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The Black Culture Thread |OT X| Thread's Up, Don't Lurk

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Not open for further replies.
A

Angelus Errare

Banned
Oh snap.

2681.gif
 
D

Deleted member 47027

Unconfirmed Member
Slayven said:
What anime is that? Looks kind of hot
Click to expand...

Looks like some shrunken dude with a magic bow being thrown into the container with the rest of the cheezy poofs that he got shrunk down to the size of. I don't know.
 
C

CrushDance

Banned
Hey guy. o I got my medication a few day ago and am trying it again, but it's really not working at all. Even the numbness I felt before a few years ago on it isn't there. I dunno, I'm trying out a new job today in about an hour and just...here I guess. None of my friends have called me or tried to reach me in the last two weeks. I often just shut myself off from people when I get like this so as to not be a "bitch". But in a weird way, I'm just so incredibly disappointed by it all. I talked to two of my closest friends a while back and told them that my feelings of suicide were increasing, it's like this..."Just do it" feeling at the back of my head. And they haven't said or done anything since.

I just want to be comforted, hugged, told that I'm loved. To listen and be listened to. But I don't think that's ever going to happen for me in my life, I go to work, school, gym...but what's the point? Every time I try with girls I fail horribly, school is so difficult, work is stressful...I mean, what's the point? To just wake up, eat, go out and come back at night? I just feel so incapable of being loved. And you know, people always told me on GAF that I had to love myself first, and so I did, I tried so hard to be more positive, try. And I sort of got the things that I wanted, but they weren't fulfilling, I never expected them to be either. It's not about having "things", but about how I get them. And I just feel that being a goody two shoes as I'm often called as an insult, is hopeless. Nobody appreciates honesty or "good". Yesterday this girl I was talking to, she said "You're like my black girlfriend". In reference to us talking about her ex being "too emotional", and I told her "Well why didn't you just communicate with him? I don't know the details, but men are human too.".

And it's just so exhausting. I feel so often like a "bitch" or weak. For having emotions? I took a political studies class last semester, and we discussed gender roles and so on. Everyone agreeing about how terrible it was so put women in boxes, but there was this feeling of "be a man" when we discussed men though. And...I guess it's just so suffocating. I feel like I'm not even a man, emasculated and pathetic for simply being who I am. And it's not even anything crazy, I don't go crying in public or anything, but when I talk to people I just speak very personally and search for deeper connections, you know?

Fuck. I won't lie, two days ago this girl that I've been into for a while told me that I was "sassy" hahaha. She doesn't even view me as man or respect me. I called her even and she didn't pick up, two days in a row. Yet everytime I see her, she acts like we're friends. I just can't...I always used to beat myself about it, that I had to be more cold and "manly". And you know what, I tried that, changed how I dressed and everything. And the best part it, I felt even worse because I wasn't myself, but...girls liked it. :/

Who I am isn't good enough. That's what I learned, people always say that personality counts more than anything, confidence, etc. But what kind of world is it, that requires you to change your heart in order to be loved? I can't live a lie pretending to be this "Cool black guy" when I'm just not into that sort of lifestyle. It's terrible, even in faith, with Catholic girls that I'm supposed to be equal too. They laugh at me for still being a virgin, that there's something wrong with me by being like that.

I'm just tired of people I guess. I can't trust anyone or anything. I don't care to eat at all sometimes, or I eat a lot at others because "looks don't matter", my "friends" have all gone radio silent(And even in saying this, I realize that they have their own problems too. I'm not dumb to expect them to drop everything and stay with me. But not even a single "How are you man?"), and I'm only living because I don't want to hurt anyone by killing myself. But I really don't care anymore, I don't want to go to work or get up. I just lay in bed and workout occasionally now, but even with that, it does nothing anymore. I'm cut and people tell me that I look great, but nobody will love me. I want to feel loved and wanted, that I don't have to change anything but be me. That's possible, right? That I can crack silly jokes, dance like an idiot and still listen and speak deeply with people. But I just don't see it...every-time I open up to people, they slam the door on me. I dialed it back, but still nothing.

