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[Team Alucard]

What are some good ways to feel more feminine that aren't that obvious? I've been doing little things like smiling and laughing more like how I see more girls than guys do, changing up some of my more stereotypical "course" tones, and practicing a less stiff walking style---I don't think I'm ready to try makeup yet or anything like that, waiting till I get my own place hopefully at the end of the year and experiment in private first. Tempted next time I get my haircut to find a style that's a bit more androgynous but that might be too obvious.

-Shave/wax your body hair
-Take care of your nails,
-Get your eyebrows done

Just a few things I do.

And I wouldn't be worried about accidentally outing yourself. People will think you're gay at the drop of the hat, but no one ever suspects someone is trans. There just isn't enough exposure (yet).

 

[Misha]

I found out the place I work is like one of the most trans-friendly companies there is---though the fact it's interacting with the public makes me nervous.

The worst thing about coming out to my parents is now I anxious about keeping my feminine habits a bit in-check around them because I don't want to overwhelm them, even more than before---at work though I feel like I'm a bit looser though I change based on who I interact with as I know certain folks won't quite "get it".

What are some good ways to feel more feminine that aren't that obvious? I've been doing little things like smiling and laughing more like how I see more girls than guys do, changing up some of my more stereotypical "course" tones, and practicing a less stiff walking style---I don't think I'm ready to try makeup yet or anything like that, waiting till I get my own place hopefully at the end of the year and experiment in private first. Tempted next time I get my haircut to find a style that's a bit more androgynous but that might be too obvious.

That is actually not very obvious at all. My hair is pretty much like max from life is strange and I am always incredibly clean shaven yet no one suspects a thing (though some family members tell me to get a haircut)

multiple people have even commented on my voice getting higher (I didn't' do it consciously) but my sister just attributed it to being something that happens to guys as they get older(I really think thats not the case). and i even accidentally start mimic the way some girls talk sometimes when I'm around them a ton and I haven't got called out on it since my dad complained in 9th grade

heck I've been called ma'am a few times in front of family and friends and if they even acknowledge it they'll just laugh at it

until you get obviously female clothing or start wearing makeup, people will just come up with their own rationalizations to explain everything. its actually pretty funny

other things though:
-you can wear different underclothes. depend on what you wear to work people may not notice. I was sorta paranoid when I did that so maybe not worth it
-agree with the above on shaving. pits and other upper body stuff lose their excitement a bit but if you wear pants enough shaving your legs is pretty nice
-avoid masculine clothes i guess is one. if I have something sorta formal I'll try for a sweater rather than suit/tie
-my friend would paint her toenails and when she got comfortable with that moved onto painting her nails
-heres a weird one, purposely change how you hiccup and sneeze. people might tease you for it but those are the little things that can make you feel better. you'd be surprised how easy it is to develop a new habit with those

 

[Beth Cyra]

Duckroll actually answered this in the Gundam thread---she simply requested a ban due to family issues.

...and that's a great way to enter the thread since as of yesterday I finally told my family I'd been having these thoughts for quite awhile and might actually try and pursue them, though at this point I think going to a gender therapist (if I can find one where I live) is the best course of action since I have so many questions. Glad to get it off my chest though.

Thanks for cross posting this for me Birdie.

Mods were real kind with me and I was banned due to pure request and not because of the Caytlin thread.

 

[Dai101]

BETH!

Hopefully everything is going well with you. Greetings!

 

[Beth Cyra]

BETH!

Hopefully everything is going well with you. Greetings!

Thanks Dai

Don't know about well, sick as a dog. That said I missed Trans and Gundam Gaf so it feels good to be back

 

[Ekai]

other things though:
-you can wear different underclothes. depend on what you wear to work people may not notice. I was sorta paranoid when I did that so maybe not worth it
-agree with the above on shaving. pits and other upper body stuff lose their excitement a bit but if you wear pants enough shaving your legs is pretty nice
-avoid masculine clothes i guess is one. if I have something sorta formal I'll try for a sweater rather than suit/tie
-my friend would paint her toenails and when she got comfortable with that moved onto painting her nails
-heres a weird one, purposely change how you hiccup and sneeze. people might tease you for it but those are the little things that can make you feel better. you'd be surprised how easy it is to develop a new habit with those

Just wanted to ask, how can you change how you hiccup or sneeze? I hate the way I sound when I do both (don't like my voice in general.... ) and I'd love to find a way to change how it sounds.

