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[1871]

You've accurately felt that your misanthropy is a big issue at this stage. I would encourage you to ask yourself why you feel the need to see the worst in people rather than focus on what is beautiful about them. That, combined with the comments on your appearance, is in my opinion a pretty obvious sign that you need to put down others so you do not feel so bad about yourself. In truth, you should be proactive about improving yourself as others have said, but most importantly just smile at other people who could bring just a little bit of happiness to you, if you were not so judgmental and quick to categorize.

Because if you really are as smart as you think you are, there is no way you do not realize there are millions of fantastic people out there. They might be different, they might not think what's important is what's important to you, but more often than not, it is our judgement and not the actual person who is only shallow.

 

[marrec]

Fuck this is awful news. I enjoy both of your company and consider you friends. I would postpone or not have the Pittsburgh Gaf meetups unless you two could attend. Stay strong. Hit the gym (I need to take this advice myself). Lift your head up keep it moving and open yourself up to new people and experiences. Soon this new normal will feel right.

Hey ya, sorry we haven't been able to help you organize any meetups recently, stuff and things always were happening. Thanks for the kind words man.

Being in many relationships seems to fly in the face of your claim that you have no social skills.

Do you have friends? Go out with them. Go on OKCupid or Tinder and meet some girls, if that's your thing. Go to the gym, etc. You know what to do, you're just afraid that you're wrong. You're probably not.

Don't get a Spanish hooker and yell at her pimp.

The above seems to indicate to me that you do have social skills and you're not a total recluse. I think you just need time to get over your current feelings before you're ready for a new relationship. Once time has passed and you're ready, I think you'll be able to find someone special. It's just a matter of re-learning/re-discovering what made you appealing to other people.

I guess... it's not like I ever sought out a relationship they mostly just fell into my lap to be honest.

You've accurately felt that your misanthropy is a big issue at this stage. I would encourage you to ask yourself why you feel the need to see the worst in people rather than focus on what is beautiful about them. That, combined with the comments on your appearance, is in my opinion a pretty obvious sign that you need to put down others so you do not feel so bad about yourself. In truth, you should be proactive about improving yourself as others have said, but most importantly just smile at other people who could bring just a little bit of happiness to you, if you were not so judgmental and quick to categorize.

Because if you really are as smart as you think you are, there is no way you do not realize there are millions of fantastic people out there. They might be different, they might not think what's important is what's important to you, but more often than not, it is our judgement and not the actual person who is only shallow.

I know that you're right and I shouldn't be such a stuck up prick, but it's so much easier to just assume everyone is as bad as I think they are. I'm hoping that'll change the further I get from the defunct relationship.

 

[Shanlei91]

Make a tinder profile, upload your pics on it and wait for the ladies to pour in.

I've never been good at being a human. I'm one of those assholes who finds most other people boring and dumb.

Is it just me or in threads where someone talks about themselves in depth this line of thought comes up? (i.e. I'm the smartest guy in the room, I find people drab, etc.)

 

[TheOMan]

We had to talk about like, 5 very important things:

1) Our finances and how to split those up.

2) Our son and how to make sure his life is still good.

3) Marvel > DC

4) The Netflix account.

5) Who gets to make the GAF thread.

This took some effort on my phone, so don't go changing it willy nilly.

 

[Straight Edge]

Have you legally adopted your son?

 

[Zakalwe]

I'm not sure what being a normally functioning social dude in my 30s is like.

What are your close friends/acquaintances groups like?

Can you piggy back on either for a while, let them pull you along till you gather your own momentum?

I know how it feels to detach from a long term relationship that coasted for ages and having spent a lot of that time simply existing and spending too much time online, it's like walking quickly from a dark room into brilliant sunlight.

 

[God Dayumm]

Don't you have kids from another relationship? Maybe it's time to pay them a visit

 

[ZackieChan]

Make a tinder profile, upload your pics on it and wait for the ladies to pour in.



Is it just me or in threads where someone talks about themselves in depth this line of thought comes up? (i.e. I'm the smartest guy in the room, I find people drab, etc.)

Pretty much. People who think they are above others really do love to talk about themselves

Spoiler

I'm one of them sometimes -_-

 

[Rootbeer]

So you raised her illegitimate son while getting cucked by other women and now find yourself dumped?

You got taken for a ride, marrrec.

DAMN!

Get back on your feet OP. It's a new page. You can do better for yourself.

