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[kunonabi]

Outside of religion or mental health issues there really isn't an excuse to be 25 and a virgin. How someone could go through college without smashing once baffles me.

Here's some advice. Just get the damn monkey off your back. If you can't function at a bar or party setting go to Backpage. Use usasexguide to determine who is real. Bang someone. Return to your normal life.

Eh, I did all sorts of clubs and things in college and asked out several girls and it just didn't happen. Everyone in undergrad partnered up quickly and in grad school everyone was already married. Sometimes the circles you run just don't have that many opportunities.

 

[lifa-cobex]

why not both?

She gets angry when I spill it on her

 

[Morrigan Stark]

I see three reasons why you would have sex: pleasure, children, and societal pressure. None of those three apply to me.
[...]
However, I honestly just find threads like these to be amusing. They don't pressure me to lose my virginity. I read them, laugh at some of the posts from some of the people (both virgins and non virgins alike) and continue on with my day.

Good for you. I say this without sarcasm either. I like seeing people fall outside of the norm, but that still remain completely comfortable with themselves. Out of curiosity (and that's none of my business so feel free to ignore this question ^^), would you consider yourself to be asexual?

Outside of religion or mental health issues there really isn't an excuse to be 25 and a virgin. How someone could go through college without smashing once baffles me.

Wow...

Here's some advice. Just get the damn monkey off your back. If you can't function at a bar or party setting go to Backpage. Use usasexguide to determine who is real. Bang someone. Return to your normal life.

PhoenixDark
Alas, I highly doubt blasting Zelda music will get me laid.
(Today, 12:31 PM)

Spoiler

That's actually shitty, unhelpful and quite probably unsolicited advice, really.

 

[DeathyBoy]

Anyway, of course, sex should never define someone's life. I hope no one who is a virgin at 30 thinks they have failed somehow, but I know many do. That's really sad. And it's definitely society's fault for putting this issue on a pedestal and shaming people who are virgins. It's one of the most universally made fun of issues, down to the fact that many popular comedies have been made about the subject (American Pie, 40 Year Old Virgin). And that can destroy people's individual confidence. And it's a self destructive cycle... the more one sees this sort of attitude, the more they believe they are somehow inadequate.

I think it's really overblown how much society cares about this, in contrast to keyboard warriors online who start troll threads like this one.

Because honestly? No one offline gives a shit. And if someone would give you shit for being a virgin, why would you want to hang out with them anyway? Not to mention how being self-destructive is rooted in more things than sex.

 

[PsihoPerihelion]

Was the cousine french or italian?

South American.

 

[Cizeta-Moroder]

That's fine.

These threads always pop up and always seem more like people wallowing in sadness and doing nothing about it than actually working towards a goal. As a former GAF Virgin I'm more than comfortable saying that, I've seen this thread made countless times over the last decade. And nothing changes.

Nothing changes, as in, winners stay winning, losers stay losing.
About that wallowing in sadness, I don't mean to whine, but personally, my only objective at this point is to, I wouldn't say gain sympathy or respect, but at least to come to terms with these wizard memes. That requires me to deal with the facts.
About working towards the "goal", that would be disrespectful towards other people. Essentially, even entertaining the thought of ever getting laid (which isn't the real point anyway) would involve the concept of someone having to be a victim of sorts (as in, them having to lower their standards for my sake). Because during these 20 years one thing has become clear: no one in their right mind wants to be acquainted with me. I can't be a pleasure to anyone. I get the message, I'll try to stay the fuck out of everybody's way. As soon as I manage to pay off my debts I'll be going.

 

[DeathyBoy]

About that wallowing in sadness, I don't mean to whine, but personally, my only objective at this point is to, I wouldn't say gain sympathy or respect, but at least to come to terms with these wizard memes. That requires me to deal with the facts.

The only fact is that some people online are assholes, but we all knew that anyway.

About working towards the "goal", that would be disrespectful towards other people. Essentially, even entertaining the thought of ever getting laid (which isn't the real point anyway) would involve the concept of someone having to be a victim of sorts (as in, them having to lower their standards for my sake). Because during these 20 years one thing has become clear: no one in their right mind wants to be acquainted with me. I can't be a pleasure to anyone. I get the message, I'll try to stay the fuck out of everybody's way. As soon as I manage to pay off my debts I'll be going.

