Yeah, no doubt sometimes it's a lack of forethought, but to say all single mothers are bad decision makers is pretty insulting. I couldn't necessarily date one myself, but having been raised by one (and having just got done living in a place where a lot of people marry and have kids pretty young), I can't bring myself to be that judgmental about it.
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Yeah, no doubt sometimes it's a lack of forethought, but to say all single mothers are bad decision makers is pretty insulting. I couldn't necessarily date one myself, but having been raised by one (and having just got done living in a place where a lot of people marry and have kids pretty young), I can't bring myself to be that judgmental about it.
I found the opposite - I ran into a good amount of single moms who were DTF right away. Granted they and the kids were a bit older. If it's a new mom, yeah, they will probably be more concerned with their kid and relationships and whatnot. But it's not like you're gonna meet the kid and be daddy right away, just treat them like any other woman. They will probably appreciate a night of not talking about Dora the Explorer and poopy diapers.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
Seems to me like you're too preoccupied with numbers and check boxes. Sometimes it's best to just relax and let things happen. Don't force it.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
Second date tonight in a few hours. I'm still a bit unsure with this one. Yeah, she agreed to another date, but I don't want to blow this one.
-She said she like the men she wants around her to take charge,
BUT
-She also said she's old fashioned
So this is date #2. I don't know how to approach her if it's too soon for a kiss. Yeah, I know, if there's a hug at the end, and she's still hugging me, and waiting for a kiss, then yeah, I know. Go for it........BUT what if there aren't any signals from her? Can i playfully ask her for a kiss if I word it right, or even just a kiss on her cheek? Seems like the latter is very risky, and could turn her off. Is it too soon hoping for a kiss on a second date?
-She said she like the men she wants around her to take charge,
BUT
-She also said she's old fashioned
So this is date #2. I don't know how to approach her if it's too soon for a kiss. Yeah, I know, if there's a hug at the end, and she's still hugging me, and waiting for a kiss, then yeah, I know. Go for it........BUT what if there aren't any signals from her? Can i playfully ask her for a kiss if I word it right, or even just a kiss on her cheek? Seems like the latter is very risky, and could turn her off. Is it too soon hoping for a kiss on a second date?
InfiniteBento
Member
I wouldn't ask to kiss her. Feel out the vibes and if by the end there arent any openings, just pull her close and go in for it. Kissing on the second date is totally fine if it goes well and you both are really feeling each other. Don't over think the kiss.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
That, and initiate and escalate physical contact. Break the touch barrier and kissing is nothing to worry about.
RedVladimir
Banned
I am almost always successful when kissing on the first date. And always successful on the second.
The trick is to touch. The best way to gauge the level of interest on a date is to NON-sexually touch throughout it. You'll be able to gauge her (and your) level of comfort with skin-to-skin contact. For instance, when you meet her hug her, do not handshake (this is obvious, but is worth repeating). Something as simple as to gently touch her lower back when opening a door for her. Or when during conversation (preferably while laughing at a good joke/story of hers) you touch her arms (around her triceps). You can slightly escalate by touching her hair (preferably while complimenting it). You can also do this verbally. For instance, complimenting her legs has clear sexual connotations, but is not in-your-face. She'll get the hint though; women are very perceptive about subtext.
The overall idea is to inundate the date with enough non-sexual contact, that by the time the date is nearing its end, the jump from non-sexual to sexual is a incredibly small or non-existent. The issue that happens with most guys is that they restrict touching in the first date, and are overtly formal as a means to lower the perceived interest (which, subconsciously, is a way to mitigate pain in the potential event of contact rejection). Actual non-sexual touching is then employed on the 2nd date, usually when both parties feel they know each other better.
The issue with this is that the escalation to sexual touch (kissing) is the very first escalation of any kind in the 2nd date (e.g. "Now that we know each other's hopes and dreams, our tongues should meet!"). The escalation is so rapid, the whole thing is very jarring because mentally she's not at that place. So while she may like you, she many not like you suddenly touching her (with your lips).
