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[Aβydoς]

As a child I've never been in the situation to tell my parents that phrase.
Either I just came out and told them, or they never even started to think they had to find out about it.
I am that good.
Even if I'm 22 and way too young for this I try to answer by saying that it depends on their age. If they're 15 or younger, fuck you you're either telling me or I'm finding out somehow and I'm just going to be more pissed (it's obviously a bad thing).
If they're older it would depend on their behavior, character etc... If I know he's often in trouble, I would press on it, if he's not, I would back off, maybe.

 

[RustyNails]

and? Let them run away they will either come back or start their on lives. I left home at 17, life is actually pretty easy.

Are you ok with kids running away? I'm not. What if they end up in an opium den, prison or slumming goes terribly wrong and get pregnant. Hyperbole probably, but you have to consider all the possibilities.

 

[jaypah]

Wow... I don't even...

Been needlessly aggressive since the beginning. Probably didn't get that foot-to-ass-face-slap loving.

 

[Prez]

They should at least tell you where they've been. Some parents need to know every little detail though, like who they were with (names and complete backgrounds) or everything they did that night. It gets really annoying to be asked about that every time.

Like if I had a one night stand, I used to tell my parents I slept over at a friend's place. They always knew better of course and they were cool with it but they always wanted to know more about this person and I've always felt that was really none of their business.

 

[hiroshawn]

That's simply building resentment and will not stop future behavior from improving.

Ok Dr. Lipschitz.

 

[Volimar]

Change the wifi password, and then ask them again.

 

[Cat Party]

I'd be disappointed that my kid wasn't even smart enough to attempt deception first.

Also it is absolutely my business and I'd find out anyway.

 

[CornBurrito]

According to who, exactly? And of course I would explain why I slapped his jaw off.

"You don't talk to me like that."

As simple as that. People like you are the reason we see so many insolent little shits these days. Parents are too afraid of punishing children. "Oh no! Poor little souls!".

According to child psychologists who have done research in the area of altering child behavior.

And how bad is your reading comprehension? I've listed three other methods for altering behavior, one of them being negative punishment rather than positive punishment. People like me are responsible for parents not using ANY of those three methods for changing their child's behavior?

Parents should punish their children, and use negative/positive reinforcement to bring about changes in behavior. If they want to change behavior the most effectively. Sorry that positive punishment has proven to be the least effective and that you don't understand what any of the other 3 are and thus think I mean "just let your kid do whatever without consequence." Really sorry for you.

 

[ViewtifulJC]

I don't respond, since somewhere along the way I've obviously failed as a parent

I go and take a long way listening to Michael Jackson's "Man in the mirror"

 

[NegroNinja]

Been needlessly aggressive since the beginning. Probably didn't get that foot-to-ass-face-slap loving.

Exactly. It got to the point where my mother didn't even have to say a word she just gave me that "I will fuck you up in a heartbeat" look and I got my ass right in line.

 

[nerv]

It really depends on the kid and the age we are talking about I guess.
Growing up and becoming an adult isn't really a process that suddenly kicks in when you turn 18 and I think giving young people certain privileges of being an adult is important for them becoming responsible adults in the first place.

I'd first and foremost ask myself why my child wouldn't want to talk about certain topics with me, since a good relationship and communication does seem kind of important. If you do trust him or her and he or she is a good kid I wouldn't worry too much about a single instance of her or him not wanting to tell me about it.

 

[Verendus]

Here's what happens next:

Verendus: Come here.
Kid: And?
Verendus slaps the taste out of that kid's mouth.
Kid: Why did you do that?
Verendus: What?
Kid: What?
Verendus slaps the taste out of that kid's mouth a second time.
Verendus: Say what again? Say what again, motherfucker! None of my business. I'll tell you what's none of my business!
Kid: W-what?
Verendus slaps the taste out of that kid's mouth a third time.
Verendus: THE FUCK DID I JUST SAY ABOUT SAYING WHAT?!

Something like that apparently. Maybe add a Rock Bottom here or there, but don't go overboard and do a People's Elbow. There are limits after all.

 

[Abstruse Moose]

How times have changed. My dad was never physically violent with me, but he sure made me have a healthy fear of crossing him. Saying "none of your business", or "whatever", or any other disrespectful gestures wasn't even an option. I knew better.

 

[Infinite_Daremo]

Change the wifi password, and then ask them again.

Modern day punishment. I like it.

 

[Lebron]

 

[QuicheFontaine]

Modern day punishment. I like it.

Another good modern punishment is threaten to spoil Game of Thrones.

But they would have had to do something pretty bad to get that. It's, like, the nuclear option.

 

[John Kowalski]

they're too dumb to know why it's my business, i'd just tell them that

but i'd preemptively teach them not to be so egotistical and individualist in the first place, which i'd do by not living in america in the first place

 

[Nibel]

Change the wifi password, and then ask them again.

