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[BrianRoyale]

So my son (as far as education and school) has been diagnosed with mild autism. My wife and I took it hard i guess, mostly cause it feels like a shot in the gut. We never really realized there was anything really going on with my son, just a speech delay. When we had him assessed for pre-school and speech therapy they said he seems to have mild autism and would be placed in a special education class.
It was a shock to us, but I think as parents you want to deny these things. He also just had an appendectomy (he had just turned 3) and it really traumatized him being in the hospital for 2 weeks, we figured that was the main cause for how he was acting. We talked to people and most of them told us it was BS and that our son was fine, and of course we leaned on that, but deep down we knew that our son did need more. It took a retired special education teacher that was friends our my cousin to meet with us and our son and really see how he was and explain things to us. It was then that we really accepted things. Now he's gotten a lot of speech therapy and he's been doing very well in his special education class.
This year we are planning on having him go through the hospital to be test medically for autism, we wanted to wait because they say it's very hard to tell in young kids if it's true or not.
I just write this to encourage others to just look into it, don't be afraid of it and to use your gut in this. Early intervention no matter what has really helped our son, he still has social struggles and speech delay but he's improved so much since he's gotten the help. Don't be afraid to get the help or ask for it, our son has benefited greatly from it.
if you have any similar situations or questions feel free to PM me.

 

[whiterabbit]

So my son (as far as education and school) has been diagnosed with mild autism. My wife and I took it hard i guess, mostly cause it feels like a shot in the gut. We never really realized there was anything really going on with my son, just a speech delay. When we had him assessed for pre-school and speech therapy they said he seems to have mild autism and would be placed in a special education class.
It was a shock to us, but I think as parents you want to deny these things. He also just had an appendectomy (he had just turned 3) and it really traumatized him being in the hospital for 2 weeks, we figured that was the main cause for how he was acting. We talked to people and most of them told us it was BS and that our son was fine, and of course we leaned on that, but deep down we knew that our son did need more. It took a retired special education teacher that was friends our my cousin to meet with us and our son and really see how he was and explain things to us. It was then that we really accepted things. Now he's gotten a lot of speech therapy and he's been doing very well in his special education class.
This year we are planning on having him go through the hospital to be test medically for autism, we wanted to wait because they say it's very hard to tell in young kids if it's true or not.
I just write this to encourage others to just look into it, don't be afraid of it and to use your gut in this. Early intervention no matter what has really helped our son, he still has social struggles and speech delay but he's improved so much since he's gotten the help. Don't be afraid to get the help or ask for it, our son has benefited greatly from it.
if you have any similar situations or questions feel free to PM me.

I feel like people with autism are really nice and easy to make friends with. I have a friend with aspergers and he lives a really normal life except he doesn't drive. If it's mild, I wouldn't think it will be that bad for him or your family.

 

[jb1234]

So my son (as far as education and school) has been diagnosed with mild autism. My wife and I took it hard i guess, mostly cause it feels like a shot in the gut. We never really realized there was anything really going on with my son, just a speech delay. When we had him assessed for pre-school and speech therapy they said he seems to have mild autism and would be placed in a special education class.
It was a shock to us, but I think as parents you want to deny these things. He also just had an appendectomy (he had just turned 3) and it really traumatized him being in the hospital for 2 weeks, we figured that was the main cause for how he was acting. We talked to people and most of them told us it was BS and that our son was fine, and of course we leaned on that, but deep down we knew that our son did need more. It took a retired special education teacher that was friends our my cousin to meet with us and our son and really see how he was and explain things to us. It was then that we really accepted things. Now he's gotten a lot of speech therapy and he's been doing very well in his special education class.
This year we are planning on having him go through the hospital to be test medically for autism, we wanted to wait because they say it's very hard to tell in young kids if it's true or not.
I just write this to encourage others to just look into it, don't be afraid of it and to use your gut in this. Early intervention no matter what has really helped our son, he still has social struggles and speech delay but he's improved so much since he's gotten the help. Don't be afraid to get the help or ask for it, our son has benefited greatly from it.
if you have any similar situations or questions feel free to PM me.

I'm autistic (asperger's before they removed it as a diagnosis) but wasn't diagnosed until I was a teenager. Once my mom figured out I wasn't handling the public school system very well, I was put into various private and alternative schools, which were a much better fit for me. The alternative high school I went to was especially excellent and a great primer for college, as the class sizes were small and the students were all on a first name basis with the teachers.

It contributes a great deal to my mental health but as I've aged, I've become increasingly aware of its triggers and have developed coping mechanisms to help me deal with the mood swings (and especially the anxiety). They're still there though, especially if I'm put into unfamiliar situations.

 

[Smiles and Cries]

I have suffered from depression for what seems like most of my life I can't remember if I posted in this thread

I am now on 2 meds while I transition from one to another, this is not the first time I've tried the pills thing but I hit a wall hard last year.

I hate holidays so it has been rough now I just have to ignore that Love Day thing that reminds me I am alone every year.

Just focusing on paintings for an event in April and trying to keep the darker side away.
I am still searching for the meaning in this day to day thing.

I wish I had the answers for some of the posts I've read on here. Keep pushing you guys.

 

[Xe4]

I'm going to take a bit more space from this thread for the time being while I try to work through a difficult situation in my own life. Without going into too much agonizing detail I'm dealing with the loss of a very long-term love and as it's sinking in further and further I'm finding more and more hurt I need to tend to and emptiness I need to find healthy ways to fill.

