ALRIGHT ALRIGHT OKAY LET'S GO
NOW, YOU FOLKS KNOW I HATE VEGETARIANS. IT HAS THE LETTER "S" IN IT, WHICH "COMMUNIST" ALSO HAS. AN' YOU FOLKS KNOW I DON'T LIKE THAT EITHER, CAUSE IT HAS THE LETTER "I", WHICH "STALIN" ALSO HAS.
ANYHOW, HOW 'BOUT THAT CANADIAN WIN OVER THEM AMERICANS, EH? IT AIN'T EVEN 'BOUT THE ACTUAL GAME ITSELF, EH. CANADA ALREADY WON BY BEIN' CLASSY TO BEGIN WITH. LOOK AT THESE GOOD CANADIAN KIDS, WALKIN' TO THE ARENA WEARIN' SUITS AN' GETTIN' INTO THE GAME BY LISTENIN' TO MUSIC. NOW, YOU LOOK AT THESE CLASSLESS AMERICANS WALKIN' TO THE STADIUM WEARIN' SUITS AN' GETTIN' INTO THE GAME BY LISTENIN' TO MUSIC. UTTERLY CLASSLESS, EH. PROBABLY LISTENIN' TO THAT HIPPITY-HOPPY STUFF, EH.
AN' YOU KNOW JAMIE BENN WAS DUE FOR A BIG GAME, EH. JAMIE FROM VICTORIA, BC, YOU KNOW. HE AIN'T A GOOD ONTARIO KID, BUT I GUESS VICTORIA'S GOOD ENOUGH, EH. AN' YOU KNOW THEM AMERICANS AIN'T GOOD ONTARIO KIDS.
NOW, LET ME TELL YOU KIDS A STORY: I WAS IN THE BATHROOM, WASHIN' MY HANDS, AN' I SAW PATTY KANE WALK IN THE BATHROOM AN' GET IN A STALL. NOW, SOCHI DON'T GOT DOORS ON THEIR STALLS, AN' AMERICANS DON'T GOT ENOUGH CLASS TO BRING A DOOR WITH THEM, EH - ANYHOW, HE WAS IN THERE TAKIN' A DUMP, AN' HE REMINDED ME OF A CLASSLESS EUROPEAN IN THERE. HE WAS SITTIN' THERE, READIN' AN AMERICAN MAGAZINE. YOU'RE S'POST'A BE READIN' A CANADIAN PUBLICATION, EH. AIN'T HE GOT NEXT ISSUE ON HIS IPAD OR SOMETHIN'? ANYHOW, JAMIE BENN WALKED IN, INSTALLED A DOOR ON HIS STALL, THEN LEFT THE DOOR OPEN, AN' TOOK A REAL BIG DUMP. HE MOLDED IT TO LOOK LIKE A CANADIAN BEAVER, AN' SANG THE ANTHEM. I AIN'T GONNA LIE TO YOU FOLKS: I STARTED TEARIN' UP AN' JOINED HIM SINGIN'. PATTY KANE GOT SO EMBARRASSED, HE FORGOT TO WIPE AN' THE AMERICANS LOST THE GAME. JAMIE, YOU KNOW, REMINDED ME OF BOBBY ORR. GOD LOVE 'EM.
