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[IceDoesntHelp]

What's exactly is going on? If you don't mind saying that is.

A lot more than I can handle.

I'm unhappy with just about everything. I moved away from all my friends and family.
I have no job, I feel worthless. I've been applying but nothing has happened.
I'm unhappy with who I am, and I don't know how I feel about my current relationship...

I don't know about a lot of things. My depression has been in full force for awhile now, I don't know how I can do any of this right now.

Its the smallest things, but thats what destroys me.

 

[Dylan Sexbang]

I just called a counselor to make an appointment, she will probably call me tomorrow to talk to me and get things arranged.

GAF, how does it feel to talk to your parents about depression? They want me to talk to them... But I've never felt comfortable with them about things like this. And they want me to, they're saying they're here for me... But I honestly am afraid of being judged.

 

[Nastrodamous]

I just called a counselor to make an appointment, she will probably call me tomorrow to talk to me and get things arranged.

GAF, how does it feel to talk to your parents about depression? They want me to talk to them... But I've never felt comfortable with them about things like this. And they want me to, they're saying they're here for me... But I honestly am afraid of being judged.

tried to talk to my mom about it, she said just accept who I am.

Grade A advice.

 

[Magwik]

A lot more than I can handle.

I'm unhappy with just about everything. I moved away from all my friends and family.
I have no job, I feel worthless. I've been applying but nothing has happened.
I'm unhappy with who I am, and I don't know how I feel about my current relationship...

I don't know about a lot of things. My depression has been in full force for awhile now, I don't know how I can do any of this right now.

Its the smallest things, but thats what destroys me.

Is it possible for you to move back to around your family and friends?

 

[Piano]

I just called a counselor to make an appointment, she will probably call me tomorrow to talk to me and get things arranged.

GAF, how does it feel to talk to your parents about depression? They want me to talk to them... But I've never felt comfortable with them about things like this. And they want me to, they're saying they're here for me... But I honestly am afraid of being judged.

For me, it's been tremendously helpful.
It took a while to work our relationship to a point where it was possible to talk about these things comfortably, though. On my end I had to learn to be infinitely patient and calmly explain anything I felt they didn't understand.

 

[Kipp]

Regarding talking to parents about mental issues, I'm sure if you have a good relationship with your parents it'd be massively helpful.

I, on the other hand, am not close with my parents. And additionally, my parents don't really "believe" in mental illness.
I overheard my mom talking to my friend saying that people CHOOSE to be depressed and that all they have to do is think more positively and whatnot. I can't remember what she said word for word, but that was the basic idea. If only she knew I have depression and the kind of shit it has put me through. But no, I could totally get rid of it immediately if I just chose to be happy instead.

 

[IceDoesntHelp]

Is it possible for you to move back to around your family and friends?

Not without money...which I also don't have.

 

[The Wall]

I want to apologize for any inflammatory/offensive things I may have said on GAF overall. I was taught to identify with abusers very young, and with that, conditioned to not speak of abuse because I was not able to identify it as abuse.

My kindness was severely abused and taken advantage of by people who I mistaken for being good people, and now that I've finally broken away from associating with these people and can speak more coherently, some stuff comes out in ways I wish it wouldn't. But the fact that I automatically turn to forms of venting, as opposed to some worse outlet is hardly a crime.

I've had people try to force me to pretend to be someone else as part of fraud, or force/threaten me to do things that I wanted no part in. Gaslighting, corruption in a hospital, people thinking I'm too stupid to notice the abuses or that they are intentionally putting on an act or trying to play at me. I'm having things that actually happened be pretended to not have happened in order to intentionally discredit me. If you abuse the shit out of someone until you get a desired form of breaking response, it makes it even easier to deny access to legal help or that the things I am finally starting to speak of aren't goddamn "stories" but things that actually happened.

I'm very tired in some ways and can't give as good a response on here as I would like to, so I'll be easing off in involvement for a bit as I work through more things, and add/improve things in my life. I've become apathetic where I don't see the point in caring how I come off or across to people, and that's a warning sign to me. I don't feel like a human being anymore, and that's fine by me. I've seen what humans are like and never want to feel like I could be part of that.

 

[User 479360]

Man, I must've done something bad in my past life to deserve this kind of Hell.