Guys often forget they are in a date. As in, the end goal is not to just "know" the person and call it a day. To deny you'd eventually like to turn things sexual with her is a waste of each other's time. Showing both interpersonal and sexual interest is important to a woman who is on a date. You should like her as a person, but also like her as a female. She'll get the hint, and reciprocate when you make the move.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
Well, everything you said she did to me on our first date. As she became more comfortable with me, she was touching my knee, hands, and arms. When bar hopping she locked her arm with mine as we walked. I touch her back letting her into the door. So it happened on he first date, lol.
I know this seems simple, but it is exactly how it ended up going. I've never done the casual dating thing as all my relationships have been with people I knew from work or social circle.
So if you hit it off with someone... what do y'all think of this on a third or even second date?
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/open-gently/201310/36-questions-bring-you-closer-together
It's the 36 questions to fall in love deal. Seems like a fun way to get a little more intimate.
Mobile Suit Gooch
Grundle: The Awakening
How are you gonna word it?
RedVladimir
Banned
The video is nice, but you probably won't get the results you hope. If you want to make her crack a smile, blush and boost her self-steem, then go for it. But if you actually would like to get know and date her, then you'll have to change your compliment.
The easiest way to go about it is to compliment not their beauty (especially if they are objectively beautiful and are semi-aware of it), but rather, compliment something about them. Something a little more personal; such as her hair. Maybe what she's wearing. Be genuine about the little things (especially if they are apparent) that make her stand out.
So don't say, "Excuse me, I just wanted to say I think you're beautiful.", rather say: "Excuse me, I just wanted to say I really like your earrings. They bring out your eyes." This is also especially good, because lead-up questions can be about her style. You are still complimenting her, it's just a little more elaborate. She will probably get more invested in conversation, as you seem specific & genuine about your observations (and with the added bonus, you're not the 100th other dude that has probably called her beautiful.)
In addition, tell her what makes it interesting to YOU. Your clearly positive analyses of what makes her her (and we are not talking about biologically given features, but more like things she had to do to be in her current state), will make her appreciative of your "taste". Because want to know what people like the most about other people? What they like about them.
Actually, I decided against it.
Yeah, something like this is more along the lines of what I'll do. We've met a few times already as I've been returning books, but I don't know her that well to blurt out the beautiful line.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
It went awesome! So she continued with the touching and hand holding. I took he proactive approach and gently stroked my hand across her thighs. The physical part was there. Last bar we were at I kissed her shoulders. Later on she was giving signals to kiss her. We get closer and kiss. I'm taking tongue and all. When we were at her apartment we kissed again in the car.
Now the tough part. She has a roommate, and since I live with my mother and help her financially, trying to get to the next step physically will be a pain in the ass. There's no way she can come over to my place to have sex.
Seriously it's like I have a lot of baggage.
Now the tough part. She has a roommate, and since I live with my mother and help her financially, trying to get to the next step physically will be a pain in the ass. There's no way she can come over to my place to have sex.
Seriously it's like I have a lot of baggage.
ZackieChan
Member
Aren't you in your 30's? If you can't have chicks over at this age, even living with your mother, you gotta rethink your life. Does this girl's roommate sleep in the same bed with her?
People have sex. If those people have roommates and mothers, those other people just gotta get over it. How loud you planning on being?
Gotta agree with you 100%, as usual lol.
Seriously her roommate doesn't know she is a sexual being? Your mother doesn't know?
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
You're a 30-something man. Your mom knows that you've banged girls. S'all good, homey.
And why would her roommate be an ass about it?
Wait, is your mom like one of those super-judgmental moms? Be like, "Mother, I love you and I am happy to pay the bills and stay here to help you, but goddammit, Jason's gotta get with this awesome girl tonight."
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
Well her roommate will have to get over it. I wouldn't mind if he's inside to br honest with you. Or he can leave. I spent a lot of money tonight, but it paid off.
Next time do something cheap. Take a walk or something. I try to get my average date cost as close to $0 as possible. Walks and moped rides are the best for this. I date too much and I'm stingy as hell. But free things are romantic if you do it right.
ZackieChan
Member
what difference does it make?
electricshake
Member
Hopefully none...
I've lived with the same guy for 4 years (known each other for 10) but it was never a problem when I was dating. Or at least no one ever mentioned it. My bf moved in over summer so now I live with 2 guys! It's a big flat.
