Oh man, I don't think I'd be able to even do that. I'd cringe every time I write an instance of hyperbole and go into self-loathing mode.
I bet it made you cringe to even write that!
I cringed more playing the game, speaking of which...
If I speed through a game as fast as possible its usually for two reasons, the first is that the game is so damn good I cant withhold myself from playing it, the other event is when I just want to get a game out of the way, Jak 2 falls into the second category with the unique angle of me wanting to get it out of the way the very moment I started it up. On numerous occasions I wondered why I was even bothering to continue punishing myself playing this wretched turd of a game but I had to satisfy my curiosity, just how utterly awful can Jak 2 get? The answer is simply very awful.
Its not often that I outright dislike a game but take a bow Jak 2, not only do I loathe you but youve earned that coveted spot at the top of the putrid podium, you may very well be my most disliked game of all time. The truly fascinating thing about this is that Jak 2 is not a fundamentally broken game, its not a glitchy mess, its not unfinished and yet even avoiding the main pitfalls of truly dire games it still manages to be a complete wreck.
When the team at Naughty Dog sat down to brainstorm this mess I have to believe that one of main the ideas tossed around was to ensure that the game is never actually fun, damn near every mission in the game exists to infuriate the player with the sole exceptions being the brief platforming focused moments that are possibly more painful to endure knowing that this is what Jak 2 should have been focused on in the first place. Instead Jak 2 seems to focus on other avenues that were popular at the time, GTA being the main inspiration leading as to an open world with a mission structure except without any of the quality of that series and failing on every level to recreate its success. The games open world map is utterly horrendous, incredibly aggravating to traverse thanks to terrible vehicle controls, cluttered and confusing streets and a map that segments itself in such a manner that getting from one side to the other offers little options but to follow the same old winding routes like the game desperately wanted to pad out playtime with tedious traversal. The city may be full of pedestrians (that Jak can uncharacteristically run down) but make no mistake this is a lifeless setting offering nothing to benefit the game, it only detracts.
Of course you cant be a GTA wannabe without being gritty, never mind how cheery and lighthearted Jak and Daxter was, grey is the colour of the day, bleak and bland locations like Pump Works, Dig Sites and slums are whats in now. Characters let slip the most minor curse words they can get away with while simultaneously still trying to act cartoony and zany alongside their newfangled mature storytelling, oh and Daxter gets drunk and leers at tits, what is this shit?! Playing the first and second games back to back is so incredibly jarring. Jak also has guns now as well as a dark side because its what all the cool kids do, never before has a game been so clearly focusing at the teenage market and desperate to cast off the family friendly image of the first game in such a blatantly shameless manner.
Heading back to the games various missions, Jak 2 goes out of its way to bring the player a selection of hated mission types, turret sections? Oh its got them, multiple escort missions? You bet! Taxi equivalents, timed checkpoint runs and races making use of terrible driving controls? Oh ho ho ho, Jak 2 you spoil us so. The vast bulk of missions within Jak 2 are all executed in a terribly half arsed fashion, none excel in the areas they venture into, at one point the game throws you a new hoverboard mechanic and immediately expects you to pull off a Tony Hawks Pro Skater high score trick run complete with janky controls and unsatisfying mechanics, it wants everything and gets nothing right. Guns forms the core of the game combat, a whopping FOUR weapon types relying on sketchy auto aim against waves of enemies, four hits typically before death and checkpoints are scarce, its like they actually designed the game to highlight how half baked their mechanics are and how thoroughly unsatisfying the gunplay is.
Trying to think of a most detestable mission and Im spoilt for choice, maybe the one where you travel across a long pier constantly besieged by waves upon waves of generic grunts with only four hits until death? perhaps the underwater mech monstrosity? Or maybe a timed mission in the city where you hunt three bullet sponging spider mech things with the law enforcement in constant pursuit? I really dont know, the game is full of so many lows that I just cant decide and even the more tolerable missions are hurt by terrible or nonexistent checkpoint placement.
When it comes down to it I didnt find Jak 2 any fun at all when it wasnt focused on platforming and that makes up a surprisingly small portion of the whole game, well well always have Mars Tomb I guess? (even with it's crappy camera, especially for the Daxter bit) Jak 2 casts aside that what the previous game did well to try and grab a wider audience by being a pale imitation of other games, whats left is a disjointed mess that betrays its past in both tone and gameplay. This is why I hate this damn game, no sequel has ever felt like quite a heavy fuck you to people who liked the the original while also being rife with horrid design decisions that create a truly frustrating experience to endure, in conclusion this game is a colossal calamity of crap.
