ahead of it.
(Quick postscript-- after the divorce was final, tried dating an old co-worker from when I was 19. Hilariously bad but educational. Dated a Disney freak, unbeknownst to me at the time, who asked me to donate to a sperm bank after I knew her for a week...in case things didn't work out between us. I didn't and it didn't. Now with someone seemingly...normal, but taking nothing for granted and just enjoying the ride)
From what it sounds like, you're in college or thereabouts so I'm guessing you're somewhere in your early 20s-- as you said, not your first relationship, but maybe the thoughts of longer-term were starting to creep in a bit. You're not thinking you're playing 100% for keeps, but hey, you're getting a little older, starting to establish yourself, probably looking at friends and classmates who have supposedly found "the one" and started looking at "Susan" through that lens. It's ok. It's happened to a lot of us. Myself included.
I had met my Susan at 24 through work. Was in a long-term relationship that was going nowhere and here comes this total breath of fresh air. Seemed fun, flirtatious, attractive (even had a tattoo on her forearm of the Triforce of all things). She had issues, sure. Depression? Check. Cycles of being distant then apologetic for being distant then times of pure bliss then lather, rinse, repeat? Check.
Sound a little familiar? Hope so.
Anyway, I didn't heed any of the warning signals. None of the boom-bust cycles were concerning to me because I was in love and fuck you if you were going to convince me otherwise. Was she perfect? No. But she was out of my league (so I had thought at the time) and this was far better than I could ever do otherwise. So I stayed. Except it wasn't 18 months. It was 6 years. And a ring (actually 2, as the first one was "stolen" 2 weeks before the wedding-- long story).
So my Susan also had her own problems like I mentioned above. The ring on her finger doesn't change the thoughts in her head. Depression is still a thing. Can't just wish it away. In comes "Bill"-- just a friend she met through some other hobbies she had, hobbies I encouraged because hey, that's the right thing to do (and it is.) Bill was just a friend was the popular refrain-- there was no attraction, hell, he was even engaged...and 9 years younger (I'm 31 at this point, she's 29, he's 20). The worse the depression became, the more I encouraged her to get help. The more I encouraged, the more Bill seemed to enter the picture to "just get her mind on something else". Starts staying out until all hours of the night, we barely talk, you get it. You know what's happening.
I think you know how this story ends. I'll keep going anyway.
The next 6 months are pure hell. I'm miserable but determined to hang on because I made that commitment. We weren't just dating. We were married and dammit, I wasn't going to be a statistic.
On the day before our anniversary, I had enough and told her to leave. My mind is all over the place-- she was supposedly the one for me, I could never do better, what happens in a divorce, etc etc etc.
The next day I felt like a million bucks. Honestly. Chalked it up to just my mind's way of dealing with the stress. A month goes by, same thing. 3 months go by, still feeling the same. 6 months go by and I start thinking "Shit. Maybe I was more miserable than I had thought". Sobering. Soon after, we divorced. Cost me a small fortune between filing fees, moving expenses (as I was done with the apartment we lived in), etc. Was 110% worth it. Every. Last. Penny.
So what's the moral of the (extremely long-winded) story? You got out and got out before it had the chance to be worse. As much as it sucks now, tomorrow is going to feel better. The day after will feel even better than that. There's every chance that someone else will make you fall harder and deeper and that might not work either. The thing is though, you'll make yourself better for it. Life is always moving forward. There's always a new challenge. Nothing is ever as good as it gets. Don't ever settle.
Nobody ever pulled me aside the entire time to voice their concerns. I didn't have GAF for advice. You're already ahead of the game and you'll stay ahead of it.
(Quick postscript-- after the divorce was final, tried dating an old co-worker from when I was 19. Hilariously bad but educational. Dated a Disney freak, unbeknownst to me at the time, who asked me to donate to a sperm bank after I knew her for a week...in case things didn't work out between us. I didn't and it didn't. Now with someone seemingly...normal, but taking nothing for granted and just enjoying the ride)
LaunchpadMcQ
Banned
It seems to me that she's pretty cognizant of what she's been doing to you. I think you handled this situation really well, but it's definitely time to move on. No more dilly-dallying on her and her self-destructiveness. I know you were probably still worked up on what was going on that night, but getting Oklahoma's info would have been a good thing; I know it seems like a bit fast, but I think your relationship has been emotionally dead for a long while now, at least from Susan's side of things. Best case scenario, it would have given you something to focus on and not dwell on how much time you've spent on Susan.
