The death of EzLink (Or: So your Christian parents find your GAF account...)
- Thread starter EzLink
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EzLink said:
Regardless of what GAF will say, you have it correct there. While you're in college and dependent on their finances/housing/etc, you should still follow their rules. (I will expect the same from my daughter when she's in college.) Sure, you may legally be an adult, but you're surely not an independent adult, yet.
So yes, until that happens, you have to follow the rules. Keep you head up and focus on your grades and all will be fine.
Lionel Mandrake
Member
Hello EZLink's parents. I am one of the more 'conservative' GAF members here. I don't partake in any illegal substances, and I still practice Christianity, albeit a bit casually, as I haven't attended church in quite some time. So, I would like to take the opportunity to reach out to you in a level-headed and respectful manner, as opposed to the outrage and mockeries you are likely to experience. It's likely that you won't even see this post, as I expect that this thread is going to be VERY active, but hey, it's worth a shot.
I happen to live in the Bible Belt and was raised by a family that I would assume is likely similar in your beliefs. However, one thing that they would not do is spy on me, and invade my privacy. I know you're thinking "We're his parents, we have to protect our son!" But the thing is... He's 21. As far as the rest of the world is concerned, he is a responsible adult and is in charge of his own life. "My house, my rules!" I understand that sentiment. I don't really know the situation, but I'm assuming that EZLink does not have the resources to move out just yet. But I don't feel that you should punish him for that. I'm flat broke and living at home, and my parents have been incredibly patient and supportive with me. It means a lot of difference. If they were constantly pressuring me about "my way or the highway," I know I would be considerably more stressed, and I know that it certainly wouldn't help with any forms of depression. I don't mean to criticize, but in my opinion, you handled the situation poorly. I don't think you're "insane" like some other people here, but I do believe that you made some significant mistakes.
Well, that's really all I wanted to say, so goodbye, EZLink. Hope you're happy with whatever happens.
I happen to live in the Bible Belt and was raised by a family that I would assume is likely similar in your beliefs. However, one thing that they would not do is spy on me, and invade my privacy. I know you're thinking "We're his parents, we have to protect our son!" But the thing is... He's 21. As far as the rest of the world is concerned, he is a responsible adult and is in charge of his own life. "My house, my rules!" I understand that sentiment. I don't really know the situation, but I'm assuming that EZLink does not have the resources to move out just yet. But I don't feel that you should punish him for that. I'm flat broke and living at home, and my parents have been incredibly patient and supportive with me. It means a lot of difference. If they were constantly pressuring me about "my way or the highway," I know I would be considerably more stressed, and I know that it certainly wouldn't help with any forms of depression. I don't mean to criticize, but in my opinion, you handled the situation poorly. I don't think you're "insane" like some other people here, but I do believe that you made some significant mistakes.
Well, that's really all I wanted to say, so goodbye, EZLink. Hope you're happy with whatever happens.
teruterubozu
Member
:lol @ GAF messages to mom.
Pai Pai Master said:
Since he didn't move out, his parents still have that higher authority over him. You don't suddenly stop being your father's son when you turn 18.
The "parents have to respect their kid's privacy" discussion has been debated for a long while, but I believe that since he still lived in their house, it would be in their authority to check what he was up to. If he does something really bad (illegal bad), and it happens in their house, who do you think gets in trouble?
I agree with Solo in that if he was going to behave in a manner that would make his parents very disappointed, and yet keep it a secret from them, he should have moved out. But actually blaming the parents for this is something so ridiculous that I would only expect to be said by a teenager that was going through puberty.
I can't believe there are parents like this. Parents, at some point, need to understand that their progeny will develop their own morals and their own ideas and thoughts and habits. Of course, any parent can feel obligated to try to influence their children to think one way or the other, but when it comes to forcing morals......that's nearly insane.
I know a lot of people would say this, but I believe, after reading posts like these, that I have the greatest parents in the world.
First of all, let me preface this short anecdote by saying that I was raised until about 13 years old going to church most Sundays.
Last year, my Dad, who is somewhat religious, lost his 2nd job in about a 6 month period, he was unemployed for about 3 months or so. He came up to me one night (I was 20, if that matters), nearly bawling because he had just received a rejection call on a job. I will never forget the sentence he spoke.
"If you believe in God, I want you to pray for me."
This was a sudden realization on my part that he, first of all, didn't know if if I truly believed in God or not (which I do, although not devoutly), and second and more importantly, didn't judge me either way. I know this may sound silly, but it was....I don't know, a relief, that my dad is not as judgmental of me as a person as I thought he might be.
Sorry for throwing my own story into this thread, but I guess I'll reiterate that some parents just seem to be inexcusably stubborn.
