It is a sad feeling for sure. Granted I'm only on here and mainly for Gundam stuff at this point.Nothing like having to stop visiting a site (forum) you like because the moderation does nothing about prejudice against trans folks/transphobia (not talking about GAF).
Oh well.
Not sure why I still post in this thread since 90% of my posts are ignored
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Transgaf: 'cause boys will be girls (and vice versa)
- Thread starter lexi
- Start date
WaffleTaco
Wants to outlaw technological innovation.
Posting is communication. Please do. I don't post, but I love seeing the updates from other girls since I can't do anything.Nothing like having to stop visiting a site (forum) you like because the moderation does nothing about prejudice against trans folks/transphobia (not talking about GAF).
Oh well.
Not sure why I still post in this thread since 90% of my posts are ignored
Hi, German girl here. My Story is rather typical. And I have been living in hiding way too long. In March of this year, my suffering got so big, that I almost took my life.
At the last Minute I decided, you can always kill yourself later. time to step into the light.
Got myself a therapist. Came out to family and friends. Came out to my bosses at work, but not working as myself yet.....it's a difficult Story.
But apart from work I live fulltime as myself and was never happier.
This coming wednesday I have the big HRT talk with my therapist... Yay.
Oh, I go by Sarah Justine.
and this is me:
At the last Minute I decided, you can always kill yourself later. time to step into the light.
Got myself a therapist. Came out to family and friends. Came out to my bosses at work, but not working as myself yet.....it's a difficult Story.
But apart from work I live fulltime as myself and was never happier.
This coming wednesday I have the big HRT talk with my therapist... Yay.
Oh, I go by Sarah Justine.
and this is me:
Android18a
Member
Nice to meet you, well done for sticking with it and going for it - you're only here once so might as well give it the best you've got right?
You look great
Welcome to the thread.
You look great
Welcome to the thread.I am happy to report another fantastic milestone has happened with my transition! I AM OUT AT WORK! I came out to my boss on Wednesday and she is extremely supportive and I even changed my name tag to match my true identity!
Looking good. You know, for all the shit walmart takes from every angle is nice to see they're one of the most inclusive corporations out there. Glad to read that you have the support of your boss in such regard.
Hi, German girl here. My Story is rather typical. And I have been living in hiding way too long. In March of this year, my suffering got so big, that I almost took my life.
At the last Minute I decided, you can always kill yourself later. time to step into the light.
Got myself a therapist. Came out to family and friends. Came out to my bosses at work, but not working as myself yet.....it's a difficult Story.
But apart from work I live fulltime as myself and was never happier.
This coming wednesday I have the big HRT talk with my therapist... Yay.
Oh, I go by Sarah Justine.
and this is me:
Nice to meet you, Sarah. Welcome to this thread. Glad to hear you came to terms and that you live as yourself.
Team Alucard
Banned
What are people's experience with anti-depressants?
I don't expect them to fix dysphoria but if they make it easier to function then it's worth a shot.
I don't expect them to fix dysphoria but if they make it easier to function then it's worth a shot.
Butterfly Witch
Member
Anti-depressants do nothing for dysphoria. The only way to take care of dysphoria is hormones and potentially surgery.
It's in the name really, they're suited to treat depression.
Exactly. While you're still alive, you still have a chance to change your life into something that you want it to be. When you're dead, all of that opportunity is gone. I feel 100x better at the point I'm at now than I did before I started, and I can't imagine how sorry I'd be had I not lived to have this chance and experience all of the things I am now.
Also, I'm jealous of your hair.
tearsofash
Member
Has anyone else experienced lactation while doing HRT? Apparently I'm at high-risk because of the blood pressure and psych meds I'm can cause lactation according to my doctor. Does it just start happening one day or what?
tearsofash
Member
Well, personally, I think it would do a lot for my dysphoria since I'm more about the body stuff than the looks stuff. So I wouldn't mind it. My hormone levels shouldn't be too high I'm only on 0.5mg of Estradiol cause I just started HRT.
And with my situation, my depression was partly due to years of dysphoria and anxiety. Anti-depressants weren't really helping me, so my doctor and therapist suggested starting HRT (a bit over three weeks ago at this point).
So far, my mood's improved exponentially over the past few weeks and I've been feeling much, much more confident. And it's not exactly all thanks to the hormones. Rather, it's also thanks to accepting and pushing myself to be who I am -- to be comfortable and happy; to not worry as much.
