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[_Zento]

I'm going through something very similar at the moment, so I can empathise with you. Basically, I let some of my personal issues into the relationship much too early without noticing that the faults were mine, and not hers.

A lot of people here are saying you cannot change in such a short time. I think it definitely depends on the person, and how focused and self-aware you are with your issues. I definitely have a way to go with dealing with my insecurities, but I have taken a lot of steps to try and improve myself - meditation, seeing a psychologist, talking openly with a wide range of people, etc - and it's definitely had me more aware of what I am thinking and doing on an everyday basis.

I can definitely say that a traumatic event can definitely kick you in the right direction for change. And we are all constantly changing and learning about ourselves. Whether you have changed it up to her to decide. If you think you have, and you're given another chance, and you fuck it up, you really have to accept it as done this time.

 

[Deleted member 125677]

No one magically changes in 3 month. Just work on yourself and take your time

The important thing is probably letting her know you are trying to change

 

[Zakalwe]

Your posts come across as desperate, like you /need/ this. What you really need do is find the strength to get to the point you don't need it, from there you can truly decide if this is what you want.

It will hurt. Don't be afraid of that. Pain is good for change, if you truly do want to change.

Jump back in now and you'll almost certainly doom it.

 

[Vigilant Walrus]

You talk the only thing that matters is her happiness but you cannot wait to set the cogs in motion to have your needs fulfilled. Many people here see through this, because we've been through this before.

Maybe you really are the exception to the rule. You sound young, you sound inexperienced and while being together for 3 years is a long time, it is not the amount of time that matters. Everything must come to an end. Be it 3 months, 3 years or 30 years, in the end, you are getting the same result.

But many people lose themselves in their relationships and become scared to be alone. Instead of being true to themselves and learning to be by themselves they want to linger to a relationship that is not good for them.
If your relationship will be anything like me, both parties will do their best to maintain a veil of everything being perfect. Until something better comes along.



You said did some things led by your behaviour over the course of the relationship, but you can't talk your way out of problems your actions led you in. You've marked it and it's a thing now.
Heartache hurts more than almost anything so I don't blame you for doing what most people are doing, I just wish you would listen. It's not about doubting anyone, or god, or anything else. It's about people being inhibited about their fears.
3 years is a good run for a relationship. Remember the good times, appreciate the fuck out of her. Just because something was not forever doesn't mean the thing was meaningless. It was just another thing, and new things will come. You have to trust that billions of people throughout the ages have been through the same thing. Billions.



I think you should see the movie 500 Days of Summer. It's lesson is exactly applicable to all of this. And Casablanca. Has a different set of meaning. And Don Jon. A different set.

 

[Zakalwe]

You talk the only thing that matters is her happiness but you cannot wait to set the cogs in motion to have your needs fulfilled. Many people here see through this, because we've been through this before.

Maybe you really are the exception to the rule. You sound young, you sound inexperienced and while being together for 3 years is a long time, it is not the amount of time that matters. Everything must come to an end. Be it 3 months, 3 years or 30 years, in the end, you are getting the same result.

But many people lose themselves in their relationships and become scared to be alone. Instead of being true to themselves and learning to be by themselves they want to linger to a relationship that is not good for them.
If your relationship will be anything like me, both parties will do their best to maintain a veil of everything being perfect. Until something better comes along.



You said did some things led by your behaviour over the course of the relationship, but you can't talk your way out of problems your actions led you in. You've marked it and it's a thing now.
Heartache hurts more than almost anything so I don't blame you for doing what most people are doing, I just wish you would listen. It's not about doubting anyone, or god, or anything else. It's about people being inhibited about their fears.
3 years is a good run for a relationship. Remember the good times, appreciate the fuck out of her. Just because something was not forever doesn't mean the thing was meaningless. It was just another thing, and new things will come. You have to trust that billions of people throughout the ages have been through the same thing. Billions.



I think you should see the movie 500 Days of Summer. It's lesson is exactly applicable to all of this. And Casablanca. Has a different set of meaning. And Don Jon. A different set.

Excellent advice.

 

[norinrad]

Broke up 3 months ago and suddenly you've changed? Hilarious.

You haven't change, you've just convinced yourself you have. Change comes gradually and it takes a bloody long time/years with commitment. You are just taking baby steps, try to convince her you are working on it. That would probably work instead of saying you have changed. lol

 

[JigglesBunny]

Sorry bud, not really on your side here.

You did some shitty things and had some shitty, toxic behaviors that made this a rough ride for the girl, you've only had a short amount of time and believe me, you can't retool problems like that in such a short window, and now you're stringing her along so that IF she gives you another shot, you could put her through a ringer again.

Let her go. For her sake. Go forward, work on yourself more, and try better with the next one.

Best of luck.

 

[thehypocrite]

Just live your life, stop trying to prove shit to others. That's a path under which you give up self-determination.

 

[Gattsu25]

Reading though the first page is giving me a "she escaped an emotionally abusive relationship" vibe.


Don't drag her back in, OP. Give the girl some happiness and just move one.

Real change will take years, not months, so keep working at it. Your desire to get back with her seems controlling and not entirely out of love...like, literally, these are the tell tale signs of an abusive relationship.

 

[Earthstrike]

GAF, what can I do to prove to the girl I love I have changed.

We broke up 3 months ago and I have honestly changed, but she told me she is scared to get back me because she is scared things will be like before.

The thing is GAF is I KNOW they wouldn't be like before. All I want to do is make her happy.

We were together for three and half years and we still keep in touch.

She finally agreed to come out with me this weekend. She has been gone for 6 months in the military and we broke up during that.

She still wants to be with me but is scared that I will still be the same.

What can I do to prove to her that I have changed. I mean besides through actions but what can I say to her to make her feel more confident in me.

Thanks GAF

How can you prove that you've changed? Simple, do you have actual proof? Psychologist visits? Do you have a way you can actually demonstrate you've changed?

 

[gdt]

I don't think you've changed in 3 months.

 

[Thebeardofknowledge]

Op we need an update