Relationship venting thread...help me GAF.
- Thread starter Terra
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It's not disrespectful. It's thinking the fucking obvious lol
EstoyBlackWaldo
Member
No conclusions being leapt to except common sense. I don't think its about even being comfortable with it or not, its BP, basic principle bruh, you gone let your SO really snuggle up with another dude? Really? Right. If anything its a lack of respect on her part, but she might not even consider them to be in a relationship, and all of this don't matter if they're just casually dating, which is what a one month relationship is.
He doesn't know! That's the entire point of my argument! If OP's been "living" with her as much as he says--why wouldn't he know this already? Specifically the sharing apartments bit (unless it's a language barrier and he's calling the hotel room an apartment).
Sho_Nuff82
Member
You're in love with a girl you've barely known for a month who's still getting out of a sugar daddy situation with another guy. Is she even aware that you define your relationship as bf/gf?
Pump the brakes a bit and ease yourself in. Sometimes have people have baggage when they start up a new relationship, so it's not like it's impossible to get past this. But you have to be sure going forward that she's not still projecting *single* to the men in her life, and that you're not being taken for a ride.
If she's the kind of person who's accustomed to these kinds of trips and you can't provide it, she's either going to keep taking them with someone else, or there will be friction and resentment. Figure that shit out.
Yeah if the timeline is correct this guy made plans before the OP started hooking up with his lady friend. How is he at fault? He might genuinely be just a platonic friend, or even gay.
I don't believe that for a second, but there's a chance.
There is a vocal segment of GAF who think that any doubt in your partner's fidelity is a sign of immaturity, which is absolutely bananas considering how often cheating occurs in the real world.
Pump the brakes a bit and ease yourself in. Sometimes have people have baggage when they start up a new relationship, so it's not like it's impossible to get past this. But you have to be sure going forward that she's not still projecting *single* to the men in her life, and that you're not being taken for a ride.
If she's the kind of person who's accustomed to these kinds of trips and you can't provide it, she's either going to keep taking them with someone else, or there will be friction and resentment. Figure that shit out.
E92 M3 said:
Yeah if the timeline is correct this guy made plans before the OP started hooking up with his lady friend. How is he at fault? He might genuinely be just a platonic friend, or even gay.
I don't believe that for a second, but there's a chance.
There is a vocal segment of GAF who think that any doubt in your partner's fidelity is a sign of immaturity, which is absolutely bananas considering how often cheating occurs in the real world.
Nah, it's the whole thing, potentially sharing a bed is just part.
What is disrespectful about platonically sharing a bed with someone ? I've done it plenty of times on vacations, or when friends visit me, nothing has ever happened and I didn't always know them for as long as 5 years lol.
Either there's a huge gap in cultures here or gaffers just sound incredibly insecure.
J
Jpop
Unconfirmed Member
The OP doesn't know if they are sharing a bed, he is ASSUMING that they are.
Frankly OP comes off as childish and insecure.
Still waiting on you to clarify why you assume they are sharing the same bed on vacation.
Days like these...
Have a Blessed Day
I think we might have some cucks in here secretly playing devil's advocate. I refuse to believe people can be that naive.
Yoshichan
And they made him a Lord of Cinder. Not for virtue, but for might. Such is a lord, I suppose. But here I ask. Do we have a sodding chance?
Oh my god
mhayes86
Member
You two have only been together for a month. It's nice that you're hitting it off well, but you're far from having a serious relationship. Having her cancel plans made in advance with a friend before you both met would be a bit of a dick move on her part.
What makes this guy shady to you? Some people will spoil others for friendship, or to try and get the other romantically involved. When my (now) fiancee and I met eight years ago, she had a guy friend who would invite her out to concerts and pay for her. She wasn't attracted to him and only accepted because she didn't want to disappoint him since he was a friend. After a few months of the two of us together, he eventually fell out of the picture.
Do platonic friends actually do this? See my above response, but this is a bit much. What makes you think that they share a bed? Two separate rooms would be more expensive, so I can understand sharing the room.
