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My ex wife is trying to destroy me...
- Thread starter ElfArmy177
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ElfArmy177
Member
She's very pretty for one, and she has the tenancy to be very sweet at times but if you cross her she will destroy you. My family hated her my friends said she was closet crazy. I tried to break up with her in the beginning and she started crying and begging. I took her back and we argued about getting married every day. I had low self esteem and confidence and at the time pathetically was afraid so I married her 10 months after meeting her. About 2 months into the marriage I was going to ask for an divorce because she was insane but she said she was pregnant (while supposedly on the pill). Had my daughter and then we fought every single day about how she can't handle working and taking care of our child even though I worked just as much and had our baby half the time since we both worked 3 out of 7 days a week. We worked opposite.
If she wanted something or wasn't happy she would make everyone's lives hell.. I gave in all of the time because I had no backbone otherwise and wanted the fighting to stop... I dug my own grave unfortunately
entremet
Member
She's very pretty for one, and she has the tenancy to be very sweet at times but if you cross her she will destroy you. My family hated her my friends said she was closet crazy. I tried to break up with her in the beginning and she started crying and begging. I took her back and we argued about getting married every day. I had low self esteem and confidence and at the time pathetically was afraid so I married her 10 months after meeting her. About 2 months into the marriage I was going to ask for an divorce because she was insane but she said she was pregnant (while supposedly on the pill). Had my daughter and then we fought every single day about how she can't handle working and taking care of our child even though I worked just as much and had our baby half the time since we both worked 3 out of 7 days a week. We worked opposite.
If she wanted something or wasn't happy she would make everyone's lives hell.. I gave in all of the time because I had no backbone otherwise and wanted the fighting to stop... I dug my own grave unfortunately
Family and friends are a good sniff test for long term relationships. But the past is the past. I'm just sorry a kid is involved. That really sucks.
You would have to give to the IRS and her tho.
She's very pretty for one, and she has the tenancy to be very sweet at times but if you cross her she will destroy you. My family hated her my friends said she was closet crazy. I tried to break up with her in the beginning and she started crying and begging. I took her back and we argued about getting married every day. I had low self esteem and confidence and at the time pathetically was afraid so I married her 10 months after meeting her. About 2 months into the marriage I was going to ask for an divorce because she was insane but she said she was pregnant (while supposedly on the pill). Had my daughter and then we fought every single day about how she can't handle working and taking care of our child even though I worked just as much and had our baby half the time since we both worked 3 out of 7 days a week. We worked opposite.
If she wanted something or wasn't happy she would make everyone's lives hell.. I gave in all of the time because I had no backbone otherwise and wanted the fighting to stop... I dug my own grave unfortunately
Do you have evidence of your ex-wife's general instability? Do you have text messages of any sort where she's told you to kill yourself? Inflammatory emails? Anything?
KoruptData
Member
My friend had this happen to him and he said fuck it and started not to pay all of it. Went to jail a few times, lost his jobs but that somehow got him out of it. Now he gets to work just one job and gets to spend more time with his kids. Really shitty thing but once he was willing to go to jail, the courts got more lenient on him.
entremet
Member
This system is so stupid.
It's like their payment tables are based on 1950s economy where you could a buy a home and live comfortably on 15k per year.
OP is this your lawyer?
Edit: Man, those laws are really scary, I hope it all works out for you.
FYI this man is now a judge.
Because you aren't reporting earnings.
But that's crap. The kids suffer in that situation because he's not taking care of kids if he's in jail. And good luck to your future of getting a real good jobs.
entremet
Member
He couldn't make the payments. That's what forced him to do to it.
That's the problem with the system. The lack of negotiation that causes some to go through these measures.
I have a friend who clears six figures, but he had to take another job after work and weekends to afford his bills.
It's crazy. His ex is basically a loser that uses the money mostly for herself. He notices because he still has to buy his kids a lot clothes. A lot of the money he gives should be going to care for his kid, but she uses for expensive clothing for herself.
ElfArmy177
Member
I do, and gave them all to the guardian. It apparently didn't mean jack shit because I've called her names during arguments. I should have been the bigger person... She would say such horrible things and I'd bite back and then apologize and in text say I'm sorry. My lawyer said even though she did it too, my texts apologizing admitted fault and it made it seem like I was the only one doing it... She manipulated the hell out of me.
