B please.
I am a healer.
When I am bad, I am bad.
Sometimes it hurts my feelings when someone tells me that I am bad, when I am actually bad. I usually take a moment to feel sorry for myself, and then..
OH WELL. SUCK IT UP BUTTERCUP.
After that I read the mechanics of the fight/spell/whatever and figure out what I did wrong. Usually it's followed by a moment of oh my god I'm so stupid.
Why should you get a pass? Seriously, what makes you so special? Is it because people aren't being nice to you about you fucking up the mechanics? Or is it because you're a tank and/or healer, and omigod MORE VALUABLE THAN OTHER PLAYERS duh.
By the way, I'm the type of healer that is okay with a group all pulling <10k dps in a heroic and fucking up all the mechanics... the first couple times. I once got put into a heroic when one of the DPS was running as a bear, didn't know what a DPS spec WAS for a druid (lolwutisferal), and most of the people could not be bothered to read the dungeon journal. I sat with them and typed out a long and not-at-all-ragey explanation of what every single player was supposed to be doing each fight. I think I spent two hours wiping in heroic bloodmines with them.
Would it be nice if everyone did that very nicely to everyone else? Yeah, maybe.
Is that to be expected, or even real life for most people? No.
People pay real money to play this game, and if you're fucking shit up and not bothering to read about each encounter (dungeon journal), don't be surprised if people are short tempered with you. It's not their job to babysit you, and it doesn't matter if you're a special little tank/healer combo.
I actually think that combo is cool, because it's my favorite combo as far as relationships go. & yes, I have a bit of empathy for you in that no one likes to see their partner get shit on, and sometimes react defensively. The best thing for you two to do would be to watch a youtube video on the fight, or consult wowhead. They break apart encounters by role, and explain fairly well what each role is expected to do.
Will you two fuck up? Yeah, probably. Most people do. Will you two get called baddies and be subject to the somewhat elitist and unforgiving community of WoW? Yes. Most likely. Am I sorry that you can't protect your partner's feelings? Actually, yes. I am.
But you're complaining to a bunch of people that have likely been on the receiving end, wiping and wasting time, on stuff that isn't even hard/progression. &, you're giving off this aura like it's not your fault, it's EVERYONE ELSE'S fault, and that's not true. It's your fault. Oh well.