Tinder works, but you need to be 8/10 or higher in looks to secure even a match. Getting a date means upping the ante. It really is full of fickle, shallow people. OKCupid is way more grounded and people tend to go for more than just looks. That said, a lot of matches are abroad. Oh, well.
Online Dating |OT| Please Respond
- Thread starter Jhoan
- Start date
Sometimes tinder can be buggy and sometime I feel like they'll put your profile on the bottom of piles.
Anyway, I didn't sleep with the girl but it was a very good date. we'll hang again but it wasn't like omg she's the one.
Another date tonight, we'll see if I can keep this streak going.
Anyway, I didn't sleep with the girl but it was a very good date. we'll hang again but it wasn't like omg she's the one.
Another date tonight, we'll see if I can keep this streak going.
Went looking up Yelp reviews for a potential date tomorrow. A girl I met on OKC had just reviewed a cemetery. Literally. She took a star off because there wasn't much for the living to do there.
Anywho, got a girl's number Thursday morning (and I didn't even ask for it!). Texted all evening. Was going to ask her out, but then she said her phone was about to die. If I don't ask her out in the next 24 hours, everyone here is welcome to find me and slap me upside the head.
Planning to switch it up this time. Instead of my usual question of "would you like to go out for drinks, coffee, or food?" (Feels like this says "OMG, please do anything with me!), I'll lead with a suggestion. I know of a good lounge, not that far away, with awesome food, patio seating, and locally sourced beer. Wish me luck!
Anywho, got a girl's number Thursday morning (and I didn't even ask for it!). Texted all evening. Was going to ask her out, but then she said her phone was about to die. If I don't ask her out in the next 24 hours, everyone here is welcome to find me and slap me upside the head.
Planning to switch it up this time. Instead of my usual question of "would you like to go out for drinks, coffee, or food?" (Feels like this says "OMG, please do anything with me!), I'll lead with a suggestion. I know of a good lounge, not that far away, with awesome food, patio seating, and locally sourced beer. Wish me luck!
Another good date, holy shit. I actually forgot my debit card at home but she paid for everything lol. I gotta make that up to her. I think I could've escorted her back home but no way in hell was I gonna ask her to buy me a Metrocard. Working tonight and Saturday so my fun is probably over for the week.
Hey all quick question (well not really) what's the general consensus when it comes to acne?
As in dating someone who has mild acne? Or dating with acne? Or has anyone here with acne dated and find success in online dating?
I know there are a lot of guys here and girls sometimes get acne periodically (because of menstrual cycle), and perhaps it could be a turn off? Is it a deal breaker?
So... What's the general consensus when it comes to acne?
As in dating someone who has mild acne? Or dating with acne? Or has anyone here with acne dated and find success in online dating?
I know there are a lot of guys here and girls sometimes get acne periodically (because of menstrual cycle), and perhaps it could be a turn off? Is it a deal breaker?
So... What's the general consensus when it comes to acne?
Except for the occasional stray pimple (it happens to everyone), I find acne gross overall. I'd consider it a deal breaker.
Then again, I've also been blessed with skin that doesn't break out unless I'm under a super bad amount of stress for an extended period of time, so I might be overly harsh
Gray Matter
Member
As a person who has acne, although it's better now than in my early teens, I'm a little self conscious about it, but it isn't a deal breaker for me, as I understand how it feels.
jadedm17
Member
I'd say the same as having hair on your back, a little extra weight, a used car, crazy family or some credit card debt, which is to say : Who cares? Go into every encounter with the best intentions, if they cant see past your small (in your eyes) negative qualities to your positive ones then they're not worth your time. Dating is 90% confidence.
I find quirks like acne, stretch marks and scars to be adorable, humanizing.
stn
Member
I've had acne forever, perhaps too long. When it was at its absolute worst I was still getting approached by women frequently. Though I'm definitely sure I've lost some potentials because of it (ex. some online dates I had that initiated everything but had zero interest afterwards). Keep in mind that I never show weakness and I'm also considered funny and charismatic. You'd never know that it bothered me. Thankfully its not really bad anymore.
