E3 2015 - Outrageous Predictions For Sony, Microsoft, Nintendo

To begin Sony's conference, Mark Cerny walks out on stage to a 15 minute standing ovation... As the ovation dies down, "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye starts to play on the loud speakers, as he proceeds to take 8 minutes to remove his lavender plaid button down long sleeve Polo shirt to cheers and chants from the crowd... Three crying and screaming women need to be removed from the front row, as they reach and grab at the aura surrounding Cerny's presence..

As Cerny finally gets off his shirt, it reveals The Last Guardian tattooed on his chest... The convention center goes wild.... Screams are heard throughout E3 as a crowd starts to build at the back doors, curious as to what is happening... Cerny then slowly turns around to reveal Knack 2 tattooed on his back as bedlam ensues... Hip Hop Gamer thrusts his title belt to the heavens as he and Adam Boyes exchange what is later known as "the chest bump heard around the world.". The remaining women are left in puddles, lying in the fetal position on the grimy convention center floor... Grown men are witnessed, in tight embrace, tearfully admitting all their sins and darkest secrets to one another..

Cerny slowly walks off stage without even a smirk, but makes sure to make eye contact with every person left standing...Sony's press conference continues for 2 more hours but nobody ever remembers any of it...

But when do they pass out the complimentary bathtubs?
 
This thread needs some hot sauce.

Paging Verendus, GopherD and a wild CBOAT.

Join us.

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Microsoft will rebrand its console to Xbox 10.

Sony will announce the PS4 will now be sold exclusively at Sam's Club.

Nintendo will unveil the new EN3DSXL (even newer 3DS XL).
 
Sony - Last Guardian VR and free for everyone who buys Morpheus (or Morpheus is also free if you have a PS4). Also Half Life 3 Console exclusive (as VR support).

Nintendo - new console announcement (backwards compatibility to the Wii/ & Wii U, online account system like sony/ ms, and easy to port to for 3rd parties). Along with a Pokemon MMO (fully 3D as a launch title). with a date of fall 2016.

Microsoft - A freelancer remaster for xbox one and PC (due to the new set of space sims (elite, star citizen etc)). Banjo from Rare announced along with a new Timesplitters game (exclusive).
 
Sony announcing TLG and HL3 as exclusives for the PS4, and then they end it with Crash bandicoot from ND getting announced by Jack who then announce his return to SCEA just before he close with a gift as PS VITA 2 coming Q1 2016 with actual support from the biggest IPs that Sony has
 
Sony announcing TLG and HL3 as exclusives for the PS4, and then they end it with Crash bandicoot from ND getting announced by Jack who then announce his return to SCEA just before he close with a gift as PS VITA 2 coming Q1 2016 with actual support from the biggest IPs that Sony has
One game per big IP?
 
This thread needs some hot sauce.

Paging Verendus, GopherD and a wild CBOAT.

Join us.

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I wonder what we can cross off from what Verendus said

Originally Posted by Verendus

It's nothing like those, they're all Sega productions (I don't even know what Miku is, first I'm hearing of it).

If I break down what I know of certain upcoming titles in terms of genres:

4 RPGs (this includes the announced Bloodborne)
3 TPS (this includes The Order and Uncharted 4)
3 Horror (this includes Until Dawn)
3 Action/Adventure (all unannounced, one will be the GOW shake-up)
3 Platformers (includes LBP3 and Tearaway)
1 Arcade racer (unannounced)
1 Stealth (unannounced)
1 Brawler (unannounced - think like that old PS1 game Fighting Force)
1 Fighter (unannounced)

The Sony/Capcom and Sony/Sega projects fit into those. I would personally put Bloodborne into Action/Adventure but GAF has always referred to Demon's Souls and Dark Souls as RPGs (I wouldn't really know since I never played them), so I've been following suit pretty much whenever I talk about it.
 
To combat VR, Nintendo announces that they will send actors round to your house, dressed as your favourite heroes to jump all over your shit whilst you wave new motion controls about, which do jack all.

This feature will remain region locked.
 
I wonder what we can cross off from what Verendus said

Well in a later post he said Sony/Capcom was Street Fighter V so there's the fighter, Drawn to Death is the third person shooter.