So apologies in advance if my responses (including the one above) are a bit less comprehensive for a little while or my presence more spotty. I'm going to try to pop in when I can, but I've found it's torturous trying to offer solace to others on nights when I haven't found any for myself.

If you've got any tips on losing love and filling that emptiness in a healthy way I'm all ears. In the mean time, I have found it helpful to repeat to myself:
One step at a time. One step at a time. One step at a time.

Love to all <3

Piano thank you for all you've done for me. You've been one of the greatest motivators of me and helpers in my depression and I don't even know you. Seriously, what you did, and what you still do means the world to me and those of us in this thread. So thank you. Spend as much time as you need to heal yourself, cause that's what this thread is about after all.

I'm not sure what kind of loss you've experinced, Piano, and I'm positive I've never ever experinced true loss myself, but I do know a little bit about that kind of pain. I have seen what loosing someone can do to people and its not fun.

Back when I was at my most depressed a few months ago, my girlfriend at the time decided she had had enough and left me. It wasnt that sudden, but one day she loved me and the next she didnt, at all. I could tell in the way she talked to me, acted around me and more. She was done, and eventually left me when I needed her the most. And I mean left me, like whenever I would try to talk to her when I was depressed, she would blow me off or worse make me feel like shit. And it hurt a lot. So I lashed out at her, and did some dumb shit, and now we're never gonna talk again.

It took me months to even start to get over her. I'm STILL not over her, and it's hard to think of her without sinking my mood. And that was a small loss. No one died, I'm not totally alone now, I still have friends, etc, but it still fucking hurts.

The way I've slowly helped heal myself, is by trying to be the best person I can be around others. To help people in every way that I can, so that it's impossible (or very difficult) for me to beat myself up overy the loss. So that every time I think of her, I think I'm doing what would make her happy.

And it may not get better. Depending on the type of loss, you may be dealing with it for the rest of your life. But it's important to try to make the loss better yourself than worsen it. I know that's hard, but you try to have to remember how that person made you better, and use that to become a better person, so that you can help others more, and maybe find someone who can slowly try to help you heal the hole that was left in your heart.

That's just my advice from what little experinced I've had. I dunno if it will help you, but it helped me, so I'd figure I'd share it. Keep your head up, and it'll all wind out working out, maybe not for the better, but working out in some way.

Stay strong Piano, and the rest of MH GAF!

 

[Brickhunt]

Let's see where I can begin.

Last year, in September, I proposed to my girlfriend earlier than I really wanted in order to stop the fights over marriage. She became my fiancee and we decided to aim for our wedding in July of this year.

In October she suggested for us to spend our December vacation in Las Vegas and I agreed, after we bought the tickets she came up with the idea of us getting married there. Because the fights had stopped and things has been so sweet, I got behind the idea and was happy, but over the course of the next days I started to think that we still had problems in our relationship and felt I wasn't ready to marry in December, so after much difficulty, I told her that I wasn't ready to marry then and that we should aim for our original goal. Things have never been the same.

I feel that our fights have come back to the same levels they were before my proposal, and possibly worse. Every time something goes wrong in her home, and some times at my home because of my parents, she tells me that we could had been already married, living in our own home without having to deal with my parents or hers.

Last weekend we had a fight, she was frustrated that my mother doesn't talk to her like before because of a recent disagreement. She said she wanted to leave the country and go to the USA asap, and I said no, because I have a job and this kind of decision can't be made just because of a disagreement. She decides that she had enough of me and my family and that she wanted to end everything, the fight was so bad that I said that I had enough I told her it's over, I dropped her at her home and drove away.

Next minute, she called me saying she was going to kill herself. It has been the fifth time she has done that. I desperately drive back to her home, take the knife away from her hand and hug her. She asks for forgiveness and I accept.

Yesterday was her birthday and it was perfect, no fights and wonderful declarations of love. Today she argued with her mother and got angry and sad. She called me blaming me for her depression. She says she was the happiest woman in the world when I proposed her, but that I took away her happiness when I delayed our wedding. Last week she and my mother had a disagreement,

I'm still recovering financially from our trip to Las Vegas, I spend almost all my money on this vacation and every week I'm asked about when I'm going to buy our honeymoon and the things for our home. I have to have everything ready by july, and postponing our wedding again is pretty much signing the end of this relationship, and possibly her life if the last threat had any credibility.

I think many people in my situation would have already ended this relationship, but every time I tried, something held me back, like the possibility of her being pregnant or an expensive trip already bought. I'm no longer close to my college friends, most of them female, because of her jealously. She is pretty much all I have and I'm addicted to her love and sweetness, but I am in panic every time we argue.

I'm desperate trying to schedule a meeting with a psychologist, I need it more than ever. Not only me, but she too. I love her, and I can't take the idea of she killing herself because of me. But it looks like I'll have to open my wallet to do this...

 

[A Fish Aficionado]

I've seen Miller's Crossing, but I haven't seen Barton Fink yet! Maybe I should do that today.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CNyzdmXhe0

 

[Teriyaki Blues]

Let's see where I can begin... *snip*

You need to use a search engine for "signs of an abusive relationship" right now, I'm seeing some very serious red flags. Abuse doesn't need to be physical to harm you and leave lasting emotional and mental scars. Please don't marry her.

 

[Kipp]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CNyzdmXhe0

Haha. Amazing.

I'm actually halfway through the movie as I post this.

 

[Booker Dewitt]

Had a bad night last night, lots of pacing around and standing in the bathroom hating myself.