EdibleKnife
Member
Heh I was asked "What brings you here?" on one of my dating apps and it stopped me cold. Ended up basically saying I was looking for someone outside my normal circle who I can truly gel with. What do you lot think of this question? Better to answer honestly or lie? Is it strange to say you're looking for a girlfriend even on a dating app?
I think you don't have to answer it honestly if you don't want to and can even joke around. It's why selective information exists for a reason. I was asked that question in the past and I gave a half-truth ---that I was there to meet new people which was vague but an acceptable answer.
In my opinion, girls don't need to know your business since it's obvious that it's very much about meeting up in person; intentions come out naturally. It's also obvious but unsaid that both are speaking to multiple people.
That being said, there's no shame to be honest about what you're looking for so more power to you. I think it gets to the point but that's a question that's usually reserved for in person or a few meet ups in. I think that girl is trying to make sure that you're not just another guy looking to get in her pants.
That's odd. It's been working just fine on my new phone and I just added the app yesterday. Maybe try signing back in. Tinder has changed dramatically since the last time I was on what with Instagram integration. Sweet Jesus do women have so many pictures on Instagram!
The OkCupid app for Android on the other hand has been buggy as sin that it'll suddenly stop working and is unresponsive. It's grating to say the least.
I don't know why I'm messaging girls when this month when I've spent a good chunk of money on phone stuff. If I do end up getting a few dates out of it, it'll either be kept free or cheap. Definitely gonna have to work a few audience gigs to recuperate the losses and try to break even/save money. Been messaging a high school Chemistry teacher who Liked me left and right on OKC; 2 other girls I'd messaged fell off. A Breaking Bad reference/joke is inevitable.
The OkCupid app for Android on the other hand has been buggy as sin that it'll suddenly stop working and is unresponsive. It's grating to say the least.
I don't know why I'm messaging girls when this month when I've spent a good chunk of money on phone stuff. If I do end up getting a few dates out of it, it'll either be kept free or cheap. Definitely gonna have to work a few audience gigs to recuperate the losses and try to break even/save money. Been messaging a high school Chemistry teacher who Liked me left and right on OKC; 2 other girls I'd messaged fell off. A Breaking Bad reference/joke is inevitable.
Do I reply with accepting it or ask when she'll be back out of town and wait until she gets back but exchange and bridge communications until then? I'm not much of a morning person so I would need to ask her what's earlyish for her.
I also don't have a plan set other than possibly going for some cinnamon buns at New York's Church of Sweden. She did mention a couple of museums that she hasn't been to so that's another idea followed by getting a bite somewhere nearby. Leaning towards saying fuck it and go for it.
Update: Meeting up with her in my neighborhood on Tuesday morning to go to a museum. Problem solved.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Got a "hey, I don't think we're a good fit together, but best of luck" message after inquiring about a third date with someone. Guess what? First, she's right. Second, I don't even care -- this is why it's imperative to see multiple people at once until something actually works out.
I know I should do that, but damn am I terrible at it. It's hard remembering which girl I told what about my life so that I'm not repeating myself on the second date.
Not really online dating related, but I think I'm going to start looking for a new job. Working from home, having no co-workers to speak of, and spending those 8+ hours a day without human interaction...it wears on ya.
Now I must wonder which will happen first...I meet a girl with whom I'll enter a long term relationship, or I get a new job...online dating and online job hunts aren't that dissimilar.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Interestingly enough, I have a solution for that, and it's worked exceedingly well so far: I live in DC, and the first few questions everyone always asks are things like what you do, who you know, etc. I disclaim all of that. I had a 4-hour date last night (second on Wednesday), and neither of us knows what the other does. It was like playing a game. She doesn't know much about my life, nor I hers. Instead, we talked about tacos and Broad City.
It's the same approach I took with another, similar experience last Monday; it's apparently endearing enough that it's well-received. Basically, keeping it casual on the first date seems to be the rule. Plus, you don't get too invested that way.
Thank you all for the responses! Very insightful.
I can sympathize with individuals that have acne, I really do as I have acne myself and sometimes it is very severe. Yet I find it a turn off and a deal breaker, at least to some extent. I figure this was the consensus among many others. With that said, I am too self-conscious about it. I was thinking of giving online dating a go but my acne is the only thing that keeps me from trying.
