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Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.
- Thread starter Septimius
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Real question...how old is Ray? Under 18 I hope. And if so, for gods sake move on. If you're in high school or university you should be able to have 2-3 dates each and every night and you'll find someone even better. Love comes and goes. You'll ALWAYS find someone else.
People ALWAYS are infatuated with someone...until they move onto the next. Yes it sucks and hurts and can be hard to give up, but the quicker you give up the quicker you'll realize there are an infinite amount of others out there and you'll find someone else who'll pay attention to you without all of the work you're putting into this.
People ALWAYS are infatuated with someone...until they move onto the next. Yes it sucks and hurts and can be hard to give up, but the quicker you give up the quicker you'll realize there are an infinite amount of others out there and you'll find someone else who'll pay attention to you without all of the work you're putting into this.
Ray Wonder
Founder of the Wounded Tagless Children
I'm definitely not going to say my age because you'll all murder me swiftly.
✈️
No, but really, I understand that. I'm just being a curious dumbass most likely wasting my time. When I end up striking out I'll come back and say I'm sorry to all of you and tell you how right you all are. I'm sure.
I hope you do. I'm talking from experience. Everyone you fall for seems like the best until you fall for another. It's the biggest piece of advice to give and the hardest to swallow but it's true.
luckyboyceo
Member
This is real talk. I would've saved myself so much time and effort if I had realized this earlier in life.
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
ZackieChan
Member
The point is that you struck out already. You just refuse to accept it.
Interface23
Member
Ray I get it because this is basically my ex, but she's not that in to you bro. I thought my ex was trying to string me along for a minute and as much as I want her to love me probably not gonna happen for either of us bro.
Edit: it was more myself doing the stringing, kinda like you. You're grasping at stuff that doesnt exist.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
It's about time I revisit this thread and drop some truth, I think. You, gaiages, Zackie, and Zaraki can't do it alone. There's too much to handle.
You're rationalizing things by stating that you're a "curious dumbass" when a girl, who probably values your friendship but wants nothing more, shows you signs that 100% of people on a video game message board can discern. My question is this: why be a dumbass? I understand that you're conceptualizing this as high-risk, high-reward. I get that. I acknowledge the idea of "fortune favors the bold."
But you're at the point where you're escalating and she's not. You've already passed your turning point. You already know the answer. We don't need to point it out. It's time to look elsewhere, because looking towards her isn't healthy for you. If you don't have any other prospects you want to pursue, that's fine. Go spend time with friends instead (because friendships require cultivation too).
It's possible, but not probable, that by disengaging things might change and she'll be drawn to you. I'm not trying to sketch false hope, here. I'm only trying to underscore that the status quo isn't productive; it only hurts you; and if you scroll back a few dozen pages, you'll see this scenario played out several times. You're better than this.
AdventureRacing
Member
Maybe she lost interest in him because he talks like a 15 year old who has just discovered smilies for the first time. I'd like to give you the benefit of the doubt that you know what you're doing wrong but you just keep saying and doing such dumb things. You seem really immature and it's pretty clear the advice here is falling on deaf ears. Hopefully this is a learning experience for you.
ZackieChan
Member
Rekt from orbit
Hey guys, I had a weird situation occur last weekend.
There's this girl I've been crushing on but she has a boyfriend of 3 years. No problem, we'll just be "friends". She agrees to be my wingman for a night as we barhop, and I end up picking her up and bringing her back to my place for a couple hours beforehand. When we get to the bars she just keeps drinking and talking to me about her problems and how this is nice because she doesn't get to go out much. So after 3 hours of barhopping, she asks me what I wanna do. I tell her I don't know, do you wanna go to sleep? Do you want to play video games? (she is an avid gamer lol) So she says yeah let's go play some video games. I drive her back to my place and she immediately passes out on my bed. After 30 minutes, she drunkenly wakes up and we agree I should take her back to her apartment where her boyfriend is.