Lower their standards?

As someone who's felt beaten down by life and knocked into a corner where my self-worth was worth exactly 3.50, I can relate. But never say that. You're awesome. And letting yourself get down because some idiot online is unable to get out of that pathetic high school mentality of 'DUH, SEX SEX SEX'... that's on them, not you. There's nothing wrong with having sex, and there's nothing wrong with not having sex, but there IS something wrong with going to either extreme and obsessing about how much/how little you're having.

Focus on being the best possible version of YOU that you can be, and you'll be happy. And when you're happy, stuff ensues.

 

[Jaffaboy]

That's fine.

These threads always pop up and always seem more like people wallowing in sadness and doing nothing about it than actually working towards a goal. As a former GAF Virgin I'm more than comfortable saying that, I've seen this thread made countless times over the last decade. And nothing changes.

There's some truth to this but...

Outside of religion or mental health issues there really isn't an excuse to be 25 and a virgin. How someone could go through college without smashing once baffles me.

Is this really helping anyone? If you're a so called "former GAF Virgin", where's your empathy, man? Where's some actual sound advice other than 'go to a prostitute'? That's not gonna be for everyone.

 

[crimzonflame]

I never thought people got all depressed about this kind of shit. I lost mine with a cousine and it was pretty fucking bad. Sex on the beach, both drunk and all that. I'm 25 now and sex is something that I've done just a couple of times in life because A- I suck at relationships (my longest relation lasted a whole month) and B- I don't like one night stands. Sorry, you horny, sexual frat-guys who would even fuck your grandma but some of us like to fuck people we love (except for my cousine story but forget that)

Don't worry about losing it at a late age. You are all wonderful creatures to me.

les cousines dangereux

 

[Live Free or Die]

Is it true if you don't use it you lose it?

 

[Miles X]

Warming: this turned out to be a really depressing post.

Turned 23 a few weeks ago, spent my birthday in my room, sleeping most of the time. It's a day I've come to hate because it's a big reminder that "hey, you're still a virgin and you've never had a girlfriend". For me it's not just about wanting to have sex (which it is), but also forming close relationships with people. Every year I get older makes it that bit more awkward when my friends are talking about sex or someone asks why I don't have a girlfriend.

I'm not hideously ugly but not good looking enough for someone to wanna sleep with me based on physical attraction so never had any success at parties or clubs. Don't have a problem talking to girls, have plenty of female friends but nothing ever goes anywhere. I've always had this thing where if I like someone I try to hide all signs of that because I assume the feelings won't be mutual and it will ruin the friendship if they knew. At some point I extended this mindset to all girls so even if I don't have feelings for them I am careful not to do anything that might indicate otherwise. I think this is the biggest thing that has stopped me getting close to people.

I feel like I've heard everything there is to hear about working on confidence and self esteem but I'm so set in my ways that change feels impossible. Just feels like I am destined to be alone. This has been the worst year of my life, only think that's stops me trying to kill myself at the moment is the thought of how it would affect my family.

Happy new year everyone!

Why not try online dating and go on dates??? Then it's pretty apparant what the reason is for meeting these girls and if she likes you she'll ask for a second date and go from there??

Not sure why more virgins don't look online for love/sex these days.

 

[Horse Detective]

I never thought people got all depressed about this kind of shit. I lost mine with a cousine and it was pretty fucking bad. Sex on the beach, both drunk and all that.

I'm oddly impressed by this.

 

[Captcha]

Nvm.

 

[M3d10n]

Why not try online dating and go on dates??? Then it's pretty apparant what the reason is for meeting these girls and if she likes you she'll ask for a second date and go from there??

Not sure why more virgins don't look online for love/sex these days.

Online dating is mostly aimed at people who are capable of dating already. Also, it's a women's market and the abundant rejections one needs to ease trough to even get a reply can be harmful for those with low self esteem.

 

[On Demand]

Not really. I lost mine late and I'll echo "It's not that important." It's great and everything, but it's not the cure-all you're expecting it to be.

