• Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.

Transgaf: 'cause boys will be girls (and vice versa)

lexi

Banned
NoRéN said:
So, how do you handle it when this happens? Can you tell when someone is just showing interest because your tg?

You can pretty much tell when they start asking about your anatomy within 10 seconds.
 

Zozz

Banned
I just wanna say, right on y'all. I had a tg speaker at my school, awesome chick. She explained her struggles through out her young self and how much the other guys hated her. It takes power to stand up to some heartless bastards.
 

lexi

Banned
So, My mother is admonishing me out for going out in 'such a short skirt'. :lol Mused that my sister went through the same phase.
 

Alfarif

This picture? uhh I can explain really!
lexi said:
So, My mother is admonishing me out for going out in 'such a short skirt'. :lol Mused that my sister went through the same phase.

Haha, nice. Your mom sounds pretty accepting.
 

EatChildren

Currently polling second in Australia's federal election (first in the Gold Coast), this feral may one day be your Bogan King.
One issue with the trans community that I think is a catch 22 is how the social treatment can mentally effect the individual. The whole 'crazy tranny' thing really isnt hard to envision when someone lives a life of such inner confusion and struggle, zero support from so many of the people around them, and even ridiculed and shamed.

That kind of treatment has an effect on enybody, but for a transvestite it ends up hurting their cause even more so. You see transvestities who are, quite frankly, out of their mind, harboring terrible social skills (almost on a sociopath level), sometimes poor personal hygene, and mental disabilities in general.

As I said the kind of treatment that causes these unfortunate end is something that would effect everybody, but for the trans community it just worsens their situation. People see transvestites acting like this and it damages the reputation and personality of those struggling who havent lost their marbles.

I hope that didnt sound offensive as it was supposed to be to the total opposite :p. I can just see it being a particuarly frustrating issue (one of many) in struggling with social acceptance.

I kind of put it up there with the highly sexualised gay stereotype. A few of my gay friends hate the image that is given to the male gay community, in that they're extremely sexual, always looking for dirty, rough sex, etc. For them it really hurts social perception of who they are, as even when they're very 'camp' in personality they're not the super horny, flamboyant, sexualised image that is often seen in the media.
 
Android18a said:
For the non-trans people here: Would you date a trans-girl/guy? Or how would you respond if the person you'd been dating revealed they were trans after you'd been out a few times (and likely grown fond of already)? Would it change things for you, or would you find it irrelevant? Would you expect to be informed of your date being trans before you went out together, or wouldn't you mind if it came up later?

Curious as to how you guys think here. Sorry if this was asked and I missed it.

I'm dating a non op MtF right now :D No problem whatsoever!
 
Wrath2X said:
Hows it going?

Really well, so far. We'd been dating as friends for awhile, but fairly recently we decided to get a bit more serious. We're both involved in the BDSM community, so that involved doing some collar shopping yesterday :D Alas, we couldn't find anything that appealed to both of us, so we're still looking. And we're still trying to negotiate out exactly what we both want out of the power exchange dynamic. It's an exciting time!

She's doing a degree in women's studies right now, and you wouldn't believe the shit she gets from her classmates. I honestly don't know how she does it; it just seems like the whole world is hostile to who she is =( At least she periodically gets to lay the smack down on people, especially those in her classes who don't know she's a sex worker and start lambasting that :lol

NewGamePlus said:
Yeah, that's what I mean. A preference is one thing, but a true fetish, even the ubiquitous foot fetish, will just put distance in the relationship. Imagine if you want to have sex and your partner just wants to play with your feet.

I have to take exception to the uniformly negative sense in which fetish is being used here, though. I think denigrating people for different sexual attractions is immoral. It's certainly shitty when people treat transgendered people as sex objects alone, and that it's really difficult to find someone to pursue an actual relationship with, but the problem there isn't fetish or an alternative sexual attraction, but people not treating their sexual partners as human beings.
 