This is where it gets strange. I drop her off, and 45 mins later at 3 AM she asks me to come back and get her. Apparently her bf went to work at 3 AM and she doesn't want to be alone. So I pick her back up, asking her repeatedly if something is wrong or whatever...but nope she's fine. So she gets back into my bed resting with her pillow at the foot of the bed. I ask her if she minds if I sleep on the other half of the bed (keep in mind at this point I have not made a single move on her because she has a boyfriend). She says yeah that's fine, and moves her pillow right next to mine and we have some small talk as we both read the internet on our phones. We eventually fall asleep. We wake up and I drive her home.
I was so confused the whole night. All I originally wanted her to do was to be my wingman and have a couple drinks.
Am I just reading too much into this? Was this not a strange set of events?
There's this girl I've been crushing on but she has a boyfriend of 3 years. No problem, we'll just be "friends". She agrees to be my wingman for a night as we barhop, and I end up picking her up and bringing her back to my place for a couple hours beforehand. When we get to the bars she just keeps drinking and talking to me about her problems and how this is nice because she doesn't get to go out much. So after 3 hours of barhopping, she asks me what I wanna do. I tell her I don't know, do you wanna go to sleep? Do you want to play video games? (she is an avid gamer lol) So she says yeah let's go play some video games. I drive her back to my place and she immediately passes out on my bed. After 30 minutes, she drunkenly wakes up and we agree I should take her back to her apartment where her boyfriend is.
This is where it gets strange. I drop her off, and 45 mins later at 3 AM she asks me to come back and get her. Apparently her bf went to work at 3 AM and she doesn't want to be alone. So I pick her back up, asking her repeatedly if something is wrong or whatever...but nope she's fine. So she gets back into my bed resting with her pillow at the foot of the bed. I ask her if she minds if I sleep on the other half of the bed (keep in mind at this point I have not made a single move on her because she has a boyfriend). She says yeah that's fine, and moves her pillow right next to mine and we have some small talk as we both read the internet on our phones. We eventually fall asleep. We wake up and I drive her home.
I was so confused the whole night. All I originally wanted her to do was to be my wingman and have a couple drinks.
Am I just reading too much into this? Was this not a strange set of events?
EXPotemkin
Member
Well I started talking to a girl on Tinder and I recommended we should go eat somewhere maybe. Will post if anything comes of that.
I'll base my opinion on the pic you posted a while ago: you dress very well and the stuff you have on you looks expensive. I don't know how you present yourself to girls, if you are pushy, charming, frantic, shy or whatever, but you look like a guy who goes to club every weekend and gets laid every weekend.
Normally I would think by the one-liners and the horrific "when she's free" that she is studying you because she hasn't figured you out, but the fact that you had a long date and the "vibe" you give from the way you dress makes me think she already has made some sort of decision and she is setting you up to fail, to make really sure.
On top of that, proper reply to someone who cuts down on communication like this needs to happen fast. Since this has been going on for a day already, simply stop messaging her: anything you write at this point, even if clever, will look like you are trying to buy either time or favours. Not good.
In the future, in case you'll get other one-liners in place of proper messaging, just reply to less communication to even less communication, or even better with nonsensical communication, like:
- simply replying LMAO
- send a completely irrelevant pic
- reply with just "yes!" or "ok!".
I think that you keep finding yourself in these situations because you are stuck between the usual "I want a relationship but I wouldn't mind having sex with random girls", which means you are setting yourself for two different, possibly outright opposite goals.
Ray Wonder
Founder of the Wounded Tagless Children
Actually I see this as low risk, high reward. I don't see any reason I should back out right now. Worst thing that happens is I get rejected. Big whoop.
I have a date scheduled w her on Saturday. I told her I'd bring a wheelchair and cart her ass straight tf out if necessary.
😂
We'll see I guess.