I know a lot of people would say this, but I believe, after reading posts like these, that I have the greatest parents in the world.
First of all, let me preface this short anecdote by saying that I was raised until about 13 years old going to church most Sundays.
Last year, my Dad, who is somewhat religious, lost his 2nd job in about a 6 month period, he was unemployed for about 3 months or so. He came up to me one night (I was 20, if that matters), nearly bawling because he had just received a rejection call on a job. I will never forget the sentence he spoke.
"If you believe in God, I want you to pray for me."
This was a sudden realization on my part that he, first of all, didn't know if if I truly believed in God or not (which I do, although not devoutly), and second and more importantly, didn't judge me either way. I know this may sound silly, but it was....I don't know, a relief, that my dad is not as judgmental of me as a person as I thought he might be.
Sorry for throwing my own story into this thread, but I guess I'll reiterate that some parents just seem to be inexcusably stubborn.
wenis said:
His parents know how to surf gaf better than gaf.
...maybe subscriptions and then read the entire...thread?
This kinda made me sad. I'm not disgusting. I take 1-2 showers a day. Take enough time to groom myself for my job. Believe that I have pretty good taste in clothing and other things in life.
notworksafe
Member
5. Living with your parents sucks ass.EzLink said:
Just wanted to be thorough. Nobody is forced to read the OP in its entiretyGabyskra said:
Plus GAF was a huge part of my life the past couple years, I wanted a proper send offYeah seriously. I think many of you can't relate to their mindset since most have you have never been sincerely religious. Imagine truly believing that your own child, whom you love more than anything, will burn in hell forever. It really is devastating for them. Again, they are GREAT parents. They are loving and kind and tolerant. But the refuse to have "illegal drugs" in the house, and refuse to support me if I'm doing drugs. Sucks, but most people have much worse things to deal with in regards to their families. Other than this incident, we've never really had a huge problem in over 20 years. That's pretty rareWilly105 said:
I really do appreciate the support guys, but at least try to sympathize with their position. I'm not saying it makes what they did RIGHT, I'm just saying I understand it. Maybe because I've been there before
Google-> [username] neogaf posts -> repeat the search with omitted results includedcrimzonflame said:
I wasn't apologetic for the weed smoking or the atheism. They made me feel slightly bad about the excessive vulgarity (not that I think swearing is wrong, but using I definitely use it more than need be here), and I apologized for bringing weed into the house since it was against their wishes and they saw it as a huge sign of disrespect. I stood up for myself, but I also empathized with what they were going throughBread said:
EzLink said:
You are talking about being a 21 year old person who has to leave a message forum because your parents don't like the opinions you're posting on it. You do not get along "great".
Drugs? Absolutely. It is your parent's house, they can tell you not to do that shit in their house and you have to obey. Posting on hate group websites, sites for planning terrorism, other things like that? That I can see as a situation where the opinions of your parents may and should win out.
Having to stop posting on a social forum because your parents don't like it? There's nothing healthy about that situation. They have every right to disagree with you and explain why they may think you are wrong, but getting to the point where you have to get off of GAF because of them is pretty damn creepy.
Hot Coldman
Banned
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Air Zombie Meat
Member
To all of you confused about how they found his posts, just search for ezlink in the google search box in the top right. Bam, instant links to the marijauna thread.
LosDaddie said:
When your daughter will be in college, she'll have the right to vote differently from you, she'll have the right to drink at some point, she'll have the right to choose whoever she wants to be love with or sleep with, etc. And you'll have to accomodate her to quite an extent. She will deserve many new rights, because she'll be an adult just like you and if you don't understand that, you'll be just another control freak.
The fact that you own the roof (or rent it) does not mean she would not be entitled to a normal self-satisfying life. If your rules were idiotic, I sure hope she would rebel against you. Be ready to have her boyfriend come over. And the next one. And the next one. If you're nice enough, they won't make too much noise.
Man, this is ridiculous, and I'm so sorry it happened. Especially that it went down like this.
As other people have said though, you should start looking to move out if it's financially feasible. While nothing they did would be incredibly terrible if you were 16, the fact that you're 21 means they don't think of you as an adult.
You were in the wrong on the pot thing (rules of the house, not because drugs are evil or whatever), but I think they crossed from parental concern into disrespect pretty much everywhere else.
After graduating, I think you should try to get a job away from home, too, so you can spread your wings a bit.
I never thought the atheism thing would be as big of a deal as it apparently was, so I could be way off here... but if you move away and live your life and become a good person, they'll realize they still love you and accept you for who you are. Even if you're going to burn in hell.
Anyway, good luck, and hope to see you back here once you're out from under the thumb of those people.