Amibguous Cad said:
I have to take exception to the uniformly negative sense in which fetish is being used here, though. I think denigrating people for different sexual attractions is immoral. It's certainly shitty when people treat transgendered people as sex objects alone, and that it's really difficult to find someone to pursue an actual relationship with, but the problem there isn't fetish or an alternative sexual attraction, but people not treating their sexual partners as human beings.

This is kind of what I was trying to get at earlier. You're attracted to her and her unique traits, and in some respects its a fetish - but you're not just there for that. The fact you're sticking by her in a proper relationship is wonderful, and I wish you both the best in the future! You're a goodie =3
 

wRATH2x

Banned
Himuro said:
My ex is a post-op mtf.

She was the coolest gal I've ever met. Very feminine and girly (perhaps more so than most "natural" girls I know, who try their hardest to be as masculine or as aggressive as possible to usurp male authority).

Quite a looker as well.

She's the closest friend I have and honestly, if we could be together again in a more than friend's way, I'd do it.
Whoa bombshell!

Never knew that Himuro, have at any point you thought of marrying her?(You don't have to answer if its too personal)
 

Amalthea

Banned
I love it when people mistake me with a woman without crossdressing (never actually did it in public except for two times in kindergarten), is that happening to other Trans-Gaffers too?
 

thetrin

Hail, peons, for I have come as ambassador from the great and bountiful Blueberry Butt Explosion
This past wednesday, I attended a fundraiser hosted by the nonprofit organization "Urban Peak", which serves homeless youth in Denver. The fundraiser in question is called "Maverick Thinkers", and each year honors an outstanding activist and donor who has gone above and beyond the call of duty to help struggling youth in Colorado, as well as one youth who has risen from homelessness and helplessness to a position of great strength and success.

This year, two youths were honored (as well as two activists). One of the youths was a man by the named of Jason Marquez, who was transgendered, born as a female. Despite coming from an upper middle class family and having stellar grades throughout high school, he eventually found himself on the street after revealing to his parents that he was, in fact, transgendered, and wished to be a man.

After being on the streets for a number of months, he came upon Rainbow Alley, an organization that has youth volunteers that help troubled Denver youth, where he met two of his best friends (who were at the fundraiser sitting at my table, there purely to cheer him on).

After his time with Urban Peak, he moved into transitional housing, found himself a job, and enrolled into Metro State College in downtown Denver, where he is now making stellar progress. His story really touched me, as he reminded me a lot of my childhood best friend who found himself at the age of 20 to be transgendered. My friend took a different path, and pretended that it was a phase so that he could get the financial support he needed to finish college.

The fact that Jason had the courage to do what he did really wowed me. His speech at the event was also incredible, and it was a great chance for a well spoken youth to explain his life, and explain why transgendered youth are not some "phase", but a reality, and that they deserve the same respect, understanding and support as anyone else.

So yes. That's my story. Also, love and support for Tgaf from thetrin. :)
 

mollipen

Member
lexi said:
So, yeah, this is the skirt I went out in. :3

2hwia0n.jpg


*hides*

I am utterly disgusted
by how stupidly hot and skinny you are and by how jealous I am.


The whole "chaser" topic is weird for me. When I was first starting out with dealing with this, I joined a transgender message forum (which I came to not really find to be my kind of place outside of the more informative resources it provided), and one of the few people on there I ended up connecting with may or may not be a chaser. When I first found this out, it really hurt, because I had talked to this person and opened up to them thinking they were one thing (a person in the same situation as me), but then I found out that they might have lied about who they were for the benefit of their fetish.

And yet... after I got over the initial shock of all of that, I came to decide that I'm not as bothered by chasers as some others in the community are (and rightly so). For me, my thing is this: if they're honest and upfront about the interest in the whole thing, I'm cool with that. I don't think fetishes are by nature a bad thing, nor is just wanting to have sex with somebody without wanting a relationship. You have to be clear on your intent, though, just like anybody else out there who may stomp on another person's feelings just to satisfy their own sexual desires.


Tyrant_Onion said:
I love it when people mistake me with a woman without crossdressing (never actually did it in public except for two times in kindergarten), is that happening to other Trans-Gaffers too?