That's a very modern and elegant solution actually, haha.

 

[Kinyou]

"Oh boy, now you've done it! You're on timeout, son! 15 minutes!"

 

[hiroshawn]

How did it come to that point? What did I do wrong for the past 16 years? Mind you I don't even have kids (but will soon).

I am convinced that some kids need corporal punishment and some don't. If you build a trusting relationship with you child the I truly believe that the child never needs to see the rod. Even if they do something wrong they know that when they come to me I will give them wisdom on why you shouldn't do this and why it's best to wait to do this. I will give them the POWER to make choices as from an early age (With advice on the right choice from me.) But if you don't create that relationship early it will be to late.

When it's too late then you as a Father have to be feared.

 

[Infinite_Daremo]

Another good modern punishment is threaten to spoil Game of Thrones.

But they would have had to do something pretty bad to get that. It's, like, the nuclear option.

That shit will breed psychopaths. Never spoil GoT.

 

[Pepiope]

It really depends on the kid and the age we are talking about I guess.
Growing up and becoming an adult isn't really a process that suddenly kicks in when you turn 18 and I think giving young people certain privileges of being an adult is important for them becoming responsible adults in the first place.

I'd first and foremost ask myself why my child wouldn't want to talk about certain topics with me, since a good relationship and communication does seem kind of important. If you do trust him or her and he or she is a good kid I wouldn't worry too much about a single instance of her or him not wanting to tell me about it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JA96Fba-WHk

 

[CornBurrito]

I do have to say I love some of the people in this thread.

"Positive punishment is the least effective method of changing child behavior as proven by studies" gets taken to mean: Positive punishment doesn't ever work ever.

Least effective does not mean ineffective. I don't get why people can't understand that.


And what's even more shocking is people don't know what negative/positive reinforcement or negative punishment are. So when you say positive punishment is the least effective they think that means you want children to be able to do whatever they want without any consequences.

"Oh boy, now you've done it! You're on timeout, son! 15 minutes!"

Why people think that "hitting your kids is the least effective method" means "only give 15 minutes of timeout" I'll never fucking know.

 

[studyguy]

You sip the tea

And tell your kid that everything it does is kind of your business

Oh god lol

Also if I told my parents that growing up, I'd basically be stuck in my room for the next week. I could be hyperbolic and say I'd get an ass whooping, but the simple threat of punishment was made clear enough without violence when I really think about it.

My dad was a big fucking guy, I'd sooner kick a bear than tell my dad off growing up. Looking back I was a pretty shit kid for how much they did for me, but that's probably part of growing up. I'm not for letting everything slide though, my little brother is currently 14 and when I visit my house he talks up a big attitude for someone with no hardships.

I'd be more liable to actually knock him on his ass, but it's not my place to, usually a stern talking to and making him realize just how ridiculous he's being does it. Hormones are a bitch though and make good kids to dumb shit. That doesn't mean you should just fold and go with the flow imo, gotta lay down that law. I recall taking away the GPU form the PC I built for him as punishment one weekend when I dropped by. Apparently he split to go to the mall or cellphone without telling anyone and gave my parents a heart attack. No games for you, kid.

 

[Thorakai]

you do a damn tombstone piledriver on a table followed by a shooting star press.

 

[NegroNinja]

I do have to say I love some of the people in this thread.

"Positive punishment is the least effective method of changing child behavior as proven by studies" gets taken to mean: Positive punishment doesn't ever work ever.

Least effective does not mean ineffective. I don't get why people can't understand that.


And what's even more shocking is people don't know what negative/positive reinforcement or negative punishment are. So when you say positive punishment is the least effective they think that means you want children to be able to do whatever they want without any consequences.



Why people think that "hitting your kids is the least effective method" means "only give 15 minutes of timeout" I'll never fucking know.

Well you know you could just explain it to us...

 

[Yaphett Kotto]

You're already dead.

 

[echoshifting]

And what's even more shocking is people don't know what negative/positive reinforcement or negative punishment are. So when you say positive punishment is the least effective they think that means you want children to be able to do whatever they want without any consequences.

Well, in their defense, I don't think I've ever seen those terms used outside of either a motivational/developmental psychology class or a parenting book.

These threads always seem to unravel the same way

 

[Prophet Steve]

Damn, a lot of people resorting to hitting.

Not that I will likely to have kids, but having my kid coming home late is not worrisome on its own for me, but it depends on the rules that have been communicated. My house my rules doesn't really go up imo when the kid isn't in the house.

 

[Kurita]

Ugh, Corporal PunishmentGAF is the worst...

I'd just try to talk to him and be veeeeery annoying until he/she accepts to tell me, no need to hit the kid.

 

[Deified Data]

"I guess dinner is none of my business, either. Good luck."

 

[Wazzy]

People are seriously suggesting violence as a way to handle your kid? Please never have kids.