From my experience and reading lots of similar stories from people around here, virgins crave validation from a potential partner. They just confuse that with sex. I know with my first girlfriend I got that validation after a couple of dates, so when I finally "lost it", it really wasn't a big deal.

Never said it was a cure all. Don't know where you got that from. I even said "it's not just the sex."

As Amir pointed out, i'm sure it's fun being intimate with a female partner. Forget about sex for a second. Some of us don't even get to date.

 

[Acorn]

Oddly high number of virgins on gaf. Or maybe people are just more honest here?

/shrug

 

[TurboLibre]

Never said it was a cure all. Don't know where you got that from. I even said "it's not just the sex."

As Amir pointed out, i'm sure it's fun being intimate with a female partner. Forget about sex for a second. Some of us don't even get to date.

I'm not talking specifically about you, but you can't deny that's a theme from most in that boat. I meant it more in a general sense, since getting laid isn't going to fix anything really. That's what they mean by "It's not a big deal". That vibe even comes from the people giving advice when they recommend prostitutes. That shit isn't gonna help.

 

[Violet_0]

I never thought people got all depressed about this kind of shit. I lost mine with a cousine and it was pretty fucking bad. Sex on the beach, both drunk and all that.

I love these random classic GAF tales

 

[Necrovex]

I can relate a lot to the struggle. My only sexual encounter was with a dude many years back (I wasn't a fan of it). The furtherest I've gotten with a woman has been fooling around but nothing extremely sexual.

Now I've gone out and dated a decent amount, but for one reason or another, it doesn't turn out too well. Sometimes I rejected the person, she rejected me, or an external circumstance got in the way. I can't begin to fume how distance and moves have deter a decent number of possible relationships.

Prior to 2011, I was socially crippled in the dating scene, never gone out on a date with any woman. I got out of my shell and have seen a major improvement in this area since that time. But I had some major social anxiety in that regard, which had me self-sabotaged at least five sexual encounters with different people. I want to say that I am much better in this area now, since I had a lot of fun with the first dates I've been on and had a bit more self-confident to make the first move, i.e. a first kiss.

 

[Miles X]

Online dating is mostly aimed at people who are capable of dating already. Also, it's a women's market and the abundant rejections one needs to ease trough to even get a reply can be harmful for those with low self esteem.

Really? Plenty here seem apt at just chatting/talking in a civilised manner. That's what it is at the start. If you meet a lady that'd like to go on a date with you that alone should quell some of the fears about that person not liking them. They've shown an interest so there is something there.

It's true for any of us, even the good looking, charasmatic types, that not everybody will like you and you need to take it on the chin and not personally.

I still think in this day and age it's the best way to find a mate.

For those that want just sex, I see absolutely no shame in hiring an escort either (something classy/legit, not a street corner one ....). They're usually very accomdating and friendly and probably exactly what a shy inexperienced guy needs.

 

[Sakujou]

Why not try online dating and go on dates??? Then it's pretty apparant what the reason is for meeting these girls and if she likes you she'll ask for a second date and go from there??

Not sure why more virgins don't look online for love/sex these days.

worst shit i have read in a while.

online dating is the worst shit i have ever heard of. a few female friends are registered to some of these sites and they get bucket loads of requests. they never answer them just click through most of them and tell their friends how many people online are interested in them. if you are able to think straight, guys need to write hundreds of girls until one replies. i have never heard about a girl writing a message to a guy.

sad shit and it should be banned.

 

[Miles X]

worst shit i have read in a while.

online dating is the worst shit i have ever heard of. a few female friends are registered to some of these sites and they get bucket loads of requests. they never answer them just click through most of them and tell their friends how many people online are interested in them. if you are able to think straight, guys need to write hundreds of girls until one replies. i have never heard about a girl writing a message to a guy.

sad shit and it should be banned.

Must be using the wrong sites (or it's just very very different for gay guys or Brits) cos here I've found it very civislised and made lots of friends and had non sexual driven dates.

I find it hard to believe it's that different for hetro sites. Sounds like you've just had a terrible experience tbh.

If it was that bad it wouldn't be as popular as it is, end of.