Why can't I die? What's the point of any of this? God has abandoned me, my friends have abandoned me, nobody cares to know me, to get to love me, give me a chance. But they will all judge me. If I die, some people will be hurt, I know, but "move on", "get over it", right? That's what everyone always says to me, so dismissive. So why won't they be able too if I kill myself today? Why do I have to keep suffering like this so that they can be happy? What about my happiness? I even prayed the other night because I was so terrified of killing myself, it always gets so much worse at night. I didn't even say much, just "God you know what's in my heart, I don't have the words to express how I feel. Please help me". And LOL, nothing! I went to bed and said "Just help me get through tonight", and woke up the next day to deal with more of this. Why isn't he helping me? If he's real, then why doesn't he fucking help me? Why do I sit here and cry like an idiot because I feel hopeless and he doesn't help me?
 
M

Malyse

Member
Slayven said:
But you have 2 blogs about Disney,,,,,,,
Click to expand...
I also have a Nintendo blog, a movie blog, an anime blog, three porn blogs, a philosophy blog and more.

Being a fan doesn't make you part of the fandom. I'm a fan of hundreds of things. I'm not in fandoms. Funny how words work.

----

Crush, it sounds like you need to take a break for a minute. Like a vacay if you can or just a few you days.
 
Jackben

Jackben

bitch I'm taking calls.
Crush, it sounds like you have way too many judgments about yourself and assumptions about what other people think about you. And the truth is that not everyone will know how to handle a friend or acquaintance feeling suicidal or depressed. Maybe they have little empathy or maybe they just don't know what to do, no one here knows your friends so we can't make that call.

I think medically they advise you to give consistent medication up to a month or two before trying to asses effectiveness. Like anything else it's a process, not a miracle cure. And personally, I have found that for depression (whether you are on or off medication) counselling and other confidence building activities really help. Reach out to more people, maybe even outside of your regular social circle. There are also free hotlines and communities online for depression and anti-suicide support.
 
D

Deleted member 47027

Unconfirmed Member
For Crushdance:

This is kind of opening a can of worms, and everyone has their own beliefs, but it sounds to me like you don't believe in God itself as being something that can love, something you can find solace in simply may not exist. You have to find your own beliefs, and it's a long and tough journey. I eventually found Buddhism and it fits how I feel - but it sounds to me like soul searching is some of what you're going through, and I hope you find what fits what is in your heart, because there IS something there - you just have to find it. And it's not easy to pin down, you can't just discover it when you want to.

Regarding your medication, how long until it actually kicks in? You're looking at weeks with most medication when it involves depression, if not more - don't expect it to work immediately.

I definitely understand where you're coming from with "being a man" but that's not what it is - it isn't LIKE A MAN to not feel. You mentioned you did things that you didn't feel like yourself doing, but for others. It's easy to say "well fuck other people, who cares" but actually getting your own insides to say "yes, the only person I care about's well-being should be myself" is so much easier said than done. It's a journey of self-growth. Be yourself. You don't need people to like someone fake. You're someone real inside - be THAT. Be yourself, and you weed out the shitty people in life (and there's a lot of them) who won't accept you for who you are. But it's the ones you DO find, and you may know nobody right now who does, but you will find some and those will be some REAL ASS friendships that are legitimately significant to you.
 
R

RP912

Banned
CrushDance said:
Hey guy. o I got my medication a few day ago and am trying it again, but it's really not working at all. Even the numbness I felt before a few years ago on it isn't there. I dunno, I'm trying out a new job today in about an hour and just...here I guess. None of my friends have called me or tried to reach me in the last two weeks. I often just shut myself off from people when I get like this so as to not be a "bitch". But in a weird way, I'm just so incredibly disappointed by it all. I talked to two of my closest friends a while back and told them that my feelings of suicide were increasing, it's like this..."Just do it" feeling at the back of my head. And they haven't said or done anything since.

I just want to be comforted, hugged, told that I'm loved. To listen and be listened to. But I don't think that's ever going to happen for me in my life, I go to work, school, gym...but what's the point? Every time I try with girls I fail horribly, school is so difficult, work is stressful...I mean, what's the point? To just wake up, eat, go out and come back at night? I just feel so incapable of being loved. And you know, people always told me on GAF that I had to love myself first, and so I did, I tried so hard to be more positive, try. And I sort of got the things that I wanted, but they weren't fulfilling, I never expected them to be either. It's not about having "things", but about how I get them. And I just feel that being a goody two shoes as I'm often called as an insult, is hopeless. Nobody appreciates honesty or "good". Yesterday this girl I was talking to, she said "You're like my black girlfriend". In reference to us talking about her ex being "too emotional", and I told her "Well why didn't you just communicate with him? I don't know the details, but men are human too.".