This girl is a clear head-case and I suggest you drop her immediately, even as a friend. I don't think you are asking for "what is going on" and that what you are really asking is "do I have a shot?", so let me state once again: EJECT.
She is probably telling him you two have slept together and she going to keep using you to make her boyfriend upset. Get out of there.
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
You should be a little more assertive than maybe we should go eat somewhere maybe.
Talked a lot with some close friends yesterday and decided there isn't much point being hopeful in things getting better with Tori. It's still been weeks since we've talked or seen each other, I'm still really upset about that, and on top of that she posted a tweet yesterday saying "I'm really looking forward to Christmas this year even tho I'll be alone"- she'll be here in town while most others are going home for Christmas, but I actually grew up here and have talked to her about trying to make some cool plans together for Christmas since she'll be here by herself. Honestly it really did hurt my feelings to see her say that when I'm obviously gonna be right here, even though I'm sure she didn't intend it to be malicious or anything. Just shows that she wasn't really thinking about me at all. :/
Just a victim of bad timing I guess. I'll get past it, but I was REALLY into her so it sucks to have to let that go and go back to square one. But that's life I suppose.
Just a victim of bad timing I guess. I'll get past it, but I was REALLY into her so it sucks to have to let that go and go back to square one. But that's life I suppose.
I've done the $x thing in the past. I think it works well, as long as you do not break the limit. Trust me, if you break the limit it makes the other person feel bad (because it feels like they got you a "lesser" gift).
Whatever this bullshit is, bail out. She has a boyfriend, and you're obviously not okay with just being friends with her. This is only gonna go poorly for you, move on bro. Preferably, cut contact too.
I mean, you're just the security blanket (since she's venting about her problems), it's not likely she'll suddenly drop for bf for you because you were a Nice Guy(tm).
I got semi-stood up last night. Supposed to meet shortly after 6. I texted her at 6 letting her know that I had arrived at the pub we were planning to meet at. 45'ish minutes later, she texted me back saying she just stepped out of work and wasn't able to make it tonight. Annoying, but at least she texted me and let me know where she was. We re-scheduled for tonight!
This is great, lol
As sound advice, we know you're just getting your feet wet but it's a good thing to not set too much expectations for yourself or for a girl on tinder, the trick is to be outcome independent here unless you're looking to be disappointed. Your post here just sounds like you're expecting some big transition with this one interaction, and that you're itching to tell us about whatever it comes to. Everything takes time fam
Thought i'd give you something to keep a level head other than a post like this;
No to all of this.
EXPotemkin
Member
I didn't include the maybe when I texted her. >_>
"We should go out to eat sometime!" was my exact message since you guys need to be so specific. lol
Then she'll answer "Yes we should eat sometime lol" in a non-committal way which will offer you zero insight into whether she is interested in you or not.
If you want to get a clear answer, you ask a clear question. Give her a specific place and day. You can offer a few options, but don't leave it vague.
If you want to get a clear answer, you ask a clear question. Give her a specific place and day. You can offer a few options, but don't leave it vague.
Gotdatmoney
Member
The entire time I read this all that I could think of was "What the fuck is this bullshit". Jesus christ no more. Just no to everything that occurred. The only confusing thing about your situation is why you haven't dipped the fuck out.
My advice is dip the fuck out.
EXPotemkin
Member
I think I'm just impatient. It's not the end all be all if I get together with her or not. This is just the first girl that's taken an interest in me that doesn't seem god awful. I did make an OKC profile like you guys said to but then I get all these super conservative/religious women that "like" me for fuck knows why. I make it pretty clear I'm extremely liberal and an atheist. I have NO IDEA what they're "liking" about me.
Well there's a lotta people that come in and are like "I asked someone out on a date!" when what they really did was way "Hey um maybe we can go out to a movie sometime maybe just as friends and let's invite the whole gang yeah", so people here tend to want the specifics, because tone and word choice make a huge difference in the dating realm.
