Not looking for crazy drama, but it's obvious that you're hurting and I was hoping that she can see how bad it's getting for you. And maybe she's hurting just as bad too.
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Girlfriend of 7+ years broke up with me, I don't know how to be human now.
- Thread starter marrec
- Start date
- Status
His GF is a gaffer??
Oh..
A mess.
John Kowalski
Banned
You could take a couple weeks to live in the woods somewhere you know, like just have a place near a lake in a small town and experience something completely new, without reservations.
I think it's fantastic that you're so attached to this kid, and even though you're breaking up you still want to be in his life. Kudos to you for that, man. Also kudos to your ex, you two are handling this like responsible adults which is a rare thing to see here.
As far as your social life -- really, go to the gym! you can find people to talk to, or you can keep to yourself and work things out in your head (pun intended) while you get your workout. Start going to places, maybe hit the clubs? open up a OKCupid profile, shit like that.
Even if you don't land dates, you'll be socializing until you're ready to go out there again.
As far as your social life -- really, go to the gym! you can find people to talk to, or you can keep to yourself and work things out in your head (pun intended) while you get your workout. Start going to places, maybe hit the clubs? open up a OKCupid profile, shit like that.
Even if you don't land dates, you'll be socializing until you're ready to go out there again.
Nah, ain't no point. We're done done and any shared pain isn't going to fix that.
His GF is a gaffer??
Oh..
I'd rather not make this about her tbh.
CapitalismSucks DonkeyBalls
Banned
I think it's crass and disrespectful to dig up 3 year old posts just for the sake of trying to call out the other party. Like, seriously?
Alligatorjandro
Banned
Just get out there and live your life.
Well at least I hope most of the other posters will see the top posts and not be disrespectful to her, as breakup threads have a tendency to.
I don't have any advice though, except be there for your kid, and sometimes we just have to learn to let go.
EdibleKnife
Member
Not really sure what OP's ex being a gaffer has to do with this people. He's asking for help moving forward so focus on that.
Sorry to hear that. I've been through 2 long term SO break ups and they are really difficult to bounce back from.
At least you're still young and live in a city that likely has tons of single women looking for dates.
What you need to avoid is continuing to invest a lot of your time into your ex and her kid. She is eventually going to find another man, and the kid will then see him as a father figure, which is just going to crush you even more. You need to distance yourself from them, otherwise you are just going to be depressed and feel empty. I am speaking from experience.
At least you're still young and live in a city that likely has tons of single women looking for dates.
What you need to avoid is continuing to invest a lot of your time into your ex and her kid. She is eventually going to find another man, and the kid will then see him as a father figure, which is just going to crush you even more. You need to distance yourself from them, otherwise you are just going to be depressed and feel empty. I am speaking from experience.
Omegasquash
Member
Can't even imagine, Marrec.
Just framing what you've said, it sounds like you're in a slump with feelings of confusion and are moderately depressed, combined with concern on how to make sure that you're still in your son's life (and I think everyone agrees to say that he's your son, at LEAST for the purposes of the thread, if not proper).
It's OK to grieve when you need to. Seven years is a meaty portion of someone's life, especially to someone in their 30's. Go ahead and have a beer every now and then. Play games. Do some exercise. Do what you think is right and never what is harmful or negative to you.
Your actions affect you and the lad most of all, not your ex. The more you make decisions for yourself and yourself alone, the better it will get. Time will heal, here. I'd definitely recommend hitting the gym to get some exercise in. Start a decent program and stick with it...it WILL help keep your mind off things. Try to get some sleep, too. I think that'll be the roughest, but that's what GAF is for.
Good luck, man. Use us as a resource.
Just framing what you've said, it sounds like you're in a slump with feelings of confusion and are moderately depressed, combined with concern on how to make sure that you're still in your son's life (and I think everyone agrees to say that he's your son, at LEAST for the purposes of the thread, if not proper).
It's OK to grieve when you need to. Seven years is a meaty portion of someone's life, especially to someone in their 30's. Go ahead and have a beer every now and then. Play games. Do some exercise. Do what you think is right and never what is harmful or negative to you.
Your actions affect you and the lad most of all, not your ex. The more you make decisions for yourself and yourself alone, the better it will get. Time will heal, here. I'd definitely recommend hitting the gym to get some exercise in. Start a decent program and stick with it...it WILL help keep your mind off things. Try to get some sleep, too. I think that'll be the roughest, but that's what GAF is for.