And it's just so exhausting. I feel so often like a "bitch" or weak. For having emotions? I took a political studies class last semester, and we discussed gender roles and so on. Everyone agreeing about how terrible it was so put women in boxes, but there was this feeling of "be a man" when we discussed men though. And...I guess it's just so suffocating. I feel like I'm not even a man, emasculated and pathetic for simply being who I am. And it's not even anything crazy, I don't go crying in public or anything, but when I talk to people I just speak very personally and search for deeper connections, you know?

Fuck. I won't lie, two days ago this girl that I've been into for a while told me that I was "sassy" hahaha. She doesn't even view me as man or respect me. I called her even and she didn't pick up, two days in a row. Yet everytime I see her, she acts like we're friends. I just can't...I always used to beat myself about it, that I had to be more cold and "manly". And you know what, I tried that, changed how I dressed and everything. And the best part it, I felt even worse because I wasn't myself, but...girls liked it. :/

Who I am isn't good enough. That's what I learned, people always say that personality counts more than anything, confidence, etc. But what kind of world is it, that requires you to change your heart in order to be loved? I can't live a lie pretending to be this "Cool black guy" when I'm just not into that sort of lifestyle. It's terrible, even in faith, with Catholic girls that I'm supposed to be equal too. They laugh at me for still being a virgin, that there's something wrong with me by being like that.

I'm just tired of people I guess. I can't trust anyone or anything. I don't care to eat at all sometimes, or I eat a lot at others because "looks don't matter", my "friends" have all gone radio silent(And even in saying this, I realize that they have their own problems too. I'm not dumb to expect them to drop everything and stay with me. But not even a single "How are you man?"), and I'm only living because I don't want to hurt anyone by killing myself. But I really don't care anymore, I don't want to go to work or get up. I just lay in bed and workout occasionally now, but even with that, it does nothing anymore. I'm cut and people tell me that I look great, but nobody will love me. I want to feel loved and wanted, that I don't have to change anything but be me. That's possible, right? That I can crack silly jokes, dance like an idiot and still listen and speak deeply with people. But I just don't see it...every-time I open up to people, they slam the door on me. I dialed it back, but still nothing.

Why can't I die? What's the point of any of this? God has abandoned me, my friends have abandoned me, nobody cares to know me, to get to love me, give me a chance. But they will all judge me. If I die, some people will be hurt, I know, but "move on", "get over it", right? That's what everyone always says to me, so dismissive. So why won't they be able too if I kill myself today? Why do I have to keep suffering like this so that they can be happy? What about my happiness? I even prayed the other night because I was so terrified of killing myself, it always gets so much worse at night. I didn't even say much, just "God you know what's in my heart, I don't have the words to express how I feel. Please help me". And LOL, nothing! I went to bed and said "Just help me get through tonight", and woke up the next day to deal with more of this. Why isn't he helping me? If he's real, then why doesn't he fucking help me? Why do I sit here and cry like an idiot because I feel hopeless and he doesn't help me?
Click to expand...



For starters fuck people. The problem right there is that you are seeking approval from people that could give a crap about you in the end. What matters the most is that you are yourself. At the end of the day all you have is yourself. I been there and still battling my sense of seeking approval of what another person thinks. I learned from the hardships of my own family not reaching out to me at my time of need and the people I thought were my friends leaving me abandoned. At the end of the day I brush it off and focus on bettering myself. It'll take time but you'll get through.

Don't let depression become your prison. You are not alone and it will get better. Try switching up your daily routines. Use your pain towards hobbies like writing, traveling, creating music, exercising, etc. Just fight this shit the best way possible instead of giving up. Don't ever feel like you are weak or a "bitch" because you are still standing and that's as strong as you can be. You are fighting the woes of life by living for another day instead of throwing in the towel.

Bottom line you are not alone in this shit.
 
H

harSon

Banned
I started watching Kuroko no Basket last night, and this is the dumbest corniest shit I've ever seen - but I found myself 6 episodes deep by the time I went to bed. Analyzing skill by mere sight? Non presence on the court? This shit is terrible, and yet I can't look away. Please tell me they eventually start playing internationally, and it delves into Hajime no Ippo's racial superiority bullshit. Cause I'll be hyped as fuck.
 