4 RPGs (this includes the announced Bloodborne)
3 TPS (this includes The Order and Uncharted 4)[+Drawn to Death]
3 Horror (this includes Until Dawn)
3 Action/Adventure (all unannounced, one will be the GOW shake-up)
3 Platformers (includes LBP3 and Tearaway)
1 Arcade racer (unannounced)
1 Stealth (unannounced)
1 Brawler (unannounced - think like that old PS1 game Fighting Force)
1 Fighter (unannounced)[SFV]
 
Open on planet Earth; voiceover talks about nuclear proliferation.
Footage of war ending in a mushroom cloud.
Post-humanity, we see radiated animals evolve over centuries.
Text screen: EVOLUTION OF THE SPECIES
Text screen: EVOLUTION OF THE SERIES
Text screen: EVOLVE OR DIE
Kojima Productions logo — the Fox is wearing a scarf.
 
E3 rolls around, and Nintendo decides to forego the direct for a big conference like everyone else.

Reggie steps out first, and simply stares at everyone for 10 minutes smiling the entire time. Eventually this silence is broken by Reggie screaming "Tananana super fighting robot! Tananana..." and then the screen behind him lights up showing Capcom's logo. Nintendo has bought Capcom and its entire list of IPs. Street Fighter V, Dead Rising 3, Deep Down and so forth all coming to the Wii U. Megaman U announced, in which you fight every single one of the robot masters to eventually reach Wily Sigma, a fusion of the two biggest Megaman villains.

Afterwards Reggie steps back into the darkness and Iwata takes his place.

Iwata says he understands the frustration some Nintendo fans have suffered in the last few years and he's here to remedy that... with Ultra Smash Warrios. Based on the success of Hyrule Warriors, Koei Tecmo and Nintendo are partnering up again to bring you the entire cast of Smash Bros and then some into one Warriors game. We're teased with a clip of Captain Falcon fighting a horde of Goombas, Lizalfos and Meta Ridley, followed by him single handedly picking up the Great Fox and Falcon Punching it until it explodes into the crowd. Ultra Smash Warriors will release November 2015.

Surprisingly the clip continues as Falcon gets into his Blue Falcon and drives away into space. He is being chased by an Arwing, Samus' ship and a miniature Mario face planet. Pretty soon they reach a runway... just then Miyamoto comes out running in Falcons helmet and yells out in broken English F-Zero Unlimited coming tomorrow to stores worldwide.

Finally Reggie comes back out and the three together perform a sort of Ginyu Force pose as they announce a F2P Amiibo game.

It's Custom Robo. You obtain different parts for your robot based on the Amiibo you scan. We all watch in awe as we see a robot with Samus' armor, Link's Master Sword and Warios Hat fight another robot wielding Megaman's arm cannon, Peach's dress and Metaknights mask in glorious 1080p/60 fps.

They take a bow, and Wii Fit Trainer and Villager amiibos fall from the ceiling.
This is good but you're missing one little thing.

Before they say goodbye, Reggie, holding a microphone like a G, says "One. More. Thing." The room gets dark and quiet. The words 'Vanquish II' appear on the screen. "EXCLUUUUUSIVE ON WII U!!" Reggie shouts before dropping the mic and being played off with the Space Jam theme remixed by Daft Punk.
 
Bully 2 trailer. Modern day setting, high school, female antagonist.

No Man's Sky 'Three Trailers' presentation. Each one focuses on a different aspect of gameplay; exploration, combat, trading. Footage shows massive improvement to graphics. Five minute trailer detailing production of procedural sound that really brings the game to life. Release date revealed; late September 2015.

Mario Maker trailer reveals the ability to create 'boss rush' levels.

Splatoon for 3ds announced.
 
DMC5 is announced at the Sony press conference. PS4/PC exclusive.