-Shave/wax your body hair
-Take care of your nails,
-Get your eyebrows done

Just a few things I do.

And I wouldn't be worried about accidentally outing yourself. People will think you're gay at the drop of the hat, but no one ever suspects someone is trans. There just isn't enough exposure (yet).

Currently doing the bodyhair thing with the Tria. No confidence in nail care or hair or eyebrow care though. I should go to a LGBT friendly salon or something.

I... want to make a post playing with pronouns to see how I feel about that. More specifically trying to explain away those mixed feelings of dread/fascination/fear/excitement. Not a good time now, but when I have more time and access to better input.

I'm a bit confused by this post, could be because I'm tired and have a long weekend ahead of me, but I hope what your next posting on this goes well.

Thanks Dai

Don't know about well, sick as a dog. That said I missed Trans and Gundam Gaf so it feels good to be back

Glad you're back!

 

[Misha]

Just wanted to ask, how can you change how you hiccup or sneeze? I hate the way I sound when I do both (don't like my voice in general.... ) and I'd love to find a way to change how it sounds.

For sneeze, tighten your mouth to sorta suppress it and if you want add a bit more noise back to it.

For hiccup its sorta harder since they're more abrupt. I think it's more about tightening your throat and again potentially adding extra noise to it.

Coughs are probably easiest. Very much throat and making shorter smaller breather coughs

This is just what I've noticed for myself though so it might take some trying out to figure it out. Practice when you can feel one coming on. Those kinds of things can be very weird sounding as it is so theres a decent bit of leeway on the kinds of noises you can believably make.
Its just a matter of doing it often enough purposely that your body learns the muscle memory so you end up doing it all the time

 

[Eusis]

I'm a bit confused by this post, could be because I'm tired and have a long weekend ahead of me, but I hope what your next posting on this goes well.

I was thinking of explaining some of my thoughts/feelings there but from a partial third person perspective. Like... Am I a girl who is afraid of how those around her would react or treat her for deciding to formally be one, or a boy who just finds the idea of being the opposite sex interesting but he's been afraid to speak up on that especially after the media exposure he's had and the sort of stuff he'd been told growing up, namely the odd things his father would say?

I go back and forth on whether a longer version of that is a good idea, or if I have enough to say. And I do go back and forth on thinking I could be female and that it's the dumbest thing (uhh, for myself) and not really associating with the idea of being female. Part of why I feel genderqueer, or some label under that umbrella anyway, probably suits me best. Nevermind the idea of a post that switches back and forth on pronouns.

 

[Eusis]

I should probably note a few things there admittedly: that idea was formed while I was working and had plenty of time to be left to my thoughts, and that I probably really want to speak about this SOMEWHERE and I feel a lot of posts in slower moving threads may not be the best idea. Thinking I'll check out my community college's LGBT area to see if they have anything for me.

 

[Misha]

So heres a question: how do you deal with dating sites pre-transition?

I sorta want to try one out since it would be nice to have someone to be intimate with but I don't quite know how to explain it easily. Like for a picture: I sorta feel like dressing up for a pic is unfair since I don't have the luxury of being that way all the time and dressing like I would at work/home gives the wrong impression.

My thought is probably dress like you want to dress and if it ever ends up more than internet be straight forward with the situation.

Are there any sites that are particularly good? I checked out a few and ok cupid seemed like one of the better ones since it seems more based on interests and conversation

 

[Firehead]

Alright, some progress over the past few days.

Got up the courage to talk with my manager to change my name from 'Joe' to 'Jo' on my nametag. It seems like a very minor thing, but it felt pretty major to me and was very happy that it was a success and that it went smoothly and no questions asked really. Though, I did say I was going through some stuff and prefer 'Jo' as it's a bit more feminine and less masculine... even though it's just in spelling. (My workplace has been fairly open and supportive, which is very nice.)

