Starrcade '90's first-annual Pat O'Connor Memorial tournament is to DETERMINE THE CHAMPIONS OF THE UNIVERSE. I think Michael Scott came up with the concept for this. Rocco Rock looks shockingly ripped in the South African mercenary getup. Norman Smiley has aged shockingly little since 1990. LOL @ Rey Mysteric being used for all of Rey Sr.'s graphics. Love the Brits using a wacky tumbling routine to escape a submission. AND PEOPLE THOUGHT IT WAS REAL!? Love Rey Sr. dropkicking Smiley to aid with a dropkick - I'm used to that spot being used for a crossbody block catch, but not a backslide. Michael Wallstreet's getup rules. Alexandra York looks so odd as a business woman. JACKO VICTORY. GLORIOUS! YAY MUTA and Mr. Saito! MASSIVE Muta chant broke out when he took the hood off. Love Heyman hyping up JACKO VICTORY facing Holyfield. I'm sure Holyfield would take that fight now. No one has ever done the handspring elbow as well as Muta did it. Jinsei Shinzaki's was close, but didn't have the same snap to it. SAITO IS SPEAKING ENGLISH, and sounds like a slightly younger Mr. Fuji.
Team Canada is a pair of jobber-looking motherfuckers. Victor Zangiev looks like the wrestling version of G. Gordon Liddy. Never seen him before, but while he looks really old, he moves incredibly swiftly and does some great bridges. A boring chant broke out, and while this isn't the most exciting match ever, they really shouldn't have paired off two completely unknown teams like this. A weird suplex>armbar...won...somehow with a 2, or maybe a submission or whatever. Sting pointing out how illogical the Black Scorpion thing is something else - now, they'd never even bother explaining this deal making so little sense. Sting's rat tail is something else. Terry Taylor's got the robe on that he sold to Roode - Terry definitely got his money's worth out of it, and for a 25+ year old robe, it's in good shape. YOU'LL NEVER GUESS - Michael Wallstreet did an abdominal stretch using the ropes. Rotunda has at least a bit more fire here than he did as IRS, and won with the Samoan Drop/Stock Market Crash. IRS matches were hard enough to get through with the WWF's production, let alone WCW's low-budget look in the early '90s. Michael Hayes dressing as the stripper version of Uncle Sam is something else.
Curtis Hughes as just the Big Cat and the Motor City Madman are out to further the feel of this being an AWA show. The Skyscrapers, with Sid in a singlet that always looked weird on him came out to murder these guys. After much struggling, they hit a double powerbomb on the Madman, who seemed to deadweight Sid. Tommy Rich is out as a substitute for Robert Gibson to team with Ricky Morton as the Rock and Road-Owned Express. The Freebirds are dressed as...very low-end strippers. Little Richard...MARLEY is their roadie. THIS GIMMICK SUCKS. Tommy Rich is spanking Marley, after hearing Ross talk about how he was a former world champ, this got sad. Paul E saying "this is terrible" seems pretty fitting. THIS IS LIKE MILLI VANILLI CHALLENGING THE NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK TO A BATTLE OF THE BANDS. Paul E rules. Garvin with the giant beard and glittery gear looks way too much like Gorgeous Jimmy, and despite looking about the same facially, looks middle-aged body-wise. Little Richard accidentally flew off the top thanks to a crutch shot into a double sledge on Jimmy because...of course, and then they lose due to a distraction. Double DDT. This sucked. At least the babyfaces had the good sense to save Marley, leading to the Freebirds attacking Gibson, but not going after the injured leg. That's sporting of them.