Today though, got a call from a school I requested information from. Set up a meeting for tuesday to discuss possible medical programs. I originally was looking just to become a CNA... but since I'm getting the whole spiel, might as well consider every option.

Also, if any of you guys heard about the bomb threat for Denver, Colorado... well the culprit also happened to make a phone call about a gun scare at a specific movie theater in the nearby area.

 

[jb1234]

Piano thank you for all you've done for me. You've been one of the greatest motivators of me and helpers in my depression and I don't even know you. Seriously, what you did, and what you still do means the world to me and those of us in this thread. So thank you. Spend as much time as you need to heal yourself, cause that's what this thread is about after all.

I'm not sure what kind of loss you've experinced, Piano, and I'm positive I've never ever experinced true loss myself, but I do know a little bit about that kind of pain. I have seen what loosing someone can do to people and its not fun.

Back when I was at my most depressed a few months ago, my girlfriend at the time decided she had had enough and left me. It wasnt that sudden, but one day she loved me and the next she didnt, at all. I could tell in the way she talked to me, acted around me and more. She was done, and eventually left me when I needed her the most. And I mean left me, like whenever I would try to talk to her when I was depressed, she would blow me off or worse make me feel like shit. And it hurt a lot. So I lashed out at her, and did some dumb shit, and now we're never gonna talk again.

It took me months to even start to get over her. I'm STILL not over her, and it's hard to think of her without sinking my mood. And that was a small loss. No one died, I'm not totally alone now, I still have friends, etc, but it still fucking hurts.

The way I've slowly helped heal myself, is by trying to be the best person I can be around others. To help people in every way that I can, so that it's impossible (or very difficult) for me to beat myself up overy the loss. So that every time I think of her, I think I'm doing what would make her happy.

And it may not get better. Depending on the type of loss, you may be dealing with it for the rest of your life. But it's important to try to make the loss better yourself than worsen it. I know that's hard, but you try to have to remember how that person made you better, and use that to become a better person, so that you can help others more, and maybe find someone who can slowly try to help you heal the hole that was left in your heart.

That's just my advice from what little experinced I've had. I dunno if it will help you, but it helped me, so I'd figure I'd share it. Keep your head up, and it'll all wind out working out, maybe not for the better, but working out in some way.

Stay strong Piano, and the rest of MH GAF!

This is top-tier advice.

 

[bronkonagurski]

Valentine's Day really has never meant anything to me except once. 7 years ago, I had my one and only V-Day date in my entire life. We had already went out like 2-3 times beforehand and it felt legit. We had a very nice lunch together and afterwards I dropped her off at her house. We kissed. And...I never saw her again.

That sucked.

I haven't even tried since then. Not specifically because of that, but it was just the culmination of a series of failures that I think have left me emotionally shut off from any possibility.

Yeah I probably need some therapy.

 

[Blues1990]

Valentine's Day really has never meant anything to me except once. 7 years ago, I had my one and only V-Day date in my entire life. We had already went out like 2-3 times beforehand and it felt legit. We had a very nice lunch together and afterwards I dropped her off at her house. We kissed. And...I never saw her again.

That sucked.

I haven't even tried since then. Not specifically because of that, but it was just the culmination of a series of failures that I think have left me emotionally shut off from any possibility.

Yeah I probably need some therapy.

Have you considered getting a pet, such as a dog? They make great companions, and they can help you meet women. Take the dog for a walk (to the park, a festival, etc.), and people will find you more approachable.

 

[Kipp]

The hardest thing for me is going through the days without there being anything at all that I'm excited for or I enjoy or I'm looking forward to doing. It's like, what's the point?
I'm not even actively miserable or anything, I'm just going through the days seemingly for no reason at all. I mean, what is the reason for anything if you're not enjoying any of it or if you're not looking forward to anything?

 

[The Wall]

Have you considered getting a pet, such as a dog? They make great companions, and they can help you meet women. Take the dog for a walk (to the park, a festival, etc.), and people will find you more approachable.

While this does "work", please don't take it lightly. It is a living thing and should not be treated as an accessory.

Let's see where I can begin.
~snip

I PM'd you.

 

[The Wall]

Oops, DP

 

[redlegs87]

I am very easily angered today. I keep finding myself wanting to lash out at people and having to stop myself from doing so. Think it's stemming from frustration that I am the only one in my house trying to change things for the better and everyone else is just dragging their feet kicking and screaming.

 

[Blues1990]

While this does "work", please don't take it lightly. It is a living thing and should not be treated as an accessory.

If I implied that, it was unintentional. I was serious when I said getting a pet is a good way to help build confidence and have a solid companion to be on your side.

 

[lastflowers]

If I implied that, it was unintentional. I was serious when I said getting a pet is a good way to help build confidence and have a solid companion to be on your side.

Nothing warms the cockles of my heart more than when Mucho Maas comes in my room at 5am and begs for me to pet him

 

[Anth0ny]

You should check out Montage of Heck on Netflix (If you have it, and haven't seen it) pretty good!

yeah man watched it like 5 times already, love it!

This is honestly the most romantic thing I have ever heard.

Be mine.

<3

 

[The Wall]

I am very easily angered today. I keep finding myself wanting to lash out at people and having to stop myself from doing so. Think it's stemming from frustration that I am the only one in my house trying to change things for the better and everyone else is just dragging their feet kicking and screaming.