Started wearing more underneath while out in public. Have always worn knee highs and arm warmers, but have gotten myself to start wearing stockings and underwear, as well as some skinny jeans. (I absolutely love wearing them now, honestly... more confident, once I got over the initial anxiety of wearing them in public.)

My mom finally started talking to me again and she seemed to be supportive and willing to talk about things...

So, yeah. I think it's either I'm genderqueer or am transgender but not necessarily keen on completely, fully transitioning, or something like that? Being called female pronouns is actually rather nice now...
Iunno... I am who I am, I guess? ^^

 

[AppleSeason]

Doing some aditional planning for SRS... things are getting extremely complicated:

I am not allowed to take a paid sick leave unless surgery is performed in the country through public healthcare (and with the company doctors looking between my legs to confirm I have had surgery). Solution? Use all of my vacation days mixed with some bank holidays to stay the whole month as vacation, then once I am back request the sick leave with my doctor for the recovery months 2 and 3 (when you have to dilate 3xday and I can't use stairs so I am royally screwed with going to work.)


It seemed easy and I had talked it with HHRR, but there's one catch. There's a chance that if healing is not going very well, the surgeon can ask you to stay for an extra week (that's why it's recommended to buy plane tickets with option to change the date), and in that case... I don't have more days. I would have to ask for an extraordinary leave, but that needs to be done one week in advance.

Still working it out. I suppose best thing I can do is talk with the surgeon apart from my boss. I don't think I should have surgical complications. 31, work out regularly, don't smoke, don't drink, fit, 20.6 BMI, no known illnesses apart from my messed up skeleton... And from my previous two surgeries I heal at a Wolverine speed, at least for FFS and BA (Heck, they had problems removing the drains because I had been healing so much that they were too attached).

 

[Watch Da Birdie]

So, the closest gender therapist near me stresses how quickly he can get you a referral letter for hormones and surgery---I mean I myself just came out recently and don't have a lot of experience with this, but does that seem sort of off? I mean that's a big deal and he seems more focused on getting you it rather than communicating the truth behind the procedure, so I'm hesitant in contacting him. But I don't know, maybe that's normal?

I've really been in a female mind since coming out to my boss and parents and in a way that's really having an effect on my own perception---I feel a lot more feminine lately and even looking in the mirror my face seems rounder, my facial hair doesn't seem to grow as quickly, and I look kind of "cuter". Maybe it's a placebo effect, but I'm not complaining. I love going to work now because I love talking to my boss about this, she's very receptive and even said her girlfriend wants to show me how to do makeup once I can drive again in the fall---it makes me happy to have someone treat me like a girl since my parents are still in the phase of dropping not-so-subtle "buddy" and "handsome young man" to me though I don't think they mean any harm.

I really need to figure out what to do now beyond simply talking about this---I feel a longing more than ever to express myself but no comfortable outlets to take.

 

[Eusis]

It might be kind of going in the opposite direction from "you can't possibly be transgender if you're not running around wearing makeup and dresses and want to be with a man", though it's definitely not something I'd want to dive into. Just... talk it out, and for now at most (for non-cosmetic things) I'd only want a month or something on hormones just to see how it felt, if the short term stuff has no or next to no lingering effects.

EDIT: And as silly of a litmus as this is, going by how I feel playing the male character in Salt & Sanctuary maybe I'm really just more genderfluid than not. And don't want to be an overly hairy/overtly masculine man.

 

[Beth Cyra]

So, the closest gender therapist near me stresses how quickly he can get you a referral letter for hormones and surgery---I mean I myself just came out recently and don't have a lot of experience with this, but does that seem sort of off? I mean that's a big deal and he seems more focused on getting you it rather than communicating the truth behind the procedure, so I'm hesitant in contacting him. But I don't know, maybe that's normal?

I've really been in a female mind since coming out to my boss and parents and in a way that's really having an effect on my own perception---I feel a lot more feminine lately and even looking in the mirror my face seems rounder, my facial hair doesn't seem to grow as quickly, and I look kind of "cuter". Maybe it's a placebo effect, but I'm not complaining. I love going to work now because I love talking to my boss about this, she's very receptive and even said her girlfriend wants to show me how to do makeup once I can drive again in the fall---it makes me happy to have someone treat me like a girl since my parents are still in the phase of dropping not-so-subtle "buddy" and "handsome young man" to me though I don't think they mean any harm.