Messofanego
Banned
Bahaha she sounds like a waste. Getting hungover also sounds like she has no control. Forget her, you deserve to meet a woman who can take care of themselves. With the way how getting overweight and alcoholism goes, no need to be the one to fix her health if she doesn't even try.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Maybe not the best advice, but if you can afford it, send your mum on a weekend away or something along those lines. You'll have the house to yourself all weekend.
That's if you can afford it. Even if you can't, you're apparently 30 years old. Just talk to your mum about having someone spend the night. You're an adult, your mum knows you're going to be seeing people, she knows you're at the age where you might be considering getting into a relationship, she'll understand and she might even agree to give you some space.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Jesus dude, bail the fuck out.
Although I will add that I once met a girl who said she was a chubby but turned out to be obese and she was pretty great. She was in the process of losing weight though and would routinely invite me along to the gym. Last time I saw her, she'd dropped like 30 pounds and she looked damn good. Some stretch mark issues and a little loose skin, but compared to when I first saw to when I last saw...goddamn, it's insane what a difference just losing 30 pounds can make to someone's whole appearance.
ZackieChan
Member
Just looking for an excuse to post the Seinfeld reference.
ZackieChan
Member
I couldn't see the imagemy VPN wasn't on. Thanks Obama/China.
Thanks Hitler/Trump
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
So Chinese girl, I stopped talking to texted me again and we decided to hangout as friends. Definitely a lot nicer seems much more relaxed.
Yikes, that sounds like the epitome of not-fun. I'll admit I'll get into slumps that make me all like "agh I'm never gonna lose this weight and never do anything and blah blah blah" but that's not my lifestyle, that's like a 2 day thing then I get over it D:
You deserve better than that for sure, I hate being around myself during those slumps lol, I can't imagine being around that 24/7.
DivineRage002
Member
So here I am now on a two-year drought. I've always had trouble getting together with girls, but shit, I need help.
I don't get it, I'm a 28 year old, 6'2 guy who works out, not super good looking, but I'd like to think I'm at least above average. Tinder hasn't been much help, in 4 months using on and off, I got a few matches, but only one I actually got to meet IRL, went on two dates and it just didn't work out.
I don't get it, I'm a 28 year old, 6'2 guy who works out, not super good looking, but I'd like to think I'm at least above average. Tinder hasn't been much help, in 4 months using on and off, I got a few matches, but only one I actually got to meet IRL, went on two dates and it just didn't work out.
I have run into that sort of thing, where the "platonic" roommate actually had a big crush on the girl and everything got really awkward/creepy very quickly.
But if the roommate is cool and not a total shut in, he can go out for an evening now and again to give them some space. The whole "sock/tie on the doorknob" kinda thing most people used in college and whatnot.
I might just be pulling this out of my ass, but I'm suspecting that you have the stink of desperation around you, which is a huge turn off. Your Tinder profile probably isn't exciting or enticing and you maybe come off as mopey/depressed.
I would suggest taking the pressure of "OMG I gotta find a date" out of the equation. Try to find someone in a more natural way than online dating, which can be really cold and mechanical. Maybe try finding some group activities, classes, etc that you can do to meet new people. As you meet more people and get more confident, finding people to date will become a lot easier.
DivineRage002
Member
Heard it before, been "improving" myself in the gym for two years, consistently one of the buffer dudes in there, and not being a douche about it. Finished my studies, have a good job with good salary, nice sports car and sports bike, I have a good friend circle, I even have a black belt in taekwondo to my name.
Honestly I'm not even sure how I CAN improve myself at this point without literally being obsessive about it and filling my time schedule to the point of being unhealthy.
The age old question "would you date yourself?" Yes. I would date the hell out of myself.
This is not a stealth brag post, or even a not-stealth-at-all brag post. I'm defending my point, I DONT GET IT.
Sorry guys, just needing to vent right now.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Take up some social hobbies that require you to be around other people? Use Meetup for such opportunities.
Great that you've worked out, are buffed, got a nice car and have a great job, but that's not a guarantee to attract people to you.
Have you tried going to the online dating thread and posting your profile? Your pictures or summary might be holding you back, and a lot of people there can help you out
Also, congrats on the improvements, sounds like you're really doing good for yourself! Just remember it's not only the outside that counts
ZackieChan
Member
DivineRage - is your profile pic by any chance a shirtless selfie taken in the mirror?