When I was in junior high, I was at a female friend's birthday party. I think it might have been like 15 girls and then me. There was an older neighbor lady who showed up, and for whatever cosmic reason made it a point to single me out and mention how "cute of a little girl" I was. Part of me was of course embarrassed, because obviously the entire group of girls burst out into laughter over that, but the other part of me was secretly happy from the comment. *laughs*
 

wRATH2x

Banned
thetrin said:
This past wednesday, I attended a fundraiser hosted by the nonprofit organization "Urban Peak", which serves homeless youth in Denver. The fundraiser in question is called "Maverick Thinkers", and each year honors an outstanding activist and donor who has gone above and beyond the call of duty to help struggling youth in Colorado, as well as one youth who has risen from homelessness and helplessness to a position of great strength and success.

This year, two youths were honored (as well as two activists). One of the youths was a man by the named of Jason Marquez, who was transgendered, born as a female. Despite coming from an upper middle class family and having stellar grades throughout high school, he eventually found himself on the street after revealing to his parents that he was, in fact, transgendered, and wished to be a man.

After being on the streets for a number of months, he came upon Rainbow Alley, an organization that has youth volunteers that help troubled Denver youth, where he met two of his best friends (who were at the fundraiser sitting at my table, there purely to cheer him on).

After his time with Urban Peak, he moved into transitional housing, found himself a job, and enrolled into Metro State College in downtown Denver, where he is now making stellar progress. His story really touched me, as he reminded me a lot of my childhood best friend who found himself at the age of 20 to be transgendered. My friend took a different path, and pretended that it was a phase so that he could get the financial support he needed to finish college.

The fact that Jason had the courage to do what he did really wowed me. His speech at the event was also incredible, and it was a great chance for a well spoken youth to explain his life, and explain why transgendered youth are not some "phase", but a reality, and that they deserve the same respect, understanding and support as anyone else.

So yes. That's my story. Also, love and support for Tgaf from thetrin. :)
Us DudeBro crew are pretty progressive aren't we?

Ironically we're working on DudeBro.
 

mollipen

Member
EatChildren said:
I kind of put it up there with the highly sexualised gay stereotype. A few of my gay friends hate the image that is given to the male gay community, in that they're extremely sexual, always looking for dirty, rough sex, etc. For them it really hurts social perception of who they are, as even when they're very 'camp' in personality they're not the super horny, flamboyant, sexualised image that is often seen in the media.

I'm coming to find just how tough this whole issue can be for communities when you've got a lot riding on what the "normal" side of society sees your group as.

Obviously, being in the situation that I am, I put a lot of faith in the idea that everybody should be able to be what they want to be as long as they aren't hurting anybody else. (An opinion I'd have even if I wasn't trans.) But then, being in a group where finding acceptance can be hard, I have at times felt some small levels of regret at the way some others in the community act. At a party for the trans/cd community that I went to, I met a cross dresser there who was totally outrageous - a 50-something heavier-set guy who was dressed in hot pink and frills and stilettos and a crazy hat and things like that. One side of me said "good for him, doing what he wants without caring what other people thing," but there was another side of me that looked at him, knew that people not very familiar with transgender issues would see him like that, see that as the "face" of our side of things, and possible think of me in the same way upon meting me.

Those are very tough feelings to deal with, when at the same time you want to fully support somebody in what they are doing, but also feel some level of regret over the connection that person has with you in the greater thoughts of society.
 

thetrin

Hail, peons, for I have come as ambassador from the great and bountiful Blueberry Butt Explosion
Imo, adoption is always a good idea. Way too many kids pass through the system without ever finding a loving parental couple.
 

EatChildren

Currently polling second in Australia's federal election (first in the Gold Coast), this feral may one day be your Bogan King.
shidoshi said:
Those are very tough feelings to deal with, when at the same time you want to fully support somebody in what they are doing, but also feel some level of regret over the connection that person has with you in the greater thoughts of society.