Acne is attractive on younger persons? o:
I can sympathize with individuals that have acne, I really do as I have acne myself and sometimes it is very severe. Yet I find it a turn off and a deal breaker, at least to some extent. I figure this was the consensus among many others. With that said, I am too self-conscious about it. I was thinking of giving online dating a go but my acne is the only thing that keeps me from trying.
Acne is attractive on younger persons? o:
Lone_Prodigy
Member
.
Having heard all kinds of similar excuses, that sounds like a dead end all right. Definitely time to move on.
Salamando posted this in the Dating so I'll cross post this in here it's some damn good messaging ideas (will throw this into the OP as well):
I've been trying it out and it's been mostly a hit so far that I've gotten 2/3 replies so far plus one lurker. Definitely do give it a try guys; girls seem to love it.
So after a day of messaging girls left and right, online dating has started to feel like a full time job. As a result, it's been a bit overwhelming to take in and micromanage. Here's the current sitrep:
-A girl from Tinder I never met in person in October but I wanted to be friends with found me on OKC and we caught up. She gave me her number again so we can continue texting. I haven't hit her up yet but will do so soon.
-I'll be meeting up with a cosplay girl who's as tall me later in the week. She's been to New York Comic Con and got a 4 Day pass to go again this year (I applied to work it for my 5th year in a row) . She's also into gaming but not like that so that's pretty damn cool. To think the OKC algorithms said we're a 51% match.
-Been going back and forth with a girl who lives in my neighborhood. Going to suggest meeting up with her to hit up a tiny Mexican restaurant that serves some amazing food. Profile has listed that she's looking for new friends so if I meet up with her, I'll keep my expectations low and not get my hopes up.
-Another girl I'd messaged last night replied to me today and it looks good so far. that she found it funny
I'm feeling a bit nervous about tomorrow's meet up with the chemistry teacher since she's the opposite of me (science driven vs. creative/arts driven; doesn't like video games but doesn't mind guys who play them).
The texting banter has been great so I'm feeling pretty good about going into it tomorrow. Plus she has a cute butt chin and blue eyes. Feeling a bit self-conscious about my frizzy hair and growing beard though (I clearly have both things listed on my profile). This will be my first date since I went on a break. Wish me luck guys.
What I thought was a terrific first date with a promising "we should do this again. Text me later" on Friday collapsed with a "We're incompatible. Don't worry, it's not you." on Monday.
Feeling extra shitty and filled with what ifs and second guessing myself. Nothing to do but sigh. This is after a month of regular texting too.
Feeling extra shitty and filled with what ifs and second guessing myself. Nothing to do but sigh. This is after a month of regular texting too.
Since you're posting here, I'm assuming you met online and this was the first time you physically met? There is no good reason to text for a month before meeting. It will almost always work against you. Texting is the weakest form of communication there is...you don't breed familiarity like you would through calls or meeting in person.
If you can't meet a girl within a week of initial contact, something is wrong. It doesn't guarantee failure, only that you're starting off handicapped.
Ok so I had a date last night again the girl who paid for my drinks the other night. It went super well until I kinda asked about going back home with her. I swear I heard "we". I been feeling really self conscious the last few days over my teeth and I don't even wanna try and hit anyone up. I think I need braces on my bottom row.
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
A gorgeous, nice woman on OkCupid is responding to my messages quickly. What is this?
Date scheduled for Friday. It will either be a smashing success or terrible failure. There's no room for midground here. We've got lots of similarities between us, from hobbies to personality quirks. But she has "orientation: questioning". and looking through her questions "Have you ever dated a man: no". *gulp*
She's after your amiibo.
She's after your amiibo.
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
I do have two NiB Ness...
I'm getting real tired of this whole shindig. I can totally understand it, looking at it from a women's perspective, but damn if it doesn't make guys feel shitty.
I've got an account with Tinder, OKCupid, POF, and Coffee Meets Bagel.
CMB is a write-off. After showing me 7 people, it's told me every day of the past week that there's no one new. Fuck that.
The other 3, I'm really happy with my accounts / photos / bios. I get messages sometimes, and will sometimes message others. The thing with these conversations though — I start them off usually with something out of left field, just to be more interesting than a generic "Hi" and all that. Usually includes a compliment and a question about their profile / a photo / or a question unrelated to anything, just for fun.
