Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
What? Did you ever have a date set up? Also, that could not be a more passive statement, you've barely asked her out.
Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.
- Thread starter Septimius
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What? Did you ever have a date set up? Also, that could not be a more passive statement, you've barely asked her out.
Yeah sure, it's not even the first date with this person.
The other day i asked her if we could go out one of these days and she said yes, but i forgot to actually specify a day and just said "i'll call/contact you", then wrote to her the same day.
What's there that is unheard of or passive?
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
My 100+ girls were mostly through online dating, plus a few friends that I've hooked up with, some friends of friends, and some people from class. I've never "randomly" encountered anyone, as far as I can recall. You should do speed dating. You should also do the post-Valentine's Day party (provided it's geared towards singles, not couples - that could get awkward). You should focus on self-improvement. You should not worry about things beyond your control, like your mild condition. Basically, say "yes" to as much as you can.
SENPAI, NOTICE ME.
98% of the problems in this thread would be resolved if people were more direct and precise in their language. I feel like we'd make headway if people submitted their texts (or, God forbid, asked people in person) and had them edited for precision.
Ask about a specific day next time, it's easier to work from there. "Hey, do you want to do something next week?" is going to result in a lot more time thinking and stressing over getting a firm date settled than if you were to ask "Would you like to meet at ____ Friday night?". If she responds that a given day doesn't work, you can try to schedule another time and get a feel if she's interested.
Believe me, I'd love to stop having crushes! It's just not something within my power. If I could turn it off completely I gladly would
I have a few hang ups with online dating mostly because of three reasons. As a short guy, I've heard a few horror stories about how "friendly" women in these sites tend to be towards men who don't meet an arbitrary number that they deem acceptable (granted these are mostly US stories which isn't where I live, but nonetheless it's enough to intimidate me on the prospect). Secondly, it's a very look-oriented market and I dislike taking pictures of myself, don't have that many pictures to begin with (let alone good ones) and don't consider myself an attractive person. Lastly, it's extremely skewed towards women, who have an abundance of choices to pick and choose from and I just wouldn't stand out among the crowd of dozens of guys who will be messaging the exact same girls as me. All in all, it just looks way too competitive and seems like it'd be an exhausting and energy draining experience for me so I'd rather stay away from it.
As for my friends setting me up, I guess they just don't want to, otherwise they would've, and I'd rather not bother them about it. I don't even know how I'd approach the subject without sounding pushy.
I guess I'm just feeling lost and hopeless about this particular aspect of my life and needing to vent a little bit. It just doesn't seem like I'm cut out for this kind of life, but I also can't help but feel left behind when I see everybody else go in and out of relationships while I stay mostly stagnant as far as that's concerned. It gets very frustrating sometimes, and the fact that there's no perspective of change for the future, and that I can't seem to find any solutions, only makes me more depressed.
That's what i did, i literally wrote her "Would you like to go out tomorrow, or is the weekend better for you?"
Really can't see how it can be misunderstood or anything.
Anyway, hasn't replied in 2 days, should i already call it quit?
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Believe me, I'd love to stop having crushes! It's just not something within my power. If I could turn it off completely I gladly would
I have a few hang ups with online dating mostly because of three reasons. As a short guy, I've heard a few horror stories about how "friendly" women in these sites tend to be towards men who don't meet an arbitrary number that they deem acceptable (granted these are mostly US stories which isn't where I live, but nonetheless it's enough to intimidate me on the prospect). Secondly, it's a very look-oriented market and I dislike taking pictures of myself, don't have that many pictures to begin with (let alone good ones) and don't consider myself an attractive person. Lastly, it's extremely skewed towards women, who have an abundance of choices to pick and choose from and I just wouldn't stand out among the crowd of dozens of guys who will be messaging the exact same girls as me. All in all, it just looks way too competitive and seems like it'd be an exhausting and energy draining experience for me so I'd rather stay away from it.