Sho_Nuff82
Member
I'd say the biggest sign of OP's immaturity is that he's in projecting love onto someone he barely knows anything about, and that he's unable to discuss this friendship honestly with her without breaking down and crying (which is a form of emotional manipulation).
The relationship is far too new and there are too many question marks for him to this emotionally invested, he has absolutely no idea about the nature of their relationship.
That being said, if I was in a long-term relationship, I would be uneasy about a male friend that I hadn't even been introduced to frequently inviting my gf or spouse for one on one getaways. That's not something that couples really do when you're not dealing with mutual friends.
The word respect being thrown around is just making this all weird.
OP clearly does not have enough knowledge or information to know whats true or just a delusion in his mind.
Either way, it's not disrespectful if the OP feels jelaous and insecure. The same way it wouldn't be disrespectful if she was platonically sharing a bed so long as her 'boyfriend' knew about it.
TheContact
Member
1) existing friend; don't be so worried. If she was involved with him they would be together
2) you've been dating her for a VERY short amount of time to be this invested in her
3) girls are capable of sharing beds with guys but I wouldn't be ok with this part. If they slept in separate beds it would be less of a deal, but if they wanted to sleep with each other, separate beds aren't going to stop that
If I were you, I wouldn't worry about it. You haven't been together long enough to build that trust, but on the same token: you haven't been together long enough. If she cheats, who cares, move onto the next. It's not like you have kids with her or something
Having said that, if I was a guy and was spending a ton of money on a female friend on vacation, you'd better believe I'd try to hit that unless I looked at her platonically. I've seen friendships like this where the guy hangs out with an attractive female but it's platonic because he sees her as a sister-type of relationship. That's super uncommon though. I only wouldn't worry because you're about a month deep into the relationship. It would be a lot worse if you were years committed
2) you've been dating her for a VERY short amount of time to be this invested in her
3) girls are capable of sharing beds with guys but I wouldn't be ok with this part. If they slept in separate beds it would be less of a deal, but if they wanted to sleep with each other, separate beds aren't going to stop that
If I were you, I wouldn't worry about it. You haven't been together long enough to build that trust, but on the same token: you haven't been together long enough. If she cheats, who cares, move onto the next. It's not like you have kids with her or something
Having said that, if I was a guy and was spending a ton of money on a female friend on vacation, you'd better believe I'd try to hit that unless I looked at her platonically. I've seen friendships like this where the guy hangs out with an attractive female but it's platonic because he sees her as a sister-type of relationship. That's super uncommon though. I only wouldn't worry because you're about a month deep into the relationship. It would be a lot worse if you were years committed
Y'know, maybe that's it. It feels like there's a huge gap in cultural expectation at this point. I'd not get all insecure or upset if my girlfriend went on a vacation with a dude she's known for vastly longer than she's known me. I can totally understand if people wouldn't be cool with the sharing a bed part, and I'd not judge someone for not appreciating that. Yet, again, it's an assumption.
I don't assume they're sleepin' together if I've been assured otherwise just because they're going on a vacation that was planned long before I knew the girl.
Well, no. It is disrespectful to leap to conclusions that have no basis on reality. Unless you have evidence to prove otherwise, you're disrespecting someone for assuming the worst of them. Again, maybe a cultural thing. I'd be pretty upset if someone immediately thought I was doing something I wasn't because of their own insecurity. Projecting your insecurities onto someone else is disrespectful as far as I'm concerned. You can have them but sometimes you should swallow them and recognize it for what it is. Talking about it is the respectful thing to do.
Slight correction.
EDIT: that is the assumption we and the OP are collectively making. I understand its an assumption, but thats why it would be disrespectful.
Must be culture. Us dumb Americans can get weird when our girlfriends sleep with other men for two weeks in a romantic setting while in various states of intoxication. We also clap after being cuckolded.
J
Jpop
Unconfirmed Member
They aren't in a long-term relationship, if they are even in one though. Plus he even said that the vacation had been planned before he even met her.
I know I wouldn't cancel a vacation I had planned with a friend because some girl I had been dating for a month was jealous.
In fact I'd be second guessing that month long fling pretty quick at the moment.