Your frustration is understandable. Try to take a break and step back from it. Breathe. Drop in the depgaf irc if you want to discuss or address specific problems that are upsetting you. Sometimes telling someone outside of the situation the specific problems you're noticing helps you separate your emotions and frustrations from them.

Depression-GAF Chat!

 

[redlegs87]

Your frustration is understandable. Try to take a break and step back from it. Breathe. Drop in the depgaf irc if you want to discuss or address specific problems that are upsetting you. Sometimes telling someone outside of the situation the specific problems you're noticing helps you separate your emotions and frustrations from them.

Depression-GAF Chat!

Yeah I took a step back and used the anger focused it into cleaning up and making dinner. Still waiting on a call about that job which is adding to my stress. Have a therapy session coming up on Monday and I am really looking forward to it have much to discuss.

 

[Teriyaki Blues]

I just typed up a big thing. It turned into an a anti-gun rant. I can't even properly talk about mental illness in the thread made for it.

I don't think I've mentioned it here on GAF before, but I have depression and anxiety. I know many of us do. My depression comes with suicidal impulses, strong ones, and feelings of isolation, a "fun" combination. I've made it through life long enough to know that if I can tough out those few days a year, the rest of life is breezy in comparison. Sometimes talking about how I feel helps. I'll just say that this weekend is going to be a rough one.

I feel extra guilty about this timing because my spouse and I don't even really do Valentines (we just buy each other whatever game is coming out soon that we both want, Fire Emblem: Fates this year, but we'd do that without a holiday) , and I know there are a lot of us feeling those aloneness blues extra strongly right now. I wish I could send all of you one of those silly elementary school VDay cards and a bag of treats.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/06/magazine/06suicide-t.html?_r=3&pagewanted=2 - is probably THE definitive article about suicidal impulse prevention, if anyone wants to read about it. I tend to about once or twice a year. The Britain black-coal case is very compelling. (And yes, this is why my deleted stuff was decidedly anti-gun.)

 

[Jay-Hova]

I think this is the first time i've really came to terms with having depression.
Ugh i've been in a rut since the summer of tenth grade.
Fuck.
I've probably spoken/talked more each year of my life than the past three combined.

 

[Izuna]

One thing that affects the ability to move on/change is trying to do it with others.

I guess I don't know if this post belongs in this thread, but I'm disappointed with someone.

Last time, this really knocked me down. Perhaps I perceive things the wrong way, but this time is different. I don't think anyone would suggest for me to try anymore.

--

I'm being vague but, I think that people deserve the benefit of doubt and forgiveness. However, when there is no doubt and something happens again, there's nothing left.

I might feel depressed tomorrow. Logically that would make sense. But I'm not feeling anything right now. I'm not shocked.

Oh well.

 

[The Wall]

One thing that affects the ability to move on/change is trying to do it with others.

I guess I don't know if this post belongs in this thread, but I'm disappointed with someone.

Last time, this really knocked me down. Perhaps I perceive things the wrong way, but this time is different. I don't think anyone would suggest for me to try anymore.

--

I'm being vague but, I think that people deserve the benefit of doubt and forgiveness. However, when there is no doubt and something happens again, there's nothing left.

I might feel depressed tomorrow. Logically that would make sense. But I'm not feeling anything right now. I'm not shocked.

Oh well.

One of the best ways for many things, in my opinion, is some solitude and realizing some people really do not deserve forgiveness. I used to give people the benefit of the doubt at all times. Now, I choose who I interact with, and am trying to learn again what sort of people are safe or not through exposure therapy. It is hard though, to find that balance between not totally isolating oneself, but keeping to oneself enough for protection.

it really depends on what you're "trying" for. If you're too vague, or don't correctly understand the details of a situation (or have gotten incorrect details cemented into your brain) you could be doing yourself a disservice by "trying" at something that you do not understand well.

 

[Izuna]

One of the best ways for many things, in my opinion, is some solitude and realizing some people really do not deserve forgiveness. I used to give people the benefit of the doubt at all times. Now, I choose who I interact with, and am trying to learn again what sort of people are safe or not through exposure therapy. It is hard though, to find that balance between not totally isolating oneself, but keeping to oneself enough for protection.

it really depends on what you're "trying" for. If you're too vague, or don't correctly understand the details of a situation (or have gotten incorrect details cemented into your brain) you could be doing yourself a disservice by "trying" at something that you do not understand well.

Like, I have my faults. Not just with my personality, but with my situation in life. But these things were known. Now I battle each day to either correct to do well despite these things and it was confirmed that, it should be good enough.

If you catch my drift. Positivity goes a long way and I simply don't get it from anyone. I'm working on a invention that might be the assiest thing in the world, or it might be cool. It's more than nothing at least. But I'm essentially being blamed that the benefits of it being cool are guaranteed or exist yet.

One of my core personality faults (which is that I get sad over angry, and I had a reason to be angry), came out. And I'm blamed for it.

And it's caused because her life is stagnating. But attempting to fix that is essentially the passion that causes me to work hard.

Anyway this was ALL communicated, very slowly. But I realise that she is either forgetful, stupid, or vindictive.

Now this is the first time I'm not stopping despite falling out (again). My poor reaction (which is to try and simply talk) is done with, and if it's anything that I fear, it's that tomorrow I'll lose motivation. I don't have time to lose motivation again, this is already a second chance at last year.

I'll continue hoping to myself that life treats her well. However, it's like, am I fucking expected by anyone but her to ever feel down even for a second? When she's down, I try harder. When I'm down, she wants none of that.