As for my friends setting me up, I guess they just don't want to, otherwise they would've, and I'd rather not bother them about it. I don't even know how I'd approach the subject without sounding pushy.
I guess I'm just feeling lost and hopeless about this particular aspect of my life and needing to vent a little bit. It just doesn't seem like I'm cut out for this kind of life, but I also can't help but feel left behind when I see everybody else go in and out of relationships while I stay mostly stagnant as far as that's concerned. It gets very frustrating sometimes, and the fact that there's no perspective of change for the future, and that I can't seem to find any solutions, only makes me more depressed.
Based on this, I don't really think you're ready for a relationship, but you really should try dating. You seemingly have a lot to work on. You're also catastrophizing and engaging in severe negative self-labeling.
How can you discount something without trying it, when the end result, even if the worst happens, is that you're right back where you are?
Anyway, yes, some women like tall men. You'll encounter that anywhere. If you don't consider yourself an attractive person, then find better-fitting clothes or change (within reason) how you look. To be honest, you're probably decent-looking and can't properly admit it. As far as better pictures? Yes, men tend to suck at that: it's why you have someone (like your female friends!) take pictures for you.
Finally, your last point is bullshit. Your friends aren't magically going to know that you'd like some help with girls if you haven't told them. Asking for help =/= being pushy. Further, claiming that there's no perspective of change for the future is utterly false. You have several before you, and if you're unable or unwilling to take them, then you've only yourself to blame. But that doesn't mean that you're not "cut out for this kind of life" -- what life? Going out for a drink and spending an hour with someone who has a vagina?
That's all it is. You can do it. I promise.
I'd leave off the second half of that message next time. Just be completely direct with the "Would you like to ____ tomorrow around [time]?". If she hasn't responded, I'd give her a couple more days to, but I wouldn't send another message. If she's interested, she should get back in touch with you. Your call ultimately.[/time]
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
Haha, I get what you're saying but I don't even think it's about precision or great wording. You just have to be direct, don't worry if the girl wants to meet up she'll ask for an alternative. I think what you're suggesting could be helpful to some though.
It's just that you're giving her too many options and the second sentence is just unnecessary and I think you saying "just let me know" is what pushed me over the edge. Just be direct in your communications and say, "hey, would you like to get sushi with me on friday." "Hey, would you like to go ice skating saturday night?"
99% of the time in my experience, if they want to meet up with you then they'll suggest and alternative. Ex: "Hey I"d really like to go ice skating with you but I promised to help my roommate from college move. Can we go sunday instead?
"If she doesn't give an alternative then it's not the end of the world but just be at be decisive in your decisions. The point is just that you don't want to make it sound like you're dropping everything for her. If you already have plans with people it becomes easier but even if you do nothing but sit at home just don't make it sound that way. Her not suggesting an alternative isn't the end of the world.
Have you spoken to her at all since that message? Or have you not spoken since you sent that message a day or two ago?
It's a case by case thing of course, but generally if a girl is not responding to a specific invite (even if it's halfway through the conversation - like I ask her out, she says yes, then no response after trying to decide a time) I move on.
I've had several times when a girl seemed really excited about getting together only to not respond (or not respond halfway like above) and it has always resulted in more flakiness and bullshit later.
A convo stopping halfway through, no response to other texts that aren't invites to do something - I'll generally try just one more time.
Shit *does* happen, but after past experiences I'm less likely to give girls the benefit of the doubt when it comes to this - if she wants to make time for you she will.
I've had several times when a girl seemed really excited about getting together only to not respond (or not respond halfway like above) and it has always resulted in more flakiness and bullshit later.
A convo stopping halfway through, no response to other texts that aren't invites to do something - I'll generally try just one more time.
Shit *does* happen, but after past experiences I'm less likely to give girls the benefit of the doubt when it comes to this - if she wants to make time for you she will.
