Weren't you the one telling me SD cards are simple and any issues I have with them can just be chalked up to me being dumb? Seriously, fuck sd cards. They're not enjoyable to use and an overall pain. I consider myself tech savvy and I would just rather not deal with these asshole cards.
I wasn't. I never said SD cards were simple and I never said anyone who didn't like them was dumb. Someone else probably said that though, but it wasn't me. I don't particularly love or hate SD cards but since manufacturers refuse to give us decently sized storage (outside of Apple overcharging for 64 GB iDevices), there aren't any other options for people who still want to carry large amounts of media with them. So I strongly prefer the option to have them as opposed to being stuck with 16 GB of pitifully small non-expandable storage like in the Nexus 4 or the DROID DNA. Nobody said you have to use the SD card slot in your device if you don't want to, but I like having the option there, because I'll use it.
The problem I had wasn't even a problem with the SD technology. It was with exFAT, a proprietary Microsoft file system which they have purposely developed as a closed-source, patent-encumbered design so people have to pay licensing fees to use it. That's why Android doesn't support exFAT by default, it's something Samsung added to their own kernels. Which would be fine, except it seems that exFAT uses the NTFS boot sector and devices don't know what the fuck to do with that since NTFS is also a proprietary file system. It would be nice if the device that didn't understand exFAT didn't shit all over the boot sector while trying to read it and failing, but oh well. I tried a bunch of PC data recovery software tools and they all thought I had an NTFS partition on the thing and then shit themselves when they couldn't read it, because it wasn't fucking NTFS! There has to be something better than FAT32 for large flash memory media, but since only Windows can read NTFS that's not an option. Too bad, because NTFS works great for everything from mechanical hard drives to SSDs. But exFAT certainly isn't better than FAT32 when it counts. I won't be using exFAT anymore, Microsoft can go suck it.
Hope you got your data recovered.
adb pull successfully pulled all the data off my SD card while I took a shower. Then I pulled the SD card out of the phone, stuck it back in my PC, and finally accepted Windows's request to format it. This time I decided to use FAT32, that means no >4 GB file support but it also means I don't have to go through this Nightmare Before Christmas ever again if I do explode the file system down the road. Then I copied all the data pulled from my SD card back to the SD card. I finished this process around 11:55 pm. You could say I literally saved Christmas for myself with just 5 minutes to spare. All's well that ends well and a valuable lesson learned about inserting my SD cards deeply into strange foreign devices. My SD cards get strange diseases when I insert them into devices they just met.