 

[RandyBobandy]

Don't you have kids from another relationship? Maybe it's time to pay them a visit

 

[marrec]

Have you legally adopted your son?

Nope.

What are your close friends/acquaintances groups like?

Can you piggy back on either for a while, let them pull you along till you gather your own momentum?

I know how it feels to detach from a long term relationship that coasted for ages and having spent a lot of that time simply existing and spending too much time online, it's like walking quickly from a dark room into brilliant sunlight.

One major problem is that my close friends/acquaintances are all most her close friends/acquaintances first and mine ancillarily. I know people at work but I'm an aforementioned stuck-up prick so I try to remain aloof to them.

I need to form a new circle of friends that is completely detached from the current one is what I need to do.

 

[andymcc]

Is it just me or in threads where someone talks about themselves in depth this line of thought comes up? (i.e. I'm the smartest guy in the room, I find people drab, etc.)

it usually means they're not as smart as they think they are.

having humility and a degree of sociability are both forms of intelligence.

 

[hwalker84]

Hey ya, sorry we haven't been able to help you organize any meetups recently, stuff and things always were happening. Thanks for the kind words man.

Seriously man if you need to go out or whatever just let me know. What area did you move to? Do you still work down the street from me? Lunch soon?

 

[ZackieChan]

it usually means they're not as smart as they think they are.

having humility and a degree of sociability are both forms of intelligence.

This happened to me when I did well on an IQ test and got into Mensa. Suddenly I thought I was hot shit. Soon after I realized I am super dumb. I'm a lot like the "I'm good at everything" guy - can get basic competence in things easily, understand things easily, but I'm not very good at any of those things. Oh well.

Humility came soon after.

 

[marrec]

it usually means they're not as smart as they think they are.

having humility and a degree of sociability are both forms of intelligence.

I'm completely aware that I'm not smart enough to get away with thinking other people are boring and dumb but that's not stopping me!

Seriously man if you need to go out or whatever just let me know. What area did you move to? Do you still work down the street from me? Lunch soon?

Yep, same place as before. I'm living at the southern tip of South Park now, closer to work so that good.

 

[NimbusD]

2 things.

1. Go to the gym. Okay maybe not even that, but excercise. Ride a bike, go on jogs through the park, something. It'll get you out of the house and it'll make you feel good.

2. Get hobbies. Even if it's games and movies and nerdy shit, find a way to make it social. Don't do it with the expectation of finding a girl you like, just do it. From personal experience, if you have access to a school for it in your area, try taking some improv classes. It's good for people who have social anxiety because it puts everyone on an even playing field, everyone's forced to do the same silly dumb shit without any real big consequences and people bond easily through it. You don't need any innate skills for it either. But even if it's not that, definitely do something that gets you a little uncomfortable. It feels good if nothing else, to conquer that.

 

[raphier]

So you raised her illegitimate son while getting cucked by other women and now find yourself dumped?

You got taken for a ride, marrrec.

Yup this should've happened a long time ago, I mean the signs are everywhere jesus christ,

my girlfriend has decided that I need to watch more porn

incomprehensible open relationships

If he didn't mind, why should he be upset if I slept with someone else?

 

[entremet]

Sorry to hear.

Look at it as learning experience.

So many people lose themselves in relationships, no to little outside friendship, no to little outside interests or passions.

Don't start dating, build a life you love first.

 

[andymcc]

I'm completely aware that I'm not smart enough to get away with thinking other people are boring and dumb but that's not stopping me!

give people chances. put yourself in social positions that you normally wouldn't. try to relax and have fun. i started going out with people i otherwise wouldn't have really socialized with and it helped to take my mind off of coping with dealing with living alone.

about three and a half years ago, i broke it off with a girlfriend (well, fiancee at that point) i had dated for around 7 years. without detailing the breakup too much (i'm terrified of her and think she probably knows my GAF account), things did not break off so smoothly. she was the type of person that sort of broke me down and made me feel like i was incapable of getting anyone else. she fractured many relationships in the social circles we were in.

despite not having the same social skills i used to have, i threw myself out there. tried to reconnect with old friends, went to parties, went to bars, went out w/ co-workers, openly flirted with girls, etc. it helped a ton. i was able to rebuild my tattered confidence to the point where i was able to ask the SO i have now out.

just put yourself out there man. even if it makes you uncomfortable i'm sure you'll be able to adjust.