Eh, I disagree with the first part. No offense intended, i just feel like he can always kiss her on the lips next time. He asked specifically about kissing her on the cheek, she said yes to that, so he did so. I think he handled it well. It sounds like it wasn't 100% clear how she would have reacted to a kiss on the lips so better to err on the side of caution I think.
Edit: re: Lynx and Advocatus. All of the advice Lynx is getting is great advice for sure. But in reading through your convo maybe I'm misreading but two things. One, Lynx, it seems like you came away with the (correct Mr if I'm wrong Advo!) misconception that having crushes is bad. I don't think Advo was saying that. I think he was just saying if you have a crush and are in a position to appropriately approach that person, strongly consider doing so.
Second, riffing off Advo mentioning that some women like tall guys--rightly implying that not all women do--I want to clear up I think it was Lynx who said women in general don't like guys with no experience. Similar to the idea that some women prefer tall men and some don't, some women like guys with experience and some like guys without experience and some are somewhere in-between and for some it's not any important preference at all to them. So I'd caution you, as I think Advo was also, against thinking any universal rule like that applies to how all women view all men. Just my two cents, I hope you don't mind Advo me piggy-backing off what you said and jumping in like this. ☺
It's just that you're giving her too many options and the second sentence is just unnecessary and I think you saying "just let me know" is what pushed me over the edge. Just be direct in your communications and say, "hey, would you like to get sushi with me on friday." "Hey, would you like to go ice skating saturday night?"
99% of the time in my experience, if they want to meet up with you then they'll suggest and alternative. Ex: "Hey I"d really like to go ice skating with you but I promised to help my roommate from college move. Can we go sunday instead?
If she doesn't give an alternative then it's not the end of the world but just be at be decisive in your decisions. The point is just that you don't want to make it sound like you're dropping everything for her. If you already have plans with people it becomes easier but even if you do nothing but sit at home just don't make it sound that way. Her not suggesting an alternative isn't the end of the world.
Heh, i get what you're saying, i guess me non giving you the whole, actual message also contribued to make it sound more whimpy.
Still don't think that my message was weak or anything, maybe it could have been more direct yes, but it still isn't something so vague that you can mistake and bother to reply to at all.
Nope, no spoken or met at all.
I just know she read the message (damn chats that let you know when someone reads, they make me feel so uncomfortable), but that's it.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
So Gasparilla is today here in Florida. Basically a huge event in Tampa. Before I left for work, I texted her asking how the event is going, and the weather is nice. No response, and that was at 1:40pm. About 20 minutes ago I sent another message saying I may be getting off early from work and I'd be down to head to Tampa for the parties. No response yet.
She was volunteering for gasparilla, and as definitely going to go out tonight.
This isn't looking good so far.
Sucks because she's cool and we have a lot in common. Pretty too. She was the fourth date since Emily, and I thought I finally met someone interesting.
She was volunteering for gasparilla, and as definitely going to go out tonight.
This isn't looking good so far.
Sucks because she's cool and we have a lot in common. Pretty too. She was the fourth date since Emily, and I thought I finally met someone interesting.
ZackieChan
Member
So apparently being on a PAX South board game panel does nothing to get you chicks. My "special guest" badge also isn't much of a draw 
Dude. I feel like this would be an awesome app - crowdsourced Cyrano de Bergerac, smooth-talking to chicks for shy guys (or guys for shy girls, or whatever your pair-up of choice is). We gotta get on this.
Dude. I feel like this would be an awesome app - crowdsourced Cyrano de Bergerac, smooth-talking to chicks for shy guys (or guys for shy girls, or whatever your pair-up of choice is). We gotta get on this.
If she's volunteering at an event she's probably busy as fuck and not checking her phone.
If you wanted to meet up with here there, you should have planned it ahead of time
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
I always found that a bullshit excuse. Yeah, I know, there are times when people are really busy and don't respond until hours and hours later.