After the initial few messages though, things drop off. Their message become short and uninterested. There's nothing there to actually sustain a conversation. After a few of those, they stop messaging altogether.
Okay, I get it. Women get hoarded by men on these sites, which I'm sure is really shitty and annoying — I'd feel the same. And once someone you start talking to starts asking more about you (music tastes, your job, your ambitions, etc), it means you're answering the same questions you answer for every other guy that's gotten that far, so you lose interest.
So how do I keep them interested? I don't get how to keep the conversation from becoming "just another guy playing 20 questions". I wish I could just jump straight into "Hi, you're gorgeous, your profile is funny, we have the same strange sense of humour and a ton of common interests, would you like to grab coffee this Friday?", but no one ever goes for that. Everyone's got the damn attention span of a goldfish.
I've got an account with Tinder, OKCupid, POF, and Coffee Meets Bagel.
CMB is a write-off. After showing me 7 people, it's told me every day of the past week that there's no one new. Fuck that.
The other 3, I'm really happy with my accounts / photos / bios. I get messages sometimes, and will sometimes message others. The thing with these conversations though — I start them off usually with something out of left field, just to be more interesting than a generic "Hi" and all that. Usually includes a compliment and a question about their profile / a photo / or a question unrelated to anything, just for fun.
After the initial few messages though, things drop off. Their message become short and uninterested. There's nothing there to actually sustain a conversation. After a few of those, they stop messaging altogether.
Okay, I get it. Women get hoarded by men on these sites, which I'm sure is really shitty and annoying — I'd feel the same. And once someone you start talking to starts asking more about you (music tastes, your job, your ambitions, etc), it means you're answering the same questions you answer for every other guy that's gotten that far, so you lose interest.
So how do I keep them interested? I don't get how to keep the conversation from becoming "just another guy playing 20 questions". I wish I could just jump straight into "Hi, you're gorgeous, your profile is funny, we have the same strange sense of humour and a ton of common interests, would you like to grab coffee this Friday?", but no one ever goes for that. Everyone's got the damn attention span of a goldfish.
^ I've said it before and I'll say it again: pretty much every girl I've successfully dated from Tinder has eventually told me that I was the only one that was funny and played a game other than questions about work/school/whatever. While some women just are bad texters, the ones that will play off your funny antics are the ones worth keeping (and the ones who are actually interested!), in my opinion.
So keep at it, and work hard on the ones that play along.
So keep at it, and work hard on the ones that play along.
What's stopping you actually doing just that? If I had a funny/interesting convo I'd usually steer towards that - or the girl would suggest meeting up for a coffee or a beer. I once had a super-long (and interesting!) dialogue with this one girl and it turned out to be such a waste of time when we finally meeted because there was absolutely no chemistry and she was super-nervous. I started with Tinder (and later on, some other apps such as Happn and Inner Circle) october last year. From october till may I went on 14 dates. In the beginning I had pretty long build-ups (chatting regularly over say a two/three week period. But then I came to the conclusion that texting and a bunch of pictures really say shit about how it could turn out when actually meeting up /captainobvious, I know. So at some point I'd address this in our convo's. Just state that you're interested but the proof's in the pudding, meet up, see what happens. It worked well for me and date 14 was the one that ended my Tinder career last month
.About to head out to meet up with the chemistry teacher in a few minutes. Heading to The Cloisters which is an underrated museum housed in Ft. Tryon Park here in NYC. There's nice views of The Palisades and the rest of Northern Manhattan. I have a little bit of butterflies in the stomach but not too much. I have a gut feeling it's gonna go well.
Will post thoughts later and provide feedback on InfinityPatriot's profile. Now time to get off GAF.
Will post thoughts later and provide feedback on InfinityPatriot's profile. Now time to get off GAF.
depths20XX
Member
After a year of meeting cool girls on okc and pretty much always being able to find dates it seems like things have completely dried up on that site.
Don't get nearly as many visitors and even the ones that like my profile don't respond to my message or only have a single reply and then they just drop off. I don't get it. I've added new pictures and stuff too.
