Some impressions for Paranormal State: Poison Spring
Disclaimer: I know that this game is based on a television show, but have never watched the show (I discovered after playing it that this is a paranormal reality show, so it appears to be fiction played straight, as opposed to something that declares itself fiction.) So whether the likenesses are good or the characters voiced themselves, I don't know. That said:
The story: You play the newest member of the cast...um, team, as you investigate an old Civil War site where spooky things are afoot. Jinkies! This sounds like a groovy mystery! Come on, gang, let's split up! ZOINKS! Like, it's a freaky g-g-g-ghost! ....Okay, that's enough of that. What you actually get is a story about a demon and two ghosts: one an African-American soldier, and the other a Cherokee woman who loves him. Right off the bat the team proves themselves no historians. Soldier ghost talks about looking for "her," and the leader(!) wonders if this woman, who a CIVIL WAR soldier is looking for, is still alive. Even if the soldier was looking for a baby born on the day when the last shot of the Civil War was fired, you'd still be looking at someone well into her 140s.
It's completely ridiculous, and the depictions of natives slightly racist, but it's also unintentionally hilarious. There are some jump scares, but when there aren't, it's funny.
There is a bonus chapter (collector's edition ahoy!) involving more spooky goings-on at the museum, and having to assemble totem poles. One of the characters mentions that the Cherokee don't really use totem poles, and then it's handwaved away as off you go to assemble them! It almost felt like the writers wanted totem poles, and then someone did the research, so they slipped in that line to appease him. This is the caliber of story you're dealing with. And oddly enough? It still works.
The dialogue and voices: What leads me to believe the show's members voiced themselves is the "I'm reading a script" voice. The leader of the team probably does the best job of it, but hearing these people deliver in flat tones that they're being surrounded by "the demon's dark energy" had me in stitches. Oddly, I didn't find any major spelling errors so at least they had competent editing. The dialogue itself sounds pretty much how you'd expect a bunch of paranormal investigators to sound (so not necessarily a positive, but at least realistic?)
The graphics: Characters are drawn and the game starts with a closeup of the leader's face. It's uncanny valley as fuck - it was actually unsettling to look at. I owe the homeless guy from Infected: the Twin Vaccine an apology! But on the flip side, his "shocked" face shows him putting up his hands to his cheeks in the "Home Alone" pose. It has to be seen to be believed how hilarious it is. The other characters fare moderately better. The Heather character, however, is pretty hot. If I had to backtrack past her, I found myself popping in to see what she was up to.
The puzzles: Whattaya know. Not that bad! The hidden object games themselves were challenging without being impossible, and the minigames were hit and miss but mostly hit. I only skipped one: the minigame where you have to jump pegs until there's only one left. Seriously, fuck that game. I even did the Layton-esque sliding puzzle game. WARNING LAPTOP USERS: some puzzles require precision mouse work as you click and drag things through mazes. So unless you're super pro on the pad, get a mouse or skip those puzzles. It should also be said there was one minigame where you have to match soundwaves, and the level of exactness they want is nothing short of stupid. But apart from those, I found the puzzles fair and logical (which can be more than said for Infected.) It took me 4 1/2 hours to finish the game and the bonus chapter, which is a good length.
The verdict: Decent puzzles and a campy story equal fun for someguyinahat and hopefully fun for you too. The reviews were mostly negative, but ignore the haters on this one. What's that? You don't want to play it? Would you do it for a Scooby Snack? TWO Scooby Snacks? How about you just pick it up in a bundle? Also Heather, call me.