Also, congrats on the improvements, sounds like you're really doing good for yourself! Just remember it's not only the outside that counts
Yeah, self improvement isn't just about hitting the gym and having good hobbies or whatever. You can get a lot of your life in order and still have other things holding you back. I was similar for a long time in that I had a decent enough life but was still striking out a lot in my dating life.
Turns out a lot of my deeper issues and insecurities were holding me back, and once I took steps to tackle those I saw more success. Having a good and interesting life is important, but it's not the only thing that matters.
damn.. here I am trying to figure out if it's worth the money to get double-steak on my Chipotle burrito.
DivineRage002
Member
Nope, regular pictures of me, some with friends, one in front of a PAX east sign, another at a beer festival with my friends.
I did fit a picture of my car and bike in there though, should I take that out?
As for what others have said, I know the physical aspect isn't everything. I'm just trying to figure out what I need to change to make it work.
And thanks for letting me vent guys, feels better already.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Maybe you don't need to change anything? Try not approaching it as if you need to change something and let things happen naturally.
Why not try hitting some bars or clubs? Try your luck there. Online dating isn't for everyone and maybe meeting people in person is more suited to your personality?
I'd still recommend checking out Meetup. If only to meet new people and expand your social circle so you can cast a wider net through people you meet.
That doesn't sound like improving, that sounds like trying too hard. Not all girls go for that sort of guy.
This.
Thanks all. The bail-out procedure has already started. I have no problem helping someone, but I'm not looking to fix someone, if that makes sense. I'm also not trying to be in a relationship for the sole purpose of being in a relationship.
She was actually quite fun to be with, as long as she wasn't talking about her future - she had no positive vision for hers. And as someone who lost a ton of weight, I can recognize a BS effort when I see it. A once-a-week Zumba class and a 30-day booty blast exercise calendar isn't enough, and you can take a break for a day or three out of a month, but not the entire month.
Time to see how the world reacts to a properly-maintained bearded version of me.
Well, you are not her therapist or life coach. Having to assume that role wrecks relationships.
Oh I know. I've got two sisters, a brother, and a personal trainer who can attest to that. Just saying, I recognize everyone has problems. If someone's sincerely trying to fix them, then I'm willing to support them. But I won't be the guy that pushes them to start the process or just fix them entirely.
Royal_Phalanx
Member
I'm going to see how the ladies react to me sporting an undercut. No more Asian nerd style poofy hair, it's long overdue for a change in hairstyle. Asian hair is pretty bad because it's difficult to style, consequence of my genetics :/ I'm fairly convinced 2 girls at work are discreetly making fun of me, my low self esteem strikes again. It's a temp job so I won't be sticking around after my contract ends in 2 weeks anyway, so meh.
Changing your look does wonders for your self-esteem.
I used to have an army buzz cut. Grew out my hair, changed my hair style and it helped boost my confidence. Then came the wardrobe change.
In fact, I'm going to change my look again. Going to buy a whole new set of clothes and shoes. Khakis/nice shoes/button downs, etc.
I used to have an army buzz cut. Grew out my hair, changed my hair style and it helped boost my confidence. Then came the wardrobe change.
In fact, I'm going to change my look again. Going to buy a whole new set of clothes and shoes. Khakis/nice shoes/button downs, etc.
The thing I hate most about dating is how god damn inconsiderate people are. Gotta vent here for a moment because I feel like I was a character in Aziz's new show.
Meet this girl through online dating. We get together for drinks and really hit it off - chat for 3.5 hours, totally losing track of time on a weekday night. I'm out of town the next 2 weeks on business in NYC, so we keep in touch and schedule a date for the Saturday after I return. Date goes well: we get tapas, see a comedy improv show, and make out in my car for a while when I'm dropping her off. A few days after the date, I get in touch with her and see if she wants to go out again. She says "definitely yes!" This is at the beginning of Thanksgiving week, so we settle on the Thursday after Thanksgiving since we are otherwise crammed schedule wise.
