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Valve's fake, rigged, waste of time Progress Quest troll Portal 2 ARG

J

JaseC

gave away the keys to the kingdom.
gregor7777 said:
Everyone can fuck off as far as I'm concerned. I'm going to keep playing SMB.
Click to expand...

Super Mario Bros. isn't a Potato Sack game so you're good to go.

Original-Blue said:
Is the Christmas theme to the aperturescience.com page part of the ARG? I just went there and I haven't seen this yet...
Click to expand...

No, that's been there since Christmas.
 
H

Hylian7

Member
dave is ok said:
Don't worry guys. Only 43k potatoes until 500k. Then it becomes hyper super overclock mode!
Click to expand...
I swear to god if nothing happens at 500k potatoes my monitors are flying across the room.

This event has got to be one of the worst ideas ever. Valve, I hope you learn from this. Just read the last two pages if you need evidence on why this was a bad idea.
 
D

droopy

Member
TheExodu5 said:
I was really disappointed when I found out the most viable tactic in Defense Grid is to go all guns and cannons. I thought the game had better balance than that. ;_;
Click to expand...

What I noticed going through the main game. Going with fully upgraded guns comes with a complimentary gold medal too.
 
C

Corky

Nine out of ten orphans can't tell the difference.
Taking a step back and reading everything in this thread... Imagine someone who wasn't into games reading this.

"Potatoes? Glados? Bars? Valve? Steam? Preload? "
 
J

Jintor

Member
EatChildren said:
I fail to see how rebooting GlaDOS and the peak in rumours of Nintendo's next system is not a coincidence.
Click to expand...

When the Nintendo rumours are revealed to be part of the rest of Valve's ARG I am going to be so mad at you
 
N

Nab

Member
JaseC said:
So did the 375k potatoes theory.
Not really.
Click to expand...

Exactly. If they pass up that 375k opportunity for overclocking, when that was actually fairly clever and computery and fit in with the tone of the ARG, and then decide to go for an arbitrary big number for no reason, that'd be lame.
 
W

webrunner

Member
It's a well known fact that potatoes have eyes.

Eyes with which to watch you suffer.

Your suffering and anger and depression makes the potatoes happy so they increase their power output.

In conclusion: portal 2 will launch based on how much you guys are complaining. Obviously you aren't complaining hard enough.
 
D

dave is ok

aztek is ok
Nab said:
If anything, that's dumber than the "not playing" thing. At least the not playing thing has some evidence from the ARG.
Click to expand...
Come on, they're both pretty dumb but the 'not playing' thing is clearly dumber.
 
E

EatChildren

Currently polling second in Australia's federal election (first in the Gold Coast), this feral may one day be your Bogan King.
Jintor said:
When the Nintendo rumours are revealed to be part of the rest of Valve's ARG I am going to be so mad at you
Click to expand...

...that smells like pony speak.
 
J

JaseC

gave away the keys to the kingdom.
Hylian7 said:
I swear to god if nothing happens at 500k potatoes my monitors are flying across the room.
Click to expand...

Don't forget to wiggle your nose before they hit the wall. If Bewitched has taught me anything, it's that such an act will fix everything.
 
G

GABDEG

Member
You people should actually stop playing the games. If this shit comes out any earlier, I'm going to have to set an alarm clock.
 
J

JaseC

gave away the keys to the kingdom.
gregor7777 said:
Oh, you didn't hear? Mario lost the rights to SMB.

SMB SMB SMB Super Meat Boy

don't be a tool
Click to expand...

My post was clearly a joke, you spanner.
 
U

ultron87

Member
Okay guys, I got it all figured out. Here's the cake recipe from the Personality Sphere at the end of the Portal 1.

1 18.25 ounce package chocolate cake mix.
1 can prepared coconut pecan frosting.
3/4 cup vegetable oil.
4 large eggs.
1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips.
3/4 cups butter or margarine.
1&2/3 cups granulated sugar.
2 cups all purpose flour.
Don't forget garnishes such as:
Fish shaped crackers.
Fish shaped candies.
Fish shaped solid waste,
Fish shaped dirt.
Fish shaped ethyl benzene.
Pull and peel licorice..
Fish shaped volatile organic compounds
and sediment shaped sediment.
Candy coated peanut butter pieces, Shaped like fish.
1 cup lemon juice.
Alpha resins.
Unsaturated polyester resin.
Fiberglass surface resins.
And volatile malted milk impoundments.
9 large egg yolks.
12 medium geosynthetic membranes.
1 cup granulated sugar.
An entry called 'how to kill someone with your bare hands'.
2 cups rhubarb, sliced.
2/3 cups granulated rhubarb.
1 tablespoon all-purpose rhubarb.
1 teaspoon grated orange rhubarb.
3 tablespoons rhubarb, on fire.
1 large rhubarb.
1 cross borehole electro-magnetic imaging rhubarb.
2 tablespoons rhubarb juice.
Adjustable aluminum head positioner.
Slaughter electric needle injector.
Cordless electric needle injector.
Injector needle driver.
Injector needle gun.
Cranial caps.
And it contains proven preservatives, deep penetration agents, and gas and odor
control chemicals. That will deodorize and preserve putrid tissue.

What is everything shaped like in that recipe? FISH.

If you isolate just the numbers from the recipe you get: 118251344134123219121223113112.