Good luck, man. Use us as a resource.
Thanks for your kind words for real.
I dunno about hitting up social places. Maybe I'd actually like it if I tried it by myself for once. Anytime I've ever been to a club it's been with a GF.
Best case scenario right here. Then I could write a weepy acoustic album.
The hard part is that after 7 years my life was so tied up with her. Everything about what I did had some part to do with her.
Chuckie
Member
His GF is a gaffer??
Oh..
....How did you even find this?
Good luck Marrec, I don't have any great advice but I hope you'll be feeling better soon. Same goes for FK btw.
Well there it is.His GF is a gaffer??
Oh..
Sorry for your loss pal, this will be for the better, you see, sometimes "boring people" are far better off with other boring people, then they'll find out they aren't boring at all.
Amentallica
Unconfirmed Member
Why are people pulling up posts from years ago of the OP's ex (assuming that is his ex)? His life is undergoing major changes, for better or for worse, and I think the last thing he needs is for the one place he admitted to socializing in, Neogaf, to turn this thread into an escapade and something dramatic.
Yeah, don't try to get out of your comfort zone too much right away. You're just gonna feel weird and it might turn you off from it. You gotta be gradual about it.
That's why i'm saying, open up OKCupid, talk to some people. Flirt with the idea of flirting. Once you get used to it, start going out on dates with 'em. Don't pick just one - go on several! it'll let you hone your social skills.
Then when you're really confident, go to the clubs and shit on your own. Make each of those things a milestone, and reward yourself every time you reach it. You'll be okay. You're handling things well even though you're in pain.
Also, Marvel will never be less than DC. Marvel reigns.
His GF is a gaffer??
Oh..
No chill zone already
I'd super like it if it doesn't turn into "lets dig up posts by FK and Marrec and be like 'OH SHIT SON'" but forget about it Amentallica, it's NeoGAF.
Oof, like I said about this is kind of the thing I want to happen the least. I mean, I'd like her to find someone who makes her happy, honestly, but my son is very important to me and there's no way I can distance myself like that.
I was in a similar situation. Relationship for 7 years, and it ended when I was 28. All things considered, I spent my 20s with her, and for awhile there, I thought this is it.
But it wasn't it. Near the end, we were more like roommates that had occasional sex. We were definitely coasting. Neither of us really wanted to be the one to pull the plug, either.
After it ended, I wasnt' entirely sure what to do with myself, but eventually I came around. After a few weeks, or a few months, you'll probably have the incredible urge to get back together--work shit out. Don't. It is ending for a reason. The spark is gone. You're just longing for the normalcy you once knew.
If you've been thinking about a hobby, now is a good time for it. Maybe an adult ed class. Something a bit different, like beekeeping. I took literacy tutor courses. It just put a schedule in my life that I needed.
But it wasn't it. Near the end, we were more like roommates that had occasional sex. We were definitely coasting. Neither of us really wanted to be the one to pull the plug, either.
After it ended, I wasnt' entirely sure what to do with myself, but eventually I came around. After a few weeks, or a few months, you'll probably have the incredible urge to get back together--work shit out. Don't. It is ending for a reason. The spark is gone. You're just longing for the normalcy you once knew.
If you've been thinking about a hobby, now is a good time for it. Maybe an adult ed class. Something a bit different, like beekeeping. I took literacy tutor courses. It just put a schedule in my life that I needed.
One of the great, but worthwhile challenges in life is to get over your fears and plateaus. I'll echo what another gaffer said and say you should join a club or do some activity. You'll meet some people that way and loosen yourself up. Put yourself in uncomfortable positions so you can get familiar with how to react in those situations.
You might want to put something in the OP, [hightlight]'d at the top.
"Please be chill and don't bring other GAFer's into this"
It probably won't work, but it's something. DetectiveGAF is an uncompromising force after all.
bucknuticus
Member
This is just insane to me. At some point you had a conversation where you said im going to post our breakup story on the internet so please dont go in that thread.
It's entirely possible to continue your relationship with your son. I mean, she clearly understands that to him, you're his father, and to you, he is your son. It's a pretty strong bond, and a difficult one to undo. Unless she's a heartless bitch lol, but she doesn't seem that way to me, and you have yet to even hint it.
So, I wouldn't worry too much on that end.
sixteen-bit
Member
Fuck the gym dad bods are IN
JFC that sounds like my exact situation but sans kid.