Once she even asked me to come outside to see if her wallet was in the diaper bag, I wLked outside and she stated getting snippy under her breath. I started ranting about it and said mean things back but unfortunately she said hers under her breath, then said "I can't believe you said that your daughter is standing in the front door way listening." I turned around and sure enough my daughter heard me call her mom a bitch... I looked at my wife and said "you had your wallet the whole time..." She smirked and walked to her car and drove off. Apparently she recorded me and the guardian asked me if it was appropriate to call my wife a bitch infront of my kids even though I thought they were inside. She was calling me a "stupid fatass" under her breath and I went off... As stupid as she is she's very smart and I fell for it
BFIB
Member
Sounds like she's mentally unstable. One route you can take is to use that for your advantage. Save texts, voicemails, and if she hits you, you go straight to the hospital.
Tell your lawyer to fuck off, and call a divorce lawyer that specializes in men divorce cases. For your student loans, you can declare financial hardship and lower your repayment rate. I hate to tell you, but it's time to give up the house, and get a small apartment, with bedrooms for your children. Go talk to a therapist, it does wonders because not only can you vent, but there's also a record that this is affecting your life.
Your ex is feeding on your emotions, you have to let it go. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let that go, and focus on your kids.
But dump that lawyer, first thing.
Tell your lawyer to fuck off, and call a divorce lawyer that specializes in men divorce cases. For your student loans, you can declare financial hardship and lower your repayment rate. I hate to tell you, but it's time to give up the house, and get a small apartment, with bedrooms for your children. Go talk to a therapist, it does wonders because not only can you vent, but there's also a record that this is affecting your life.
Your ex is feeding on your emotions, you have to let it go. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let that go, and focus on your kids.
But dump that lawyer, first thing.
But why couldn't he make the payments? The courts don't fuck around if you aren't paying child support.
oneils
Member
She's very pretty for one, and she has the tenancy to be very sweet at times but if you cross her she will destroy you. My family hated her my friends said she was closet crazy. I tried to break up with her in the beginning and she started crying and begging. I took her back and we argued about getting married every day. I had low self esteem and confidence and at the time pathetically was afraid so I married her 10 months after meeting her. About 2 months into the marriage I was going to ask for an divorce because she was insane but she said she was pregnant (while supposedly on the pill). Had my daughter and then we fought every single day about how she can't handle working and taking care of our child even though I worked just as much and had our baby half the time since we both worked 3 out of 7 days a week. We worked opposite.
If she wanted something or wasn't happy she would make everyone's lives hell.. I gave in all of the time because I had no backbone otherwise and wanted the fighting to stop... I dug my own grave unfortunately
Don't mean to pile on or add to the awfulness, but let this be a lesson to future fathers out there. This is a case study on what not to do when getting married and then, subsequently, divorced. It is why some fathers end up getting so little custody, they fall on their sword to keep the peace.
electroshockwave
Member
This seems like an insensitive thing to say considering the OP's situation. The ex could have enriched her mind with school but she dropped out. She could have worked before the divorce too. Juggling two jobs, school, and childcare sounds fucking exhausting.
Prophet Steve
Member
I do, and gave them all to the guardian. It apparently didn't mean jack shit because I've called her names during arguments. I should have been the bigger person... She would say such horrible things and I'd bite back and then apologize and in text say I'm sorry. My lawyer said even though she did it too, my texts apologizing admitted fault and it made it seem like I was the only one doing it... She manipulated the hell out of me.
Once she even asked me to come outside to see if her wallet was in the diaper bag, I wLked outside and she stated getting snippy under her breath. I started ranting about it and said mean things back but unfortunately she said hers under her breath, then said "I can't believe you said that your daughter is standing in the front door way listening." I turned around and sure enough my daughter heard me call her mom a bitch... I looked at my wife and said "you had your wallet the whole time..." She smirked and walked to her car and drove off. Apparently she recorded me and the guardian asked me if it was appropriate to call my wife a bitch infront of my kids even though I thought they were inside. She was calling me a "stupid fatass" under her breath and I went off... As stupid as she is she's very smart and I fell for it
Holy shit.
Best of luck to you man, nobody should be involved with someone as evil as that.
KoruptData
Member
Oh I know. But that's the action it took for the system to realize. I remember him telling me, I can't even see my kids in this situation, I'm not paying money for that. He really said "fuck it". That's how down he was. He is still scarred from it, smokes weed all the time to keep that "fuck it" attitude that in reality, that's what saved him from the situation. He's a good father though, I can tell his kids love him to death.