But I'm sure for an event like this you can at least give a quick reply back sometimes throughout the day.
Hell, even ehen I was coming home 2am, she texted asking me if I found may home. I said yes and she said good I was worried. Then we exchanged a few playful messages like we have been.
I dunno. If I don't hear back tomorrow then that's it. I'm just so sad of being alone, and that's due to the fact I'm 33, and I'm not getting any younger. It scares me.
But I'm sure for an event like this you can at least give a quick reply back sometimes throughout the day.
Hell, even ehen I was coming home 2am, she texted asking me if I found may home. I said yes and she said good I was worried. Then we exchanged a few playful messages like we have been.
I dunno. If I don't hear back tomorrow then that's it. I'm just so sad of being alone, and that's due to the fact I'm 33, and I'm not getting any younger. It scares me.
PlayALLtheGames
Banned
Days? Unless there's something wrong with her phone it shouldn't even take a day.
its one thing for her to send you playful messages randomly at 2am; it's another to message you at 2am to make sure you successful found your place (I guess you had to go a route home you weren't familar with).
Take a breather. The worse case is she is ignoring you, and even if so, that just means you're free to use your time to see other women.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
Yeah, I had to go another route. She got home around 1:30am. I got home at 2am and that's when she texted me asking if I found my way home. She said good, I was getting a little worried. The playful text basically was us joking and being sarcastic about how I got home and I found her directions useless. She laughed, and I said, well I know you're actually laughing. She said of course I'm real a person. I said I know I actually met you in person! She laughed again.
When we met last night, she said she would really bust out laughing while at work when we were texting.
eyeball_kid
Member
Man, you are really overthinking this and are going to sabotage things if you expect her to answer texts on your schedule. Why would you think she'd suddenly go from having a great time with you to ignoring you? Give her the benefit of the doubt. I know how it is after a bad breakup, but believe me... don't rush it or you'll ruin it.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
That's how I always am, but in the end for the most part, I've been right. actually not really. Emily the first girl I dated I thought she ghosted me after our first date. I asked about getting dinner, she didn't reply back until a day later agreeing to dinner. I thought I was in damage control.
But why did she ignore my message when I texted her at 6:40p asking id be down to hanging out at night if I get out early? When we were at a bar last night, we mentioned how it sucks I had to work, and she was telling her friends the same when one of them asked if I was going.
So she couldn't have replied back saying it may be too late for you to come down or something blah blah blah?
And I'm not going to rush it. I already texted her twice today, and that's it. Let's see if she replies back in a day or two.
But why did she ignore my message when I texted her at 6:40p asking id be down to hanging out at night if I get out early? When we were at a bar last night, we mentioned how it sucks I had to work, and she was telling her friends the same when one of them asked if I was going.
So she couldn't have replied back saying it may be too late for you to come down or something blah blah blah?
And I'm not going to rush it. I already texted her twice today, and that's it. Let's see if she replies back in a day or two.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Texting isn't real interaction. There are no standardized rules. The girl I'm seeing called me to explain she probably couldn't make it tonight (it was inchoate, really, either tonight or tomorrow), then she texted me when she woke up, explaining how sick she was. She asked a question, and I responded, and there wasn't a reply. I'm attributing that to her falling asleep rather than malicious intent.
You have to realize this, Jason: you're not at the stage where you're a priority whenever your name's associated with a beep on her phone. Don't act needy or clingy. That's what happened with the last girl, and you remember how that turned out. I fully expect she'll contact you tomorrow and explain how the festival was crazy busy, at which point you should say (1) that you hope she had fun and that (2) you did something else with your time other than wait around for her text message.
Don't come on too strong. Don't overtly like her more than she likes you.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
Yeah. I just always assume the worst.
And she did mention last night about how she doesn't like clingy guys, giving an example of a bad situation. Yeah, wasn't very smart to text her twice today. She probably thinks I'm bring clingy.
