My mom always tells me she would have killed to see me and my sisters grow up but being a single mother isn't that easy.I think it tells a lot about a women who thinks that rasing a child is the equivalent of wasting life.
My mom always tells me she would have killed to see me and my sisters grow up but being a single mother isn't that easy.I think it tells a lot about a women who thinks that rasing a child is the equivalent of wasting life.
It's based on his current income at the time, not the maximum he's ever made. He was just in a shitty situation where he made a decent amount but it took two jobs to achieve that. Quitting the second job could be seen as trying to stick it to the wife and kids by giving them less money and lowering the quality of lifestyle for the kids. In this case, it's shitty for the guy, but in other cases without it, it could be shitty for the wife and kids. So his situation seems more like an edge case where as in general, it's in there to protect the kids. Either way, there's nothing in the Constitution that this violates.
No. Jane sacrificed 10 years of her professional life to raise her child. If she decided or it was jointly decided that John should not have to give up his time, thats on her. She was not a unpaid babysitter ny any strech of the imagination.
The idea that it is somehow "unfair" that she is somehow disadvantaged by looking after the child she helped to conceive and willing brought to term is the same undercurrent sexism that is the problem with divorce laws.
She didn't go to college or anything in that time?I got married at 23.. Too young I think
Social services doesn't care but adoption agencies have biases against single fathers. I personally want to adopt too but I rather wait until I get married.Who cares if it's frown upon? Of course I know chances would be much slimmer, but I want to believe some social services actually have the better interest of kids in mind.
Being frowned upon wouldn't stop me from trying.
In this case it's particularly shitty but you know there's a reason for that in general right?
My mother was a stay at home parent and when my dad left her she was basically fucked money wise. Very little super, a huge gap in her resume, and she is still unemployed but no one will hire her because she assumed a support role in the family and is old with not a lot of marketable skills.
OP you keep working like that your body is going to break down.
I think it tells a lot about a women who thinks that rasing a child is the equivalent of wasting life.
Guess what. It's also the father's responsibility.Exactly. If I decide to forgo my professional career to go around the world and do charity work, I have to live with the conseqences of that decision. Oxfam doesnt owe me a living once I get dillusioned.
The problem is that people feel the world should reward them using their reproductive organs. You have a kid, thats your choice and your responsibilty.
Long bitter horrible story. The whole divorce has been a disaster. I told her back when I asked for the divorce ill help her get a place and helped her get a job as a nurse technician again. She became incredibly bitter after 5 months into it and it became a circus. To answer how it started she punched me in the face during an argument which wasn't the first time and said if I don't like it, divorce her... So I did and now she's out for blood.
Intially I asked for shared parenting and I was still going to give her 1100 a month and she wanted more. When she said no she wanted full custody I fought for it like hell and lost because she was a stay home mom. Now since I fought she's even more furious and told me she hopes I kill myself. I feel like I'm in the twilight zone
Sacrificing your career doesn't mean you're wasting your life. Nobody said that. However, marriage is a partnership so the husband isn't entitled to get off without any responsibility in the partnership. If it's decided upon that the wife is going to stay at home to raise the child, then the agreement is the husband or partner is supporting that part of the arrangement. Having that agreement and then bailing gives too much power to one side of you say the person has no obligation.I think it tells a lot about a women who thinks that rasing a child is the equivalent of wasting life.
Long bitter horrible story. The whole divorce has been a disaster. I told her back when I asked for the divorce ill help her get a place and helped her get a job as a nurse technician again. She became incredibly bitter after 5 months into it and it became a circus. To answer how it started she punched me in the face during an argument which wasn't the first time and said if I don't like it, divorce her... So I did and now she's out for blood.
Intially I asked for shared parenting and I was still going to give her 1100 a month and she wanted more. When she said no she wanted full custody I fought for it like hell and lost because she was a stay home mom. Now since I fought she's even more furious and told me she hopes I kill myself. I feel like I'm in the twilight zone
It's probably not possible. He can't force her so the only way is to have a court order. A judge can't issue a court order without any reason to do so. Since he didn't report anything, there's no reason for a judge to even entertain the thought. If he tries, the judge will likely see it as vengeful or the husband trying to play games with bothering her since there's nothing to back it up.Is it possible for you to get a psych evaluation of some sort on her? I don't know if that may help your case, but if she has shown violence towards you in the past...
You haven't given any actual argument to why it isn't unfair besides saying "don't care". Decisions about children are not light decisions and aren't solely on one person. As it stands, you're not allowed to exploit your wife to be a free babysitter. Sorry that exploit isn't available to you. You'll have to learn to deal with that.