I'm determined to not go crawling back and begging to patch things up. Like you said, we broke it off for a reason and we'll probably both be way happier in way.
It's still so early though that when I do something alone it feels weird and awkward. I guess that'll pass?
We had to talk about like, 4 very important things:
1) Our finances and how to split those up.
2) Our son and how to make sure his life is still good.
3) The Netflix account.
4) Who gets to make the GAF thread.
Great, that's what i meant, just make clear distinctions between all the issues and don't mix things up, you will be ok
CapitalismSucks DonkeyBalls
Banned
Fixed those priorities for ya, bud.
bucknuticus
Member
Omegasquash
Member
Worth sharing that this made me chuckle. Priorities, here.
Feel for you OP. I am pretty much surrogate father to my ex's son, watching him grow from age 4 to 9. When we broke up, it was really hard for me to let her son go. I still live with my ex and son, still love her son like my own. My ex isn't really trying to date, thankfully, because the thought of some other asshole trying to replace me makes my blood boil. It really sucks because I feel like I have son which can be just taken away from me at any moment, I honestly try not to think about it as it really saddens and frightens me. Good luck, OP.
CharlieDigital
Banned
You don't want to share with people because you are afraid of getting hurt; you're afraid that people will mock you or find you uninteresting or such.
But that's part of relationships: you've got to open up to people and put yourself at risk.
As for finding most people boring and dumb, you need to change your perspective. Everyone has a story to tell, everyone has something they are good at that you're not, everyone has a perspective to share. I'm a very introverted guy myself and that's the approach I use when I need to be social: I find out what my conversation partner's interests are and then talk to them about it.
Everyone loves to talk about themselves and about their interests so they always walk away with a positive impression of me, even though I'm a soulless, socially awkward, introvert myself. You just get them started and people can talk about themselves and their interests forever.
TheLostBigBoss
Banned
Dad bods still need muscle brah, it's just not giving a fuck about the stomach.
NingenJanai
Member
ZackieChan
Member
I think it's a little telling that your reaction is that you "don't know how to be human now" after a breakup. Seems a bit dramatic.
Clearly I lost.
That sounds rough. I spent 2 nights sleeping on the couch in my former house before I couldn't take it anymore and rushed into a lease on a moderately crappy apartment. Good luck to you too sir.
I'm nothing if not overly dramatic.
I've kind of jumped from one relationship to another since the 10th grade of high-school and this is the first time I've been alone. I never developed a real personality (I just learned a bunch of stuff instead) and my social skills are comparable to an old, toothless dog with a penchant for growling. So while it may be dramatic, ya... I'm not sure what being a normally functioning social dude in my 30s is like.
I just think it's going to make you miserable in the long run. I know you can't just cut all ties completely, but hanging around years and years after this break up is just going to make you lonely and envious of any other father figure that may enter the picture because they will be around the kid more and hr probably wouldn't be thrilled about his SO's ex boyfriend constantly hanging out, which would just cause turmoil for your ex.
Fuck this is awful news. I enjoy both of your company and consider you friends. I would postpone or not have the Pittsburgh Gaf meetups unless you two could attend. Stay strong. Hit the gym (I need to take this advice myself). Lift your head up keep it moving and open yourself up to new people and experiences. Soon this new normal will feel right.
ZackieChan
Member
Being in many relationships seems to fly in the face of your claim that you have no social skills.
Do you have friends? Go out with them. Go on OKCupid or Tinder and meet some girls, if that's your thing. Go to the gym, etc. You know what to do, you're just afraid that you're wrong. You're probably not.
Don't get a Spanish hooker and yell at her pimp.
His GF is a gaffer??
Oh..
So you raised her illegitimate son while getting cucked by other women and now find yourself dumped?
You got taken for a ride, marrrec.
n64coder
Member
The above seems to indicate to me that you do have social skills and you're not a total recluse. I think you just need time to get over your current feelings before you're ready for a new relationship. Once time has passed and you're ready, I think you'll be able to find someone special. It's just a matter of re-learning/re-discovering what made you appealing to other people.
ZackieChan
Member
Ban her or give her a tag, pls
TheLostBigBoss
Banned
Let this be a lesson to all of GAF.
Never make public your inter-GAF relationships nor advertise it, cause shit's gonna blow up in your face.
His GF is a gaffer??
Oh..
That explains a lot.
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