 

[CHEEZMO™]

sad shit and it should be banned.

lol

 

[Sakujou]

Must be using the wrong sites (or it's just very very different for gay guys or Brits) cos here I've found it very civislised and made lots of friends and had non sexual driven dates.

I find it hard to believe it's that different for hetro sites. Sounds like you've just had a terrible experience tbh.

If it was that bad it wouldn't be as popular as it is, end of.

thats what iam wondering too.

on the other hand, i know plenty of guys who are okay with it. one guy told me, he writes a copy/paste message to 15-30 girls a day, 2-3 are responding and one is willing to have sex with him.

do you think this is ok?
i dont want to do something disgusting like that.

 

[Miles X]

thats what iam wondering too.

on the other hand, i know plenty of guys who are okay with it. one guy told me, he writes a copy/paste message to 15-30 girls a day, 2-3 are responding and one is willing to have sex with him.

do you think this is ok?
i dont want to do something disgusting like that.

If it works for them two then good for them. If you don't want that, then don't copy that approach.

Also my suspicions are that a lot of these guys on sites that do that, or don't have much luck, are punching about their weight claiming "we're all the same in the inside" I get enough ugly and/or OAP gay guys message me that anyhow.

If you go on a reputable dating site, put up an honest, at least somewhat humerous, and interesting profile and approach girls that arent hot as fuck (cos they're gonna have high standards (and fair enough .....) or be just outright bitches) I find it hard to believe you won't come across at least one date after a few weeks.

 

[Sakujou]

If it works for them two then good for them. If you don't want that, then don't copy that approach.

Also my suspicions are that a lot of these guys on sites that do that, or don't have much luck, are punching about their weight claiming "we're all the same in the inside" I get enough ugly and/or OAP gay guys message me that anyhow.

If you go on a reputable dating site, put up an honest, at least somewhat humerous, and interesting profile and approach girls that arent hot as fuck (cos they're gonna have high standards (and fair enough .....) or be just outright bitches) I find it hard to believe you won't come across at least one date after a few weeks.

i tried that approach a few years ago, but when a female human is willing to write me back, after a few messages, she wont respond. i have never met one, therefore i quit this.
i generally despise online dating because i think there are only scumbags who want to limelight themself on these sites.
to pay for such sites is the biggest rip-off in existence, at least for me.

 

[Caayn]

Online dating is mostly aimed at people who are capable of dating already. Also, it's a women's market and the abundant rejections one needs to ease trough to even get a reply can be harmful for those with low self esteem.

I've been using an online site to try to get to know girls for a few months now and I can find myself in your explanation.

Positive side is that I've been talking with a girl for a while now. But as I've grown up with two older sisters in a somewhat harmful environment caused me to constantly think of how the girl feels, what she wouldn't like, etc. I personally consider this a positive quality of mine, however it's a double-edged sword as it causes me to not make that one step.

Oddly high number of virgins on gaf. Or maybe people are just more honest here?

/shrug

You're on a gaming forum what did you expect

Spoiler

Please don't take me serious, I've got cookies

 

[CHEEZMO™]

female human

Are you writing field notes or something?

 

[IceDoesntHelp]

A witch, that has the power of killing myself.

probably.

 

[captmorgan]

Is it sad to think that even Momma June, (honey boo boo mom) has had sex with multipe people.

You just have to lower your standards eventually you will hit pay dirt.

 

[Wreck-It Ralph]

Must be using the wrong sites (or it's just very very different for gay guys or Brits) cos here I've found it very civislised and made lots of friends and had non sexual driven dates.

I find it hard to believe it's that different for hetro sites. Sounds like you've just had a terrible experience tbh.

If it was that bad it wouldn't be as popular as it is, end of.

It works out fine for girls who are at the very least not unattractive because they get tons of messages and have the pick of the litter.

It works out fine for guys who are reasonably attractive because they're the few people the girls reply to.

For everyone else? It's just an exercise in destroying your self-esteem.

I also imagine it's EXTREMELY different for gay guys because it's not horribly lopsided with half of the users receiving all the messages and the other half just hoping that their messages are even read, much less replied to.