Guess what. It's also the father's responsibility.
And I didn't say raising a child is wasting life. I said it is sacrificing your professional life, which it is.
Exactly. If I decide to forgo my professional career to go around the world and do charity work, I have to live with the conseqences of that decision. Oxfam doesnt owe me a living once I get dillusioned.
The problem is that people feel the world should reward them using their reproductive organs. You have a kid, thats your choice and your responsibilty.
Choosing to take care of the child is helping the father focus on his career to earn that money. Thankfully, no state government agrees with your backwards thinking.she is not a free babysitter. She is looking after her own kid/s. If she has made the decision to have a child, she should not be rewarded just because the relationship has broken down.
If the time of the childs birth the decision was made for the father to continue to work then so be it. Ideally the responsibilty to raise the children should be shared, but if she went along with that so be it.
Nobody is entitled to money they havent helped earn. Sorry but thats my stance on things.
No point in bringing my own situation into it, because I wouldnt be having children in the first place.
I will never understand the concept of paying an ex spouse anything he/she did not help earn. I dont even care about the idea that the mother of your children cannot be left helpless.
No, she is a grown ass woman, she should sort her own shit.
Only payments you should have to pay is towards your children and every month you should get a itemised breakdown of exactly where your money went towards your childs upkeep.
The whole concept is ridiciolus and I wont ever get married because of it.
The wife was providing 24 hour child care which is ridiculously expensive to outsource. Daycare in my state is about $1500 a month and if one parent stays home you avoid that and countless other expenses.
If a man gave up a well paying job and moved across the country to be with a woman he loved, she would not be expected to reinburse him once the relationship ended. Its really no different.
Choosing to take care of the child is helping the father focus on his career to earn that money. Thankfully, no state government agrees with your backwards thinking.
I'm sorry if this has been talked to death already....But I'm with someone who collects child support. The guy has gone back-and-forth in his life all the way from 0 job to 2 jobs. Every time he changes, the child support itself has been adjusted. I find it really hard to believe that you couldn't drop your second job without large consequences. I think your lawyer isn't being clear when he states your child support will be based off your max...what he means is that it could be. Her lawyer would have to convince a judge. And hopefully you don't have a crappy lawyer, because it would be his job to argue otherwise.Exactly, this is entirely the dilemma
Actually you are. A friend of mine gave up his job to move across country for his wife's work. No kids involved but he gets alimony since he scarified his career for his partner's.
Yeah, this guy is fixated on making sure he doesn't get it. In his mind, women who dedicate to raising the children should simply accept they're sacrificing their professional life with no safety net. Let's all just be happy that state governments have more sense than this.Thats the choice you make when you have children. If its something both parties cannot afford, dont do it.
You are not entitled to help just because you have a child.
Thats the choice you make when you have children. If its something both parties cannot afford, dont do it.
You are not entitled to help just because you have a child.
This times a thousandCan we stop speaking about whether or not alimony is right?
We have a guy in a a real tough situation here along with suicidal thoughts. Alimony really isn't the topic here.
Yeah, this guy is fixated on making sure he doesn't get it. In his mind, women who dedicate to raising the children should simply accept they're sacrificing their professional life with no safety net. Let's all just be happy that state governments have more sense than this.
You're wasting your time. Nothing about your view is unique or sensible. There's no point in arguing it if you are trying to get anybody to agree with you.No. this guy thinks you should not be having children if you dont have a personal safety net.
Lets not make this seem like in biased against women. I have exactly the same view when it comes to men.
Nobody, no matter the gender, is entitled to their partners wages once the relationship breaks down, unless its from joint investment or business. That is my position. Please dont try and twist it into something else as a appeal to emotion.
No. this guy thinks you should not be having children if you dont have a personal safety net.
Lets not make this seem like in biased against women. I have exactly the same view when it comes to men.
Nobody, no matter the gender, is entitled to their partners wages once the relationship breaks down, unless its from joint investment or business. That is my position. Please dont try and twist it into something else as a appeal to emotion.
You're wasting your time. Nothing about your view is unique or sensible. There's no point in arguing it if you are trying to get anybody to agree with you.
They both made it. Married couples make life decisions together.Well, as far as im concerned, that is equally absurd.
He made that choice, he should live with the consquences if it didnt work out.
Now she wants child support and maintience based off of both jobs even though the weekend position is PRN which means my hours are never promised... With child support being roughly 1500 a month and maintience being 700 a month for 3 years.. It leaves me with 800 dollars a month to live off unless I get my hours at my other job.