Exactly, and thats why I mentioned the whole social treatment and the way it affects a person, especially the support they're given.

Even though they're being themselves and letting their colours shine, so to speak, their manner of doing so is almost a cry for help in itself. If, much like yourselves, they're a woman trapped in the body of a man, they've probably got no coping mechanisms and haven't developed any means of understanding who they are and growing.

Its why they're often older people. They've probably struggled with these feelings their whole life with absolutely zero proper support, and finally...cracked. Like being trapped in a cage your whole life and then being let out, you're going to be a bit socially retarded and unable to cope with the rest of the world in a healthy way. Finally free to be who they want to be after never having the chance, its like all those years of frustration, confusion, and depression explode at once.

The same can be said about any inner conflict for any kind of people, of course. I guess I'm trying to say that no matter how hard it is (not that I could ever truly understand the extent), its wonderful that so many of you have grasped this now and are attempting to truly understand yourselves and grow in the way you want to. You're the kind of cases that lead to a future society understanding and accepting you as people, opposed to the sadder cases seen in others.
 

wRATH2x

Banned
I hope you girls don't mind me asking this:

Has there ever been that really close male friend, whether he's your best friend or not, who you were afraid o tell for various reasons? And how was his reaction?
 

Dice

Pokémon Parentage Conspiracy Theorist
Hmmm.. maybe I can find an answer here.

One thing that has always boggled me about the TG community is that for the most part I hear two things from them, both very strongly.

1) Gender traits are entirely a social construct, and boy/girl could have anything you want associated with it, it is just a matter of perspective and preference.

2) I am [Gender A] in a [Gender B] body, and I have always had this strong affinity for [Gender A] before living it out and prefer being called [Gender A Pronoun]

This never made sense with me, because according to the first argument, wouldn't you just be [Gender B] with traits of preference commonly perceived as belonging to [Gender A]?

It seems to me that any arguments trying to develop a greater social acceptance on the basis of point 1 is undermined by the actions (both yours and those asked of others on how to refer to you) behind point 2. In relating to any TG person I've often felt a bit confused at this, thinking "Well, what do you want from me?" because these two arguments don't fit together in my mind.

I mean, if you went an entirely different route and believed in the the spiritual realm and there being different genders of spirit, sometimes in the physical body of the opposite gender, I could get that. But since it is most often spoken of as a psychological affinity of personal identity, I don't get how strong identification occurs in context of a worldview completely deconstructing societal definitions of male/female traits.

That was kind of complex. I hope you get what I'm saying here.
 
Siebzehn50 said:
What have been the reactions from friends/family?

I already present fairly queer, and I'm fairly open about my sexual oddities, so it hasn't surprised most of my friends and family. My mom did comment, neutrally, that this is becoming a pattern (this is the second transsexual I've dated), but that's about it. As for that, while I certainly do find androgyny attractive, it's just happened that all of the transsexuals I've met have been amazing people. I don't want to cross into magical negro or lionizing minorities territory, but it seems like you need tremendous strength of character to pull of transitioning in our society. That's been my experience with the people I know, anyway.

Speaking of amazing transsexuals, I can't suggest Dierdre McCloskey's The Bourgeois Virtues enough. She's a fantastic scholar, her work is really interesting, and I had the opportunity to pick her brain on the queer-friendliness of the economics profession, something that may end up being important to me, since I'm considering that as a profession :D

EatChildren said:
Exactly, and thats why I mentioned the whole social treatment and the way it affects a person, especially the support they're given.

Even though they're being themselves and letting their colours shine, so to speak, their manner of doing so is almost a cry for help in itself. If, much like yourselves, they're a woman trapped in the body of a man, they've probably got no coping mechanisms and haven't developed any means of understanding who they are and growing.

Its why they're often older people. They've probably struggled with these feelings their whole life with absolutely zero proper support, and finally...cracked. Like being trapped in a cage your whole life and then being let out, you're going to be a bit socially retarded and unable to cope with the rest of the world in a healthy way. Finally free to be who they want to be after never having the chance, its like all those years of frustration, confusion, and depression explode at once.