Mind, everyone's situation is different and what works for one person doesn't necessarily work the same for someone else. Hormones aren't a magical cure-all that'll make everything better.
Paxil made me finally come out, somewhat eagerly at that, about my gender identity issues. So they might do... something.
Blam
Member
Welcome, I suppose.
Team Alucard
Banned
The idea is that they may help with the symptoms of my dysphoria. (Depression, suicidal ideation, anorexia)
Similar to how painkillers don't treat the root cause of the pain, but they sure make things more manageable for the afflicted.
I don't expect them to fix my problems or make me happy, just to make day-to-day life less miserable.
I'm sure there are plenty of trans people out there who spent their whole lives in the closet and still were able to find happiness somehow.
Rajack
Member
Some of that shit is pretty fair as far as criticisms go, but a lot of it is totally unfair, especially when WalMart has one of the most draconian antidiscrimination policies in existence. The policy even makes explicit mentions of gender identity and expression. My experience working at WalMart has been nothing but overwhelmingly positive, save for one old 70 year old garden center associate who will be talked to because she adamantly refuses to use my preferred name and pronouns.
Butterfly Witch
Member
It won't. Flat out.
If you are trans and you experience dyshoria on a daily basis then your only solution is transition. Stop beating around the bush.
There's a reason trans people have a stupidly high rate of suicide, it's not because they live in the closet and find happiness.
Lactation takes time and it does hurt coming on. There's no reason why trans women can't lactate, even if it's not super common. The main issue with lactation is that it requires a freaking ton of prolactin, the hormone that induces and maintains lactation, however it's also an estradiol inhibitor so it can work against the desired effects of HRT. It can also mess up with your pituitary gland in the brain and you do not want that.
Android18a
Member
So I've had the day at home today, took the opportunity to do my makeup nice as practice. I just had one of those wonderful moments when you look in the mirror and just see... yourself. Not a fake, not the you that you had to pretend to be all these years, just... her. And that made me smile, and then when I smiled she looked so happy it made me smile even more. I came away from the bathroom mirror feeling really happy.
I don't get much opportunity to make myself pretty often, but moments like that confirm for me just who I really am and 'she' is just under the surface waiting to get out! I can't wait to get my first gender clinic appointment (even though it's probably a year and a half at least before I get it...).
The sad side is that I'm increasingly tempted to self-med but I have neither the money nor confidence to do it without using the official channels.
I don't get much opportunity to make myself pretty often, but moments like that confirm for me just who I really am and 'she' is just under the surface waiting to get out! I can't wait to get my first gender clinic appointment (even though it's probably a year and a half at least before I get it...).
The sad side is that I'm increasingly tempted to self-med but I have neither the money nor confidence to do it without using the official channels.
Honestly, the biggest reason to consider antidepressants ANYWAY is if it gives you the courage to go through with transition. I didn't want to talk about that stuff whether it was real dysphoria or just a actually weird obsession, so at least getting it out there helped to take any steps that may be needed.
And, uhh, finally got a T shot. I'm curious to see how I feel on that and to clear things up, and regardless I'm hoping to maybe get some fat burned off and maybe it'll even help with this pain in my upper left arm in case the muscle just needed a little kick to heal up properly.
And, uhh, finally got a T shot. I'm curious to see how I feel on that and to clear things up, and regardless I'm hoping to maybe get some fat burned off and maybe it'll even help with this pain in my upper left arm in case the muscle just needed a little kick to heal up properly.
Rajack
Member
If you can transition without ever taking antidepressants though, do it. They can mess you up badly, have the opposite effect, or even have no effect at all. Dysphoria has only one known cure: Transition. Its not worth it to try to treat the symptoms and ignore the root problem.
Edit: Congratulations! Keep us informed on how it makes you feel!
Thanks! Admittedly I'm AMAB but have verified low T, so it's kind of a test: if I feel great then I was just curious while sufffering low T, but if I feel like crap then I seriously need to look into transition.
Butterfly Witch
Member
Yeah, no.
Anti-depressants are not the cure for dysphoria but if your depression stems from something other than dysphoria or not from dysphoria alone then they do help and you should take them.
In short, there's nothing wrong with anti-depressants when they are prescribed for the intended effect. Sadly many trans people have had to deal with trauma and abuse and the consequences of those actions. Anti-depressants can help with that and should not be discredited.