 

[KiwiLannister]

I think it is fair to say that in most cases (ignoring religious circumstances) being a virgin is not the problem, it's just a symptom of other problems in their life, such as confidence, intimacy, social skills etc.

I realise some people have a very low sex drive but honestly I doubt it's as bad as you think, likely due to basically giving up. Sex comes in many different forms, there's something that just about everyone will enjoy.

The only type of wizard they become are rather lonely ones I would've thought.

 

[Dice]

What the point of getting laid just for the sake of it?
I could get laid very easily, I'm tall (6"3), I'm an athlete, I have an above average dick, I'm very confident and I know exactly what I want from life, I'm independent, I'm very happy and live a fulfilling life, I'm not anti social and chat regularly with perfect strangers (my good look is helping a lot), I have good social skill, I know how to interact with people, I know how to enjoy life, I know how to drink, party, play team sports etc... The only flaw that I have is that I have a huge ego and my confidence make me act like an eccentric because I don't give a fuck about what other people could think. I am also very polite and respectful and don't want to force myself onto other people if they clearly don't want me to. I'm self aware of my strong opinions and my big ego so I like to play dumb in order to not be too intimidating. I also don't like petty conflicts so I rather back down than escalate things and prove that I'm a macho, some people think of me as a doormat because of this, but when the conflict is worth it they clearly don't want to confront me, because I could be very mean and aggressive for the right cause.

With all this, I'm still a virgin and just turned 28 this last November. People could mock me but I don't care because I'm better than them at a lot of other things. I'm even pretty sure that I am better at sex than most non virgin because of my confidence, my empathy, my athletic skills, all those years of meditation, playing with myself, learning and researching, I know how to please someone and be careful. The only think I lack is muscle memory and automatisms, but I'm a fast learner so I don't really worry about that, and this is a thing all people should worry about when they have a new partner, even if they've got lot of sex experience.

If my regular activities and way of life start to bore me, maybe I could think about a relationship or becoming a manwhore but for the moment I don't care and I like the idea of becoming a wizard who don't look like one.

Maybe my testimony could help other late virgins who are lacking confidence and worry about things too much.

While a lot of people are going to question someone who goes on about themselves this much, I think it is a worthwhile contribution. If someone admits to desperately wanting to have sex and yet hitting many obstacles, I can understand wanting to help those people. If someone just doesn't think it is worth bothering with for this time in their lives, or maybe ever? I think it is very rude to presume they have issues when you have no evidence other than their virginity.

If someone had sex before and simply decided they don't like dating or hookups and want to fly solo, and perhaps even want to stay that way, most would respect it as their choice. But if they never had sex before, suddenly the person must be messed up in some way? That doesn't make sense to assume. And with the number of people who do make such decisions after having sex, the low percentage of virgins only demonstrates high social pressures for losing it, not normal standards of how humans choose to live.

As for people staying virgins, I wouldn't discourage it looking at the number of accidental babies even from seemingly competent people and overpopulation. You're opting out? Go ahead. Take one for team humanity. We got enough on the babymaking train.

 

[Timbuktu]

It works out fine for girls who are at the very least not unattractive because they get tons of messages and have the pick of the litter.

It works out fine for guys who are reasonably attractive because they're the few people the girls reply to.

For everyone else? It's just an exercise in destroying your self-esteem.

Not all dating sites are the same. Some would send batches of matches per week compared with others where you scroll through hundreds of profiles to find the ones to message. So you save yourself a lot of time and the girls don't get bombarded with messages. It's worth looking around to see if some might better suit you,

And don't what the big deal is, I don't feel all that different before and after losing virginity.

 

[terrisus]

thats what iam wondering too.

on the other hand, i know plenty of guys who are okay with it. one guy told me, he writes a copy/paste message to 15-30 girls a day, 2-3 are responding and one is willing to have sex with him.

do you think this is ok?
i dont want to do something disgusting like that.

Only 15-30?

When I was looking for someone to date, I would send far more than that - and get far more rejections.
On the other hand, I was specifically not looking for sex, but looking for someone to be in a long-term relationship with plans to get married.