And she did mention last night about how she doesn't like clingy guys, giving an example of a bad situation. Yeah, wasn't very smart to text her twice today. She probably thinks I'm bring clingy.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
You're fine. The ball's in her court, though.
So I've realized that things probably aren't going to work out with that girl I've been trying to date for the past few months, at least not anytime soon. I've decided to TRY to put it aside for now and just go after casual things in the hopes of maybe getting my confidence up or something.
I need to improve myself in a few areas, figure out what I'm doing, get some experience under my belt, and then who knows, maybe then she'll be ready. It's not like she's going anywhere, we've still got 2.5 years left at school together, and she's still a very close friend. I just need to stop pursuing only her, it's becoming pathetic and will never work out that way so I figure just get out, meet new people, and try to hook up with some people. Is this an awful idea and I should try to actually date people instead, or should I go this route?
I need to improve myself in a few areas, figure out what I'm doing, get some experience under my belt, and then who knows, maybe then she'll be ready. It's not like she's going anywhere, we've still got 2.5 years left at school together, and she's still a very close friend. I just need to stop pursuing only her, it's becoming pathetic and will never work out that way so I figure just get out, meet new people, and try to hook up with some people. Is this an awful idea and I should try to actually date people instead, or should I go this route?
ONE OF US, ONE OF US.
Try to stop looking at or using your phone so much...
Like you remember exact times of texts and shit cmon man
ZackieChan
Member
MONTHS??
Goddamn, man. You should have moved on after a week.
Jason, seriously, stop freaking out over every little thing. It's ridiculous at this point.
I know I should've. I just got a little too attached, we became really close friends, and I couldn't get my feelings for her to go away. That probably sounds stupid, but it's how it is.
ZackieChan
Member
It's almost just as we predicted. Or maybe not, I don't remember. It was probably something similar, as that's the only outcome when friendship isn't what you want.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
She just texted me now, literally right when I was about to reply to this thread.
She said, "drank way too much"
So what do I do? Reply back now, wait awhile, or play it cool and wait till tomorrow so she wonders why I didn't text back?
She said, "drank way too much"
So what do I do? Reply back now, wait awhile, or play it cool and wait till tomorrow so she wonders why I didn't text back?
It's literally exactly what you guys predicted. GODDAMMIT, MATT.
This is the same girl with that whole "Matty Saga" shit way back in October actually. Turns out she just got out of a long-term relationship in August and has kind of sworn off relationships for the time being. She's just looking to "get laid" as her friend told me, but apparently she hasn't made that happen yet. That kind of sucks because a) the thought of her getting fucked by some random guy bothers me (I know that's immature, but it still bothers me) and b) apparently I'm not even good enough to be some random lay for her.
I've just gotta try to move on and maybe things will happen once I can do that.
Most of my self-image problems are a direct result of my lack of success with relationships and such. Even when I'm investing in new stuff and decidedly improving in other areas of my life, at the end I always revert back to a negative self-image because those things never really address the root of the issue, and so it becomes this cyclical problem which I can't seem to get out of. "You need to accept yourself before someone can accept you"/"You need to improve your own life first before adding someone else to it" is fine advice but not very helpful when the major sore spot of your life is exactly the part which you can't improve. It's specially frustrating because I know I could be doing even better than I already am if I addressed the elephant in the room.
My wariness of trying new things is due to me trying something new a couple years back and actually ending up worse than I initially was emotionally speaking, so I'm always fearful that this will be the case again. It's not a healthy mindset to be stuck in, but it's hard to just get out of it. I'm trying, but even if I do end up giving online dating a shot it'll probably take a few weeks or months of convincing myself before I actually do it.
Alright, I'll try that.
They do know I'm not good with women and all, but as far as the girls are concerned they're mostly just supportive or don't know what to do, so not much help though I do appreciate the encouragement I get from time to time. As for the guy friends, some are in a similar spot as me and most of the others that could maybe help I've lost touch with. Happens when you keep moving from city to city.
