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[THEF3AR]

GAF, what can I do to prove to the girl I love I have changed.

We broke up 3 months ago and I have honestly changed, but she told me she is scared to get back me because she is scared things will be like before.

The thing is GAF is I KNOW they wouldn't be like before. All I want to do is make her happy.

We were together for three and half years and we still keep in touch.

She finally agreed to come out with me this weekend. She has been gone for 6 months in the military and we broke up during that.

She still wants to be with me but is scared that I will still be the same.

What can I do to prove to her that I have changed. I mean besides through actions but what can I say to her to make her feel more confident in me.

Thanks GAF

 

[Frog-fu]

It would help to know in what regard you supposedly changed.

 

[Bold One]

Stop beating around the bush,


What did you do?

 

[THEF3AR]

I had a lot of personal demons that I never dealt with before.

Being controlling.
worrying too much.
Snooping on her.
never trusting her.

 

[umop_3pisdn]

You can't, anyone can stay on their best behaviour in the short to mid term, it's the longer term where it comes out. Honestly I find it unlikely that you changed that much in only three months, and I'm not emotionally involved with you in any capacity, it's more likely that you miss what you had and would bargain anything to get it back. That doesn't mean that you've changed for good.

 

[Crossing Eden]

What led to the breakup and in what way did you actually change?

 

[BladeoftheImmortal]

You'll show you changed by getting a different girl and treating her better. You already ruined the last relationship.

 

[THEF3AR]

What led to the breakup and in what way did you actually change?

I didn't make her feel loved and appreciated.

Now, all I want to do is make her feel loved and appreciated.

 

[Mega]

You haven't changed. You're putting on an act and you'll revert in a couple of months. No one changes this quickly if at all.

 

[Frog-fu]

I had a lot of personal demons that I never dealt with before.

Being controlling.
worrying too much.
Snooping on her.
never trusting her.

Did she ever give you a reason to behave like that?

 

[MisterNoisy]

More importantly, why the fuck would you bother. Move on, man - this windmill isn't worth your time.

 

[RadioJoNES64]

Wear a new hat.

Spoiler

I don't think anyone can "change" in three months.

 

[FZZ]

I didn't make her feel loved and appreciated.

Now, all I want to do is make her feel loved and appreciated.

Sorry to ask but could you elaborate a little more?

 

[GrizzleBoy]

Words are BS.

Anyone can flap their lips.

If she's already sceptical, sweet words might only fuel it.

Just don't be like before. If she's already given you a chance, then all you need to do is not mess up. You seem like you already know what is needed of you, so do that thing and don't do things that are the things that you know shouldn't be done.

"Easy"!!!!!


Basically, there's nothing you can say.

Only doing will work.

No talking, just doing.

Don't make it a point to point out the stuff you're now doing or not doing. You're not looking for brownie points, you're just being the new you, remember?

 

[THEF3AR]

More importantly, why the fuck would you bother. Move on, man - this windmill isn't worth your time.

I don't want to the man... you know I fucking love this girl.

 

[MisterNoisy]

I don't want to the man... you know I fucking love this girl.

Fair enough - sometimes ya gotta learn the hard way, and I can respect that.

 

[THEF3AR]

Sorry to ask but could you elaborate a little more?

Well I took her for granted and I made her not feel like she was good enough.

I made her feel like I didn't want her when the truth is I do.

 

[MGrant]

People don't change, certainly not over three months. Move on, learn from this experience. Nothing good can come out of begging this girl to come back.

 

[scarlet]

Show it and let her judge.

 

[Crossing Eden]

I didn't make her feel loved and appreciated.

Now, all I want to do is make her feel loved and appreciated.

I've seen this before, what always happens is that the beginning everything seems nice, then you fall back into what you were doing before and the breakup is even harder. I feel that moving on or at best being friends is the best course of action here OP.

 

[criesofthepast]

I had a lot of personal demons that I never dealt with before.

Being controlling.
worrying too much.
Snooping on her.
never trusting her.

You sure you've changed? Be completely honest with yourself.

Those are some pretty big issues there and 3 months isn't a lot of time. Everyone I've ever dated who had those same issues and told me they changed just never did. That shit is like deep inside the soul. Jealousy, lack of trust...it kills everything. I'd say move on and try better with the next one as hard as that may be.

 

[Lys Skygge]

Wear a new hat.

Spoiler

I don't think anyone can "change" in three months.

This. You've likely "changed" in reaction to being broken up with.

 

[THEF3AR]

People don't change, certainly not over three months. Move on, learn from this experience. Nothing good can come out of begging this girl to come back.

I get this whole thing about three months but this has been a long time coming. She told me multiple times she will leave if I don't change my ways and I never took her seriously.

The thing is is I have changed. She wouldn't even believe how much I have really changed. It really took her leaving me for me to change myself

 

[Subpar Scrub]

Show it and let her judge.

This is a nicer version of what I was typing

 

[marrec]

Shave your head and get a facial tattoo.

 

[Sheentak]

Show her this thread. GAF says you have changed!

 

[Chariot]

Do something dramatic like in cheesy romance movies. Some surprise involving red and white rose pedals, champagne, a letter, torches, a garden and rain. Evrn if you maybe look strange, she will see that you made an effort. And sometimes that's worth a lot.

 

[THEF3AR]

Show her this thread. GAF says you have changed!

She would also see GAF would tell me to move on.

 

[MisterNoisy]

Do something dramatic like in cheesy romance movies. Some surprise involving red and white rose pedals, champagne, a letter, torches, a garden and rain. Evrn if you maybe look strange, she will see that you made an effort. And sometimes that's worth a lot.