Seriously though, people today have it easy. Online dating websites were a pain back in the late '90s/early '00s.
Not as many of them, not as many people on them, and more of them where you had to register and pay.

Took me like 3 years to finally find my wife.
During that time I only dated maybe a half dozen people...
And I don't even want to think about how many

Spoiler

thousands

of messages I sent >.>

If you view that as "disgusting," well...
¯\_(&#12484_/¯

 

[CHEEZMO™]

Only 15-30?

When I was looking for someone to date, I would send far more than that - and get far more rejections.
On the other hand, I was specifically not looking for sex, but looking for someone to be in a long-term relationship with plans to get married.

Seriously though, people today have it easy. Online dating websites were a pain back in the late '90s/early '00s.
Not as many of them, not as many people on them, and more of them where you had to register and pay.

Took me like 3 years to finally find my wife.
During that time I only dated maybe a half dozen people...
And I don't even want to think about how many

Spoiler

thousands

of messages I sent >.>

If you view that as "disgusting," well...
¯\_(&#12484_/¯

at least you seem happy now

 

[terrisus]

at least you seem happy now

 

[Sakujou]

Only 15-30?

When I was looking for someone to date, I would send far more than that - and get far more rejections.
On the other hand, I was specifically not looking for sex, but looking for someone to be in a long-term relationship with plans to get married.

Seriously though, people today have it easy. Online dating websites were a pain back in the late '90s/early '00s.
Not as many of them, not as many people on them, and more of them where you had to register and pay.

Took me like 3 years to finally find my wife.
During that time I only dated maybe a half dozen people...
And I don't even want to think about how many

Spoiler

thousands

of messages I sent >.>

If you view that as "disgusting," well...
¯\_(&#12484_/¯

is this how it normally should work? writing thousands of messages until a female person pities you to marry or to date you?
i dont want to offend you since you are happily married and iam the guy in the 30ies without having landed once, but i seriously cant imagine that every guy goes through the same shit as me. some friends of mine, who already have a girlfriend just have to show up on a party and girls "hit" him. when i saw that, i got crazy mad and went home. seeing this shit made me mad. like what the fuck.

on the other hand, my friend looks a bit like nathan drake from uncharted.

 

[freenudemacusers]

is this how it normally should work? writing thousands of messages until a female person pities you to marry or to date you?

... no

 

[diaspora]

is this how it normally should work? writing thousands of messages until a female person pities you to marry or to date you?
i dont want to offend you since you are happily married and iam the guy in the 30ies without having landed once, but i seriously cant imagine that every guy goes through the same shit as me. some friends of mine, who already have a girlfriend just have to show up on a party and girls "hit" him. when i saw that, i got crazy mad and went home. seeing this shit made me mad. like what the fuck.

on the other hand, my friend looks a bit like nathan drake from uncharted.

What?

 

[PhoenixDark]

There's some truth to this but...



Is this really helping anyone? If you're a so called "former GAF Virgin", where's your empathy, man? Where's some actual sound advice other than 'go to a prostitute'? That's not gonna be for everyone.

As I said, I really don't think people want advice, based on what I've seen. Some do sure, but overall these threads play out the same.

Advice? Put yourself out there. Spending 90% of your day on the computer or playing videogames isn't going to help you. Like anything else you need to be practicing. By practicing I don't mean having sex...I mean being social. Talk to people, at work, at school, wherever. Talk to guys, talk to girls. I spent much of my college years posting on GAF and playing WoW. I still managed to get laid but overall my outlook with women was pretty bleh until I began making life changes.

Say "yes" to an invite at least once, instead of instantly saying no. I used to just not do anything until one day I decided I'd blurt out "sure" the next time anyone asked me to go somewhere.

Pick up a hobby or passion. Something that has nothing to do with computers, television, videogames, etc. I started taking cooking seriously. Which meant I'd spend more time at the grocery store than ever before...which meant I'd randomly get into conversations with women.

If you're overweight or unhealthy, start working out. If going to the gym is too much for your anxiety, work out at home. Buy a jump rope, buy some weights, do push ups, eat decently, etc.

Getting laid is basically like take a test. You're not going to pass unless you've put in the time and preparation before the big day. Get yourself to the finish line.