Anyway, that kind of behavior means something wasn't communicated properly to them while they were being raised. They should be able to trust you enough to explain why they're out late or where they're going and you should be able to trust them as well.

 

[gutter_trash]

if they are over 18, threaten them to start paying rent.
Tell them they are adults and it is time for them to pay up...

 

[besada]

According to who, exactly? And of course I would explain why I slapped his jaw off.

"You don't talk to me like that."

As simple as that. People like you are the reason we see so many insolent little shits these days. Parents are too afraid of punishing children. "Oh no! Poor little souls!".

Let's not be blaming people for the state of society because they don't hit their kids.

In fact, let's take the Smacking Kids: Pro or Con conversation somewhere else.

 

[dripdripsplash]

Hitting is the laziest disciplinary method. Especially when it isn't followed up with an explanation for why the child's behavior is wrong. I'm sorry you can't even.

Meanwhile negative punishment, and positive/negative reinforcement are factually and demonstrably better methods for altering behavior.



Feel free to do either of those things. Ignoring science and anti-intellectualism must be fun for you.

Maybe look up what positive/negative reinforcement are.

Can you elaborate on some of those methods ? What would you do if set in the situation using those theories ?

 

[Kinyou]

Why people think that "hitting your kids is the least effective method" means "only give 15 minutes of timeout" I'll never fucking know.

Huh? I just stole some joke from Chapelle. Didn't mean to make a comment about how effective or ineffective hitting your kids is.

 

[echoshifting]

People are seriously suggesting violence as a way to handle your kid? Please never have kids.

Anyway, that kind of behavior means something wasn't communicated properly to them while they were being raised. They should be able to trust you enough to explain why they're out late or where they're going and you should be able to trust them as well.

Yeah, and inflicting corporal punishment on your children is actually a very effective way to reduce your relationship with your kids to this. Amusing that some are bothered the kid isn't even trying to lie....seriously? The fact that your kid is straight-up refusing to tell you what's going on isn't a great place to be, but it's a hell of a lot better than raising an expert of deception.

 

[Verendus]

If they're over 18, the hell they doing at home without no dinner?

It's fried chicken night. Better get your ass out there and hunt me some damn chickens. Plenty of farms in this country, better step to it.

 

[Deleted member 13876]

Become his business partner.

 

[Kettch]

Hitting your teenage kid is a good way to ensure that he or she will never tell you anything.

 

[Mr-Joker]

Here how it would go;

Me: where were you?
Joker Jr: none of your business
Me (raising my voice): Excuse me?

Now if my kids is smart the next line would be them telling me were they where, but if they don't then I will get cross at them for being disrespectful and tell them that as long they are living under my roof and stop behaving like a child then it is my business.

 

[RustyNails]

If they're over 18, the hell they doing at home without no dinner?

It's fried chicken night. Better get your ass out there and hunt me some damn chickens. Plenty of farms in this country, better step to it.

Plenty of kids stay at parents home for college and save money. Nothing wrong with that.

 

[Verendus]

Plenty of kids stay at parents home for college and save money. Nothing wrong with that.

Are they hunting the chickens? Because that's the real important part here.

 

[Daingurse]

My mom would shut that down, slap the shit outta you if you tried that mess. And as long as you are living under someone else's roof, such a statement would be disrespectful, age is irrelevant.

 

[Wazzy]

Yeah, and inflicting corporal punishment on your children is actually a very effective way to reduce your relationship with your kids to this. Amusing that some are bothered the kid isn't even trying to lie....seriously? The fact that your kid is straight-up refusing to tell you what's going on isn't a great place to be, but it's a hell of a lot better than raising an expert of deception.

Exactly. Corporal punishment only increases negative behavior and breaks that bond of trust between parent and child.

The amount of people I know who grew up with corporal punishment and suffer seriously from it is astounding. All of them fear their parents and have really bad behavior from it.

 

[echoshifting]

Are they hunting the chickens? Because that's the real important part here.

If they're not you have failed as a parent

 

[Vermillion]

Change the wifi password, and then ask them again.

This sounds fun.

Alternatively, if you've been giving them a weekly allowance, cut it off for some period of time every time they say some stupid shit like that.

Or take their car keys.

Or both.

Shut off their phone service, etcetera.

 

[And_Gignac]

I dont have kids but lol teenagers are like that, they need to reafirm their individuality.

Control freaks parents do more harm than good.

 

[RustyNails]

if they are over 18, threaten them to start paying rent.
Tell them they are adults and it is time for them to pay up...

"where da rent?" argument falls flat in my opinion. What will you do once they get a job at taco bell and make $7.5/hr and start contributing? Does it suddenly stop being your business?

 

[Slo]

Flip the breaker to his room, change the wifi password, and cancel his cell phone.

When he asks why, tell him "it's none of your business."