The same can be said about any inner conflict for any kind of people, of course. I guess I'm trying to say that no matter how hard it is (not that I could ever truly understand the extent), its wonderful that so many of you have grasped this now and are attempting to truly understand yourselves and grow in the way you want to. You're the kind of cases that lead to a future society understanding and accepting you as people, opposed to the sadder cases seen in others.

This is something that I see a lot with rape victims as well, and I think it's really unhelpful. Empathizing with the trauma someone's gone through is helpful, of course, but reducing someone to essentially victim status, a point after which they've "cracked," merely serves to dehumanize them, justify treating them poorly, and places an unsurmountable barrier between us and them.

Your empathy is laudable, but don't let it get in the way of respecting someone's autonomy as a free human being.
 

lexi

Banned
shidoshi said:
I am utterly disgusted
by how stupidly hot and skinny you are and by how jealous I am.

There are photos of me that literally would disgust you. Let's just I wasn't always quite this thin. :p

When I was in junior high, I was at a female friend's birthday party. I think it might have been like 15 girls and then me. There was an older neighbor lady who showed up, and for whatever cosmic reason made it a point to single me out and mention how "cute of a little girl" I was. Part of me was of course embarrassed, because obviously the entire group of girls burst out into laughter over that, but the other part of me was secretly happy from the comment. *laughs*

This happened quite a bit to me when I was much younger, I had super blonde hair, and my mum let me wear it long. Needless to say I think we all get a little jolt of happiness when something like that happens :)
 

EatChildren

Currently polling second in Australia's federal election (first in the Gold Coast), this feral may one day be your Bogan King.
Amibguous Cad said:
This is something that I see a lot with rape victims as well, and I think it's really unhelpful. Empathizing with the trauma someone's gone through is helpful, of course, but reducing someone to essentially victim status, a point after which they've "cracked," merely serves to dehumanize them, justify treating them poorly, and places an unsurmountable barrier between us and them.

Your empathy is laudable, but don't let it get in the way of respecting someone's autonomy as a free human being.

Dehumanisation is itself an issue and nothing at all at what I was getting at. I dont think I explained myself entirely how I wanted to, but I understand your perception of my viewpoint. I'm going to blame it on my poor choice of wording, particuarly 'cracked'.

I was raised, and am, open minded to the point where I dont like to refer to myself as such. I take people for who they are, and relish in the stories they have to share from eyes I can never truly see through.
 

wRATH2x

Banned
Himuro said:
The other month I was in a suit shop picking up some new dress shoes.

A guy was in the way, so I said,"Excuse me, brother." because that's how I address fellow black males, and went back to my seat to try on another box of shoes. I saw him light up like a light bulb.

His mother comes up to me and says,"She loves it when people do that, thank you."

And I just sat there confused.
Himu its seems like you do something nice without noticing all the time, that gives me an idea for a show.
 

mollipen

Member
Wrath2X said:
Has there ever been that really close male friend, whether he's your best friend or not, who you were afraid o tell for various reasons? And how was his reaction?

Sure, of course. I had officially come out to most of my best friends last summer, but I hadn't told my best friend, as I wanted to do that in person as I felt the situation might be a bit more delicate. Not that I mean to come off as racist in any way, but he's black, and I know that sometimes the black community can still have a hard time coming to terms with the whole issue of homosexuality (never mind transgender). Plus, more so than my other friends, we're closer, and we also share a common interest in women - having yellow fever, that is *laughs* - and there were many times in the past that we were basically wingmen when dealing with women we were interested in. So, there was a real sense of the whole being "bros" thing going on, and while I thought he would probably be okay with it at the end of the day, I wasn't sure how the initial shock of it all might go.

There's also the issue that he's become very close friends with my wife, really cares about her as a friend, and thinks we're the greatest couple in the world, especially now that he just became separated from his wife last year. So, those issues as well made me not sure how he'd react.