D

Deleted member 47027

Unconfirmed Member
RP912 said:
For starters fuck people. The problem right there is that you are seeking approval from people that could give a crap about you in the end. What matters the most is that you are yourself. At the end of the day all you have is yourself. I been there and still battling my sense of seeking approval of what another person thinks. I learned from the hardships of my own family not reaching out to me at my time of need and the people I thought were my friends leaving me abandoned. At the end of the day I brush it off and focus on bettering myself. It'll take time but you'll get through.


Bottom line you are not alone in this shit.
Click to expand...

Correct correct. It's SO tough to get out of the mindset of tying your self-esteem to what others think. We all want to be loved and we all want other people to approve, but it gets unhealthy FAST. I highly recommend The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem. It's absolutely worth reading for everyone, and it's an easy read - but will speak to what's inside of you.

And Crush, fuck standards, especially gender standards. The only standard you need to live up to is the one you, inside, the REAL you, makes for yourself. And that's liquid. It can change. Do you. Be you. Celebrate YOURSELF, because even when you're comparing to other people, you're still incomparable. Everyone is different. Be yourself, and be the best you that you can be goddammit.
 
C

CountBlack

Member
harSon said:
I started watching Kuroko no Basket last night, and this is the dumbest corniest shit I've ever seen - but I found myself 6 episodes deep by the time I went to bed. Analyzing skill by mere sight? Non presence on the court? This shit is terrible, and yet I can't look away. Please tell me they eventually start playing internationally, and it delves into Hajime no Ippo's racial superiority bullshit. Cause I'll be hyped as fuck.
Click to expand...

Just started S3 yesterday. It's definitely super corny but.. it's so good breh.

wait until you see someone enters the zone.. or that meteor jam.


lawd.gif
 
Y

Young Magus

Junior Member
The Faceless Master said:
yep
Click to expand...

Goddamn,

Based Reply

Slayven said:
But you have 2 blogs about Disney,,,,,,,
Click to expand...

tumblr_n3bwwm5f1R1rqu47to4_250.gif


CrushDance said:
Hey guy. o I got my medication a few day ago and am trying it again, but it's really not working at all. Even the numbness I felt before a few years ago on it isn't there. I dunno, I'm trying out a new job today in about an hour and just...here I guess. None of my friends have called me or tried to reach me in the last two weeks. I often just shut myself off from people when I get like this so as to not be a "bitch". But in a weird way, I'm just so incredibly disappointed by it all. I talked to two of my closest friends a while back and told them that my feelings of suicide were increasing, it's like this..."Just do it" feeling at the back of my head. And they haven't said or done anything since.

I just want to be comforted, hugged, told that I'm loved. To listen and be listened to. But I don't think that's ever going to happen for me in my life, I go to work, school, gym...but what's the point? Every time I try with girls I fail horribly, school is so difficult, work is stressful...I mean, what's the point? To just wake up, eat, go out and come back at night? I just feel so incapable of being loved. And you know, people always told me on GAF that I had to love myself first, and so I did, I tried so hard to be more positive, try. And I sort of got the things that I wanted, but they weren't fulfilling, I never expected them to be either. It's not about having "things", but about how I get them. And I just feel that being a goody two shoes as I'm often called as an insult, is hopeless. Nobody appreciates honesty or "good". Yesterday this girl I was talking to, she said "You're like my black girlfriend". In reference to us talking about her ex being "too emotional", and I told her "Well why didn't you just communicate with him? I don't know the details, but men are human too.".

And it's just so exhausting. I feel so often like a "bitch" or weak. For having emotions? I took a political studies class last semester, and we discussed gender roles and so on. Everyone agreeing about how terrible it was so put women in boxes, but there was this feeling of "be a man" when we discussed men though. And...I guess it's just so suffocating. I feel like I'm not even a man, emasculated and pathetic for simply being who I am. And it's not even anything crazy, I don't go crying in public or anything, but when I talk to people I just speak very personally and search for deeper connections, you know?