I really need to figure out what to do now beyond simply talking about this---I feel a longing more than ever to express myself but no comfortable outlets to take.

Normal is hard to classify with this.

That said I don't like rushing surgery or even hormones. Granted I think it shours be a case by case basis.

Some Trans Women and Men never have any kind of surgery, heck some DON'T want it. If you have PC giver maybe talk to them as they may have a more balanced recommendation.

 

[mollipen]

So, the closest gender therapist near me stresses how quickly he can get you a referral letter for hormones and surgery---I mean I myself just came out recently and don't have a lot of experience with this, but does that seem sort of off?

To me? Yes. The last thing you want in a therapist is someone who is going to encourage you to transition. They should be trying to help you make sense of your situation—no matter if that's you being trans or there being some other issue going on—and then deciding if they support the decisions you make when you're ready to make them. If you have a therapist who supports transitioning as one of the potential solutions should they conclude you do have gender dysphoria, that's one thing: a therapist recommending it to you or helping you shorten the path to it is another.

 

[Platy]

To me? Yes. The last thing you want in a therapist is someone who is going to encourage you to transition.

...I went to some that ... well .... I have to say that it is NOT the last thing you want =P

A therapist that doesn't even consider transition as an option (to say in the most cute terms...) is the LAST thing you want =P

 

[mollipen]

...I went to some that ... well .... I have to say that it is NOT the last thing you want =P

A therapist that doesn't even consider transition as an option (to say in the most cute terms...) is the LAST thing you want =P

I don't know, I think a therapist who encourages someone to transition who shouldn't be taking those steps yet (or ever) is worse than a therapist who entirely shoots down the idea. With the latter, you can aways try someone else. With the former, they may push you onto a journey you shouldn't be taking.

 

[Eusis]

I don't know, I think a therapist who encourages someone to transition who shouldn't be taking those steps yet (or ever) is worse than a therapist who entirely shoots down the idea. With the latter, you can aways try someone else. With the former, they may push you onto a journey you shouldn't be taking.

That's true, I wouldn't want to go "I want to be a girl... sometimes?" and have someone push me down only to go "no, that REALLY wasn't what I wanted." Even going "eh, a gender's a gender" would be a net loss due to all the issues you'd have to deal with physically and socially.

 

[HUELEN10]

Respectfully, I have a question...

Since OP is banned, who is in charge of the thread?

 

[Platy]

With the latter, you can aways try someone else.

After more than a year setback with depression and suicidal ideas because you believed the son of a ><

...I mean, even if a person is in doubt, even taking time to do everything ... If the person still wants than the person probably wanted anyway.

Also, we are adults and it is part of life to deal with our choices =P

If you are not sure just say that to the therapist and talk more

 

[Risette]

Relaying a message, but if anyone is wondering where Ekai went, she's been banned for a month. She wishes you all well.

 

[AppleSeason]

That moment when you call by phone to cancel a hosting contract to your birth name and you forget to use "the old voice". I don't consider it that female sounding as I've never taken voice training seriously, but apparently it genders me female, something I usually don't expect to happen.

Life's weird.

 

[Beth Cyra]

Respectfully, I have a question...

Since OP is banned, who is in charge of the thread?

We as a community run it right now.


OT2 will happen at 20K and we will decide who will take over new OT responsibilities.

Right now we are going wider to be more inclusive with gender fluid folk and non conformist.

Is there anything we can do for you Huelen10?

 

[mollipen]

Respectfully, I have a question...

Since OP is banned, who is in charge of the thread?

I am the next senior member of the thread. Thus, I am its queen... and I'm a cruel queen. *evil laugh*

 

[Beth Cyra]

I am the next senior member of the thread. Thus, I am its queen... and I'm a cruel queen. *evil laugh*

Crap if your the oldest active that may make me number 2 as far as over all years are concerned.......I'm a grandma everywhere damn it.