Using anti-depressants to help with dysphoria is not going to work. Using anti-depressants to treat clinical depression that comes from abuse and trauma does work.
I have a stupid question, if you may.
If you are indeed trans then more testosterone is only going to fuck you up more, not help you at all. If you have low testosterone then yes, you can get depression and a whole bag of other "not nice" things from it but never "I wish I was a woman" has been used to describe low testosterone levels.
If you feel like you are a woman then why get testosterone? It's only going to make it harder for you to transition later on.
Truth to power. Antidepressants are the right tool when used for the right job.
Well, a key reason is feeling more that I may be genderfluid, agender, otherwise non-binary. Sometimes it feels like it'd be nice to be a woman, other times like I'm happy being a man and just want to be in a more ideal shape. So, depending on how I feel this should clear things up (though if it's possible for someone non-binary to feel like crap regardless of hormonal balance that would be annoying.)
Rajack
Member
Mhmm, if boosting your T levels makes you feel bad, then Testosterone is likely bad for you and you need to transition.
WaffleTaco
Wants to outlaw technological innovation.
We should just let her get there when she gets there and offer her plenty of support in the mean time. Everyone's path is different.
Rajack
Member
We're not saying she should rush to her destination, just not avoid it entirely. The transition is an experience to be treasured and enjoyed. Its a wonderful journey for those who must take it. Yeah being transgender sucks because of ignorant asshats and other existing problems, but the sense of profoundly positive change is euphoric and should never be avoided.
It is so funny to me because Alucard will probably read you using "she" and think that "no, i am a man and I must keep being a man because of REASONS".
It is not like someone who knows they need to transition but it is not a good time because of X. It is someone who said they would never think about transitioning because would get a minimal result, posted pics, everyone said would get good results and DISSAPEARED FOR SOME TIME instead of "yaaay good results".
And now the reason to never transition is other.
So I will just laugh because Alucard only enters here for reasons to delay transition and never do it and everyone break those reasons like if it was nothing xD
When a person WANTS to be helped I try to help, but in this case I will sing the song of my people :
uhehueuheuheuheuheuh
Definitely, then it'll become the obnoxious question of when it would be best to try and how to go about it. Want to be in a more secure place in life first if I were to go that route.
Feeling pretty great on my second day after the shot though, so knock on wood? Could be placebo (and wanting to change SOMETHING one way or another and going on the path of self discovery) and I did feel like I may've had a bit too much energy last night, but, uhhh, that might ALSO have been the candy left at work, so that could be a plain old sugar rush. And regardless this is still a bit early for most mental effects to actually be noted though I guess some swear they feel it right away?
Rajack
Member
Personally testosterone overwhelmed me mentally and emotionally. going on HRT has made me so much more stable and likeable as a person. I'm really very different from how I used to be.
WaffleTaco
Wants to outlaw technological innovation.
I think she will get there given time. Encouragement and just having patience with people is the best thing we can offer for those who are not mentally prepared to transition yet. Ultimately the choice is hers, but I think she will come around eventually given time.
I think a lot of it has to do with being in denial about it. It's a stage, and I think quite a few people here would agree with on that. She still comes here because she feels not quite right in her body, and still probably views herself as female, but believes her situation is hopeless. We really should be encouraging her to at least try something and give positive reinforcement. Honestly I don't think you should respond to her anymore. It's not been very helpful and could have been bad for her self-esteem.
Good luck! I hope it goes well for you!
WaffleTaco
Wants to outlaw technological innovation.
I'm so happy for you! You are about to start living as the real you and it is going to be an awesome adventure!
Thank you. I'm still not able to fully grasp it. Feels like a dream to me.
AppleSeason
Member
The trannipocalypse continues (in Spain).
One month ago I was warned that pharmacies were running out of stock for oral estradiol (that and patches are the only available thing here. No shots). The only brand sold here is Meriestra in 2 and 1mg, I managed to get the pharmacy to reserve the last two 28 pill boxes for me, but the situation looks bad. The meds (testosterone for FTM too) do not even appear as being sold, and even my GP could give me an extra prescription to hunt for E and stash it since he can't even prescribe it. The only other similar thing, progynova 1mg, is currently out of stock.
Currently trans support associations are trying to find what's going on and how public healthcare / government will react (right wing / incredible anti trans / removed SRS from public healthcare services), but everything aims to the distributor (Novartis) deciding that there was not enough demand for the drug and stopping the import.