Don't get nearly as many visitors and even the ones that like my profile don't respond to my message or only have a single reply and then they just drop off. I don't get it. I've added new pictures and stuff too.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
Make a new account if your visitors/messages have dried up.
I've secured dates with both interesting and bland conversations. It really depends on the person and whether they like you or not. You just have to move fast.
I've secured dates with both interesting and bland conversations. It really depends on the person and whether they like you or not. You just have to move fast.
depths20XX
Member
Is there some type of thing that makes old accounts not show up as much or something?
That's kind of my goal, with the whole being out left field thing. But I dont want every interaction that I ever have with the eoeople to be a strange as hell conversation, after talking for a few hours I'm interested in actually getting to know them. That's when they lose interest. It's just kinda... How do I move forward with someone if they refuse to let me get to know them?
When you say "game", what is it you mean?
What's stopping you actually doing just that? If I had a funny/interesting convo I'd usually steer towards that - or the girl would suggest meeting up for a coffee or a beer. I once had a super-long (and interesting!) dialogue with this one girl and it turned out to be such a waste of time when we finally meeted because there was absolutely no chemistry and she was super-nervous. I started with Tinder (and later on, some other apps such as Happn and Inner Circle) october last year. From october till may I went on 14 dates. In the beginning I had pretty long build-ups (chatting regularly over say a two/three week period. But then I came to the conclusion that texting and a bunch of pictures really say shit about how it could turn out when actually meeting up /captainobvious, I know. So at some point I'd address this in our convo's. Just state that you're interested but the proof's in the pudding, meet up, see what happens. It worked well for me and date 14 was the one that ended my Tinder career last month
Nothing's stopping me from doing it, but I've tried it a few times and it never seems to fly with anyone. Maybe an age thing? I feel like girls in their early 20s are hesitant to meet up with "Internet people" straight away. Every so often there's one who's bio says they'd rather meet sooner than text for weeks, but they're the small minority.
Like I've mentioned before, the online dating landscape seems to have changed over the past year. Last year having long conversations about work and all that was no problem with matches. Now it's impossible. I hate the feeling that I need to be doing a little song and dance for every girl I'm interested in order to prove my worth, so that they can either approve of me or drop me into the lion pit below.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
New accounts get more attention because the site want to hook you in. If you've been on the site for some time and never paid, you're less attractive to them. It's the same reason new cell phone customers get great incentives to sign up while existing customers get squat.
I have no proof of this theory.
I have no proof of this theory.
This is where you go wrong. Don't get to know them via text, get to know them in person. When you've established that you're a funny guy, ask them out. If you're getting the cold shoulder a lot, stop asking where they go to school or what the work with, ask them out when that point comes instead.
I'm not saying asking those questions is always wrong, but since you're getting disinterest from asking them you should probably try a different strategy.
By game I simply meant being funny, taking jabs, banter etc.
dskillzhtown
keep your strippers out of my American football
Depending on the site, updating your current profile can do the same thing. Changing text or pictures can put you in the "new" category as well (if it exists). All I can is I changed a line in my profile on match. It was something like changing "all" to "most" and all of a sudden I got 17 looks at my profile in 2 days resulting in a few likes and messages. This is just a working theory.
I'll echo what Jokab said. You want to have all these long conversations over electronic means before even meeting in person. I know we live in an "e-world", but these conversations are much better in person, after you have actually met the person. The sites and apps are good for introduction, but you want to meet in person ASAP. Not back and forth for weeks/months. I see it like this: Profile is an ad, messaging is to confirm what is in the ad, then you move to in person to see if there is chemistry. If not, then move on. If you keep it solely electronic, there is a good chance someone else will take that in-person step while you are still trying to have long conversations about work.
I am guilty of doing the same at times, but honestly messaging was the only thing I had time for in my life at that time. Also that was all I was comfortable with during that time. So while I wasn't meeting people in person, I was cool with just chatting back and forth for a few days/weeks. Maybe that is where you are and don't even know it.