 

[terrisus]

is this how it normally should work?

There is no "how it should work."
And if you get stuck on what is "normal," that's just going to be an issue.

Don't worry about "how it should work" or what is "normal."
Just do what works for you.

 

[Amir0x]

This is why I have to roll my eyes when people say 'well, sex isn't the be-all end-all of life'. No, it isn't. But these are people who are having sex. It's a big part of what makes us feel like normal functioning adults.

Getting sex I would imagine makes people feel that they're attractive and desirable on some level, even if they're not Brad Pitt or Angelena Jolie. People who have it in their teens enter their 20's knowing they are attractive at the very least to some people, so they can go about their lives without that doubt in their mind turning into a crippling source of low self esteem as the years go by.

I'd like to experience it. But the odds are so slim at this point as to feel nonexistent. How do you reconcile the fact that you'll never have sex or enjoy a romantic relationship, at age 30, when most people have had loads of fun with various partners throughout their teens and 20's, and are now settling down to start families with partners they love, and start the next phase of their lives? I never got off the starting grid.

I don't get why the odds are slim for you though? Like, statistics show 99% of all people usually have sex once before they die. That means the odds are likely you ARE going to have sex.

But the real issue it seems to me is how much you shut the door on yourself. I mean look I'm not a Casanova, you can see my avatar. I'm not Brad Pitt. I haven't had a terribly huge number of sexual partners, not even two full hands. I was depressed for a huge portion of my 20s, and that also eliminated entire years of sexual experiences from the equation. I couldn't have been very desirable in my dark days.

But why are you so resolute that there's no chance for you? I've seen truly grotesque people end up with people, some even kinda cute in an odd way. Is it because you don't think you can personally get over being with a chick you find ugly? Is it because you find it difficult to connect with people you're sexually attracted to? Is it because you lack the self esteem to find the good in yourself?

You're right it's easier for me to say "well it doesn't matter", but like it really doesn't to me. At least, not in the way it does for some people. I don't rank any of my sexual experiences in the top ten of my most profound or happiest moments in my life. It's just a fun thing to do.

I mean it's hard for me to understand I guess because some people ITT seem so certain the door is shut on them. That's the part I can't understand. Just how negative must ones dating attempts have been to arrive at such a definitive state? Is there no light you can see for yourself?

Yeah , i did this last year , lost it to an escort at age 36. Overall, it didn't change much regarding my mental issues and it didn't feel great since obviously there is no real intimacy or passion involved, but i am glad i did it, she was really nice and i enjoyed just having someone to talk to and sharing a little of that human touch

Anyway, i think it's worth trying, just look at it as an experience , even if it's bad you can learn something from it and that makes it better than nothing. Also, at least i can now read thread like these without getting all bummed out...

Yeah it's not a cure all, but for some people it just might at least put people in a slightly better mindset. I know it worked for a friend of mine, in that he stopped focusing on it all the time. And I think that by itself can be a help... removing the burden and weight of having the stress about you not participating in something that seems so... essentially human.

 

[zsswimmer]

I became apathetic about it because I don't really understand or know what an intimate relationship with another human feels like. Not complaining though, cause I sure as hell haven't put any effort into it even though I'm sure it would be easy, as I'm in good shape and attractive. Opening up to people is something that I can't seem to do, or maybe I'm just not willing to do, who knows. Anyways Im in my early 20s but I can't really see it happening, and there's no point in whining about it because its my lack of effort that put me here. When you can't imagine what its like in the first place its really easy to ignore tbh

 

[John Kowalski]

is this how it normally should work? writing thousands of messages until a female person pities you to marry or to date you?
i dont want to offend you since you are happily married and iam the guy in the 30ies without having landed once, but i seriously cant imagine that every guy goes through the same shit as me. some friends of mine, who already have a girlfriend just have to show up on a party and girls "hit" him. when i saw that, i got crazy mad and went home. seeing this shit made me mad. like what the fuck.

on the other hand, my friend looks a bit like nathan drake from uncharted.

could you hit me up with your friend, he sounds hot

 

[Amir0x]

I became apathetic about it because I don't really understand or know what an intimate relationship with another human feels like. Not complaining though, cause I sure as hell haven't put any effort into it even though I'm sure it would be easy, as I'm in good shape and attractive. Opening up to people is something that I can't seem to do, or maybe I'm just not willing to do, who knows. Anyways Im in my early 20s but I can't really see it happening, and there's no point in whining about it because its my lack of effort that put me here. When you can't imagine what its like in the first place its really easy to ignore tbh

See to me this seems like the perfect example of someone who CAN change it if they so desired.