I mean, I literally don't plan romantic getaways with my female friends. Either more people come along, or she's someone I'm sleeping with.
Non-sexual friendships of the opposite sex between two heterosexual people don't result in romantic vacations where one person pays for everything. Guys, this does not pass the "straight face" test.
I'm a guy who has a girl that travels without me all the time (literally multiple times per month) and totally trust her. I'm completely secure in my relationship and trust her 100%. She goes to music festivals where guys are assuredly hitting on her and trying to get with her and I do not break a sweat or bat an eyelid.
But OP's situation something that would totally cause me not to get involved. Dude, I'm saying this for your own good (I swear), you are setting yourself up for a disaster here. And if you feel insecure, there's likely a good reason for it. You have to trust yourself to a degree and listen to your gut sometimes.
Don't get involved with her. You're not in love bro. You're infatuated and not seeing things clearly at all.
Her letting the guy pay for her is the biggest red flag of all.
Non-sexual friendships of the opposite sex between two heterosexual people don't result in romantic vacations where one person pays for everything. Guys, this does not pass the "straight face" test.
I'm a guy who has a girl that travels without me all the time (literally multiple times per month) and totally trust her. I'm completely secure in my relationship and trust her 100%. She goes to music festivals where guys are assuredly hitting on her and trying to get with her and I do not break a sweat or bat an eyelid.
But OP's situation something that would totally cause me not to get involved. Dude, I'm saying this for your own good (I swear), you are setting yourself up for a disaster here. And if you feel insecure, there's likely a good reason for it. You have to trust yourself to a degree and listen to your gut sometimes.
Don't get involved with her. You're not in love bro. You're infatuated and not seeing things clearly at all.
Her letting the guy pay for her is the biggest red flag of all.
Alligatorjandro
Banned
I don't think I'd approve of that
Thank you. I get that some people are okay with it. But pretending its normal is disingenuous.
J
Jpop
Unconfirmed Member
Going on trips with friends is completely normal even if they are the opposite sex.
Lasthope106
Member
I personally wouldn't be okay with what she did OP. And at the point I am in my life right now, that would be enough for me to end things. Going on a trip, sure, go have a trip. Going with a male friend, ermmmm, okay I guess, but I'm going to feel uncomfortable. Sleeping in the same bed, nice knowing ya.
It's only been a month. She most likely doesn't see the relationship as serious at this point, and she doesn't sound as much in love with you as you sound with her. If she did she would have never left in the first place and would have cancelled. I mean her friend is rich right? What's an unused trip to him?
Also, why didn't she introduce you to the guy? If I was the other guy, and a friend of mine was coming after just getting into a relationship, I would want to meet the guy, and reassure him that things will be okay. Isn't that common decency.
It's only been a month. She most likely doesn't see the relationship as serious at this point, and she doesn't sound as much in love with you as you sound with her. If she did she would have never left in the first place and would have cancelled. I mean her friend is rich right? What's an unused trip to him?
Also, why didn't she introduce you to the guy? If I was the other guy, and a friend of mine was coming after just getting into a relationship, I would want to meet the guy, and reassure him that things will be okay. Isn't that common decency.
I agree. But let me be clear:
I approve of her going on this trip.
I even approve of OP dating her.
I do NOT approve of OP getting emotionally attached and saying he loves her. That is WRONG WRONG WRONG in this situation.
OP you are casually dating this person and should NOT be emotionally attached to her yet given the circumstances. THIS is where you've gone wrong.
It's been a month and she's not totally on board like you are.
I've shared beds with girls too. I can understand being upset if you were not told so. Calling her a "significant other" after one month of dating is a bit too much though. No matter how much "in love" OP is.
Why are you being agressive ? I never called anyone dumb. I'm also not clear on what makes it a particularly romantic setting, but apparently me and a friend getting drunk and crashing in the same bed falls under your definition of "romance".
I was in a similar situation before except I was the one that was traveling. I had a trip planned to Thailand with a lesbian friend of mine a good month before I met the now mother of my children. The thing was that I had developed feelings for my friend that I had the trip planned with and we both had hinted at possibly hooking up on the trip. I met the mother of my children a few weeks before my Thailand trip was to happen. I fell for her pretty quickly and when my Thailand trip was almost here, I bailed out on the trip.