I dont know who to ask but I would like to have someone critique my POF profile. PM me for it i guess. Thanks
Also this has probably been covered a million times so feel free to just direct me to the page/post but what's a good structure for sending messages. I don't want it to be all formulaic but what I've been doing is saying "hi/hey" how are you followed by a joke comment or question from their profile or pictures. Also what do you do When they have an empty profile?
edit figured out the hidden thing. Pm me if you have an suggestions
Also this has probably been covered a million times so feel free to just direct me to the page/post but what's a good structure for sending messages. I don't want it to be all formulaic but what I've been doing is saying "hi/hey" how are you followed by a joke comment or question from their profile or pictures. Also what do you do When they have an empty profile?
edit figured out the hidden thing. Pm me if you have an suggestions
Date ended a couple of hours ago. She was on a bit of tight schedule that she had to go meet up with her dad and do laundry to pack for her trip so it was a bit of an "on rails" experience if you will.
That being said, I think it went pretty damn well. Last time I went out with a teacher a couple of months ago, she kept probing me about my job which made me comfortable. Thankfully, history didn't repeat itself on this outing because she was really cool and kept laughing at all my corny jokes/cheesy puns that I would make at an exhibition piece. Plus she felt comfortable letting me touch her (lightly I should mention e.g. her hands and her shoulder).
For once, I finally felt like I wasn't being judged by my profession that I was able to relax. I hugged her in the end since while the chemistry was there, it didn't "feel right" to try to go in for the kiss given how she was running on a bit of a tight schedule.
I texted her saying that I would love to do it again after she gets back a about half an hour ago. Unfortunately, my home Wi-Fi is being shitty (I'm temporarily using a texting app to text girls until I connect my new phone) so I dunno if she received it yet.
In any case, fingers crossed so I can continue the banter while she's away. If she declines or ignores it , then no sweat off my back since I have plenty of silver linings on my horizon.
Don't have a POF profile so I wouldn't know what a good profile etiquette is there but I think your pictures are pretty damn good having seen most of them in your past thread.
That being said, the general tone that I get from it that you more or less know what you want/are looking for from the sounds of it.
However, I will say that instead of stating that you've been told by other people that you have crude humor, show it, don't tell. What I mean by this either to pepper it into your profile description and/or reflect that in at least one picture that illustrates it.
That being said, I think it went pretty damn well. Last time I went out with a teacher a couple of months ago, she kept probing me about my job which made me comfortable. Thankfully, history didn't repeat itself on this outing because she was really cool and kept laughing at all my corny jokes/cheesy puns that I would make at an exhibition piece. Plus she felt comfortable letting me touch her (lightly I should mention e.g. her hands and her shoulder).
For once, I finally felt like I wasn't being judged by my profession that I was able to relax. I hugged her in the end since while the chemistry was there, it didn't "feel right" to try to go in for the kiss given how she was running on a bit of a tight schedule.
I texted her saying that I would love to do it again after she gets back a about half an hour ago. Unfortunately, my home Wi-Fi is being shitty (I'm temporarily using a texting app to text girls until I connect my new phone) so I dunno if she received it yet.
In any case, fingers crossed so I can continue the banter while she's away. If she declines or ignores it , then no sweat off my back since I have plenty of silver linings on my horizon.
Don't have a POF profile so I wouldn't know what a good profile etiquette is there but I think your pictures are pretty damn good having seen most of them in your past thread.
That being said, the general tone that I get from it that you more or less know what you want/are looking for from the sounds of it.
However, I will say that instead of stating that you've been told by other people that you have crude humor, show it, don't tell. What I mean by this either to pepper it into your profile description and/or reflect that in at least one picture that illustrates it.
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
I'm not sure how to or whether I should ask for a woman's number if she seems to be using the OkCupid app. We're sending very long messages to each other now.
Only been talking since Monday, so it might be too forward. I've noticed a pattern of conversations fizzling out when messages get to great length. At that point I think talking in person or over the phone is appropriate.
Only been talking since Monday, so it might be too forward. I've noticed a pattern of conversations fizzling out when messages get to great length. At that point I think talking in person or over the phone is appropriate.
You should ask for a phone number after a couple of exchanges (maybe ~10 messages total from both of you combined, if I were to give a number). It doesn't have to be to actually phone her, if you're worried about being too forward (you shouldn't anyway), just say you'd prefer continuing the convo via texting
Big Papa Husker
Member
I'm hoping that some people could send me some feedback on my profile. Please PM me for the link.
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