- Classic DMC. Dante is back. Nero is a secondary playable character.
- Controls and camera based on DmC, mechanics based on DMC4 and expanded. All feedback from DmC Definitive Edition and DMC4SE in consideration.
- More moves, more inputs, more weapons, more bosses.
- More aggressive and intelligent enemies and bosses, enemies as elaborate and well-designed as the ones in DMC1.
- Co-op mode, PvP mode, training mode/tutorial mode included. Every other mode from every DMC returns.
- No pointless platforming.
- New storyline, crazier and more-action packed than ever.
- Art and level design takes cues from Dark Souls. Atmosphere out the wazoo.
- The spectacle of Bayonetta, but with no QTEs, gimmicky segments or disruptive elements.
- DMC-GAF explodes.
 
Well, if you just want me to go absolutely nuts...

Sony:

- Square Enix goes all out this E3, revealing not only a full on remake of FFVII this year, but future remakes of 8, 9 and Tactics, along with Bushido Blade 3, Tobal 3, Einhander 2, Vagrant Story 2, and a Xenogears reboot that actually gives an adequate budget for the entire game. All of these are Sony exclusives, alongside FFXV, Tomb Raider 2, the new Dissidia, and KH3...as Sony has purchased SE in it's entirety. Along with Atlus, Konami and Capcom.

Microsoft:

Phil Spencer: "We at Microsoft have been adamant in pushing Xbox as a service that exists across a broad range of devices, from Xbox One to PC to Windows Phone and beyond. Today, we're taking another big step towards integrating devices of all shapes and sizes under the Xbox umbrella.

The Xbox One app on Windows 10 will allow any and all Xbox One discs to work on any PC running the new OS. Further, any digital purchases made on one platform will grant access to the software on both. Also, we're working with Valve to allow any digital license on an Xbox Live account to be transferred to Steam, along with saves and achievements. The HTC Vive and Oculus Rift will work with any such titles with VR support--both on PC and on Xbox. And we will no longer be charging for Gold Memberships on Xbox Live.

We believe these initiatives show our commitment to not only the PC space, but every ecosystem that Xbox is a part of. We look forward to showing more over the course of the next year. Thank you."

*drops mic*

Nintendo:

- Nintendo debuts the UNES (Ultra Nintendo Entertainment System), a portable with an HDMI port and the following specs:

- 4k 5 inch OLED screen.
- Dual analog sticks
- Nintendo-branded custom APU that matches an 8-Core Haswell-E i7 (CPU) and 4 Titan Xs (GPU) in performance, with a max TDP of 2.5 watts
- Faceplates
- A decent account system

The unit is priced at $200, and will be out in 2016--offering full backwards compatibility with any digitally purchased WiiU title. Reggie tells a flabbergasted press that the system "has the highest profit margins of any Nintendo device ever made". A wave of third parties announce that several upcoming multiplats announced for PS4 and Xbox One will be coming to the UNES as well, and that they worked closely with Nintendo in designing the hardware.
 
Nintendo:

Iwata walks on stages.
*bows and points at screen*

LEVEL 5 + STUDIO GHIBLI + NINTENDO = MOTHER 4

*bows and walks off stage like a boss*

all in 2 mins.

Gaming sites gives E3 show of the year to Nintendo.
 
Microsoft: Every household in North America gets a free XBO as part of a new initiative with Barack Obama to promote the usefulness of the NSA in capturing terrorists and other undesirables. XBM (Xbox Mandate) will take effect immediately and come bundled with a mandatory, reworked Kinect sensor. Every XBO will come with an Xbox exclusive version of Bad Rats. This will take up the entirety of the conference until the end, where they leave you with one last surprise: Geoff Keighley officially becomes the Pope of America and declares Xbox the official religion. The crowd will erupt in tears, applause, audible praisings to multiple lawds, and the odd sudoku or two from heathens.

Sony: After being an hour late, the power suddenly cuts off and the crowd is engulfed in complete darkness. It's so dark that even light from cellular devices can't penetrate the thick pitch of black swallowing the room. In the distance, galloping is heard slowly becoming louder as bewildered whispers start to overtake the silenced room. As the galloping comes to an abrupt stop, a lone voice is heard at an ear-piercingly loud decibel level. "ZERUDA." It echoes for what appears to be fifteen minutes straight before the now infamous PlayStation soundbyte from the PSX days is heard.