STAN HANSEN CHEWS TOBACCO, DOES THINGS WITH A ROPE, AND SAYS HOOOOO! Pretty nothing much between the Steiners and Konnan/Rey Sr. Clips of some angle with Flair and Teddy Long in a limo... I have no idea what this was. The swastika-looking logo Horsemen shirt isn't exactly good-looking, especially with the early '90s neon pink and green look to it. The Russians are back out not even getting a polite reaction to face Muta and Saito. Holds. Holds. More holds. Scorpion Deathlock in for a sec by Saito. SAITO SUPLEX TO ZANGIEV gets the win. Doom vows to demolish the Horsemen in the street fight. Ron looks a bit odd in a belly shirt. YES LEX STILL HAS HIS NWA THEME! Hansen's out with even more chew, spitting it at the fans, and his graphic talks about him being a champion in both the U.S. and Japan. Goofy ref bump bullshit for the U.S. title match. I guess giving him a visual win was a way to appease either him or All Japan, but this finish sucked.
It's time for the tag team street fight. Barry's out in jeans and chaps...OF COURSE! I love Arm sticking with logical offense here - if you've got something near you, JUST HIT A GUY WITH IT. Nice use of the belt by Ron, not just using it as a whip, but using the point of it for punches. Love Butch calling Arn a son of a bitch, leading to a chairshot to the back on Barry and the Simmons spinebuster ACTUALLY ONLY GETS 2! SUPERPLEX, sadly no floatover from Barry. Jumping DDT from Barry can't get a cover due to a chair being brought in. I love Reed blocking Barry with a chair to prevent him from helping a cover that wasn't the finish - made it feel more important. Double pin off a shitty small package from Barry and a nothing cover from Ron. YAY ANOTHER GOOFY BULLSHIT FINISH! And then everyone falls over each other on the ramp doing stuff. Fun street fight, but goddamn that finish...
Tourney finals. Green mist against the pyro looks pretty sweet. Tiger Hattori is the ref and it's the Steiners against Muta and Saito - if this was in a well-lit building, it would feel like a New Japan match. Basic heel work from Saito and Muta to establish them as the heels here. SAITO SUPLEX and a spike piledriver. Paul logically points out that if Saito and Muta win, they should get a U.S. Tag Title shot. Given that this is for the International Tag Team Title, wouldn't that be a step down? Sunset flip gets the win for the Steiners. At least it had a solid finish. It's Jim Herd. Presumably, the Steiners also got a Pizza Hut coupon in addition to the trophy.
Dick the Bruiser's out to ref the cage match. His ref shirt is...interesting. Dick looks like the world's toughest grandfather. The Black Scorpion's at least got a cool theme. Oh goody, a PARADE OF BLACK SCORPIONS. This is like sub-Doink. At least that's colorful. Everyone here is in a different-looking mask and outfit and it just looks so cheap. A SPACECRAFT IS LOWERING TO RINGSIDE. Paul E is angry that Jim Ross did not alert him to THE SPACECRAFT ROAMING AROUND THE BUILDING. Now it's shutting. I hope it opens and the Gobbedly Gooker comes out. Nope - IT'S THE REAL BLACK SCORPION! The others were only messengers. The cape is at least good-looking and ridiculous. Flair's jaw is way too recognizable in this getup. Flair's jumping around a lot - almost a bit like how Savage would spring around before a match. The Scorpion is at least not totally wrestling like Flair - just going for basic heel tricks using the ropes and choking. After some cage smacks, Flair's hair is now visible under the mask. Super-shitty piledriver from the Scorpion doesn't even get a count. The crowd is making...polite noise to show that they're alive. Stinger splash>deathlock combo, but Flair gets to the ropes. Cage smash leads to a mask being taken off, but he's got a silver one underneath it. Lots of cage bonks. Big throw out of the corner and a flying lariat! Crossbody off the top gets 3. This was not good. Flair as not Flair didn't work. It's 3-on-1 against the Bruiser. He's...almost possibly selling! Horsemen are out to bump for the Bruiser. OH COME ON NOW. DDT on the chair knocks Flair down because Sting's legs hit him. Flair's laying in some really shitty chairshots to Sting. Babyfaces are down to help Sting. The Steiners, unlike the B-team, came prepared and have bolt cutters. Flair got revealed, and got color. Well...goddamn that was pretty awful.
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