You sound like me brother. His wife has severe depression now and he has to take care of her and his daughter while working full time. I'm very sorry, I know how crazy (ex-)wives can destroy men.
entremet
Member
No. He could make the payment, but he was basically poor after all his bills and child support.
He never missed a payment.
He took another job to be able to save and have fun. That's how dumb these payment tables are. Kids are expensive, but not that expensive. It's not like their eating filet mignon everyday.
Oh and he also saves for college for his son because he knows is loser ex isn't.
BladeoftheImmortal
Member
Why did you get married in the first place?
Right here. You have to downsize your shit OP. Get a studio if you have to. Do not talk to her except if it has to do with the kids. Don't take phone calls and communicate via email which leaves a nice documentation. I did that for years because My ex and I couldn't have a conversation without a fight.
There's a lot of inconsistencies with men and custody of kids and similar matters with the courts. I won't delve into specifics because it's a hot issue for some and OP needs more encouragement and suggestions at this time.
Stupidity. But you don't think about it at the time. Only if I could turn back the time, but I can't.
I do, and gave them all to the guardian. It apparently didn't mean jack shit because I've called her names during arguments. I should have been the bigger person... She would say such horrible things and I'd bite back and then apologize and in text say I'm sorry. My lawyer said even though she did it too, my texts apologizing admitted fault and it made it seem like I was the only one doing it... She manipulated the hell out of me.
Once she even asked me to come outside to see if her wallet was in the diaper bag, I wLked outside and she stated getting snippy under her breath. I started ranting about it and said mean things back but unfortunately she said hers under her breath, then said "I can't believe you said that your daughter is standing in the front door way listening." I turned around and sure enough my daughter heard me call her mom a bitch... I looked at my wife and said "you had your wallet the whole time..." She smirked and walked to her car and drove off. Apparently she recorded me and the guardian asked me if it was appropriate to call my wife a bitch infront of my kids even though I thought they were inside. She was calling me a "stupid fatass" under her breath and I went off... As stupid as she is she's very smart and I fell for it
Holy shit dude. Yeah, that's... Yeah. My only advice at this point is to dump your lawyer and find someone that's capable of being sympathetic to your end of things. Lawyers are only interpreting the laws and are 100% capable of being flawed. After that, and I'm sorry to say this, you're going to have to put as much distance between your ex-wife and yourself as possible.
The kids will one day understand. The kids always understand, whether or not you think they do. She's going to continue fucking with you so long as she can and while she's not particularly crafty or great at manipulation, she knows how to take advantage of your buttons. That isn't going to stop. Ever. Unless you can prove that she's mentally unfit to raise your kid, there's not a ton more you can do at this point other than trying to get the payment amounts reduced.
My mother tried to fuck over my father, and while she was able to get money out of him--it only took a few years for my sister and I to refuse weekend visitation with her because we caught onto how much of an evil cunt she was.
family_guy
Member
Only if you choose so. I mean they have day care for a reason. Research has shown that children in quality day care have increased cognitive skills, intellect, and social skills over children that are raised only at home. There's no real evidence to support that kids are worse off by not having a parent around 24/7. To rephrase that, there's no significant evidence to support that kids are better off by having a stay at home parent. If you can't afford day care then that's a different issue. Successful career driven people do the maternity/paternity leave and then go back to work. Financial stability is very important.
oneils
Member
He explains it a few posts up on the second page (100ppp)
as far as I know a prenup can be contested rather easily before a judge
Liquid_Bike
Member
How many years were you married for? And how long do you have to pay spousal support?
If it were me I would talk to my boss and either get laid off or fired from the second job. Paying $1500 in child support seems high. Most of the people I know making 40-60K only pay about $500 per month per kid. Which seems a lot more fair/manageable.
If it were me I would talk to my boss and either get laid off or fired from the second job. Paying $1500 in child support seems high. Most of the people I know making 40-60K only pay about $500 per month per kid. Which seems a lot more fair/manageable.
entremet
Member
They can.
I'm a fan of marriage personally, but I can understand if people just want to stay together--have a ceremonial wedding for family and friends--and never legally wed.
Once you involve the state in your affairs, it's a like any legally binding contract.