However I get my kids on the weekends and I don't even get to see them... I have no time with my children because I'm at work and she says "not her problem"... She makes 30k a year and I make 55k wihout my second job but the second job prevents me from spending any time with my chilren...
I don't know what to do.. I'm completely at a loss and depressed to the point of just saying forget it and end it. What's it matter if I don't even get to see my children? I'll be in poverty giving her over 75% of my income if I don't get hours at the other place which recently hasn't been able to give them to me... The lawyers say I can't quit, my ex wife said " good, god damn right you're going to give me all that money"..
FORMULA FOR MAINTENANCE AWARD:
AMOUNT– (30% of the payer’s income) – (20% of the receiver’s income)
*The receiver’s new income cannot exceed 40% of the parties’ combined incomeFORMULA FOR MAINTENANCE AWARD: AMOUNT– (30% of the payer’s income) – (20% of the receiver’s income)
*The receiver’s new income cannot exceed 40% of the parties’ combined income
You haven't given any actual argument to why it isn't unfair besides saying "don't care". Decisions about children are not light decisions and aren't solely on one person. As it stands, you're not allowed to exploit your wife to be a free babysitter. Sorry that exploit isn't available to you. You'll have to learn to deal with that.
No. this guy thinks you should not be having children if you dont have a personal safety net.
Lets not make this seem like in biased against women. I have exactly the same view when it comes to men.
Nobody, no matter the gender, is entitled to their partners wages once the relationship breaks down, unless its from joint investment or business. That is my position. Please dont try and twist it into something else as a appeal to emotion.
I called my lawyer practically in tears and he said "Judges frown upon dad's quitting jobs to get out of financial responsibility, its very likely they will make you responsible for thst extra income so the children live the same life they've been used to."
I am not sure if this has been discussed already but is filing for bankruptcy an option for OP?
I'd also look into this:
Maintenance (alimony) calculator
I never thought of that... I always assumed she was telling the truth about them.
Yeah, wow. This judge is almost as much a piece of shit as his cunt of an ex-wife. How dare he quit a second job to spend some time with his children and regain a little sanity. What a truly fucked up system. I realize the OP made some huge mistakes in marrying this sadistic psychopath but he shouldn't be punished by the judge for them.You are quitting the weekend job to spend that time with your children, not to lower your child support payments. Stress the point that it is only to have off during the time you have your children, and that the lower income is merely a consequence of that. Besides, even if you lost the 20k income of the second job, your ex is now working a 30k job, which should more than make up for it.
Don't give up, ElfArmy177, even if only to spite that demon of an ex. If all else fails, keeping a cool appearance of is the best way to send her a "fuck you."
your position is wrong because you ignore your own reasoning in getting to that position as I've already described.
OP, sorry to hear your divorce is going so poorly. If you can afford it, get a consultation with another lawyer and see if they think they can do better. At this point, I suspect the answer is no. The right time to quit the second job would have been early on in the process, before it got to court. If you quit it or intentionally get fired at this point, the judge is likely to be displeased, and as you're discovering Family Law judges have immense power in the U.S. Courts. Once divorces get out of mediation and into the courts, they almost always go poorly and cost both sides more money. As other folks have said, it's time to sell the house, if you can and it's not involved in the divorce (which would be unusual).
Also, please tell me your wife doesn't know about this account. It's standard practice in family law offices now to do exhaustive internet searches, complile the data, and use it against each other in court. If she knows this account exists, and might be checking it, consider if anything you said might cause you difficulties in court. If the answer is yes, let me know and I'll make it go away.
I mention this because my friend who is -- ironically -- a divorce lawyer, recently went through a horrific divorce that lasted five years and cost him more than $120k. And one of the salient features of that divorce involved her using his depressed facebook posts to question his sanity and ability as a father, and it worked pretty well. It cost him any chance he had at primary custody. I understand that you need support in this difficult time, but you don't want to be talking about suicide on any account that she can find. It can and will be used to paint you as an unstable person who can't be trusted with children, and you could wind up with supervised visitation only.
I am not a lawyer, so take any advice with a grain of salt, but I did work as a paralegal in a family law office for a few years. I,ve seen and helped process a bunch of divorces. As general advice to other readers, mediate that divorce, and give up whatever you have to to stay out of court. Going to court is unlikely to produce a better result for you, and it's going to cost both parties a small fortune. We had a mediation break down over a set of $40 christmas lights once. Ten grand later, and she not only got the christmas lights but his boat, too.