Ya'll mind if I ramble about my life? Yes? No? Well, I'll do it anyways lol
I'm about to legit fail 2 classes in CC. It's not that big of a deal tbh. I've had to retake 2 classes before. I can pay to retake them, get better grades, and transfer a little later. Life is nowhere near over
However, the thing is is that after this semester I think I need to leave my house. And by my house, I mean the one I grew up in. I turned 21 recently so im an adult and my mom has been talking about me needing to live on my own. Totally reasonable, of course, but the plan was for me to finish CC this semester and transfer. Within that I assumed I'd live on campus and have that be the start of me living by myself. But if I had to do another CC semester then I'd be living in an apartment or something and I have doooont have the money to do that
Could I pass these failing classes with C's? I think it might be possible, but realistically I'd have to retake them.
If I had to retake the CC classes would my mom really put me out? I don't think so, but she wants me to think about self-dependence (for several reasons) and more importantly I'm getting tired of my surroundings. 2016 hasn't been the best for me, and because I've found myself in a depressive funk this year i've been more solitary. I avoid interacting with anyone when I get to this self-loathing phase and rationalize it with a "When I do better in life, then I can get back to normal". In the case of family where people expect you to visit them during holiday parties or call them from time to time you could see why that mindset would be a problem or why someone else wouldn't like it (my mom).
I've been having fantasies of taking a bus to some far off state if I failed a class this semester. That'd practically be suicide though because of course I'd be homeless, devoid of progress in college Maybe? I dont know how that would work) and starting life from square one inside of some shelter. Crazy fantasy aside, whatever the case I need to be alone right now and there's no way a family would take kindly to me telling them to shut the fuck up and leave me alone (in nicer words lol), especially one who's house im living in and whose food im eating.
Anyways, I don't mind doing the best that I can with these last 3 weeks in my current school semester. My brain is full of thoughts though, both wild and realistic, so I figured I'd dump them here so I can focus on doing stuff...schoolwork, art, writing, living? Shit, I've been so self-destructive I haven't even been keeping up with tv, like Insecure smh