The lights slowly come back on like the sun rising from behind tall mountains, only to reveal it's Shigeru Miyamoto wearing a U R NOT (red) E t-shirt. He has left Nintendo and exclusively brought the Zelda franchise to the PlayStation. However, there is one caveat: Reggie Fils-Aimé will legally become your father once you've agreed to the ToS upon playing their latest Zelda title. A confused crowd claps and mumbles while a montage of middling PlayStation titles no one cares about plays on a large screen in the background.

Nintendo: Iwata laughs and the conference ends.
 
I want the studio heads to invade each others press conferences like in Dark Souls, constantly undermining each other.

And maybe a striptease by Bill Trinen to announce Metroid.
 
Nintendo:

HERE IS YOUR HOST FOR THIS YEARS NINTENDO DIGITAL EVENT...REGGIE FILS AMIIIIIIIIIBO

"sup my name is Reggie, I am hostin the show tonight with my buddy, Dave"

Dave is shown. He waves at the camera and says "hello everybody" in a heavy Geordie accent

"Now let's see what shit we have in store for you people this fucking year"

The following games are shown:

THE LEGEND OF ZELDA: BROS BEFORE JOES

Link has to save Joe, who is the local janitor in hyrule castle. Its still the open world game we saw before but its now forced co op with his best bro, Big Charles, who wears a 90s trackie and and believes himself to be a small greengrocers in Shropshire. He is armed with a large electric kettle.

METROID: PILKINGTON

Samus Aran is dead. Taking on the duties of wearing the Zero Suit and Power Suit is Karl Pilkington. Experience moaning like never before, in glorious first person HD, as you explore Manchester in all its glory whilst Ricky and Steve radio you instructions through the Gamepad speaker.

DONKEY KONG COUNTRY 6: MITCHELL KONG'S U WOT M8 QUEST

You play as the long lost Kong, Phil Mitchell, as you rough up various poor fuckers and jump around Walford throwing barrels of piss and ale at residents of the east end whilst on a drunken bender. Rated E for everyone. Featuring music by Rik Waller and Saddam Hussein.

Reggie then is shown eating a television. He sits down and takes his clothes off. He has no skin underneath, he is made of cabbage and cheese. His body melts and he collapses to the ground. Bill Trinen runs up and shouts to the air, "FAAAAAATHERRR". He then explodes in a glorious bloody shower of vital organs and wrapped daim bars. A collection of Tibetan monks run onto the stage. All games are cancelled. We only pray now.
 
I was thinking about this earlier today but we're most likely going to get another Phantom Pain trailer. That's going to make 3 E3 trailers. Two amazing ones and probably another great one but I think that's way too much for a single game. Should be two E3s at most.
 
Microsoft: Every household in North America gets a free XBO as part of a new initiative with Barack Obama to promote the usefulness of the NSA in capturing terrorists and other undesirables. XBM (Xbox Mandate) will take effect immediately and come bundled with a mandatory, reworked Kinect sensor. Every XBO will come with an Xbox exclusive version of Bad Rats. This will take up the entirety of the conference until the end, where they leave you with one last surprise: Geoff Keighley officially becomes the Pope of America and declares Xbox the official religion. The crowd will erupt in tears, applause, audible praisings to multiple lawds, and the odd sudoku or two from heathens.
this is awesome lol
 
PSX thread was amazing.

If we get another one for E3 or another event on the same level, it will be glorious.

DMC5 is announced at the Sony press conference. PS4/PC exclusive.

- Controls and camera based on DmC, mechanics based on DMC4 and expanded. All feedback from DmC Definitive Edition and DMC4SE in consideration.
- More aggressive and intelligent enemies and bosses, enemies as elaborate and well-designed as the ones in DMC1.
- Co-op mode, PvP mode, training mode/tutorial mode included. Every other mode from every DMC returns.
- No pointless platforming.
- The spectacle of Bayonetta, but with no QTEs, gimmicky segments or disruptive elements.
Nope.
 