(also obviously I'm exaggerating a bit)
Haha, I can think of a few examples from your description already
Anyone have any Holiday/Xmas dates planned?
Currently the GF and I are planning to see a big bonfire festival at a plantation and a big holiday lights festival with caroling at city park. Probably doing Xmas Eve supper with her family.
We already did some decorating, and I was hoping to add baking to movie marathons.
We are just homebodies but we dress up nice to go outside on occasion.
Currently the GF and I are planning to see a big bonfire festival at a plantation and a big holiday lights festival with caroling at city park. Probably doing Xmas Eve supper with her family.
We already did some decorating, and I was hoping to add baking to movie marathons.
We are just homebodies but we dress up nice to go outside on occasion.
So I'm catching up on my podcasts and this one came up. It's essentially talking about a mix between online dating and other modern stuff people deal with dating, perfect for this thread.
I think it's a great listen
EDIT: Oh the podcast is also pulling excerpts from this book: http://www.amazon.com/dp/1594206279/?tag=neogaf0e-20
I think it's a great listen
EDIT: Oh the podcast is also pulling excerpts from this book: http://www.amazon.com/dp/1594206279/?tag=neogaf0e-20
No, what you WANT to do is be her boyfriend, but she already has one.
Her story about her boyfriend going to work at 3 AM (???) and her not wanting to be alone is bullshit. More than likely he was pissed that she came over at 3 AM after getting shitfaced drunk (to the point of passing out) with another guy and kicked her out.
Just bail out. The girl's a drama queen and you need to get your priorities straight.
Ron Mexico
Member
Appreciate the input. The fear I have I guess is that I half anticipate her going over the limit, which means I would feel like doing more which turns into this horrible game of chicken. We're not millionaires by any stretch of the imagination, I just don't want to feel that I didn't do enough (especially if my read is right and she'd go past the limit).
Had a great few days on the phone with this girl, she wants me to take it slow on our first date (nice restaurant)
She shows up and super awkward, apparently me?
My pictures are no more than 3,weeks old, we even faced time ., but after a two hour date she said there was no chemistry.
I felt dumb founded, this girl
I must be ugly?
She shows up and super awkward, apparently me?
My pictures are no more than 3,weeks old, we even faced time ., but after a two hour date she said there was no chemistry.
I felt dumb founded, this girl
I must be ugly?
I mean, he might be ugly? We don't know.
If your pictures were recent then it was probably not aesthetics. Don't put yourself down for that.
Happy holidays everyone.
I mean, maybe you or your breath smelled rank, but it's much more likely what she had built up in her head before the meeting wasn't the reality in person. This happens. That's why you meet up ASAP so you waste as little time wondering and building false realities or expectations.
Sure, just don't expect anything and forget about it/move on once you send it.
No that's not what happened. She wanted me to take her home. I was kinda just along for the ride the whole night if you know what I mean. I had no expectations for the night, just for her to be my wingman. What unfolded just took me by surprise.
But thank you to you and others for helping me see more clearly what was really going on. I've already dropped contact with her and I have 3 or 4 potential dates lined up for the rest of the week.
EDIT: Oh wait I read what you wrote wrong. Wow I didn't even think of that. Sheesh.
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
Ehhhhh, girl I've been talking to is super sweet 99% of the time but then just says really shitty stuff the other 1% that I really don't like. We had a date set up for next week but really close to just cutting her loose. It's frustrating because she's really awesome the rest of the time.
Edit: I think she's trying to joke around but it's just awkward and shitty.
Edit: I think she's trying to joke around but it's just awkward and shitty.
ZackieChan
Member
It's happened to all of us. That's why you meet quickly, don't spend too much time talking on the phone/texting before the date, and go somewhere cheap and easily escapable. Don't get locked into a long activity! Also, going to a "nice restaurant" isn't taking it slow! Coffee date is
Best not to overthink text messages too much. Don't try to think of the "perfect text" to send but I wouldn't give up just yet. Personally I'd only stop trying if I've sent more than one text without a response or if I don't get a response to a specific date/invite.