It's so stupid and I'm REALLY past all of it. I just can't ignore that all I really want is someone (anyone) to help her in ways I couldn't.

 

[The Wall]

~snip

Have you tried being clear in communicating to her that you are down? Two people feeling down at once tends to just lead to a negative cloud of misunderstanding. Some people get so used to how they are feeling that they need the calm reminder that "I'm not okay right now too, and I was wrong for giving you that impression because it stopped you from being able to view me as a person that is capable of communicating these small details that make a massive difference in our ability to get along or be meaningful in each other's lives, as opposed to destructive."

It puts the ball in her court then.

Also, sometimes if you communicate things too slowly to someone who has only lived with speed, chaos, etc- well, it's nothing to do with being stupid or vindictive. It's that there is a gap in how both of your brains function. You can't speak her language, or she could be struggling to "bring herself down" to yours for the first time. I doubt it's intentional.

Edit: It legitimately sounds like you two could benefit from having a good, mediator-type friend, but from the sounds of it, you don't care too much other than "can't someone else do it?" attitude. (And I don't mean that in a negative way).

 

[Izuna]

Have you tried being clear in communicating to her that you are down? Two people feeling down at once tends to just lead to a negative cloud of misunderstanding. Some people get so used to how they are feeling that they need the calm reminder that "I'm not okay right now too, and I was wrong for giving you that impression because it stopped you from being able to view me as a person that can be communicate these small details that make a massive difference in our ability to get along or be meaningful in each other's lives, as opposed to destructive."

It puts the ball in her court then.

You ever hear that stereotype that girls try to talk to their boyfriends but the men don't communicate? Switch the genders, and that stereotype is true.

 

[The Wall]

You ever hear that stereotype that girls try to talk to their boyfriends but the men don't communicate? Switch the genders, and that stereotype is true.

So you try to talk to her and she has "stereotypical male" communication problems?

How do you two usually talk/interact? Via what mediums? In person, directly face-to-face? Messaging online? Talk on the phone?

If she's going through some stuff and your passion over her life situation came off too strong, she could shut into herself from being overwhelmed. Has she had problems with too many people causing problems by destructively interfering with her life when they think they are helping? If that's happened, even if you were doing very well at this for her, she'd shut out from you too, just for some peace of mind, imo.

It might be less to do with you and more to do with people in general. Some people's defense mechanism is to shut down if everyone starts to harass the shit out of them and tries to call it "helping", when they just are doing it for their own benefit, unwittingly.

 

[Izuna]

So you try to talk to her and she has "stereotypical male" communication problems?

How do you two usually talk/interact? Via what mediums? In person, directly face-to-face? Messaging online? Talk on the phone?

If she's going through some stuff and your passion over her life situation came off too strong, she could shut into herself from being overwhelmed. Has she had problems with too many people causing problems by destructively interfering with her life when they think they are helping? If that's happened, even if you were doing very well at this for her, she'd shut out from you too, just for some peace of mind, imo.

It might be less to do with you and more to do with people in general. Some people's defense mechanism is to shut down if everyone starts to harass the shit out of them and tries to call it "helping", when they just are doing it for their own benefit, unwittingly.

It's probably normal but, this is basically the poison of long-distance. When we were close, we still have issues, but nothing that could break us. Because at the end of the day, we can lie down and look into each other's eyes. And really, for both of us, it's enough.

But communication is something that I require, so the lack of it makes it hard for that feeling to ever happen over long distance. We can't get through it like this and then it just becomes a topic of "well, it's really shit that we're not together, huh"

Which has been a known topic since way back. For it to keep coming up and being the end of everything after it was a talking point when deciding to get back together is exactly what I meant by forgetful, stupid or vindictive.

 

[The Wall]

It's probably normal but, this is basically the poison of long-distance. When we were close, we still have issues, but nothing that could break us. Because at the end of the day, we can lie down and look into each other's eyes. And really, for both of us, it's enough.

But communication is something that I require, so the lack of it makes it hard for that feeling to ever happen over long distance. We can't get through it like this and then it just becomes a topic of "well, it's really shit that we're not together, huh"

Which has been a known topic since way back. For it to keep coming up and being the end of everything after it was a talking point when deciding to get back together is exactly what I meant by forgetful, stupid or vindictive.

Ah, you're long distance. Okay. Honestly, a cold apathy induced by depression and such can cause behaviours that have nothing to do with stupidity or being vindictive. She may not be fully catching herself at first, which is part of the problem with utter apathy. Hell, when far gone enough in an apathetic state, a person may have tendancies towards behaviours that break that feeling of apathy- just to feel something.

If she's at this point, she may need to be reminded by someone who is not you that this is how she's coming across. Also, long distance is almost always hard. Does she have many people in her life that are not long distance? When a long distance relationship lulls during the periods you cannot be together, a person becomes more heavily aware that their emotional well being has begun to depend on something that doesn't have a physical representation. That will start to make anyone feel very sick, worthless, vulnerable and apathetic. They won't know what they're fighting for anymore when the whole thing feels like a fight with themselves without anything concrete and physical to make the long distance relationship feel like something real at some point.

 

[Izuna]

Ah, you're long distance. Okay. Honestly, a cold apathy induced by depression and such can cause behaviours that have nothing to do with stupidity or being vindictive. She may not be fully catching herself at first, which is part of the problem with utter apathy. Hell, when far gone enough in an apathetic state, a person may have tendancies towards behaviours that break that feeling of apathy- just to feel something.

