Best: John Cena’s Epic Takedown
I was going to start rooting for the Rock after last week’s Cenariffic condemnation of Eve’s whorish bitch-vagina, but Holy Mary Mother’a God did Cena do in like a minute forty what I thought no man was gonna do again — rip the Rock a new asshole and leave him to stew in his own juices.
Cena came to the ring and more or less said, “yeah, you’re funny or whatever, but I’m going to murder you at Mania, deal with it” and bailed. That is GREAT. That’s exactly what the Rock needs to hear. He doesn’t need a rap about how the Tooth Fairy was awful, he knows it was awful, he’s an actor and acting’s his job and he’d like to get paid money to do it. He doesn’t need to hear that he’s “never around” or whatever, because he doesn’t care, he’s not around by choice. It’s good for him that he’s not around.
What he needs to hear is “this is all bullshit, your act is tired and you don’t know how to do this anymore and you’re gonna get hurt”. When Cena first trotted out and did his WHOA WHOAAAA funny voice guy thing I thought it was going to be more of the same, but it wasn’t … it was a succinct, accurate takedown of the Rock that pointed out his lame Spark Notes, accepted his childish insults with sarcasm and told him to go f**k himself.
It was grand, even if it wasn’t the best part.
Best In Show: The Rock Gets Shook
The best part was The Rock completely losing his functional brain circa the pointing out of his Mindy Simmons script. Listen to the crowd when Cena says he doesn’t need his promo notes on his wrist. That’s not a normal WWE crowd reaction. Gone were the goosebumps, gone was the casual fun and the water sipping and the TRENDING worldwide derp-de-derp. It was replaced by a dude with nothing to say trying his hardest to stall for time until he could come up with something.