BlitzEngineer
Member
Having a hard time with this girl I met on OKC. She's pretty much exactly my type, and seems into me. I say that because she actually asked me out on a date first, and I hope this isn't sad to say but that's a first personally. We've been on two dates which felt like they went amazingly, easy conversation and ending with kissing, but they've both been with her friends sort of tagging along. The first was a double date and the second we went to a theme park with a bunch of her friends, and ended it going out but with a third wheel. So I want to set something up with just us but it's been hard.
I called her today and said I wanted to take her out to a local place and she just sort of listed off all this stuff she's got going on with school and how she really doesn't go out normally so this is new for her. She keeps saying she's an introvert (probably why I'm attracted to her so much) and that all this is new to her and we should move slow, but I really don't know how to move slower than I already am. I just want to take you out to dinner, lady!
Typically, I think I would tell myself that she's probably just busy with school (it is just before finals week) and that I should accept the ball is in her court and that if she's really interested she'll reach out to make something work despite her busy schedule and introverted-ness. Problem is I feel like if I let her take the lead nothing will happen. Which generally means she's just not that interested, except she asked me out first and the dates went super well! I feel like a dork getting all confused over a girl I've only been on two dates with, but I really feel good about this one and don't want to pass up the opportunity.
When she kept talking about how much stuff she has to do for school, I said maybe it would be good just to decompress for an evening. She agreed, but then said something to the effect of she can't decompress and relax if we go out because going out with me makes her nervous. I hate the fact that she feels like it's impossible to relax with me even though we've had good chemistry so far. I don't know how to move forward really, but I guess I'll just wait this week out and maybe after her finals it'll be easier.
I called her today and said I wanted to take her out to a local place and she just sort of listed off all this stuff she's got going on with school and how she really doesn't go out normally so this is new for her. She keeps saying she's an introvert (probably why I'm attracted to her so much) and that all this is new to her and we should move slow, but I really don't know how to move slower than I already am. I just want to take you out to dinner, lady!
Typically, I think I would tell myself that she's probably just busy with school (it is just before finals week) and that I should accept the ball is in her court and that if she's really interested she'll reach out to make something work despite her busy schedule and introverted-ness. Problem is I feel like if I let her take the lead nothing will happen. Which generally means she's just not that interested, except she asked me out first and the dates went super well! I feel like a dork getting all confused over a girl I've only been on two dates with, but I really feel good about this one and don't want to pass up the opportunity.
When she kept talking about how much stuff she has to do for school, I said maybe it would be good just to decompress for an evening. She agreed, but then said something to the effect of she can't decompress and relax if we go out because going out with me makes her nervous. I hate the fact that she feels like it's impossible to relax with me even though we've had good chemistry so far. I don't know how to move forward really, but I guess I'll just wait this week out and maybe after her finals it'll be easier.
ZackieChan
Member
"Yeah, finals week sucks. Let's go out on a date, just the two of us, to celebrate when it's over!"
Exr
Member
Define shitty
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
So like this past time we were talking about just dating norms since she's from a different country. She said for her country it's X, and I said of really, I heard it was Y. She asked where I heard it from and said friends of mine and so she replies (paraphrasing) "You're probably not good enough for them. If you were good enough they wouldn't tell you that" and then followed it up with "if you know so many of them why don't you date them?". There's then silence and I finally respond "yeah, not sure what the hell that was" and she says "well it was a joke".
Granted it's through text but she doesn't follow up with it or make smiley face and at least that one is topical, some others have just come out of left field and I'm like wtf? From hanging out with her, I think she is awkwardly trying to make a joke but I don't understand why people don't realize that insults are jokes. Jokes have punch lines, not just random insults you don't follow up on. I don't know her personality at times when texting is very different then when we're in person, not sure if it's a small part a language barrier thing since it's worse when texting.
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