It's never happened to me, but I've been a third-party to a similar situation in the past. I was friends with the couple, and the guy the girl was cheating with. It sucked seeing it go down, but I think because of me telling the girl to quit the bullshit and breakup with her boyfriend, she actually did it and things ended a lot sooner than they would have otherwise. She was keeping her boyfriend away from the other group of friends and rarely spending any time with him. I don't know all the specifics, since I was still a third party, but since she was very good friends with me and talked to me a lot, I knew what I needed to to know this kind of thing isn't right.
Anyway, I can only hope you find the strength to move on OP. It's the best thing for you, but take the time you need to officially "grieve". Just don't dwell too much, there's nothing here that's your fault.
Also, goddammit, I'm so sorry about your dog.
Rough story man, I'm really sorry to hear that but really happy that you were able to move on successfully.
Freedom = $1.05
Banned
judging from the length of the OP, you are overthinking this. If she's giving you shit, walk away. If she's going to make you that crazy then you might as well be alone or looking for someone who doesn't do that to you because i can assure you there's someone out there who isn't that much of a hassle.
Ron Mexico
Member
Not to derail the topic, but I'm not sorry it happened and neither should the OP. Where we are now is the culmination of the experiences that brought us here. OP dodged a bullet by ending it now instead of letting it fester. Sure I married my Susan, but I dodged a bullet by not having children, walking out with my retirement in tact, etc and I'm happier now than I ever have been. Maybe I don't appreciate the present without acknowledging the past. Hopefully, he'll look back the same way.
Bottom line is there's always positives to be had. Guess I just want the OP to see the forest through the trees.
kamineko
Does his best thinking in the flying car
"No you won't." Good job, TC. Time to follow through. I mean sex is sex but relationship-wise you want women who are good to you and good for you.
Being the side dude isn't always a bad gig, depending on what your priorities are, but you clearly aren't about that. If you do have sex with her again (which you totally should not), might as well try something really nasty you've always wanted to try but haven't. Because who cares. She isn't worth your time or emotional capital.
& damn, so sorry about the dog.
Being the side dude isn't always a bad gig, depending on what your priorities are, but you clearly aren't about that. If you do have sex with her again (which you totally should not), might as well try something really nasty you've always wanted to try but haven't. Because who cares. She isn't worth your time or emotional capital.
& damn, so sorry about the dog.
evilromero
Member
I feel like we glossed over an important detail here. The OP used the dog as an emotional crutch. A band aid to serve his fragile ego. And the circumstances that lead to his death? The OP being out with someone who doesn't respect nor care to spend time with him unless it satisfies her shattered emotional state. The dog was neglected. It's not an object that we bring to our home to make us feel better or use for some selfish reason. Really, the OP was no better than the girl in this case. Just callously seeking emotional fulfillment while neglecting someone else in the process.
I mourn for your dog.
I mourn for your dog.
LaunchpadMcQ
Banned
I didn't mean I was sorry it happened, just sorry it had to happen like that. I firmly believe in what you're saying, that everything that happens you can learn from and move on. I, for one, have learned so much from my failed relationships and I don't regret any of it. Trust me, they were nowhere near as dramatic or destructive as they could have been, but I still think there was plenty for me to take away from them. But, like you said, the OP had this experience in a much shorter period of time; he was very fortunate in that respect.
I've actually made what are probably much more sizable mistakes when it comes to my career, and yet I ended up being very successful in spite or even because of them. So, I agree with your perspective and didn't mean to offend you or anything.
Yes to all this. This truth!
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
Where did he day he neglected the dog?
Seriously amazing advice
GHG
Member
Jumping to conclusions no...?
Yeah what is that even about? You ruined her night? You mean the night where she invited the guy that is supposed to be her bf to hangout with her friends, where she was sitting on the lap of another guy, refers to you and him as "her guys" and then ends up crying?
You have sympathy with this girl where the should be none. She's got your mind so twisted you seem to care more about her feelings than your own. I worry that with you even feeling this way right now, it indicates you're not quite ready to let her go.
Here's what it seems like to me. Bill is stringing her along just the same way she is stringing you long. She is waiting for a commitment from him in the same way that you are waiting one from her.
It sucks being alone man, it does. But there are a lot of girls out there. Besides that, being alone is far better than losing your self-respect and your own peace of mind because it really seems like this girl has done a number on your emotions.
Ron Mexico
Member
None taken whatsoever but you bring up a good point. Whether it's personal or professional or otherwise, we make ourselves better from the experience.
Damn, that girl has cajones or is really freaking confused. Inviting all the guys you are playing to the same event as an ego boost is cocky on the borderline of insanity.
She wants all of you, basically, and you forcing her to choose is something she did not expect and was not prepared for. Good on you for going; and getting what appears to be closure. It sounds like she doesn't know what she wants / she wants it all - and got busted for trying to have it all at the expense of others.