If she's at this point, she may need to be reminded by someone who is not you that this is how she's coming across. Also, long distance is almost always hard. Does she have many people in her life that are not long distance? When a long distance relationship lulls during the periods you cannot be together, a person becomes more heavily aware that their emotional well being has begun to depend on something that doesn't have a physical representation. That will start to make anyone feel very sick, worthless, vulnerable and apathetic. They won't know what they're fighting for anymore when the whole things feels like a fight with themselves without anything concrete and physical to make the long distance feel real at some point.

I mean, regardless, the only thing I can do is have time tell what's going to happen. But regardless of how hard things are now, I was VERY clear about how hard things were going to be and the possibility of it fixing.

It's not that I'm completely over the idea of things no working out. I'm vexed at her inability to at least admit or acknowledge that we agreed to go ahead despite these issues. Language like "it's harder than I thought" or "I'm sorry but I wrong to think I could handle it" is logical and understandable language. That I can get behind. The lack of it is just annoying.

 

[The Wall]

I mean, regardless, the only thing I can do is have time tell what's going to happen. But regardless of how hard things are now, I was VERY clear about how hard things were going to be and the possibility of it fixing.

It's not that I'm completely over the idea of things no working out. I'm vexed at her inability to at least admit or acknowledge that we agreed to go ahead despite these issues. Language like "it's harder than I thought" or "I'm sorry but I wrong to think I could handle it" is logical and understandable language. That I can get behind. The lack of it is just annoying.

You know what? It sounds to me like she may have been dealing with it better before, and it's only now starting to sink in after more time, that this is what that "hard" is. This I what that "hard" you referred to means, and she's trying to figure out how to deal with that with herself (and not very well for a bit, it sounds) first before she can admit those things to you. Or she could literally blank out on the things you're wanting her to admit, because she's dealing with a bit too much already atm. Which is frustrating as hell for you, I'm sure, but sometimes you need to give her time to adjust to, digest and process these hard parts, and how they've afflicted her.

You might need to give her time to go from a "this is afflicting me" mindset to a "this is new to me, and now that I have some experience, I'm seeing how I've let that afflict me, have processed it, and now know how to do things better without it affecting our relationship" mindset.

 

[Izuna]

You know what? It sounds to me like she may have been dealing with it better before, and it's only now starting to sink in after more time, that this is what that "hard" is. This I what that "hard" you referred to means, and she's trying to figure out how to deal with that with herself (and not very well for a bit, it sounds) first before she can admit those things to you. Or she could literally blank out on the things you're wanting her to admit, because she's dealing with a bit too much already atm. Which is frustrating as hell for you, I'm sure, but sometimes you need to give her time to adjust to, digest and process these hard parts, and how they've afflicted her.

You might need to give her time to go from a "this is afflicting me" to "this is new to me, and now that I have some experience, I'm seeing how I've let that afflict me, have processed it, and now know how to do things better without it affecting our relationship".

We do have a complicated relationship, which makes advice difficult. But basically it pivots from "THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER" to "This can never work tho", and that's fuelled only by the fear of us being unable to be closer.

Which, despite her denial, has to do with money. If I landed there tomorrow, and could stay, then things would work. And sure, this is the reality of life. Things aren't there. But we were in the relationship of waiting until it can happen.

We have broken up a million times and each time there's a lot of time to consider ever doing it again. I'm game, and for her it takes to her notice how good it is when its working. So that's what I mean.

If I'm supposed to support someone through their uncertainty of loving me, of course it will hurt. So her actions are the cause of what she complains about. If I don't say anything, she won't. So it's like, once I stop trying, there's nothing.

And behind all of this, I try because I am able to make her happy when its working. When it's reality that she's happy otherwise then I can do it.

So for now it's like a dilemma, and I have already chosen what I'll do. I'll do nothing anymore. From what I believe, that's equal to failing to make her happy -- I hope I'm wrong.

 

[The Wall]

We do have a complicated relationship, which makes advice difficult. But basically it pivots from "THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER" to "This can never work tho", and that's fuelled only by the fear of us being unable to be closer.

Which, despite her denial, has to do with money. If I landed there tomorrow, and could stay, then things would work. And sure, this is the reality of life. Things aren't there. But we were in the relationship of waiting until it can happen.

We have broken up a million times and each time there's a lot of time to consider ever doing it again. I'm game, and for her it takes to her notice how good it is when its working. So that's what I mean.

If I'm supposed to support someone through their uncertainty of loving me, of course it will hurt. So her actions are the cause of what she complains about. If I don't say anything, she won't. So it's like, once I stop trying, there's nothing.

And behind all of this, I try because I am able to make her happy when its working. When it's reality that she's happy otherwise then I can do it.

So for now it's like a dilemma, and I have already chosen what I'll do. I'll do nothing anymore. From what I believe, that's equal to failing to make her happy -- I hope I'm wrong.

If it's a monetary problem that she's trying to deal with on her own, she could be pretty miserable if she's got other barriers to improving her personal situation. You may not have failed at all, other than to establish a more solid way to communicate with her where you can both be "okay" despite any hardships on either end.

And yes, sometimes you need to give someone something physical to work with or you've only accomplished stringing someone along, then deciding to do nothing at the exact time she needs a display that the relationship is a reality and you're not just some abusive catfisher, etc.

If she's never physically been with you in particular, she may have hit a breaking point with the ability to trust you anymore. Long distance is always hard, and your vagueness makes me feel like long distance with your situation is a particular form of hard that needs to be better laid out in a way she feels like she can actually trust.