OP, don't do any of this.

 

[Ishan]

doubt you've changed that fast on those issues chage takes either a long time or a major life event if at all normally . You miss her . But eh maybe . Yeah just show thru actions .

 

[THEF3AR]

Do something dramatic like in cheesy romance movies. Some surprise involving red and white rose pedals, champagne, a letter, torches, a garden and rain. Evrn if you maybe look strange, she will see that you made an effort. And sometimes that's worth a lot.

I have did this once before when she got home from AIT. She just got home last weekend and I left her a teddy bear. The teddy bear was holding flowers in his arms and had balloons tied to his arm the said, "I love you."

 

[davepoobond]

Something tells me we don't have the full story. How do we know this wasn't an abusive relationship? Sounds like it to me from that one post, where else could it possibly have escalated to?

 

[THEF3AR]

doubt you've changed that fast on those issues chage takes either a long time or a major life event if at all normally . You miss her . But eh maybe . Yeah just show thru actions .

I had a major life event. I found God. I was a pretty fucked up guy when she finally left me. I was deceitful and just all around not a real good person

 

[easterislandhead]

It's a wrap. Better luck next time.

 

[THEF3AR]

Something tells me we don't have the full story. How do we know this wasn't an abusive relationship? Sounds like it to me from that one post, where else could it possibly have escalated to?

Yeah, abusive is correct. Both parties were abusive but I was more than the other.

 

[The Wall]

This sounds like a touchy subject. Be careful. Ease into any approach you take and remember that you can't guarantee that things have changed with you in ways that are compatible with her. You can identify the issues you had when you two were together, but that doesn't mean the damage hasn't already been done.

 

[Subpar Scrub]

I had a major life event. I found God. I was a pretty fucked up guy when she finally left me. I was deceitful and just all around not a real good person

Being religious doesn't automatically make you a good person.

How does she feel about religion? Maybe going back to her and saying "to prove I've changed, I've given up 1/7th of my week, 10% of my pay cheque and I'm not going to sleep with you anymore" isn't the best way to express yourself.

 

[FZZ]

Well I took her for granted and I made her not feel like she was good enough.

I made her feel like I didn't want her when the truth is I do.

Ahh okay. Was a little confused by how you meant it.

And OP all you can do is wait for answer and if she does take you back, prove it from there.

 

[Starviper]

I had a major life event. I found God. I was a pretty fucked up guy when she finally left me. I was deceitful and just all around not a real good person

Found god and had a revelation? Well good golly you're just in time for Christmas.

--

Don't tell her that you've changed. Things take time, don't rush it. Show her through actions, don't ask or overburden her with your worries and wants for her time. If she's interested in making things work you'll know.

 

[THEF3AR]

Being religious doesn't automatically make you a good person.

I know this. I just feel compelled to make things right between us. Like all I want is to make her happy and I don't care about anything else as long as she is happy.

 

[BladeoftheImmortal]

I give it another 3 months. Finding god doesn't make you a better person unless you are actively trying to be a better person. Sorry, but you are better off finding someone new and learning from your mistakes with the ex. She's an ex for a reason.

 

[SalvaPot]

I had a lot of personal demons that I never dealt with before.

Being controlling.
worrying too much.
Snooping on her.
never trusting her.

This is the kind of stuff that everyone always seems to be over with but always goes back, its just the way people are. If you want her in your life then its she who has to accept this part of you.

 

[Zvonimir Boban]

Let's be honest, you haven't changed. Accept it and move on, no matter how difficult it seems

 

[BunnyBear]

You can only prove you've changed via actions and a sustained period of changing your ways. It's easy for us to say but I would try coming to terms with the fact the ship has sailed on this relationship and focus on being a new man for the next girl.

You've also got to consider why you treated her that way previously. Did it come from a place of discontent with her on your part? Were you happy, and happy with her? Are you sure you're not just stung that she left you and want to get her back to prove self-worth? Try not to let nostalgia cloud your thought process.

Just try and weigh it all up and consider whether this is the right course of action. I think you're probably wasting your time, but hey, you'd know better than us.

All the best with it, I've been through it before.

 

[Subpar Scrub]

I know this. I just feel compelled to make things right between us. Like all I want is to make her happy and I don't care about anything else as long as she is happy.

You don't care about anything else? Even your newfound God? You're not great at this religion thing bro

 

[TheLostBigBoss]

Need to prove that you have changed eh?

 

[marrec]

I know this. I just feel compelled to make things right between us. Like all I want is to make her happy and I don't care about anything else as long as she is happy.

Do what you think is best, but just remember that maybe she's happy cause you aren't in her life anymore. Sometimes two people don't work out man.

Glad to here that you're doing better in your life though.

 

[BreezyLimbo]

Dont try to get with her again.

The best way to prove youve changed is to move on and try to be better in the future. Trying to get back with her will make you lean to old ways and well, she wont fully trust you.

Trust me.

 

[MGrant]

I have did this once before when she got home from AIT. She just got home last weekend and I left her a teddy bear. The teddy bear was holding flowers in his arms and had balloons tied to his arm the said, "I love you."

Oh NO. Dude you haven't changed. You are looking at this like all you have to do is fix a broken windowpane, when the reality is that the house finished burning down three months ago. What does she want, anyway?

 

[THEF3AR]

Oh NO. Dude you haven't changed. You are looking at this like all you have to do is fix a broken windowpane, when the reality is that the house finished burning down three weeks ago. What does she want, anyway?

She wants me, but wants to feel safe with me again. She told me she can't go through the things we went through before.