Well thankfully cougars are in vogue right now.

 

[Dai101]

I am the next senior member of the thread. Thus, I am its queen... and I'm a cruel queen. *evil laugh*

Crap if your the oldest active that may make me number 2 as far as over all years are concerned.......I'm a grandma every damn it.

Well thankfully cougars are in vogue right now.

 

[Platy]

Crap if your the oldest active that may make me number 2 as far as over all years are concerned.......I'm a grandma every damn it.

Well thankfully cougars are in vogue right now.

SO CLOSE ! soooo closeee

 

[Hollycat]

////edit: I thought this in the bdsm thread >_<

 

[Hella Lugosi]

So I went to my hormones doctor today. My T count is below 50 so that's nice. I was hoping she'd increase my dose but she said I'd have to wait at least another few months. I'm extremely pleased with how I look today though!

 

[Watch Da Birdie]

I can't wait till I start hormones..


I finally purchased some lipstick for the first time and tried it on, I've always been afraid to do that because I was worried I'd like it too much---and, wow, it felt really fun putting it on. I feel a little odd because it sort of "turned me on", but I think that was more because I was nervous doing it and wasn't really a sexual component I hope. I think perhaps the smell caused it since I've always associated it with cute girls, but who knows---I mean I guess that might happen to a lot of people the first time they express themselves in a way they've been told isn't right for their sex.

My face is fairly masculine still, but it looked pretty good since my skin is pale and I think my facial features aren't too rough as I'm pretty cleanshaven and thin. But yeah, I totally hope the hormones can soften up my face, they can do that, right? I didn't wear the makeup out in public yet, though I'm tempted to...my lips get chapped a lot and they look red so I could probably just claim it's that if I got any weird looks.

 

[Beth Cyra]

So I went to my hormones doctor today. My T count is below 50 so that's nice. I was hoping she'd increase my dose but she said I'd have to wait at least another few months. I'm extremely pleased with how I look today though!

Looking great friend.

Still haven't checked my time since my surgery. Need too.

 

[AppleSeason]

But yeah, I totally hope the hormones can soften up my face, they can do that, right?

With hormones, nearly everything is random. Some people get massive effects, others little to nothing and have to learn how to compensate with makeup/hair/etc. Apart from thinner and paler skin, I never got any softening of features from subfacial fat (And I'm nearly on my third year). Despite FFS I look so rough on the face that people (depends on the light, but I'm fairly thin) tend to believe I have anorexia



No make-up, on the way to the gym.

 

[Watch Da Birdie]

What are some tricks to make the face look a bit softer then? My jawline bothers me so much right now along with my big nose...

 

[Platy]

What are some tricks to make the face look a bit softer then? My jawline bothers me so much right now along with my big nose...

Get fat xD

 

[Team Alucard]

What are some tricks to make the face look a bit softer then? My jawline bothers me so much right now along with my big nose...

Your jawline might soften on HRT, but your nose won't. You'd need rhinoplasty for that.

There's also contouring and highlighting techniques with makeup to mask certain unwanted features.

 

[Eusis]

Get fat xD

. . . Might be why people are surprised by my age.

 

[AppleSeason]

Get fat xD

Heh. Tried, for my face to fill my body needs at least 20 extra kg, and due to the body fat distribution it ends looking make again.

I need to get informed about if fat can be injected in the face. I don't like the idea of fillers...

 

[Team Alucard]

Heh. Tried, for my face to fill my body needs at least 20 extra kg, and due to the body fat distribution it ends looking make again.

I need to get informed about if fat can be injected in the face. I don't like the idea of fillers...

Fat infusions (or lipofilling as they call it) to the cheek is a procedure that many FFS surgeons offer.

 

[Misha]

how does someone go about picking a new name? do you find one that you feel suits you or what? and do you just sorta have it till you finally get used to it?

I can't imagine how to much such a decision that you're gonna hear for the rest of your life. Its like marriage to a word

 

[Platy]

how does someone go about picking a new name? do you find one that you feel suits you or what? and do you just sorta have it till you finally get used to it?