People who use paper prescriptions were lucky and could ordered enough boxes, but the ones with electronic prescriptions that need to be refilled monthly, we are pretty much effed up. I have a tiny stash from when I had to DIY I won't be taking HRT during december, but it won't last long. I haven't been able to contact the endocrinology department yet. And no, online ordering is not an option. Even inhouse stopped shipping to spain since customs destroys all packages containing med. So even if I had a special Rx for online ordering, I have nowhere to order from.
One month ago I was warned that pharmacies were running out of stock for oral estradiol (that and patches are the only available thing here. No shots). The only brand sold here is Meriestra in 2 and 1mg, I managed to get the pharmacy to reserve the last two 28 pill boxes for me, but the situation looks bad. The meds (testosterone for FTM too) do not even appear as being sold, and even my GP could give me an extra prescription to hunt for E and stash it since he can't even prescribe it. The only other similar thing, progynova 1mg, is currently out of stock.
Currently trans support associations are trying to find what's going on and how public healthcare / government will react (right wing / incredible anti trans / removed SRS from public healthcare services), but everything aims to the distributor (Novartis) deciding that there was not enough demand for the drug and stopping the import.
People who use paper prescriptions were lucky and could ordered enough boxes, but the ones with electronic prescriptions that need to be refilled monthly, we are pretty much effed up. I have a tiny stash from when I had to DIY I won't be taking HRT during december, but it won't last long. I haven't been able to contact the endocrinology department yet. And no, online ordering is not an option. Even inhouse stopped shipping to spain since customs destroys all packages containing med. So even if I had a special Rx for online ordering, I have nowhere to order from.
AppleSeason
Member
It would depend on if they are able to accept prescriptions from another country (I have one of those cards for accessing health while in the Eurozone). If it was possible, it would be an idea. Either that or somebody in the UK or france buying from inhouse and shipping.
What it is daunting is that compared to when I got the warning one month ago, now people are aware about this and panicking. Getting in touch with the endos from public healthcare is pretty hard. I suppose that they would prescribe patches (they are aware that they work for very few people) or progynova 1 mg, which is already out of the stock. The depressing thing is that meriestra was the only brand of E available. You could get 5 different brands of lorazepam, but the amount of products with estradiol valerate is minimal. Other options would be treatments used for birth control that mix a bit of E and cypro or other hormones, but those stopped being prescribed a long time ago. Diane-35 has a pretty bad reputation.
PS: This it not the first time something like this happens. Last year reandron, monthly injectable T stopped being sold / produced, forcing ftm's to do weekly visits to health centres (not sure if they can buy it on their own since it is a controlled substance). And this is the third E shortage in two years, but the first it is discontinued (most probably because it does not make enough profit). So until healthcare finds a solution, we may be on our own.
Rajack
Member
And the third annual Transgender Spectrum Conference is a wrap! I had fun, met some great people I'll never forget, and spent some quality time with my workplace crush! I can't wait to attend the next event!
Edit: I just came out to my mom. Wish me luck on how she reacts to it.
Edit: I just came out to my mom. Wish me luck on how she reacts to it.
Good luck! My mom's good and accepting of the possibility but I dread my dad would be outright antagonistic.
Definitely feeling too wound up today, but it's like going from a semi-dormant volcano to a liquid one; it's always putting out lava but in a more predictable and reliable manner, but I'll need to see how I feel in a week and especially when some recent nonsense is behind me comfortably (and make sure it's not, like, caffeine and cheap pizza.) Still, if this is what I can expect with testosterone then I don't think I want to deal with it, even if I'm a bit more outgoing and able to roll with annoyances better on average it doesn't feel great.
Better than the Paxil withdrawal though. If this is a liquid volcano, that was one that just kept violently erupting without end.
Wish you the best of lucks.
Best of luck.
Give her time. My Mom was in complete denial and whenever I started to steer the conversation in that direction after I came out to her, she would always deflect. She would end the convo, because of meaningless reasons.
but she came to accept the fact and yesterday she was finally ready to meet my trueself.
It went great and she was super cool about it.
My parents are still in denial, whenever we talk they come up with some seriously crazy explanations on why it's happening to me. They've even met my therapist who explained the whole process to them, but still it didn't make a dent. I hope that with time they will accept who I am and will want to meet my true self...
@Rajack
Give your mother some time, hopefully she'll be on your side.