 

[Into]

Yup this should've happened a long time ago, I mean the signs are everywhere jesus christ,

my girlfriend has decided that I need to watch more porn

GF gets around

If he didn't mind, why should he be upset if I slept with someone else?

Hehehe what the hell is this!?? Oh my god. Its like a performance art, this cannot be real.

 

[marrec]

Yup this should've happened a long time ago, I mean the signs are everywhere jesus christ,

Incoherent nonsense. Just cause we were open about sex on GAF doesn't mean you know shit about her or what she was like. Fuck right off with this judgemental high-school bullshit.

I knew I'd get some blowback like this from making this thread, but there's no need to be total dicks about a mutual and totally civil breakup. If you need teenage drama in your life you can get it from Bravo reality shows.

 

[RandyBobandy]

Yup this should've happened a long time ago, I mean the signs are everywhere jesus christ,

my girlfriend has decided that I need to watch more porn

incomprehensible open relationships

If he didn't mind, why should he be upset if I slept with someone else?

 

[Arrowgigantic]

Come over to FitGAF, you are invite

http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?p=167173557

Make parts smaller and other parts bigger

 

[SamVimes]

Yup this should've happened a long time ago, I mean the signs are everywhere jesus christ,

my girlfriend has decided that I need to watch more porn

incomprehensible open relationships

If he didn't mind, why should he be upset if I slept with someone else?

Every breakup in the history of the world only ever happened to people in open relationship.

 

[OSHAN]

It's still so early though that when I do something alone it feels weird and awkward. I guess that'll pass?

Of course. Like anything, it'll just take time.

My ex-girlfriend is currently married with a kid. I am married now as well. No kid. Ex and I broke up 6 years ago. Today, I'm sure we both couldn't be happier.

 

[Zakalwe]

One major problem is that my close friends/acquaintances are all most her close friends/acquaintances first and mine ancillarily. I know people at work but I'm an aforementioned stuck-up prick so I try to remain aloof to them.

I need to form a new circle of friends that is completely detached from the current one is what I need to do.

To do that though you need some momentum, so maybe try to grin and bear a few work social events? Any party/celebrations coming up in any of these groups?

When this happened to me I went to as many of these things as I could, and forced myself into as many situations with strangers as possible. I looked the person I wanted to be, and when interacting with this strangers I pretended to be that person.

It was easy to do around strangers as they had no knowledge of my day to day persona, and soon enough I grew the confidence with it to switch into the new me on a daily basis.

I don't know if that would work for you, but you definitely need to find a way in to social situations.

 

[MC Safety]

What's an overweight, introverted boy with a gap-toothed, crooked smile to do in 2015? (besides go to the gym)

First thing's first: Stop referring to yourself as a boy.

 

[TheLostBigBoss]

Yup this should've happened a long time ago, I mean the signs are everywhere jesus christ,

my girlfriend has decided that I need to watch more porn

incomprehensible open relationships

If he didn't mind, why should he be upset if I slept with someone else?

rofl

Oh boy, hope you can deal with this OP, gonna be a rough thread with people bringing up all this old shit.

 

[Eighty Deuce]

So you raised her illegitimate son while getting cucked by other women and now find yourself dumped?

You got taken for a ride, marrrec.

Bringing the heat, DAMN

 

[Ronin Ray]

Sorry to hear it man but just give it time and you will be fine. on the more selfish side it's time to give neogaf more attention.

 

[esms]

Coming up on 7 years with my GF soon. This thread has motivated me to be a little more involved and patient so, if nothing else, there's that OP.

Beyond that, there's not much I can say.

 

[Vampirolol]

You seem like a nice person. I'm sure that with time you're going to be more sympathetic with society, you only need practice.

 

[Shuggananas]

Every breakup in the history of the world only ever happened to people in open relationship.

 

[marrec]

rofl

Oh boy, hope you can deal with this OP, gonna be a rough thread with people bringing up all this old shit.

It's worth it for all the people sharing similar experiences and giving legit advice. Some people gotta look for shit when there ain't shit to look for though so ¯\_(&#12484_/¯

 

[Cow Mengde]

I don't get it. If your relationship had been stale for the last few years, what makes this so hard? Sounds like you guys don't give a shit anymore. Sounds like it should be relatively painless. Never been in a breakup like this before so I really don't know.

 

[entremet]

Coming up on 7 years with my GF soon. This thread has motivated me to be a little more involved and patient so, if nothing else, there's that OP.

Beyond that, there's not much I can say.