I can't imagine how to much such a decision that you're gonna hear for the rest of your life. Its like marriage to a word

Most people ask their mom what their names would be if the doctor said "it is a girl" or something stupid like "the girly version of my id name" =P

And ... it is not THAT unchangeable as you think ... it is only unchangeable when you will enter the name change legal stuff and that can happen whenever you want. Also nicknames =P

 

[Eusis]

One of the things that stopped me up in the past from the idea of transitioning beyond hang ups mentioned and not even sure I'd actually WANT that in a permanent manner is the fact I do like my name and have been defensive of it in the past. But my online username sounds kind of androgynous, and I could probably just play around and go by part of my last name which is a girl's name (and a man's in some parts of the world, or games like Xenogears. Now have fun guessing!)

 

[Platy]

Reminds me that one of the options that I had to change my name was Gabrielle .... which is a masculine name on italy

 

[Hella Lugosi]

I kinda fell into my name but I'm happy with it. I don't think it's something you need to think that hard about just try different things and find something that fits you.

Talking to girls about the origin of their name is always fun though.

 

[Platy]

I personaly think that people not being able to choose their own names and being stuck with it is kinda fun .... but if you want to break it go for it

 

[Misha]

Most people ask their mom what their names would be if the doctor said "it is a girl" or something stupid like "the girly version of my id name" =P

And ... it is not THAT unchangeable as you think ... it is only unchangeable when you will enter the name change legal stuff and that can happen whenever you want. Also nicknames =P

That for me would have been "Kristen" which I can't really see. Girly version is something I'm actually considering though I'm not feeling like the straight across conversion, that just feels halfassed to me (no offense to anyone that did it that way). The biggest problem that I have is that I think of a name and it makes me think of someone thats not me (or is too common or too unusual which I also would prefer to avoid)


yeah i know it can be changed. but I'm sorta a name catholic, I always went by the full version of my first name and wouldn't let anyone use nickenames bothered me for some reason. don't wanna get that name divorce unless absolutely necessary

Reminds me that one of the options that I had to change my name was Gabrielle .... which is a masculine name on italy

Thats exactly why I use Misha as a screen name. Its a male nickname in Eastern Europe but to westerners, it sounds more feminine

 

[Hella Lugosi]

I remember my mom telling me that my name was going to be "Scout" after the To Kill A Mockingbird character.

I don't look or feel like a Scout.

 

[Dai101]

I remember my mom telling me that my name was going to be "Scout" after the To Kill A Mockingbird character.

I don't look or feel like a Scout.

How about a Sailor Scout?

 

[Hella Lugosi]

How about a Sailor Scout?

I'd rather be a Magic Knight

 

[Eusis]

Well, on my end there's also something of a philosophical stance I guess in that I am still me and wouldn't want a different name JUST because I choose to transition or whatever (and admittedly there seem to be rare isolated incidents of my name being used by women), but I can see people who want to make a symbolic restart too, or that just as they couldn't choose their birth sex and want to fix that, so too they will take control of their names. Which probably ends up saying more about me than anything else really, and admittedly makes me sort of wish I had a more androgynous name in the first place even if I like my name. I hate the feminine versions out there for the most part, and the one that's OK (Greer) has trans related baggage and is a kind of odd sounding name anyway.

I'd rather be a Magic Knight

How about girl version of TF2 scout?

EDIT: And admittedly this is a topic I think is a fun mental exercise regardless of intent. Which too might say something about me, but I think my secondary goal is that even if I didn't want to transition at least wrangle these topics and be reasonably comfortable about them. Funnily enough I think that would be the opposite end goal, "real masculinity" in that one's gender identity isn't so fragile as to break under such stupid things as wanting to wear a dress, doing activities associated with women, or owning multiple shoes. Something that just is and is innate, not something you should ever need to prove, which would logically go for feminity as well.

EDIT 2 (technically 3 SHUT UP OK): Actually, that bit above can probably be better summed up as trying to find one's identity and being comfortable with it. It's just a thought I had with "fragile masculinity" in that if you really, REALLY need to reinforce that perhaps you should just... Let it break? If it really is that fragile maybe you aren't that happy as you are anyway?