Red has the coolest weapon. Chain rods that are simultaneously Dragoon Lances and Hookshots are where it is at. Black is definitely Jesus Christ. Which is the only reasonable explanation for why Satan is so afraid of her. Yes, folks, Jesus is actually a Japanese School Girl. I am now a best selling author.
Or he pilots a super awesome giant robot and nails Mary Magdalene if Mary Magdelene were a pop star and also political equal of Machiavelli. This is all very blasphemous, but at least I'll get a cool wish from a cute little bunny-cat, right? Can I use my wish to save my soul, or is that cheating?
Also I think the ultimate troll of this show would be if Madoka lasts the entire run without ever becoming a Magical Girl. Naming the show Magical Girl Madoka and then never actually having a Magical Girl named Madoka in the show is precisely the kind of thing I'd expect from Japan. Especially at this point in my history with anime.
Also the OP to this show continues to sound horrifyingly similar to
something.
Let's review, shall we? Witches are a wellspring of hatred and curses and evil. They begin as Familiars split from other Witches and when they have generated enough evil and hatred, they become Witches of their own, and have their own Grief Seeds, which contain all that evil energy, and which siphon the corruption and evil energy from th Soul Gems of Magical Girls who fight them. So basically Grief Seeds are tiny stones
filled with human misery, anguish, avarice, hatred, and corruption.
KYUBE FUCKING EATS THESE THINGS. FOR FOOD. HE LIVES OFF OF THE EVIL FEELS OF HUMANITY. Do you know what such a creature is called in the Slayers universe?
A MONSTER. And not one with a lowercase m, either. OH MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I SEE IT. KYUBE HAS RED EYES. RUBY EYES. KYUBE IS RUBY EYED SHABRANIGDO.
Now Satan is actually trying to convince a teenage girl that it is important that she kill or allow through inaction people be killed so that she can farm Grief Seeds and become strong enough to kill other Magical Girls. At the which point I must ask: is there even a pretense here? Is Kyube even bothering to hide the fact that he does not care that the Witches be defeated and humanity protected? His singular ambition seems to be forcing these girls to make these contracts, presumably for the sake of harvesting their souls. Er, soul gems, given how he REALLY wants Madoka's.
Speaking of, here he goes trying to convince this impressionable young girl to
start using drugs too join this little game. It is obvious to me that Madoka Kaname is Kyube's end game. What he wants beyond her or why he wants her I'm not sure, but it is evident that this rat bastard cat rabbit (try saying that ten times fast) is trying to get this little girl's soul.
Oh! DDR! And Pocky! You know who else liked Pocky? Mr. Wong. And he tried to use young women and the Devil to conquer the universe. So Red is probably not going to turn out to be a nice girl.
"Sore wa . . . himitsu." "That's . . . a secret!" I
wish Black were as entertaining as Xellos. If you can't tell why your friend Blue has become so angry here right now, Madoka, it's basically because she's hanging out with the devil. And the devil isn't exactly good for anyone's disposition.
Madoka's mom coming home from "work" at like, three AM. AFFAIIIIIIR. Madoka asks mom advice for how to deal with the devil and Madoka's mom literally tells her "doing the wrong thing is what makes you happy." LADY JUST TRYIN' TO JUSTIFY HER AFFAIR TO HER KID. After a lengthy talk on why cheating, er, lying, er, backstabbing, er, stealing, er, arson, er, whatever is totally justifiable because it isn't, Madoka's mother praises the wonders of
alcohol. Madoka wants to get plastered with her mom, too. So they get drunk off their asses, forget this whole mess with Satan, and run away to Vegas to become showgirls.
THE END.
Blue is such good friends with angsty violin boy that she didn't know he was discharged from the hospital. Great friendship there. Ten bucks says Kyube did not just come to Madoka out of the goodness of his heart to warn her that Blue was in trouble. Oh no, she's going to see Blue get beat up so Kyube can offer her the contract FOR THE NINE MILLIONTH TIME. Persistent as fuck.
Although, come to think of it, like Black, Xellos had a tendency to pop up behind people. "Hey, why don't I take this stone that literally embodies your soul and THROW IT OFF OF A FREEWAY." Oh JEEBS, Madoka. I know your mom told you to
take chances, make mistakes, and get messy, but I think even her adulterous, alcoholic, moe behind would've told you to think twice before CHUCKING YOUR FRIEND'S EVERLASTING SOUL OFF OF A FREEWAY.
"Oh, did I forget to mention that these soul gems are actually literally the containers of your souls and that should any harm befall or befoul them that harm happens to your souls and that by becoming a Magical Girl you literally agree to me having your soul removed from your body? Silly me." All Cast Goes: "OOOOH, KYUBEY."
If any damage to the body can be repaired via magic, then how exactly did Mami die? I mean, her head was bit off, but if the body means nothing, no big deal, right? "Magical girls are
always like this! I mean, why do you always get so upset when you find out I rip your soul out of your body without actually having explained this to you before hand? Why do you always say you feel lied to and cheated and suckered in by my promises of granting wishes just because I didn't tell you the fine print and it wasn't anywhere for you to read? OH HEY MADOKA WANNA BE A MAGICAL GIRL?"
Also "Why do humans have such a problem with where their souls wind up? I don't get it." Is some ominous as fuck statement to make. If the Devil Gundam is a physical metaphor for how the devil corrupts everyone and everything, then Kyube is an example of how the devil deceives and manipulates people. This little cat-rabbit is on the fast track to becoming one of the most evil things in anime.