The question is... do you desire sex? I think a lot of people don't realize it's a real thing to be asexual, and not have any interest in it at all. And there's nothing wrong with that. But if you do want sex, the question is... do you just not want the relationship baggage that might come with it? Because there's other types of efforts you can do to just have sex, but avoid a relationship. Since you're in good shape and attractive, would be reasonably simple (provided you didn't have the personality of a clam, and even then... you could just be used as a sex toy by some intrepid individual).

Then the other question is, is opening up something you seem incapable of doing in -any- situation, sexual or not? You might have some sort of emotional disorder if so.

 

[demon]

I became apathetic about it because I don't really understand or know what an intimate relationship with another human feels like. Not complaining though, cause I sure as hell haven't put any effort into it even though I'm sure it would be easy, as I'm in good shape and attractive. Opening up to people is something that I can't seem to do, or maybe I'm just not willing to do, who knows. Anyways Im in my early 20s but I can't really see it happening, and there's no point in whining about it because its my lack of effort that put me here. When you can't imagine what its like in the first place its really easy to ignore tbh

I very much relate to this, as I hadn't had any relationships (platonic or otherwise) with people outside my family around your age. I'd never experienced it so I just couldn't imagine it happening to me, but I eventually met someone, by some act of god, who I somehow clicked with and I've been extremely close friends with her ever since. I can understand the sense of hopelessness but don't let it get you feeling like it can never happen just because it hasn't yet. It will involve stepping outside of your comfort zone in some fashion, though. Of course, that's something I desperately need to do more of myself...

But believe me, it's much better to be in your position in your early 20s than your early 30s. Things are just...different at this age.

 

[draetenth]

I mean look I'm not a Casanova, you can see my avatar.

? You look fine to me.

 

[zsswimmer]

See to me this seems like the perfect example of someone who CAN change it if they so desired.

The question is... do you desire sex? I think a lot of people don't realize it's a real thing to be asexual, and not have any interest in it at all. And there's nothing wrong with that. But if you do want sex, the question is... do you just not want the relationship baggage that might come with it? Because there's other types of efforts you can do to just have sex, but avoid a relationship. Since you're in good shape and attractive, would be reasonably simple (provided you didn't have the personality of a clam, and even then... you could just be used as a sex toy by some intrepid individual).

Then the other question is, is opening up something you seem incapable of doing in -any- situation, sexual or not? You might have some sort of emotional disorder if so.

Yes I have a sex drive and I'm attracted to wkmen, just can't be bothered to care about it anymore. In college I was really depressed about the whole thing, then I realized why even worry about it if realistically I won't put any effort into being a better socialzier. Not even socializing, just making deep conectuons with people. Like I know I won't do anything or if I did, just half ass it and quit. You wouldn't even be able to tell I have these problems if you met me as I have no problem carrying a conversation or being funny, I actually have a great sense of humor. It's just that I avoid getting close to people, although I'm not exactly sure why so there probably is an underlying issue there somewhere.

 

[demon]

Yes I have a sex drive and I'm attracted to wkmen, just can't be bothered to care about it anymore. In college I was really depressed about the whole thing, then I realized why even worry about it if realistically I won't put any effort into being a better socialzier. Not even socializing, just making deep conectuons with people. Like I know I won't do anything or if I did, just half ass it and quit. You wouldn't even be able to tell I have these problems if you met me as I have no problem carrying a conversation or being funny, I actually have a great sense of humor. It's just that I avoid getting close to people, although I'm not exactly sure why so there probably is an underlying issue there somewhere.

You just copied and pasted one of my posts from 12 years ago. Although I met my friend at the tail end of my five years in college.