She wants all of you, basically, and you forcing her to choose is something she did not expect and was not prepared for. Good on you for going; and getting what appears to be closure. It sounds like she doesn't know what she wants / she wants it all - and got busted for trying to have it all at the expense of others.
Alpha Centauri
Member
Good stuff OP. So proud.
Good move by the way with seeing how she would react when you go in for a kiss in public. It's a tell-tale sign of how she truly perceives you. Take notes murky/undefinedrelationshipGAF
You'll be alright, and you did the right thing for your mental health. Someone that puts you in a roller-coaster of emotion day in and day out isn't someone you should be with.
Good move by the way with seeing how she would react when you go in for a kiss in public. It's a tell-tale sign of how she truly perceives you. Take notes murky/undefinedrelationshipGAF
You'll be alright, and you did the right thing for your mental health. Someone that puts you in a roller-coaster of emotion day in and day out isn't someone you should be with.
100% agreed. It's an easy way to tell if your relationship is improving -- or if it's spiraling downhill.
Really sorry to hear about your dog OP. Just remember to stick to your word and cut off all contact. Based on your posts, she seems highly toxic especially with how she had been acting over the last several months and her lack of honesty with you and her relationship with Bill.
Stay strong OP.
Stay strong OP.
It's done man, you have closure. Time to move on. If she tries to get back in your good graces, shut that down. If she acts flirty, shut it down. If she tries to sleep with you, shut it down. In fact, just don't give her the opportunity to communicate with you.
There's a chance she'll be nervous about you ignoring her and try and get you back into her, hopefully not, buye maybe. Don't let her.
She said one thing to you that immediately jumped out to me as the reddest flag I've ever seen in my entire life.
What do you think that says about her? That she was afraid of that happening again. She knows she's not being a good person. She knows that you are a good person, and she knows that given the chance, even her close friends would drop her because of it. They've done it before, and they'll do it again.
That dance was good closure. You know now that you can get dances with other girls, nice girls from Oklahoma even. You don't need this one, so don't let her have you back.
There's a chance she'll be nervous about you ignoring her and try and get you back into her, hopefully not, buye maybe. Don't let her.
She said one thing to you that immediately jumped out to me as the reddest flag I've ever seen in my entire life.
What do you think that says about her? That she was afraid of that happening again. She knows she's not being a good person. She knows that you are a good person, and she knows that given the chance, even her close friends would drop her because of it. They've done it before, and they'll do it again.
That dance was good closure. You know now that you can get dances with other girls, nice girls from Oklahoma even. You don't need this one, so don't let her have you back.
SnakeSlashRO
Banned
I need help guys...
Tl;Dr (still long
-Met girL over a year ago
-Things are for the most part good. We fall in love with each other
-Meets this guy around November
-Originally no problem, but they start hanging out more and more
-She has mental breakdown, returns with a plan. Feels like Im not a part of it but she still wants me around.
-Things change, its hard to see her or even talk to her. Shes spending more and more time with him and friends she met through him. Shes never lets me meet them, even after months of asking.
- Confront her about, says nothing is going on. No real proof but still so suspicious
- We keep trying to go out, but jealousy is really tough. It seems like shes fallen for the guy but denies it multiple times. We have a really deep heart to heart, and its hard not believe her.
- Pretty much break up, except she kisses me right before she leaves. Took it as a goodbye. Im devastated; went home brought family dog with me to keep me company.
- Dog jumps out of my window for no reason, breaks back and dies.
- Even more of mess, go to her for help. She helps. Week passes, shes at my house and we end up all over each other. Another week passes, at my house again and we sleep together.
- two week pass, shes talking to me more but its not a lot.
- Call her and unload everything that Ive been feeling. She feels bad. Tells me she feels terrible for how shes been acting.
- Decide to give her one final attempt to prove that she cares. Tell her to skip her weekly swing dance, a thing that shes been doing for months and has refused to ever let me go. She ends up inviting me instead, and lets me meet her friends including the guy that Ive had so many suspicions about. This will be the first time Ive ever meet him. Its been months.
Gaf, wtf is going on?
Leave that girl alone, for her and your own sanity. You sound beyond whipped, and you are second best and you know it. Go be something greater, and forget her, this happens to everyone (yes everyone) at one point in their lives, just don't let it happen again.
Human women for the most part choose who they want to be with, if there is another guy then she obviously has made a change in her decision.
PlayALLtheGames
Banned
You are not this chick's boyfriend, I think that much is clear. So, you can either continue trying to be her friend or you can cut off contact, but don't hold on to some false hope that you guys will get together.