Unless you're both opposed to marriage, I never get dating someone that long.

I'd either take it to the next level or move on.

Guess I'm old fashioned.

 

[Sou Da]

So you raised her illegitimate son while getting cucked by other women and now find yourself dumped?

You got taken for a ride, marrrec.

I think this is one of Cream's fetishes.

 

[Zakalwe]

First thing's first: Stop referring to yourself as a boy.

Lol, no.

it usually means they're not as smart as they think they are.

having humility and a degree of sociability are both forms of intelligence.

Nice generalisation.

Not the only forms, by far.

 

[Inferno313]

I don't get it. If your relationship had been stale for the last few years, what makes this so hard? Sounds like you guys don't give a shit anymore. Sounds like it should be relatively painless. Never been in a breakup like this before so I really don't know.

It shouldn't be that hard to imagine. He had a partner in his life for 7 years. Now he doesn't. That takes a while to adjust to.

Maybe you haven't been in a break up, but I'm sure you've had changes in your life that you took a while to adjust to. Whether that was moving out of your parent's house, getting a new job, moving to a new city, etc.

 

[andymcc]

Nice generalisation.

Not the only forms, by far.

i speak from experience homey.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

Ban her or give her a tag, pls

Ban her? For what? Thread is getting creepy already.

 

[RandyBobandy]

I think this is one of Cream's fetishes.

Cuck Tales

 

[marrec]

I don't get it. If your relationship had been stale for the last few years, what makes this so hard? Sounds like you guys don't give a shit anymore. Sounds like it should be relatively painless. Never been in a breakup like this before so I really don't know.

Right?! I dunno... I still really enjoyed her company and her insights and humor. I thought of (and still think of) her as a great friend who I could confide anything in. We also had sex which was nice.

It's mostly hard because for 7 years we built this crazy beautiful life together and because of my seeming inability to remain passionate about it, it all fell apart and now I'm left looking at two futures. One that was going to be awesome that's blown apart now and one that's a completely blank slate. That's kinda scary.

 

[Zakalwe]

i speak from experience homey.

As do we all, homey.

That means fuck all by itself.

 

[BumRush]

Lol at the jackasses searching old shit to hurt OP. What's the matter with you guys?

 

[esms]

Unless you're both opposed to marriage, I never get dating someone that long.

I'd either take it to the next level or move on.

Guess I'm old fashioned.

We started dating in high school. She just got out of grad school and I just finished my undergrad.

The ring is coming next year brotha. Don't you worry.

 

[Zakalwe]

Right?! I dunno... I still really enjoyed her company and her insights and humor. I thought of (and still think of) her as a great friend who I could confide anything in. We also had sex which was nice.

It's mostly hard because for 7 years we built this crazy beautiful life together and because of my seeming inability to remain passionate about it, it all fell apart and now I'm left looking at two futures. One that was going to be awesome that's blown apart now and one that's a completely blank slate. That's kinda scary.

You haven't lost that relationship, what you had has merely changed into something else. Don't be sad about it, especially if you both know it wasn't right.

And don't blame yourself, the fact you lost passion is telling that this wasn't what you required to /be/ passionate. Find out what that is, and go for it.

 

[marrec]

Lol at the jackasses searching old shit to hurt OP. What's the matter with you guys?

They're like vampires who need teeny drama in order to sustain their sad lives for another few weeks and they need to get that from my relationship (that was awesome btw) and subsequent mutual and civil breakup.

They're kids who aren't sure how to handle adults doing adult things.

 

[raphier]

Incoherent nonsense. Just cause we were open about sex on GAF doesn't mean you know shit about her or what she was like. Fuck right off with this judgemental high-school bullshit.

I knew I'd get some blowback like this from making this thread, but there's no need to be total dicks about a mutual and totally civil breakup. If you need teenage drama in your life you can get it from Bravo reality shows.

Well I am sorry you feel that way and obviously your sex life is not my concern, but I think a big part of your threads are written from life experiences and some of the themes in them, to be honest, are shocking, because to many of us they wouldn't survive a relationship. As far as I know from personal experience, open relationships should be exciting for both, but to you it seems everything is boring, including break ups. Here's my advice, do something for yourself for a change and that's my cue to leave.

 

[entremet]

We started dating in high school. She just got out of grad school and I just finished my undergrad.

The ring is coming next year brotha. Don't you worry.

Ah. You're HS sweethearts.

Makes sense. Those are so rare these days.