Sony conference, Yoshida announce a really special guest...
Gaben Newell comes on Sony stage. He has a snack in one hand and with the other has a microphone. "We are really proud to announce..."
Every person at the conference start to getting excited


"SHENMUE 3 ONLY ON STEAM MACHINE, TAKE THAT SONY AND MICROSOFT"
After this Gabe jumps off from the stage, going on his Ferrari (accurately placed close to the stage) and running away before Yoshida and his guards can do anything.

You know this will be really accurate
 
nintendo's E3 direct is seemingly accidentally replaced with an hour of hardcore pornography

This had me laughing harder than it should....but I could just picture the fans requesting Amiibos of the people in the porno.


Nintendo - The next GTA will be Nintendo exclusive. A "gritty" metroid that is a corridor shooter with XP/killstreak multiplayer.

Sony - The Last Guardian is now a Vita game.

Microsoft - Purchased Naughty Dog. UC4 is now MS exclusive.

Ubisoft - CEOs will come out on the stage and apologize for the year of blunders and stupid remarks. As a sign of atonement, they try to perform ritualistic seppoku on the stage but botch it; resulting in audience members injured. The CEOs then make a run for it and then blame the audience members in post remarks to the press. Hey, the thread title DOES says "outrageous".
 
The Last Guardian is now a wii u exclusive

Banjo Kazooie rebooted on the wii u

Half Life 3 will be automatically loaded onto the steam machines

The Master Chief Collection actually works via a stage show and patch after E3

Sunset Overdrive 2 on the xbox one and PS4

Spyro and Crash rebooted on the PS4
 
Nintendo: Going Crazy with HD and 3D remakes!
  • Kirby 64 3D
  • Sin & Punishment 1 & 2 HD with 60FPS, extra score-keeping systems between segments of the levels.
  • Metroid Prime Trilogy HD
  • Advance Wars 3D Collection
  • Zelda Twilight Princess HD - Includes both Wiimote+Nunchuck and Gamepad option. Includes quicker prologue.
  • Mario Galaxy 1 & 2 HD.
  • Metroid Fusion & Zero Mission 3D - Includes extra Remix modes with tougher difficulty, no navigation and more open level design
  • Wario Collection - Includes Wario Land 1-4 and Master of Disguise. All of them feature enhanced gameplay, especially for Master of Disguise.
  • Wario Land Shake It HD
  • Wario World HD - Rebalanced gameplay and more levels.
  • Fire Emblem GameCube Collection HD
  • Xenoblade HD
  • WarioWare Inc Collection 3D/HD - All portable games and Mega Party Games.

More great DLC, especially for older games.
  • Super Smash Bros Wii U -
    Project M Mode, based completely on the Brawl mod
    , more characters and stages including Bowser's Castle, Baby Bowser's Castle, Tropical Freeze-themed levels; Classic Ganon.
  • Super Mario 3D World - Extra worlds based on Super Mario Bros. 2
  • DKC Tropical Freeze - Throwback Stages based on DKC 2 and 3, including the return of Kremlings
 
Star Warriors (SW musou crossover between Disney and Nintendo) maybe wrong decade lol

Open World Pokemon GTA-style crime sim for Wii U

Sexy fun visual novel puzzle game from former RAD devs

Broodborne, JP exclusive multiplatform souls style monster raising rpg from DSII devs.

Last Guardian exists, is now a showpiece for Morpheus in partnership with Google's Deep Mind AI initiative. Very simple interactive gameplay, you run from the bird or he eats you.
 
Someone during the inevitable VR demo takes the helmet off and lurches to the edge of the stage, vomiting on the sound crew. 480hz in next version promised to counter the lack of physical movement to go with visual stimulus.

EA hypes up incredibly underwhelming releases, then shows a trailer of Mirrors Edge 2 with new Gears Of War style fast reload and bullet time cut scenes. Faith has one liners spammed out every other kill. Most contain the word 'bitch'. Audience unable to process the horror.

Ubisoft fail to show much of The Division. Rainbow Six revealed to to use terrorist dog tags as in-game currency, which are stored in uplay but can be topped up from the relevant store. Bewildering array of versions and retailer specific DLC revealed. Audience throw empty plastic bottles, shoes.

RIIIIIIIIIIDGE RACEEEER!!!!!!!! Fails to happen again.