I remember reading an account of one guy who recommended at least 3 years of dating before even getting married. It helps weed out the crazies.
The OP got married in 10 months.
It's a particular hot-button for me because I had a stay-at-home mother for the first 7 years of my life and she didn't particularly do anything outside of leech off of my father. A lot of the kids I knew growing up were in similar positions--we'd get ourselves dressed for school, walk ourselves to the bus stop, make our own lunches (if we had the goodies around the house). The majority of people I've known had similar stay-at-home moms in their lives.
I understand that anecdotal evidence is just that, but it's a bias that's hard to kill because of how prevalent my own experience ended up being among my peers. I would never judge someone for wanting to be stay-at-home, but it's a position I'm wary of and cautious about.
CornBurrito
Member
Why did she drop out of high school?
Marty Chinn
Member
Food isn't binary though. It has a range of pricing from super cheap cereal for breakfast to organic gourmet stuff from like Whole Foods. So if you're living off a higher quality of food, the court expects you to maintain that quality expectation for he kids. Child care quality level changes based on how much you spend.
Skellig Gra
Member
Day care can be very expensive. Sometimes it's cheaper to not work than put your kid in day care.
ElfArmy177
Member
It's 3 kids so its 1500 or more depending on if they get overtime from my primary job. I have to pay spouse support for almost 3 years, been married for 7
UltimaPooh
Member
That's not how's its supposed to work tho. They can only take a certain percentage of your total wages... So if you quit the second job they can only take from your current job.
It depends on the state but that's how it's supposed to work.
Get a new lawyer?
I'm guessing young as well, since there's talk of HS, college, and student debt.
Living together beforehand surprisingly doesn't correlate with staying married. But they found age does. The younger you marry, the more likely you're going to get divorced.
Priorities, resentment, and immaturity all seem to be issues.
BladeoftheImmortal
Member
Just saw it, yea. Sorry you had to go through this OP. But just remember what she's been like, and try not to ever make that mistake again with others.
entremet
Member
He mentioned it already.
ElfArmy177
Member
Honestly? Because she's not very smart..
and I don't mean to be.. Mean but she doesn't know the difference between 1/2 cup and a 1/4th cup. She thought ducks were asexual, doesn't know the difference between horizontal and vertical... Told my 5 year old she can't help her with homework because she doesn't know what nouns are. She even got pissed at me because on my taxes I'm claiming married but higher single rate because I thought the divorce would be over and I didn't want to claim married and then owe the IRS a ton of money. She said I only did it to make my checks lower to get rid of child support... I've explained numerous times that's not how it works but she says "no you're a liar and trying to get out of supporting your kids".
Fortunately for me the guardian even said " Mrs ********* is clearly not as intelligent as Mr. ********" to the judge (he said this behind closed doors infront of both lawyers and mine told me he said this" so I get to make 100% of all medical decisions.. But she gets to pick schools because she's the majority parent.. Ugh
NervousXtian
Thought Emoji Movie was good. Take that as you will.
I've seen this happen to to friends before... never ever ever have kids and have a stay-at-home wife. Same goes for women, don't have a stay-at-home dad.. unless you are willing to be destitute if something happens.
What a fucked up world we live in.
What a fucked up world we live in.
entremet
Member
People can make it work, but there's always risk, right?
The OP's ex seemed to have some clear warning signs.
Regarding stay at home dads, Halle Berry learning about that. She has to pay her ex ridiculous sums of money.
California also has some of the worse family court laws if you're the higher earner.
For those who want to understand how these laws are so dumb, check out the documentary--Divorce Corp.
SlaughterX
Banned
Destroy her first, then take her car to avery auto salvage. The police will handle the rest from there.
Seriously though that sucks, just quite your jobs and go work at McDonald's for 18 years. I'm not very helpful am I?
Make sure to get that prenup on round 2.
Seriously though that sucks, just quite your jobs and go work at McDonald's for 18 years. I'm not very helpful am I?
Make sure to get that prenup on round 2.
...Scatter...
Banned
In 2016 I don't understand how we can be in a place where a failed relationship can mean a lifetime of payments. So it's better for a man to be trapped in a broken relationship and subject him to a lifetime of regret otherwise he'll face abject poverty in the prime years of his life knowing that any extra income he busts his ass to get will go to fund this other half of a failed relationship. That's no way to live life.
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