I start brainstorming date ideas and see this holiday play (a funny, mature-themed one) is playing that my sister has recommended. I tell her the plans a couple nights out and the date is still on. Day of the show, only a few hours before it starts(!), she gives me the "I went home sick from work" excuse. Says she feels really bad about having to cancel and she at least called to theatre and confirmed they could trade out our tickets for another night. She says she is free the next Friday or Saturday. I look at seats, they have some that next Friday, but they're $10 more each, which sucks because I have that feeling in the back of my mind that she's being immature and just stringing me along. I hate to be duped and end up dropping another $20 rather than being able to cut my losses right then, but I reschedule everything because I give her the benefit of the doubt and we seem good to go (bonus: the box office didn't charge me the increased seat fee, at least).
She initiates a text to me the next Tuesday after I hadn't said anything since Sunday night. Seems OK, no red flags. I touch base the next night after I get back from a business trip and she starts laying the predictable groundwork for another cancel. Says her day at work didn't go great because she almost had to step out during interviews because she was feeling sick again. I'm sleeping by the time I get her text, so no reply then. Next morning (Thursday), I get a long text saying, 'I really need to kick this sickness, so I'm not going to be able to make the play tomorrow night. Also, my life has been crazy and is only getting crazier, so I don't have enough time for dating right now. Nice meeting you and hope you have a happy holiday with your family.'
So yeah...thanks for stringing me along for a couple weeks while I put thought, effort, and money into setting up a date only to be canceled on twice. I wouldn't have even considered buying the tickets if I didn't get the two separate green lights she gave me for the date.
In all of your experiences, is it even worth it to put much thought or money toward the first 2-3 dates? I'm usually a pretty optimistic guy and I enjoy doing these fun dates, but this experience has me really second-guessing my approach since the cost/benefit ratio seems off. I'm sure girls, in general, would hate to hear this, but it seems like it makes a lot more sense to go lower effort/lower cost for 2-3 dates to better gauge interest before making more of an effort/financial commitment.
Meet this girl through online dating. We get together for drinks and really hit it off - chat for 3.5 hours, totally losing track of time on a weekday night. I'm out of town the next 2 weeks on business in NYC, so we keep in touch and schedule a date for the Saturday after I return. Date goes well: we get tapas, see a comedy improv show, and make out in my car for a while when I'm dropping her off. A few days after the date, I get in touch with her and see if she wants to go out again. She says "definitely yes!" This is at the beginning of Thanksgiving week, so we settle on the Thursday after Thanksgiving since we are otherwise crammed schedule wise.
I start brainstorming date ideas and see this holiday play (a funny, mature-themed one) is playing that my sister has recommended. I tell her the plans a couple nights out and the date is still on. Day of the show, only a few hours before it starts(!), she gives me the "I went home sick from work" excuse. Says she feels really bad about having to cancel and she at least called to theatre and confirmed they could trade out our tickets for another night. She says she is free the next Friday or Saturday. I look at seats, they have some that next Friday, but they're $10 more each, which sucks because I have that feeling in the back of my mind that she's being immature and just stringing me along. I hate to be duped and end up dropping another $20 rather than being able to cut my losses right then, but I reschedule everything because I give her the benefit of the doubt and we seem good to go (bonus: the box office didn't charge me the increased seat fee, at least).
She initiates a text to me the next Tuesday after I hadn't said anything since Sunday night. Seems OK, no red flags. I touch base the next night after I get back from a business trip and she starts laying the predictable groundwork for another cancel. Says her day at work didn't go great because she almost had to step out during interviews because she was feeling sick again. I'm sleeping by the time I get her text, so no reply then. Next morning (Thursday), I get a long text saying, 'I really need to kick this sickness, so I'm not going to be able to make the play tomorrow night. Also, my life has been crazy and is only getting crazier, so I don't have enough time for dating right now. Nice meeting you and hope you have a happy holiday with your family.'
So yeah...thanks for stringing me along for a couple weeks while I put thought, effort, and money into setting up a date only to be canceled on twice. I wouldn't have even considered buying the tickets if I didn't get the two separate green lights she gave me for the date.
In all of your experiences, is it even worth it to put much thought or money toward the first 2-3 dates? I'm usually a pretty optimistic guy and I enjoy doing these fun dates, but this experience has me really second-guessing my approach since the cost/benefit ratio seems off. I'm sure girls, in general, would hate to hear this, but it seems like it makes a lot more sense to go lower effort/lower cost for 2-3 dates to better gauge interest before making more of an effort/financial commitment.
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