There's no perspective of change because I don't know what to do. Year in, year out I find myself in the exact same spot I was the year before, and the one before that, and it's not like there are any opportunities presenting themselves to me and I'm just missing them. I just can't find any, and I have no clue where to look for.
Not so much going out for a drink, but more like the whole package: having to approach correctly, worrying about other guys who are interested and have a lot more "game" than me, knowing what to say or when it's the right time to make a move, the so called "games", and that's not even accounting for all the other stuff you have to commit to if you do get past the first few stages. I try to picture myself having to deal with all this stuff and I can't. Seems like so much trouble and the chances of me fucking it up are endless.
I'm probably overthinking it, but that's bound to happen when you've had this much time to mull about something.
Thank you. I know I can come off as whiney or overly negative but I still take every bit of advice into account and it does cheer me up to know some people are willing to listen and help.
I appreciate it man, any advice is helpful advice so feel free to join in the conversation. I know a few women don't mind short men, but it's still a much more limited spectrum than I'd have if I was even average-sized. Can't say I've seen many women enthusiastic about inexperienced partners though
ZackieChan
Member
Well, it maybe could have been you if you'd been the type of guy who could get her laid. Sounds like you went directly to sensitive friend zone. Srsly, move on. Hard to turn that one around.
It doesn't matter. But if you want to use strategy, use the "take at least as long to reply to her as she did to you" measurement.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
Yup that's what I was going to do anyway. I'll wait til tomorrow. I'm 99% truthful to a girl, but 1% I'll tell a little fib, and say I got really shitfaced with friends.
All this panicking for nothing. But try as I might I'll be right back here in a similar situation again.
All this panicking for nothing. But try as I might I'll be right back here in a similar situation again.
ZackieChan
Member
Maybe if you actually learned a lesson and internalized it, and stop falling head over heels on the first date, we can avoid this in the future.
You can do it!
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
My really big problem is texting after a date. I do everything right from before I meet a girl to the actual date.
At least i didn't say anything stupid yet or over text after our first meet up, so I'm learning. This only happens when I find a girl interesting.
At least i didn't say anything stupid yet or over text after our first meet up, so I'm learning. This only happens when I find a girl interesting.
Alright. It's gonna be really hard, but I know you're right.
Guess I'll just have to be the "looking to get laid guy" from now on? I don't know how to do any of this stuff. I feel stuck. I'm probably going to a dance type thing at school next weekend, and I'll be drunk enough that I'll be social. Maybe I can make something happen with someone there. But then again, probably not.
Unless its going really well and chicky is being really receptive, leave the texts that follow a date for setting up another date. Like one text...
The root of the issue is you tying your self-worth into the presence (or lack thereof) of a partner. Not your lack of success. I wish I could offer you advice there, but it would be nothing but platitudes ("Work on yourself for yourself, not for others" "You choose how you define yourself. Don't define yourself as desperate" "Women will come and go, but you'll always be stuck with yourself. Work on making that person happy" and so on).
Don't envision the whole package. Start small, and move your goal a little further after each success. Start by just striking up conversations with girls. Then move onto asking for numbers. Then asking them on dates. And so on. Only way to develop game is to talk to lots of girls and fail constantly. The more you fail, the more you'll learn what works and what doesn't.
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
Don't... Don't do this. It's stupid and will make you more nervous because it's some bullshit you'll have to remember later. She's not going to like you based on whether you lied about getting shitfaced with a friend.
Everyone is different but if I just want to have meaningless sex, I'm not hitting up people I want to actually date so not sure why you thinking she won't fuck you for meaningless sex is the thing that bothers you after wasting months on this saga...
So overthinking things. Just stop. Unless every messages if like ten seconds after she sends it to you it doesn't matter. I know you get wrapped up but you really need to try your damnedest to not let other people guide what you do. If you see it fine, if you don't until later then fine. So checking and rechecking if she responded.