Sorry OP, I think if your girl really cared she would have canceled her trip with the other guy. Truth is this guy she is on a trip with right now has been around her for years, while you only have been around her for a month.
Sorry OP, I think if your girl really cared she would have canceled her trip with the other guy. Truth is this guy she is on a trip with right now has been around her for years, while you only have been around her for a month.
Totally fair! I'm not really convinced from my little bit of information that this an exclusive relationship. Flings happen, and you enjoy them while they last.
Agreed. OP if she "loved" you, she wouldn't let another guy pay for a romantic trip with her even if he planned it in advance. She's just not that into you... at least not yet.
You are definitely not in love man.
LegendofDragoonLives
Member
One thing I'm curious about OP's love. Famo, have you had sex and how great was it?
TheSpoiler
Member
I don't fully agree with OP's fears, but taking someone on a one v. one getaway trip generally is used for more than thoughts of friendship.
Not saying she's a bad person for going, or that she's a shitty girlfriend, but there is a 85 percent change that dude is trying to slam more than once.
But we need more info from the OP.
Not saying she's a bad person for going, or that she's a shitty girlfriend, but there is a 85 percent change that dude is trying to slam more than once.
But we need more info from the OP.
FeenixRising
Banned
She getting her back blown out as we speak.
J
Jpop
Unconfirmed Member
Girls and guys can be platonic friends also the OP is ASSUMING they were sharing a bed.
Also if you need a friend of someone you're dating to assure you that the person you're dating isn't fucking their friends. Well then maybe you need to figure out some insecurity issues before you date because that is pathetic.
If you've only been dating for a month, and this girl is going out with another guy, you're still just dating. You've just decided to go exclusive while she has not.
It'd be a different matter if you had a long term relationship and you'd established trust. Anyone saying otherwise is leading you astray.
It'd be a different matter if you had a long term relationship and you'd established trust. Anyone saying otherwise is leading you astray.
I'll be back to read the full thread soon. Just wanted to chime in that I had an almost similar situation when I started dating a particular girl. They went to Vegas a few weeks after I met her, even shared a bed. He was gay though, so to be honest it didn't bother me that much. A straight (I'm assuming) dude would be a different story.
Lasthope106
Member
You telling me how I should be behaving when I date is pathetic.
It is my opinion. At least I'm not insulting anyone here.
Lactose_Intolerant
Member
If the dude is that rich, he can afford 2 beds
JimJamJones
Member
Can you forward this to the other guy for me?
Because they're fucking, and you should probably bail.
Because they're fucking, and you should probably bail.
Adam_Roman
Member
Since you seem to want to make this work, ask her. Don't just sit there and worry if she's sleeping in the same bed as some other dude.
My personal suggestion?
j0hnnix
Member
You are missing the main points of what the OP mentioned.. This is not some Cumbaya get together like going to a camp.
While I am going to be nice and say yes its possible opposite sex can be friends but the specifics that OP mentioned might be otherwise.. and we can go back and forth of saying its disrespectful in all levels for her - she is not respecting his feelings.. You know feelings mean something to people. The other point is its the same bed - not accidental like oh man i only have one bed is that OK situation.. it was pre-planned. I have been in many situations where i have decided to sleep on a sofa than sleep with my opposite sex friend in the same bed while i was dating with someone else. Also, this does not have to be an issue with others insecurities, its the respect that matters and people here are trying to explain that but it seems like its not filtering for some.
Most beta males will sit back and take it but others will not deal with it.
Ninja Scooter
Member
ITT: OP discovers he's actually the side piece.
ebullientprism
Member
Holy shit. Bail OP.
You don't stay rich by spending that money needlessly. That dude is being smart and efficient.
Though honestly OP if you cannot trust your girlfriend, you should do yourself a favor and end it.
IonicSnake
Banned
Ride it out, if nothing happens and she stays with you then you'll know what you mean to her. If not... well time to hit the gym.
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