The Last Guardian is still in development. We thank our fans across the world for patience, but greatness takes time. World vista shown, but little else.

No Mans Sky free to download for all PS+ subscribers RIGHT NOW! Unless you're in Europe. SCEE seen slapping their thighs and laughing backstage while towing someone from Tecmo/Koei around on a studded leash.

Microsoft announce new Kinekt-bundled SKU, and proceed to hype Tomb Raider and some games scheduled for 2016. They then put on a bizarre world music show to fill the rest of the time, encompassing flavour from all the regions the Xbox One has been released in with a videoscreen covered with happy smiling diverse people. Japan is forgotten.
 
*Monster Hunter WiiU announcement and trailer.

*Bayonetta 3 announcement.

*Zelda WiiU playable with special announcement of late Pres. Yamauchi as in game NPC.

*Final Fantasy VI remaster 3ds/WiiU edition cross buy.

*Pokken announced for WiiU.

*Animal Crossing U featuring animal amiibos incoming.

*I die a happy panda :3
 
Microsoft:

Halo 5 Campaign Showing
Gears of War Unveiling
Forza 6 Unveiling
Scalebound Campaign Showing
Phantom Dust Showing
Quantum Break Campaign Showing
Battletoads Unveiling
Another Unannounced Rare Title Unveiling
Exclusive Announcements
Show Off Azure Streaming Game Service
Windows 10 Integration
Doom 4 Stage Demo

Sony:

God of War Reveal
The Last Guardian Reveal
Gran Turismo 7 Reveal
Crash Bandicoot Reboot Unveiled
Ratchet & Clank: The Movie - The Game Unveiling
Uncharted 4 Campaign Showing
Sony Bend Title Unveiling
Motorstorm Unveiling
MediaMolecule Title unveiling
PS4 Exclusive MMO Announced
Wipreout / Jet Moto
Until Dawn Stage Demo
Sony VR Showcase

Nintendo:

Legend Of Zelda Wii U Demo & Official Title unveil
Star Fox Wii U Demo & Official Title Unveil
Xenoblade: Chronicles X Release Date
Yoshi's Wooly Word Feature Showing Release Date
Devil's Third Campaign Showing & Release Date
Mario Maker Release Date & New Stages Shown
Splatoon Release Date
Code Name S.T.E.A.M Release Date
BoxBoy Release Date
New Nintendo DS titles
New Nintendo Home / Handheld Console Announced (No Date Given But Aimed @ Fall 2016)


Third Parties: (That will Unveil their Titles as a part of the big three show)

Tomb Raider Stage Demo
Call Of Duty Stage Demo
Street Fighter V Stage Demo
Deep Down Stage Demo
Final Fantasy XV Stage Demo
Kingdom Hearts 3 Unveil
Destiny "Comet" Expansion Demo
Assassins Creed: Victory Stage Demo (1080p / 30fps, technically sound)
The Division Stage Demo
Metal Gear Solid V - Multiplayer Stage Demo & Campaign Trailer
Battleborn Stage Demo
Tekken 7 Stage Demo
Ridge Racer Stage Demo
Devil May Cry V Unveiling
Resident Evil 7 Announcement
 
Nintendo

  1. Nintendo announces their next handheld platform and it's an augmented reality device like Microsoft's Hololens.
  2. Nintendo creates a new sports division and acquires licenses for Rugby, Volleyball, International Basketball, and Tennis.
  3. League of Legends or Hearthstone will be ported to the Wii U and will support Amiibos.

Sony

  1. Final Fantasy XV and Kingdom Hearts 3 will have a 6 Month timed exclusivity.
  2. LittleBigPlanet Reality Coming to Morpheus
  3. Brand New IP for Morpheus and PS4 -It will be a music game like Rockband (with Morpheus and Move as the peripherals) but with an online component where you can participate at concerts virtually as if you are there. Huge subscription fee.

Microsoft

  1. Virtual GPU. Any game now will support SLI/Crossfire though with drastically less efficient scaling.
  2. Xbox Gold for PC. Dedicated servers with stricter enforcement against hacks and superior match making.
  3. New IP - God of War gameplay with Order 1886 technical achievements.
 
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