As other people have said though, you should start looking to move out if it's financially feasible. While nothing they did would be incredibly terrible if you were 16, the fact that you're 21 means they don't think of you as an adult.
You were in the wrong on the pot thing (rules of the house, not because drugs are evil or whatever), but I think they crossed from parental concern into disrespect pretty much everywhere else.
After graduating, I think you should try to get a job away from home, too, so you can spread your wings a bit.
I never thought the atheism thing would be as big of a deal as it apparently was, so I could be way off here... but if you move away and live your life and become a good person, they'll realize they still love you and accept you for who you are. Even if you're going to burn in hell.
Anyway, good luck, and hope to see you back here once you're out from under the thumb of those people.
Actually, reading the last few responses, it sounds like your parents aren't the problem, but you are for being spineless.
Then again, at the end of the day it's your choice whether you want to live your life or live their interpretation of what they think your life should be.
Then again, at the end of the day it's your choice whether you want to live your life or live their interpretation of what they think your life should be.
Buckethead
Banned
He was clearly intimidated to "come out" as the person he is today due to his parent's very rigid beliefs.JGS said:
I'm guessing that looking at things from his point of view isn't their strong suit.
And yes, what that other dude said.
Crumpet Trumpet
Banned
EzLink, did your parents edit your OP before you were allowed to post it? You sound way too happy for someone who has psychotic parents, no offense or anything.
That was a great read, OP. I'm sorry that this happened to you but hey, life isn't always so great but it will turn around.
Once you're done with university though, get the fuck out of there. You're 21 years old and still can't make your own life decisions because of your parents, something about that is just stupid.
If it makes you feel any better I am putting myself on an intentional 6 month(ish) weed break for the second semester of my schooling
Once you're done with university though, get the fuck out of there. You're 21 years old and still can't make your own life decisions because of your parents, something about that is just stupid.
If it makes you feel any better I am putting myself on an intentional 6 month(ish) weed break for the second semester of my schooling
krypt0nian
Banned
Good thing you didn't tell them about all the sex with sheep.
notworksafe
Member
Mom needs to make an account! That would be awesome!FINE-LINE said:
Mama Robotnik
Member
(1) Speak to the mods, ask them to rename your old account to something else to stop your parents snooping.
(2) Ask the mods if you can start a new account. If so, change your username to something else but have your avatar say "THE GAFFER FORMERLY KNOWN AS EZLINK". They cannot search for this.
(3) Browse GAF by your own private mobile, and change the HOSTS file on all the computers and laptops in the house so NeoGAF.com and NeoGAF.net route them to Richard Dawkins Homepage.
(4) Continue to be a valued, respected Gaffer.
(5) Move out.
(2) Ask the mods if you can start a new account. If so, change your username to something else but have your avatar say "THE GAFFER FORMERLY KNOWN AS EZLINK". They cannot search for this.
(3) Browse GAF by your own private mobile, and change the HOSTS file on all the computers and laptops in the house so NeoGAF.com and NeoGAF.net route them to Richard Dawkins Homepage.
(4) Continue to be a valued, respected Gaffer.
(5) Move out.
lightless_shado
Banned
teruterubozu
Member
ITT: People finally learn how to search GAF w/Google.
Spider from Mars
tap that thorax
Let your parents post on your account.
Souldriver
Member
Well, the people saying "just move out" make it sound very easy. Sometimes it's simply financially impossible. Not to mention most people want to keep peace with their family.
But if you live at home, I can understand that you have to abide to certain rules if parents are that hung up about it. Even at 21. So yeah, the marijuana thing. Perhaps to appease your parents you should accept laying of it for the time being.
Them being hostile because you're an atheist however...? That is something that I will never understand or have sympathy for. I understand how in their eyes they want to "save" you for whatever bad things their religion tells them will happen to you. But in reality it really is just people believing in nonsense demanding others to believe in them too. I'm sure your parents won't go all fundamentalist about it and throw you out the house (or worse), but seriously: no sympathy. I hate how in this world people have to adapt and comply to the craziness of others.
Bottom line however, is that what they've done to you in terms of privacy breaching, you'd be excused to smoke as much pot as you want as compensation.
But if you live at home, I can understand that you have to abide to certain rules if parents are that hung up about it. Even at 21. So yeah, the marijuana thing. Perhaps to appease your parents you should accept laying of it for the time being.
Them being hostile because you're an atheist however...? That is something that I will never understand or have sympathy for. I understand how in their eyes they want to "save" you for whatever bad things their religion tells them will happen to you. But in reality it really is just people believing in nonsense demanding others to believe in them too. I'm sure your parents won't go all fundamentalist about it and throw you out the house (or worse), but seriously: no sympathy. I hate how in this world people have to adapt and comply to the craziness of others.