He had known for a while that something was up, and while back home I finally worked it out so that we could be alone together for me to tell him. I was pretty nervous to (and seriously... I'm still not go at the whole "coming out" thing, as I never know what words to use), but I said enough that he got the idea of what was going on, and we went from there. His reaction was actually really great - I think he was almost excited by it all, because it was this strange new thing he had never dealt with before and as such one of his close friends was now "even more interesting." *laughs* He had a TON of questions, which is something that really made me happy; instead of feeling awkward around the situation, anything he was curious about he asked, giving me the chance to make sure he didn't have any misconceptions.

The only part of the whole thing that really made me nervous was when he asked, "so if you end up liking men, out of all of your male friends, who would you pick?" That was the one question I had been dreading being asked. *laughs*


Dice said:
1) Gender traits are entirely a social construct, and boy/girl could have anything you want associated with it, it is just a matter of perspective and preference.

2) I am [Gender A] in a [Gender B] body, and I have always had this strong affinity for [Gender A] before living it out and prefer being called [Gender A Pronoun]

I think (1) and (2) aren't alway the same thing, and that might be where you're having the confusion.

The first deals with things like actions, attitude, likes, etc. Do I like pink or do I like blue? Do I like G.I. Joe or do I like Barbie? Those things are social constructs. Society tells us that little boys like action figures, little girls like dolls. The second deals with internal feelings, emotions, connections to the world around you. Beyond what society has determined is male or female, do you feel like one or the other? Does the body you have feel like the body you're supposed to have?

Look at it from the question of race for a moment. If you want to be totally stereotypical white people like country music, black people like rap. (Yeah, that comes off sounding a little ridiculous to state as a fact, but that's what society does when it comes to gender.) Now, let's say that I wake up tomorrow, and suddenly I come to find that I'm now black instead of white. (1) would then be a question of what music I like - I'm now supposed to like rap, because I'm black, and that's a social construct. (2) would be the fact that I feel like I'm a white person in a black body, especially at times when say I look in a mirror and the person I see looking back doesn't look like the person I feel like.

Very simplistic terms there, but that's how I'm seeing those two differences.
 

lexi

Banned
Wrath2X said:
I hope you girls don't mind me asking this:

Has there ever been that really close male friend, whether he's your best friend or not, who you were afraid o tell for various reasons? And how was his reaction?

I came out to my best male friend last year (I've known him for most of my life, I mentioned earlier in the thread upon seeing me a few months into transiton he remarked that before he realized who he was looking it, he was doing a guy's appraisal of a potential bedmate :p) I was not really afraid to tell him but I was incredibly nervous as to what his reaction would be, similiar to shidoshi, he kinda knew something was up for a very long time. He didn't really seem phased by it and just had a sort of 'that's awesome' sort of attitude. He was very flattered that he was one of the first people I told, that it spoke volumes about our friendship.

Hope that answers your question :)
 

Fox the Sly

Member
Android18a said:
For the non-trans people here: Would you date a trans-girl/guy? Or how would you respond if the person you'd been dating revealed they were trans after you'd been out a few times (and likely grown fond of already)? Would it change things for you, or would you find it irrelevant? Would you expect to be informed of your date being trans before you went out together, or wouldn't you mind if it came up later?

Curious as to how you guys think here. Sorry if this was asked and I missed it.

Yes, I would. I've said before that I have an appreciation for trans women in addition to natural-born women (including sexual attraction). If it takes a few dates for me to realize she is trans then that speaks volumes to her "passability."

My whole thing is, I don't care if she's born male female or a flying monkey, if she is intrinsically female, looks, dress, and carries herself as one then she's no different from a natural-born woman to me. And because I see her as a woman it's still a straight relationship. I just love women, I don't care what she has between her legs. :lol
 
Amibguous Cad said:
I have to take exception to the uniformly negative sense in which fetish is being used here, though. I think denigrating people for different sexual attractions is immoral. It's certainly shitty when people treat transgendered people as sex objects alone, and that it's really difficult to find someone to pursue an actual relationship with, but the problem there isn't fetish or an alternative sexual attraction, but people not treating their sexual partners as human beings.
I just quickly want to say I wouldn't categorize power exchange or roleplaying relationships under what I was talking about even though they're part of the "fetish" scene, but that's just stupid semantics. I'm really happy for you two!