Trust is a massive thing in LDR's. If it's been lost or is slipping, it needs to be re-established or things will never work.

 

[Izuna]

If it's a monetary problem that she's trying to deal with on her own, she could be pretty miserable if she's got other barriers to improving her personal situation. You may not have failed at all, other than to establish a more solid way to communicate with her where you can both be "okay" despite any hardships on either end.

And yes, sometimes you need to give someone something physical to work with or you've only accomplished stringing someone along, then deciding to do nothing at the exact time she needs a display that the relationship is a reality and you're not just some abusive catfisher, etc.

If she's never physically been with you in particular, she may have hit a breaking point with the ability to trust you anymore. Long distance is always hard, and your vagueness makes me feel like long distance with your situation is a particular form of hard that needs to be better laid out in a way she feels like she can actually trust.

Trust is a massive thing in LDR's. If it's been lost or is slipping, it needs to be re-established or things will never work.

None of these things apply. Sorry that I haven't been able to give more personal details. The money is with me. We spent about month together less than a month ago. Before than, we lived together for three years. The issue is simply that the long-distance cannot be help for now.

She said she could deal with it.
She can't.

The correct way to handle this would have been to tell me she couldn't deal with it. Then we wouldn't have gotten back together. So from my POV, she's at fault here. If there's any qualms with how I act, not being to what she imagined or thought she could work with, it's her inability to communicate means I have no clue.

I was the first so say "I can't deal with this shit" because she got less positive. And bless her, she wished only yesterday that things were easier. But I only hear that after I'm done.

Until we have now, where she decides she doesn't want to talk about it, and begins resentment that I won't let it go. So now she says "I can't deal with this shit". Which, if was instead, "I'm happy with you", then by all means. But it's my heart that tells me otherwise. Perhaps I'm wrong but a lot of her mood issues comes from the fact that she can't show compassion the only way that's socially acceptable outside holding onto someone, and because of that she feels like she can't give or doesn't want to stuggle with the inability to.

I don't know if life without me will have her learn how to. I hope so.

But anyway, thanks for listening. We could go back and forth. I think, regardless of all possible futures, I can't do the same thing I have always done. I won't reach out anymore.

Last time this happened I was being detained for attempting (to attempt) suicide, and pleading to my detainees to take care of her.

It's someone else's job or for her to just do it on her own.

 

[The Wall]

or for her to just do it on her own.

Maybe that's been the problem all along. No one has known how to have enough of a hands-off approach so she could deal with things on her own. She could also be a type that does not give up on people, but in her needing to deal with some things on her own, she had to "do her" first before she could do anything about the problems you two are having. Hell, she's probably still at that point from the sounds of it.

I hate to say it but it sounds like you two needed professional help and to have communicated better when you were living together. If you lost or broke her trust during that period though, that may be why it's been a crash and burn to the ground after that point. She wants to trust you, but "knows better" now. Once you've abused or broke a person trust's intentionally (or the other party feels as though you have) you've fucked up bad and basically need to beg for forgiveness to even attempt a fresh start at things.

I semi-relate to this because I need to be alone a lot now that many things in my life have stabilized, in order to continue getting better. And also to protect myself considering I've been stalked, etc. I can almost feel my humanity slowly dying day-by-day in the solitude. But it is still better than being around abusive, selfish, childish, petty, useless, vain people who only makes things worse with their drama. I wonder if this is what it feels like to turn into the non-harmful version of a socio or psychopath.

But yeah, since you're being vague I can't make too many assumptions, and can only try to identify issues that I have seen other people have in LDR's or have struggled with myself.

Edit: From the way you're talking, I wonder if someone has suddenly gotten involved in her life that has forced, suggested, abused or manipulated her into this change of attitude and unwillingness to talk about it. Your vagueness makes the whole situation sound fishy.

 

[Izuna]

snip

There's really nothing to speculate about. Her issue is that she's lonely, and we're happy together. She doesn't need to be around me all the time. It's the uncertainty (for both of us) that things will eventually work out. It's pessimism, not about broken trust.

It's really simple what the problems are. It's just that they've been communicated before. It's just turning out to not be what she expected, despite it being very fucking obvious what's it would have been like.

--

She just can't communicate. If she could simply express her feelings there wouldn't be any problem, which is why when we're not long-distance it's fine. Things are more visual then. She can cook, or cuddle, or try to make me laugh or something. But she is only able to do that in person. So when I'm down, her inability to put compassion into words means I never get that. So if that ever clashes with her feeling down (which happens for long-periods) then it's me not being manly enough apparently.

I guess I'll be repeating myself, but that's the thing. These are concrete facts about us. We both know this, and we both knew this when we were going long-distance again. It's just that when it happened, she's somehow surprised.

Actually, I think I've decided. It's stupidity, for me thinking that she was capable of serious consideration.

 

[The Wall]

~the snip wars continue

I understand this better now. Sorry, my head's in a bit of a fog and I'm used to overly complicated LDR's when I have had one. She does not know how to translate her emotions or love for you into typed-up words when that is the only way you two have to interact. It's really hard for some people and you basically need to "exercise" them into it BEFORE things become long distance again or they won't know how to reciprocate when you're not there.

She's probably surprised when it happened again because it is only human nature to hold onto and want the in-person relationship, no matter how much their rational brain is aware of the distance that was to come again. She's still emotionally affected by it, and it would just get worse if she does not have a good support system where she is.

 

[InfiniteBento]

I feel really lost lately.