Also, I'm still really confused at this dancing thing. What the hell is it? Loving the fictional names, by the way. Susan, Bill, Jack, Oklahoma; quite a cast.
Also, I'm still really confused at this dancing thing. What the hell is it? Loving the fictional names, by the way. Susan, Bill, Jack, Oklahoma; quite a cast.
InfiniteBento
Member
End it as cut & dry as possible. Block, delete, erase everything.
You need to move forward and stop holding onto something broken beyond repair.
There is someone out there who will give you 100% all the time. Do not settle for less. Do not settle for a relationship where you must ask or beg for love and attention. Move forward and learn from this rather than lingering and hindering your own personal growth.
Also, RIP dog
You need to move forward and stop holding onto something broken beyond repair.
There is someone out there who will give you 100% all the time. Do not settle for less. Do not settle for a relationship where you must ask or beg for love and attention. Move forward and learn from this rather than lingering and hindering your own personal growth.
Also, RIP dog
FaintDeftone
Junior Member
The whole time I'm reading this dancing story, I'm picturing a bunch of Greasers and a bunch of girls in poodle skirts at a skating rink-like place. This sounds like an episode out of Happy Days.
Anyway, good for you cutting her off dude. She sounds like a mess. The fact that she showed no affection towards you in front of these people pretty much confirmed that she doesn't want anyone to know you both are dating. Moving on and cutting her loose is the best thing you can do.
Anyway, good for you cutting her off dude. She sounds like a mess. The fact that she showed no affection towards you in front of these people pretty much confirmed that she doesn't want anyone to know you both are dating. Moving on and cutting her loose is the best thing you can do.
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
Poor dog.
That girl is something else.
That girl is something else.
...as opposed to other kinds of women? I'm not even sure what this sentence means. Don't all men and women choose who they want to be with?
Also, OP, your situation sounds incredibly similar to one of mine. Hardest thing I've ever done was breaking up with her while I still loved her, but it was absolutely, 100% the correct action. Be prepared to fully mourn the relationship you've lost and don't give into the impulse to contact her. Reach out to those you love for help in this difficult time. Treat this break-up like a death, because it is one in a sense; the death of all possibility and love between you and "Susan."
Thanks, so far today I've been feeling pretty alright. I feel like I took control of the situation at that moment and stopped giving her power of me. I can actually eat today.
It did feel really good to say. in that moment I felt like all my walls fell and I finally took control over my life. It's was so quick and sudden too, it's not something I thought I could do.
Keep in mind that someone manipulative like she appears to be may be attracted to your newly formed back bone. She might reach out to you, make promises, etc. just like she has in the past.
Common scenario is: manipulative jerk uses their significant other... S/O eventually breaks it off.. manipulative jerk begs to be taken back, because they subconsciously can't stand to be broken up with... then they will end it with their S/O so that they can be the one to break it off and feel empowered.
Lmao, holy shit.
I had gypsy with me for a total of five days before she died. we had her for about 4 years though at my parents house. I'm sorry if you think that I shouldn't have brought her, but I was really hurting and alone and I needed my fluffy puppy to make me feel better. And she was helping, I was feeling better having her around. The day she fell I was out with my friends who had visited me from out of town. We went out for a drink and I honestly didn't think anything of it. at the time I needed my friends too. I didn't neglect her, she was making me happy and I know she was happy living with me.
Sho_Nuff82
Member
Yeah, rereading the OP it's kind of bizarre that she was so concerned about her friends baling on her. On the surface, it's just because she's hiding something from you, on a deeper level it means that she's done this before and been excluded from groups for treating people like shit. I've seen this a few times, people get ostracized when everyone in the group knows you're a cheater. The fact that it never occurred to her to not cheat (instead of keeping her friend groups apart) is kind of sad.
If you break up once you should never get back together. That's just my rule but it's served me well.
Also when the duck does slow dancing happen in the real world outside of weddings?
Also both of you sound like drama bombs please take time to look inside yourselves before you go on to ruin others people's lives.
Also when the duck does slow dancing happen in the real world outside of weddings?
Also both of you sound like drama bombs please take time to look inside yourselves before you go on to ruin others people's lives.
Lionheart1827
Member
Good work OP. Now you can begin the rebuilding process. Dont try to get back with her even if she comes running back. There are so many other better girls that wont pull this BS with you and you deserve way better. Give some time to yourself, stay single and try to enjoy all of the extra free time you have. Perhaps, get a new doggie
Whatever you do, take it slow and try to enjoy and not fret over her BS because its not worth it. You'll find somebody else eventually. Good luck!
Haha, yeah.. trying to understand the culture of these people.. mansion swing dancing parties every week?
Straight out of The Great Gatsby or something.
this place sometimes hahaha
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