If you convert that to Hexadecimal you get: 17E1738227A34F01FDE621998

If you keep stripping out the letters, leaving only numbers and converting to hex you eventually get B8.

What does this spell? Beight -> BAIT.

How does someone get pulled into an ARG? Through the initial HOOKS.

What happens to a fish that takes some bait and gets hooked? It gets eaten. And what goes great with fish? POTATOES!

The whole ARG was a trap! Turn off your games!
 
N

Nab

Member
dave is ok said:
Come on, they're both pretty dumb but the 'not playing' thing is clearly dumber.
Click to expand...

You're right, but I WANT the not playing thing to be true. Because it'd be funny. Especially now that people have said "No way".
 
J

JaseC

gave away the keys to the kingdom.
ultron87 said:
Okay guys, I got it all figured out. Here's the cake recipe from the Personality Sphere at the end of the Portal 1.

1 18.25 ounce package chocolate cake mix.
1 can prepared coconut pecan frosting.
3/4 cup vegetable oil.
4 large eggs.
1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips.
3/4 cups butter or margarine.
1&2/3 cups granulated sugar.
2 cups all purpose flour.
Don't forget garnishes such as:
Fish shaped crackers.
Fish shaped candies.
Fish shaped solid waste,
Fish shaped dirt.
Fish shaped ethyl benzene.
Pull and peel licorice..
Fish shaped volatile organic compounds
and sediment shaped sediment.
Candy coated peanut butter pieces, Shaped like fish.
1 cup lemon juice.
Alpha resins.
Unsaturated polyester resin.
Fiberglass surface resins.
And volatile malted milk impoundments.
9 large egg yolks.
12 medium geosynthetic membranes.
1 cup granulated sugar.
An entry called 'how to kill someone with your bare hands'.
2 cups rhubarb, sliced.
2/3 cups granulated rhubarb.
1 tablespoon all-purpose rhubarb.
1 teaspoon grated orange rhubarb.
3 tablespoons rhubarb, on fire.
1 large rhubarb.
1 cross borehole electro-magnetic imaging rhubarb.
2 tablespoons rhubarb juice.
Adjustable aluminum head positioner.
Slaughter electric needle injector.
Cordless electric needle injector.
Injector needle driver.
Injector needle gun.
Cranial caps.
And it contains proven preservatives, deep penetration agents, and gas and odor
control chemicals. That will deodorize and preserve putrid tissue.

What is everything shaped like in that recipe? FISH.

If you isolate just the numbers from the recipe you get: 118251344134123219121223113112.

If you convert that to Hexadecimal you get: 17E1738227A34F01FDE621998

If you keep stripping out the letters, leaving only numbers and converting to hex you eventually get B8.

What does this spell? Beight -> BAIT.

How does someone get pulled into an ARG? Through the initial HOOKS.

What happens to a fish that takes some bait and gets hooked? It gets eaten. And what goes great with fish? POTATOES!

The whole ARG was a trap! Turn off your games!
Click to expand...

This is the best post ever.
 
S

Shake Appeal

Member
GABDEG said:
You people should actually stop playing the games. If this shit comes out any earlier, I'm going to have to set an alarm clock.
Click to expand...
It's a major Steam release, so I fully expect there to be massive problems with unlocking and Steam freezing for a couple of hours even when it does 'release'. So don't worry: you can sleep through that and get up in time to read 10 pages of whining about paused downloads and overloaded servers.
 
D

dave is ok

aztek is ok
I'm kind of curious at this point if Valve will hit the 'OHSHIT' button and have Bit.Trip completing take like 5 hours off of the counter instead of the regular 30-40 minutes.

I'M BETTING THEY WON'T!
 
J

JaseC

gave away the keys to the kingdom.
gregor7777 said:
Had to look up spanner, good show.
Click to expand...

You didn't know what a spanner was? Set this image as your desktop wallpaper. It may stretch a little:

2mjgZ.jpg


I called you a spanner because you called me a tool and it was the first such thing that popped into my head, nothing more.
 
J

JaseC

gave away the keys to the kingdom.
The Omega Man said:
I think I just so a spoiler on the steam portal 2 forums on a subject, people are losing it as we speak.
not even the official forums are safe
Click to expand...

56XuC.jpg
 
T

ThoseDeafMutes

Member
This thread reminds me of those people who predict the rapture arriving every year. When each deadline rolls around and nothing happens they just reschedule and find some other shonky "evidence" to support the new one.
 
W

webrunner

Member
Hylian7 said:
God dammit.

Wait guys, I figured it out! Valve wants to make us all as crazy as Rattmann before the game comes out so we can experience it to it's fullest! How long til we start hallucinating Companion Cubes?! You need to start hallucinating them faster or the game won't come out! Hurry up GAF!
Click to expand...

Step one: Buy sack of potatoes

Step two: Carve potatoes into companion cubes

Step two.5: Register the cubes on steam so that they can be tracked for step three.

Step three: Incinerate the companion cubes in order to power GlaDOS
 
J

JaseC

gave away the keys to the kingdom.
ThoseDeafMutes said:
This thread reminds me of those people who predict the rapture arriving every year. When each deadline rolls around and nothing happens they just reschedule and find some other shonky "evidence" to support the new one.
Click to expand...

Kinda sounds like...

bNSUm.png
 
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