22 and can't shake this feeling of wanting to do whatever the fuck I want lately without constantly having to think about everybody else. I'm tired of expectations and dealing with other peoples emotions.

Maybe I'm just selfish and self-centered. I can't tell anymore.

 

[Izuna]

I understand this better now. Sorry, my head's in a bit of a fog and I'm used to overly complicated LDR's when I have had one. She does not know how to translate her emotions or love for you into typed-up words when that is the only way you two have to interact. It's really hard for some people and you basically need to "exercise" them into it BEFORE things become long distance again or they won't know how to reciprocate when you're not there.

She's probably surprised when it happened again because it is only human nature to hold onto and want the in-person relationship, no matter how much their rational brain is aware of the distance that was to come again. She's still emotionally affected by it, and it would just get worse if she does not have a good support system where she is.

Tokyo is SHIT for counselling, that's for sure.
Her family are lovely but they don't exactly what she needs emotionally.

I can offer what she needs in small bursts, but I need money to be close to her. I can't do shit from this far.

So if she runs from this fight and goes with someone else, my only concern is that he won't put in the effort needed. Or rather, I hope he's fucking perfect for her. I can't be this emotional super man.

Visit the Kanye thread in about an hour. I'm dropping a beat.

 

[The Wall]

Tokyo is SHIT for counselling, that's for sure.
Her family are lovely but they don't exactly what she needs emotionally.

And this is the part of the LDR that dooms many: if there is not a healthy support system in place, through friends, family, her workplace, volunteering or other community groups/activities. It's an unfortunate reality in many of these instances. Wish you the best, regardless of how things continue or do not continue.

 

[Astral Dog]

I feel really lost lately.

22 and can't shake this feeling of wanting to do whatever the fuck I want lately without constantly having to think about everybody else. I'm tired of expectations and dealing with other peoples emotions.

Maybe I'm just selfish and self-centered. I can't tell anymore.

Its definetly important for us to dedicate time for ourselves and do (or dont do) whatever we want. that is not selfish at all unless it goes overboard, many famous and succesful people have said, for example, that life is too short to always be doing what other people want of you. thinking about everyone else first is going to cause conflict ,sadness and frustration unless you are willing to stand for yourself too,

 

[DiddysKongQuest]

Piano thank you for all you've done for me. You've been one of the greatest motivators of me and helpers in my depression and I don't even know you. Seriously, what you did, and what you still do means the world to me and those of us in this thread. So thank you.

This can't be said enough. Piano did so so much for this thread. I'm always amazed by how much time he puts into his responses and how frequently he posts.

Seriously Piano, thank you for everything you did and will do for us in the future!

So take as much time as you need. As someone who had a lot of relationship trouble last year I know how hard it can be. How slow time sometimes seems to pass and how nothing is fun. But, and I think you said something similar to me back then, it will definitely get better with time. I felt best after the break up when I hung out with friends and family members and forget everything for some hours. Even when I had to force myself nearly every time. It's important to not sit alone in your room all the time.

I wish you nothing but the best and hope that you will you will join us again when you're feeling better. Love back <3

 

[User 479360]

Piano's been the backbone of this thread, and has helped me a lot as well. It's too bad that he's stepping away, and especially that he's dealing with that. Hopefully things will go as well as possible.

 

[EverythingShiny]

Yes, while on Buspar. It also threatens to happen now if I'm having an anxiety attack outside of my home or other place I consider "safe".

My understanding is that this is because of the vasovagal response, where your body reacts to stress and anxiety by bottoming out your heart rate and blood pressure. Then you faint (syncope).

I'm the kind of person who has syncope seizures, so I will do almost anything to avoid it.

You might want to read the Wikipedia entry on this, using marijuana can trigger it. It was probably a combination of things, a perfect storm of mental and physical conditions, especially if this is your first time experiencing it.

It is scary. I hate that you're going through this. If it happens again, absolutely go to the doctor and get advise from your dispenser about which strains cause the least amount of blood pressure changes. Also, you know what your triggers "feel" like now, that unnatural and probably flushed feeling of hotness was your body's warning system. Laying down immediately (elevating my feet helps a lot) and putting a cold, wet washcloth on pulse points can help keep you from fainting. Get up very slowly after an incident.

Wow. You are 100% correct. I just read up on it and it's not the marijuana alone, obviously. I've been feeling extremely anxious/light-headed since that incident so I wonder if there is something else going on. I have been very stressed recently (high graduate school workload, moving in a month, financial issues.) I'm really sorry to hear that you deal with this regularly. It was, bar-none, one of the most frightening things I've ever experienced and I've had several panic attacks/panic episodes.

Pau - I hope you start to feel less anxious. I know how much it sucks to be a ball of anxiety when you have so much going on that you have to deal with. I also hope you hear good things about the research opportunity this summer!

 

[The Wall]

Piano's been the backbone of this thread, and has helped me a lot as well. It's too bad that he's stepping away, and especially that he's dealing with that. Hopefully things will go as well as possible.

Piano is amazing. I can only try to get myself into a better mindset to pick up the "slack" as objectively and positively as possible. I've been a little grumpy lately but caught myself early this time.

*sips whiskey*

 

[User 479360]

I can't stop obsessing about my slow Internet speed, wanting to move but not being able to and a moral dilemma that's been bugging me for months.

 

[Colin.]

I can't stop obsessing about my slow Internet speed, wanting to move but not being able to and a moral dilemma that's been bugging me for months.

Didn't have much luck with the petition?