Fuck. I won't lie, two days ago this girl that I've been into for a while told me that I was "sassy" hahaha. She doesn't even view me as man or respect me. I called her even and she didn't pick up, two days in a row. Yet everytime I see her, she acts like we're friends. I just can't...I always used to beat myself about it, that I had to be more cold and "manly". And you know what, I tried that, changed how I dressed and everything. And the best part it, I felt even worse because I wasn't myself, but...girls liked it. :/

Who I am isn't good enough. That's what I learned, people always say that personality counts more than anything, confidence, etc. But what kind of world is it, that requires you to change your heart in order to be loved? I can't live a lie pretending to be this "Cool black guy" when I'm just not into that sort of lifestyle. It's terrible, even in faith, with Catholic girls that I'm supposed to be equal too. They laugh at me for still being a virgin, that there's something wrong with me by being like that.

I'm just tired of people I guess. I can't trust anyone or anything. I don't care to eat at all sometimes, or I eat a lot at others because "looks don't matter", my "friends" have all gone radio silent(And even in saying this, I realize that they have their own problems too. I'm not dumb to expect them to drop everything and stay with me. But not even a single "How are you man?"), and I'm only living because I don't want to hurt anyone by killing myself. But I really don't care anymore, I don't want to go to work or get up. I just lay in bed and workout occasionally now, but even with that, it does nothing anymore. I'm cut and people tell me that I look great, but nobody will love me. I want to feel loved and wanted, that I don't have to change anything but be me. That's possible, right? That I can crack silly jokes, dance like an idiot and still listen and speak deeply with people. But I just don't see it...every-time I open up to people, they slam the door on me. I dialed it back, but still nothing.

Why can't I die? What's the point of any of this? God has abandoned me, my friends have abandoned me, nobody cares to know me, to get to love me, give me a chance. But they will all judge me. If I die, some people will be hurt, I know, but "move on", "get over it", right? That's what everyone always says to me, so dismissive. So why won't they be able too if I kill myself today? Why do I have to keep suffering like this so that they can be happy? What about my happiness? I even prayed the other night because I was so terrified of killing myself, it always gets so much worse at night. I didn't even say much, just "God you know what's in my heart, I don't have the words to express how I feel. Please help me". And LOL, nothing! I went to bed and said "Just help me get through tonight", and woke up the next day to deal with more of this. Why isn't he helping me? If he's real, then why doesn't he fucking help me? Why do I sit here and cry like an idiot because I feel hopeless and he doesn't help me?
Click to expand...

Yo man sorry for you to go through all of that man. But might help you is to start off focusing on what type of person YOU see your self as/want to be and leave what everyone else says out. Fuck others standards and roles. Don't worry bout what your personality does not fit under. Focus on what is does fit under (....if that makes sense)

Also, you are not alone, have you talked with family about this? When all else fails talk with fam in the same age group/generation.
 
C

CountBlack

Member
Slayven said:
Does everyone get a million for playing in the tournament? Can Dreams or Satch run up there and get a quick stack?
Click to expand...

1 million is for the winner
2nd place gets $250,000

last place/14th gets $25,000.

2 million dollar prize pool.

Tons of qualifiers though. Only the best of the best gonna make it.

Basically the FGC aint shit
 
J

jWILL253

Banned
Crush.

[REDACTED]

I get it. I feel the same way about myself a lot. But I'm also aware that nothing is ever permanent. Shit will get better. You'll find better friends. You'll find a woman that is much better than the thots you kick it with at the moment. You can't give up, because the truth is, you only get one life to live. And you can't be wasting it all away because of what some other mothafuckas are saying about you.

And on that note... stop letting mothafuckas walk all over you, b. It ain't got nothing to do with being a man, but it has everything to do with not being a punk. When you posted that line about ol' girl calling you her black girlfriend, I tried to imagine the size of that L, but I couldn't because it would be too damn big. Stop hanging around mothafuckas who clearly don't respect you. If anybody came to me like that I'm checking them immediately. I don't give a fuck if it's a man or woman.

Besides, nothing will change even if you decide to go the Dwyer route. The people who don't respect you will go on with their lives, while the people who love you will be filled with sadness and anger because you took away the chance for them to enjoy your presence any further. Someone out there loves you for who you are. Don't ruin it over some fucking thots...
 
D

Deleted member 47027

Unconfirmed Member
RP912 said:
Since I been on a NJPW kick...I decided to watch some anime for a change. Attack on Titan though 0_0.
Click to expand...

Stick with NJPW, toss this animu stuff in the shitter. You should watch some more Scott Norton matches!
 
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