Tyrant_Onion said:
I love it when people mistake me with a woman without crossdressing (never actually did it in public except for two times in kindergarten), is that happening to other Trans-Gaffers too?
This has apparently happened to me even in high school, although they never talked to me directly about it. It was more like my girlfriend told me that so-and-so said that so-and-so thought you were a girl, and I think someone in her family mistook me for a girl once. :lol I did have long hair and was wearing eyeliner at the time, but I thought I was offsetting it with button-up shirts and ties, apparently not. :D Anyways, I was very secretly happy about it but it kind of upset my girlfriend...

Wrath2X said:
Has there ever been that really close male friend, whether he's your best friend or not, who you were afraid o tell for various reasons? And how was his reaction?
When I decided to come out, it took me like three weeks to tell my best friend. I told him I had something important to tell him and he had to bring it up about three times before I was finally able to tell him. That was despite the fact that I didn't think he would have a problem with it. He ended up being totally understanding, albeit rather surprised. He then helped me come out to a second friend (who was also totally cool, and we all ended up spilling some secrets for a couple hours), but the craziest thing happened with the third friend I told.

So, the four of us went out to dinner one night. We had tried to go the previous night but my friend who didn't know was hanging out with his brother and one of his brother's friends. I wasn't actually planning to talk about it till later that night, but over the course of dinner he fills us in on who he was hanging out with the previous night. Turns out his brother's friend (his too) was an FtM!!! I nearly flip out and my friend that I told first starts laughing a bit, but he didn't actually notice. I still didn't get to talk to him about it until the next night because of an emergency, but suddenly felt even better about telling him. :lol
 

MiriamV

Neo Member
Android18a said:
For the non-trans people here: Would you date a trans-girl/guy? Or how would you respond if the person you'd been dating revealed they were trans after you'd been out a few times (and likely grown fond of already)? Would it change things for you, or would you find it irrelevant? Would you expect to be informed of your date being trans before you went out together, or wouldn't you mind if it came up later?

Curious as to how you guys think here. Sorry if this was asked and I missed it.

Sorry for replying a bit late, i'm still trying to catch up on this thread.

First of all: Hats off to the people posting in this thread and admitting they are trans, and to those being so open minded about it. This is a great thread, and I wish the acceptance of trans (and everyone else who's in any way different from others) would be more like this in RL, it would make the world a better place.

As to if I'd date a FtM or MtF trans:

Not at the moment, since I'm in a happy relationship that's been going strong for 11 years now. :D

Before I met my husband:
Probably, although the fact that we wouldn't have been able to have children may have bothered me a bit. Then again, that can happen with a non-trans male as well I suppose, and there are other ways like adoption and a sperm donor.
I'd like to think I would have been openminded enough to consider.

In the future, if I'd ever lose my husband one way or another:
I wouldn't mind at all, but would be very wary of a serious operation pre-op. It seems to me the whole transition to another gender is life changing, and what you might want from a relationship pre-op might not be the same as post-op.
In this thread it has already been mentioned that sexual preferences can change, but besides that I feel that if someone is not in a place where they feel good about themselves, any serious relationship can be troublesome.
Post-op, once the whole thing has settled down a bit, I wouldn't mind either way. I love people for who they are, not for who they were.

as for when to tell:
That's a difficult one. On one hand I understand: "Hi, can I buy you a drink, oh by the way I'm a transexual" is not a good pickup line, and might even be dangerous for the person if the other is not so open minded.
On the other hand, I think it is fair to let the other person know before things get to serious. The longer you wait with telling, the harder it gets to tell the truth. And if the other does freak out you're in for a lot more heartbreak and pain then if you'd told him/her earlier.

