How to Cure Your Fear of Women
What prevents men from being successful with women?
Well, the list goes on and on... but one of the
elements that TOPS the list is FEAR.
There are many different situations that make men
feel fear, but I'd like to talk about some of the most
common ones... and what to do about them.
First of all, I'd like you to be honest for a moment
about this topic.
Do you ever feel FEAR when it comes to women and
dating?
Have you ever seen a woman that you'd really like
to meet, but you started to feel fear, and didn't
do anything about it?
Or maybe you were on a date, and you wanted to
kiss a woman... but you felt too afraid because you
didn't want to make a mistake and screw up your chances?
Or maybe you even got a woman's phone number, but
you were too afraid to call back because you didn't
know how to start off the conversation or ask her
out?
Cummon, seriously...
Have you ever been sitting there with the phone
in your hand, dialing a woman's number, but you had
to hang up because you were just too nervous to even
talk to her...?
Or out on a date with a woman, and you wanted
to kiss her, but you got so nervous at the thought
that you just decided it would be better to forget
the whole idea and hope for the best...?
Me too. Many time, in fact.
By the way, it's not exactly FUN to admit that
you're afraid of things.
I'm sure you know that most guys would rather admit
in public that they were unsure about their sexual
orientation than that they were afraid of women.
Of course, this only makes matters worse...
If you don't admit that you have the problem, then
it's hard to get help and answers to it.
Well, the good news is that you're not alone.
Almost every guy I've known (including myself)
has dealt with this issue MANY TIMES with women.
So STEP 1 is to GET OVER IT. Get over your need
to deny that you're afraid. Just admit that you're
afraid, and come to grips with the fact that you're
human... STEP 2 is to admit that you'd like to get
this particular thing handled. STEP 3 is to DO SOMETHING
ABOUT IT.
Once you realize that it's not that big of a deal,
then the improvement can start. On the other hand,
if you just stay in denial about it, you'll probably
just look for new tricks and techniques to use on
women... which, of course, won't lead to any REAL
improvement.
I personally think that one of the biggest causes
of fear when it comes to situations with women is:
PUTTING TOO MUCH IMPORTANCE ON WHAT THE WOMAN THINKS
OF YOU AND WHAT HAPPENS IN THAT PARTICULAR SITUATION.
To put it in different words, most guys don't take
action because they're afraid that they'll screw up
or that the woman (or others around them) will judge
them to be stupid.
The REAL problem, though, is that this whole process
has become AUTOMATIC, and it happens INSTANTLY the
moment most guys see a woman that they'd like to meet.
Before they even have a chance to think about the
situation rationally, they've become nervous, insecure,
and upset.
I'm sure you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about.
As humans, we have these incredible minds and bodies,
but sometimes they get wired up in ways that aren't
exactly useful for the situations that we find ourselves
in. Worse, sometimes our cultures, families, or peer
groups teach us ways of thinking that just aren't useful
at all for what we'd like to accomplish.
Here's something that I realized a few years ago
when I was learning for myself how to be successful
with women...
I thought about this idea that I was having this
instant, automatic fear in different situations with
women, and that I was really thinking "I don't want
to screw this up" and "I don't want her to think that
I'm a dork"...
And all of a sudden something dawned on me:
IT DOESN'T MATTER.
It doesn't matter what happens, and it doesn't
matter what she thinks of me.
I realized that the fears I was experiencing were
more from PROGRAMMING than from reality.
So I started to remind myself as often as possible
that the fear wasn't happening because there was any
kind of danger... and that my objective in a particular
situation wasn't to have it turn out perfect, IT WAS
TO LEARN.
Think about the difference between doing something
because it's important vs. doing something to LEARN.
So, for instance, if I saw a woman that I wanted
to meet, instead of thinking "OK, I have to say something
charming and original so she'll like me... and if I
screw up I'm going to be embarrassed" I began to think
things like "I'm going to learn how to get a woman's
phone number within a few minutes of meeting her...
and part of learning this is going to be trying a lot
of different things that probably aren't going to work...
but in the end, it's all going to even out because
I'm going to have the SKILL that I want."
See the difference?
Well, let me tell you, that attitude change made
a HUGE impact on my success. I was willing to do and
try things that I never would have tried in the past
for fear of screwing up...
All because I had the attitude of "I'm going to
learn something from this and improve my skills...
and it doesn't matter what happens in THIS PARTICULAR
situation" I was able to improve very rapidly.
And the more I began to apply this idea, the more
success I had in ALL areas with women... from the
first meeting, to getting them to go out with me,
to taking things to a physical level.
So do this:
Go out RIGHT NOW and start a conversation with a
woman.
I don't care if she's attractive or not.
But instead of having the objective of getting
a date, have the objective of LEARNING SOMETHING.
In fact, if you REALLY want to improve fast, go
spend a day starting conversations with women, but
make the commitment to NOT get any phone numbers or
dates all day.
In other words, no matter WHAT happens, you can't
date any of the women that you meet that day.
See if you can just learn how to do a few simple
things like say "Hi" to every woman that walks by...
how to maintain eye contact with women until THEY
look away... and how to end a conversation "too soon",
so she feels a natural vacuum and tries to keep it
going herself...
That's one good idea for dealing with your fears.
If you'd like to read more of my personal secrets
for overcoming fear, including specific mental exercises
and physical drills, then I'd recommend that you download
a copy of my online eBook "Double Your Dating". It's
full of all my very best thinking on this and many
other subjects about success with women.
Just go to:
http://www.DoubleYourDatingSystem.com/e/eBook/
...and if you're ready to REALLY get your "issues"
handled with women, then I recommend that you get
your hands on a copy of my Advanced Dating Techniques
CD/DVD program.
You'll get to hear me and several of my friends
who are AMAZING with women talk about how we learned
to overcome our issues, deal with fears, and meet more
women as a result.
There's nothing like hearing it live, and this
program will blow your mind. Go here for all the details:
http://www.DoubleYourDatingSystem.com/e/AdvancedSeries/
I'll talk to you again soon.
Your Friend,
David D.
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