Bottom line however, is that what they've done to you in terms of privacy breaching, you'd be excused to smoke as much pot as you want as compensation.
SCULLIBUNDO
Banned
Good luck for the future EzLink!
BocoDragon
or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Realize This Assgrab is Delicious
:lolrvy said:
Souldriver
Member
Oh my... :lolMama Robotnik said:
GhaleonQ
Member
*very religiously conservative Missouri Synod Lutheran*
*rather politically conservative*
*college-age non-substance user who doesn't use marijuana because it seems stupid and because it seems like respect for the law trumps drug recreation, even if it's less harmful than alcohol*
*college-age non-alcohol user because it makes some people act annoying and because I'm in very good shape unlike 95% of my fellow Wisconsinites*
So, obviously, your parents don't seem very sophisticated about religion, you developing your own values, the breach of trust that comes with violating privacy boundaries, and a lot of other things. That's unfortunate. Obviously, your average NeoGAF user is going to focus mostly on that.
That said, you probably shouldn't have hid behavior from your parents. If you were going to hide behavior from your parents, you should have been better equipped to discuss both drug use and religion when the cataclysm did come. You're not that old and that can be allowed for, but since you knew both were extremely important to your parents, you should have worked hard to make sure the transition was peaceful. This isn't the topic's point so I won't dwell on it, but I'll say that your take on religion and marijuana is not particularly complex or well-founded, either. You made all of that way harder than it needed to be.
You are incredibly self-aware, you intellectually reflect well, and you're generally a genial presence. Those are critical skills that too few people ever develop, never mind at that age. Hopefully, your parents realize that and meet you halfway in the future.
...Also, see if you can post on the gaming side still. Good luck! See you soon, hopefully.
*rather politically conservative*
*college-age non-substance user who doesn't use marijuana because it seems stupid and because it seems like respect for the law trumps drug recreation, even if it's less harmful than alcohol*
*college-age non-alcohol user because it makes some people act annoying and because I'm in very good shape unlike 95% of my fellow Wisconsinites*
So, obviously, your parents don't seem very sophisticated about religion, you developing your own values, the breach of trust that comes with violating privacy boundaries, and a lot of other things. That's unfortunate. Obviously, your average NeoGAF user is going to focus mostly on that.
That said, you probably shouldn't have hid behavior from your parents. If you were going to hide behavior from your parents, you should have been better equipped to discuss both drug use and religion when the cataclysm did come. You're not that old and that can be allowed for, but since you knew both were extremely important to your parents, you should have worked hard to make sure the transition was peaceful. This isn't the topic's point so I won't dwell on it, but I'll say that your take on religion and marijuana is not particularly complex or well-founded, either. You made all of that way harder than it needed to be.
You are incredibly self-aware, you intellectually reflect well, and you're generally a genial presence. Those are critical skills that too few people ever develop, never mind at that age. Hopefully, your parents realize that and meet you halfway in the future.
...Also, see if you can post on the gaming side still. Good luck! See you soon, hopefully.
LaserBuddha
Member
I got some advice I think you should REALLY consider.
Ask your parents to go to family therapy with you. Tell the therapist everything you've told us about what you've gone through, and everything your parents have done.
If your therapist is at all competent, they will tell your parents how overbearing and harmful their actions are. That's your one shot at having peace with your family while still making them see the light, so to speak.
Ask your parents to go to family therapy with you. Tell the therapist everything you've told us about what you've gone through, and everything your parents have done.
If your therapist is at all competent, they will tell your parents how overbearing and harmful their actions are. That's your one shot at having peace with your family while still making them see the light, so to speak.
It's depressing to see OP just rolling over as soon as the parents tell him to. Are you their son or their pet? If GAF was such a huge part of your life, then it boggles my mind why you would give up so easily.
Your parents lacked even the basic respect for you to talk to you about things. Instead they went behind your back to see what you have been up to.
I understand what it's like living with parents but, really? Come on man. You can't post on a video game website anymore because they say so? I understand them not wanting you to get into pot but they don't even respect you enough to let you make your own decisions.
In the end it's your decision. You want to give up so easily? That's fine. Act like a little kid rather than a man. Honestly, showing a bit of maturity in this whole situation would do you and your parents the world of good.
Your parents lacked even the basic respect for you to talk to you about things. Instead they went behind your back to see what you have been up to.
I understand what it's like living with parents but, really? Come on man. You can't post on a video game website anymore because they say so? I understand them not wanting you to get into pot but they don't even respect you enough to let you make your own decisions.
In the end it's your decision. You want to give up so easily? That's fine. Act like a little kid rather than a man. Honestly, showing a bit of maturity in this whole situation would do you and your parents the world of good.
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