I think we've come to the point where I say to go into your texting app and set it to not notify you when the girl texts you. This way unless you have no one else who texts you, it will space things out where you'll check another message, see there's a new message from them and then reply then instead of rushing to check. You'll still see the message but it won't pop up in your notification to have you debate how many minutes you need to wait to respond.
Again, so overthinking. You texting a girl twice in one day once is not what is going to make or break a potential relationship. Yeah, you continually send multiple messages when she doesn't immediately respond it can destroy it but this one time isn't the line in the sand about whether you're clingy or not.
You've identified that there's a problem and what it is. It's up to you to do something about it. Text less, stop overanalyzing every text or lack of text.
And if it's not working out for you and you need a 'rule', do as Zackie says and take equal or more time than she did to reply back.
You don't have to become someone you're not, but that doesn't mean that you have to be a non-changing person. Self-improvement is important.Alright. It's gonna be really hard, but I know you're right.
Guess I'll just have to be the "looking to get laid guy" from now on? I don't know how to do any of this stuff. I feel stuck. I'm probably going to a dance type thing at school next weekend, and I'll be drunk enough that I'll be social. Maybe I can make something happen with someone there. But then again, probably not.
Do you know a possible reason why you weren't "considered even worthy of a random lay"? It took you 4-5 months to get nowhere, instead opting for a safe friendship. Which is absolutely fine if you want a safe friendship. But you have to internalize that assertiveness is an attractive trait.
But didn't you ask her out on a date? What happened? Was she being vague without outright rejecting you, thus suckering you into a friendship in bad faith while allowing you to cling to false hope or what? This is another lesson I hope you internalize. If you ask someone put on a date, you've already done your job and the ball is in her court. If she responds positively, great. A non-committal vague answer or the lack of some is the same as a negative answer. Move on. That will help you not feel like you've wasted months on a dead end.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
Ok, thanks everyone.
Now I'm going to jerk off.
Now I'm going to jerk off.
ZackieChan
Member
Dating-Age |OT6| You're overthinking it.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
Dating-Age |OT6| Put down the damn phone
She was vague without outright rejecting me. Basically "I'd love to, but I'm not looking for a relationship right now". We were already friends at that point, so that kind of muddied the waters even further. We became even closer from there on out, she had wild swings of flirtiness and disinterest, and now we're in a semi-flirty phase. We're hanging out constantly and stuff, but I can just tell she doesn't feel about me how I feel about her.
Fuck. I got way too deep in this whole thing and now it's gonna hurt even more, but I've gotta get over it at some point so it may as well be now.
What's done is done. Remember this hurt. Internalize this lesson. Remind yourself of this pain when you're on the verge of repeating the same mistake in the future.
Anything except 'yes' is a rejection. How would YOU respond if someone you were interested in asked you out on a date?
ZackieChan
Member
Right. You are her emotional safety blanket now. You don't want to be friends with her. Drop it!
Yeah, you're right. Thanks.
Are you saying to completely cut her off? If I'm not going to date her, I still want to be friends. I have no way of cutting her off without losing numerous other friends and hurting her. I can pull back a bit, but I can't cut her off.
You don't have to burn the bridge, but you shouldn't invest anything more into what doesn't seem like a genuine friendship. Dropping this friendship might hurt her feelings? She didn't seem to care what stringing you along for months might make you feel.
Just don't actively engage her. You can downgrade her to acquaintance without being hostile. Greet her when you see her and nothing more. Just give her short succinct but courteous answers if you want. If she txts you and you choose to respond, you take as long as you want to do so. If she calls you out on why you're taking too long to answer, you tell her you've been busy. You can maintain your illusion of friendship if you really want.
This isn't about being spiteful or resentful. She is the source of your pain right now and you need to distance yourself as much as you can. For your own sake.
- Status