Hey look it's almost a double update, this place is deader than Maria's cold carcass, I bet everyone is off playing pokemon or something, it's not faaaiiiir!
*Cue scrolling text and
music*
Hi, Im Nocturne the Owl but everybody calls me Nocturnowl! Suck it Tails, I can have puns as well.
Im nearing the end of my dark story run but first Ill have to get past Mad Space!
Can my exceptional treasure hunting skills grab me an A rank or will the awful stage design hinder my dreams?
*end scrolling and cut my music*
Mad Space
When looking at the ARK computer Sonic and chums turned up on the security feed so Rouge goes to deal with them as per Eggmans request, and by deal with them she buggers off to find Knuckles who she knows for a fact has spilled the master emerald into the cosmos, maybe she was looking out the window during Knuckles terrorism attempt, actually Im pretty sure she was on the terminal so
.
ANYWAY, Mad Space is shit, its the most confusing of all treasure hunt stages and requires use of rockets to reach various planetoids, these planets tend to have a gravity of their own but the feature is left in an incomplete state meaning in controls like arse and you cant run on planet undersides, nothing unique is really done with this idea, it just makes the camera flip out, Rouge herself may begin spazzing out and it only leads to confusion, but they totally beat Nintendo to the punch right?
Hint monitors either put the text backwards or tell you the opposite of what they should be telling you just to truly throw the mad into mad space, actually the above was mad enough thanks. To begin with the only rocket you can start up will take you to Rouges new boots that allow you to *drum roll* break open iron boxes, man this upgrade system is a real treat. So I fumbled around, got a C rank which isnt too bad considering the stage itself is a horrible mess.
Rouge does deadly battle with knuckles and I pulverize him before he can even whip out a cheap special move, finishing him off with death by gliding, hopefully because he got conked in the face by Rouges most prized "jewels". The aftermath cutscene is the same as in hero story but with Rouges theme playing over, yeah she gets to almost die to her own theme music. This scene is still the most baffling in the game, she can fly, she was in no danger, there were also air vents, couldnt they have had like a meteor almost fly in and kill her but Knuckles yanks her out of the way AND punches the meteor to bits? See my idea is a lot better than klutz Rouge who slips and forgets how to fly.
Back in the not so hidden base Eggman and Shadow spy two chaos emerald readings from inside ARK via the terminal, this leads to the quick assumption that there is a fake Emerald in play, before Shadow can go off to finally have another stage Eggman decides that he deserves the honour leaving Shadow on the backburner once more, well screw it Eggman is ten times the character anyway, it will be a fitting finish to the game.
Cosmic Wall
I like this stage even if it goes on too long and isnt actually challenging at all, all you need to know is that there is low gravity leading to hover flight! The stage throws combo opportunities at you making it an incredibly easy A rank. Theres also some on rails shooting sections of minimal enemy threat but theres like loops and stuff so yeah! Loops! The stage finishes on some random blob monster attack for a slight shift, there was an upgrade here but after freeing it from its cage I promptly slipped off the platform when preparing my jump, knowing my luck it was the armour upgrade which is ever so useful for what follows. The music is one of the better tracks as well.
Amy tempts fate by ruing the day she was left alone and defenceless by Sonic and Tails, those guys are kind of dickish really. Eggman arrives and sets up a hostage situation so he can get his damn detonators, when Sonic arrives he and Eggman have some banter about cowboys and yippee ki-yay motherfucker, they share a laugh only for Sonic to pull the emerald from off his back and chaos control Eggman out of ARKs window but not before he almost takes Amy with him!
I lied, what can I say? I Die Hard!
The actual scene is the same as in the hero story with one key difference thats great if you like me first played this game through the Dark Story, you dont see Sonic contemplate using chaos control making the whole scene just look like Eggman straight up murdering Sonic and his survival look even more bullshit than it already was.
The fight against Tails though, bloody hell, in hero story I was lucky that Eggman never got to blast out the super laser, Tails is a git though and spammed the hell out of it, no joke, if you get caught in it and its highly likely you will theres like no way out except death, this battle feels borderline broken and I for one do not approve, plus I missed the armour upgrade which helps nothing.
Eventually I won by using my being hit invulnerability to storm through the giant laser and punch Tails right in the face like the Eggman should. And so we reach a finish, Eggman went up to ARK and slayed his long time enemies all by himself, huzzah!
Oh hang on Shadows getting a final scene to tie up loose ends, Shadow watches the capsule containing Sonic explode scattering hedgehog meat across the vastness of space, guess he was just a regular hedgehog after all
well regular Hedgehogs are like small prickly things that cant run for shit but maybe this is his final jab, a brutal insult to the memory of Sonic.
Rouge is at the Eclipse canon and is now deciding to swipe the emeralds as a meager way of cleaning the knuckles failure off her filthy echidna covered hands, the emeralds will create a miracle for her she claims, Hyper Rouge with even greater funbags of course! but Shadow aint allowing those implant dreams to become a reality and boy has he done his homework!
See Shadow knows that shes taking orders from the president because she is in fact that government spy Rouge the Bat! Yes
that Rouge the Bat, not like theyre any others, maybe using an alias would be a smart idea but hey it worked out well up until now. For someone whod been stuck in a pod until like the other day Shadow sure does know a lot, to the games credit Ill assume he spent all his spare time boning up on reading via Eggmans library of information, he had plenty of time what with the lack of actual stages.
But Rouge has news for Shadow as well, information on the ultimate lifeform Shadow and in a shocking twist it turns out the real Shadow is something completely different to our Hedgehog chum leaving him understandably confused, Shadow handles this news pretty well even when Rouge suggests that his waifu may be a figment of his limited imagination, Ill give shadow props here, he could have turned whiny on top of dark and brooding but he bucks expectations and now hes got a job to do at last because some mystery individual is closing in on the Canon and hes gotta go stop whoever it is! Placing my bets on Knuckles.
Final Chase
This stage is average, it has this one sort of functional idea and repeats it in various ways and that idea is tubes, tubes that shadow will automatically start gravitating round in the direction indicated by the arrows on the tube. Said tubes can be at odds with the camera and control kind of awkwardly, outside of tubes there are a few sections that imitate the superior final rush and a tons of those limb stretching blue bastards. This stage is stop and go most of the time and I just dont care for it.
Oh so its Sonic who is closing in on the core, Im pretending I didnt play the hero story and am now wondering just how the hell Sonic even survived, he dies hard 2: dying harder, whatever its time for the same final battle as the hero story except we get to whup Sonic instead.
With Shadow having won his battle Eggman can freely prepare the cannon and all glory to the Eggman empire, alas as Eggman preps the canon massive warning notices are flashing, I cant quite tell if the game is focusing on the yellow emerald here to indicate that he actually used the fake or if its just the setup for the beginning of Last Story, if so that means that canonically Sonic and Tails got their arses kicked and thats actually pretty awesome, though with the way Hero ends Eggman still snatches an emerald so maybe he just snuck out the room and setup Last story from there, probably because bad guys just cant win.
Roll credits, Shadows theme is poop, begin hype trailer for Last Story with worlds flying out of the screen very fast like its that asses of fire 2 trailer from that one South Park episode or a cryptic return trailer for a WWE wrestler, basically anything but Sonic the Hedgehog, WISHES ARE ETERNAL!
OH MAN I AM SO HYPE!