Personally, I'd say before going all the way with sex. Pre-op that's only fair since the bits between your legs might not add up with the rest of you and thus with what the other person expects, which is simply not fair to them. Not many people like "surprises" like that.
Post-op I'd say it might a good time anyway, unless it's a one-night stand or something, because that would probably be the start of a relationship (but maybe I'm being terribly old-fashioned here). that would also prevent the other person from feeling "tricked" or "used" if they arent' open to relationships with a trans.

Either way, it's always going to be difficult, because some people are unfortunately less openminded then others. I wish you all the best with dating, and a big hug for being so wonderful and sharing your stories.
 

Alfarif

This picture? uhh I can explain really!
Fox the Sly said:
Yes, I would. I've said before that I have an appreciation for trans women in addition to natural-born women (including sexual attraction). If it takes a few dates for me to realize she is trans then that speaks volumes to her "passability."

My whole thing is, I don't care if she's born male female or a flying monkey, if she is intrinsically female, looks, dress, and carries herself as one then she's no different from a natural-born woman to me. And because I see her as a woman it's still a straight relationship. I just love women, I don't care what she has between her legs. :lol
Fox, you so just stole my post. <3
 
Hey I get it, it's not that there aren't people who would date transpersons, it's just that the super nice, most well-adjusted people are already taken. :D
 

border

Member
Fox the Sly said:
My whole thing is, I don't care if she's born male female or a flying monkey, if she is intrinsically female, looks, dress, and carries herself as one then she's no different from a natural-born woman to me. And because I see her as a woman it's still a straight relationship. I just love women, I don't care what she has between her legs. :lol
You'd just as soon suck a girl's dick as you would eat a girl out? That smells a bit like false nonchalance. I mean, if you have a particular admitted fetish one way or both ways I can understand that, but it seems you're trying really hard to fit said preference into something more rigid and hetero-normative than it really is ("I'm still straight!").
 

Fox the Sly

Member
border said:
You'd just as soon suck a girl's dick as you would eat a girl out? That smells a bit like false nonchalance. I mean, if you have a particular admitted fetish one way or both ways I can understand that, but it seems you're trying really hard to fit said preference into something more rigid and hetero-normative than it really is ("I'm still straight!").

I was going to post this earlier and didn't, but since you brought it up I'll address it now. About 10 years ago I started looking at transsexual porn and liked it (well, some of it). This eventually forced me to re-evaluate my sexuality and ask myself some hard questions. A few years ago I joined a few trans forums and engaged in discussions and gained a better understanding of not only what they go through, but also helped me realize that there were all kinds of shades to sexuality.

To answer your first question about dick and pussy, yes, I like both but only when it's woman's dick. One might argue "it doesn't matter, it's still a dick," to which my reply would be "A hand is a hand, but who it's attached to absolutely matters. You won't see me walking down the street holding a man's hand." It's not a fetish for me, I just like getting women off. Although I will say nothing goes up my poop shute. :lol

People can try to psycho-analyze what it all means, I don't really care, I know what I like and that's all that matters. :D

Edit: About the "straight" thing, I guess it depends on how you look at it. Some see trans people as a third sex so to them liking trans and male/female automatically makes you bisexual at least. To me, I see MtF as women so bi doesn't fit, gay definitely doesn't fit, so the closest thing is straight. Maybe a new definition is needed. :lol
 

Jin34

Member
You can put me with Fox the Sly on this one, but yea the more feminine they look the better, I would definitely date a trans girl. As for the cant have children part, thats a plus for me because I dont want kids. But if I were a trans girl I sure as hell wouldnt live where I live, not a good country as far as gay/transgendered relations are concerned.

When it comes to when to tell the other person you are a trans, I have to say better sooner than later. Now I dont mean to say you walk around with a tag that says "I'm a TG haters GTFO!" but going on several dates where plenty of attachment can form and not reveal something which to the other person could be a complete no-no I have to say its a bad idea for both sides. You as the TG can get to really like this person only to get crushed by that and he could be lead on to something which he did not want/expect. I just think its a bad idea all around to wait too much.
 
Top Bottom