My family has never had it easy, because I have a sibling who was born with a physical disability and a slight learning disorder, and they're confined to a wheelchair. They require lots of care, but are thankfully smart and social, after being a premature miracle baby.

My closest parent (and closest person to me by far) smoked for years and developed cancer about 5 years ago. They had surgery, beat it and then it moved to their brain, which they were able to beat due to radiation and surgery thankfully. However, infections have left them bedridden and we found out they may have COPD -- which took my Grandmother from us this year. I've been feeling sick since I heard, and honestly live in fear/can't stop thinking about losing them.

This is Hell. Why do some people get great parents who are able to be active into their 90s, and others just get fucked over?

 

[Pau]

Feeling worse than I have in a while. I feel like I'm constantly walking on a thin layer of ice and it keeps cracking and I keep falling and it can't build itself to anything more substantial. Every little thing makes me cry, and then a few days later something else happens, and it just gets worse. It's certainly nowhere near what it was three years ago, if you look back into the thread. And I do think I've gotten significantly better and am happy about that. Doesn't mean it's not still hard though.

I doubt myself in regards to everything: my academic stuff, my physical appearance, my relationships with others, even my hobbies and interests. I'm tired of being wrong about everything, not good enough at anything.

I've dropped out of college two times already. This third attempt is the longest I've gone for. I'm on the second semester of my third year. I need this and another semester to graduate. I had a really good start, decided I wasn't going to be ambitious, just try to get through school, and that really helped.

But then a professor nominated me for a really competitive fellowship, I got it, and now I'm on the same track I was before of looking at Ivy League level academics and trying to be a perfect student. I'm torn between wanting to just coast by and not be an anxious wreck all the time, and actually trying to see how far I can get. I was raised to view any mistake as evidence that I was a terrible student and would get nowhere. So it's not so much that I don't challenge myself, just that the major challenge is not thinking about throwing myself in front of a train whenever I make a mistake.

Academic stuff forms the basis of my tiny self esteem, and the second that leaves, everything else comes crashing down really quickly. I'm afraid of that happening again. It is happening to a small extent, and I don't know how to build myself up again after being torn down by the slightest breeze.

 

[Zeouterlimits]

Feeling low a lot of evenings this week, finding it hard to enjoy or wanting to do something after work. Just restlessly browsing the web.
Shitty way to spend a Friday evening, especially since I'm working tomorrow too.

 

[Psychoward]

getting forced out of this semester next week

once the process starts I have 48 hours to pack up and fly back to new jersey from Louisiana

don't let stress interfere with your classes GAF

 

[Fudgepuppy]

Moved to Bulgaria, met a girl I fell hard for, she can't feel love anymore after being too broken, I'm just sad.

Almost every day ends with me unwinding and being more and more sad.

Almost every day, begins with me realizing I've lost yet another piece of myself. One fragment of me, withering away each day.

A couple of weeks ago, I realized the comfort I felt from the thought of death, was all for nothing; I can't let go as it would kill my family and those who care about me. That's when I broke down, when I realized I have to go through the sadness I feel every day.

The worst part is that I'm happy and content for the most part, but the second I'm alone or I'm reminded of what makes me sad about life, the sadness hits me like a truck and I don't know where to go.

 

[Booker Dewitt]

So my anxiety is kicking up real bad, since I woke up at seven, I haven't wanted to talk to anybody, just lay in my bed. Well, I got ready and went to work. Of course my position today lined up perfectly with someone who wants to avoid human contact, I'm selling tickets and answering the phone.

I had someone scheduled with me, but as soon as I got in she was sent on a thirty, and then when she got back she started building a standee. After that, sent home early. So I'm alone helping customers until four thirty.

I tried to call the employee assistance program when I was on a ten, but it seemed the call back number they gave me was the general number meaning the wait time would've exceeded my break, and since I've worked every morning by the time I'm able to call them their offices have closed shop for the day.

Customers asking me how how my day is doing is really trying for me right now, when they don't just take "alright" as an answer and that want some explanation as to why it's not grand.... Fuck.

 

[Kipp]

Man, I don't think I ever used to get frustrated and angry as often and to this extent... I feel like it's getting worse and more frequent.

 

[GamerJM]

I was so close to going my first quarter without dropping a class in nearly two years, but I'm pretty sure I bombed an exam today -_-. I feel so stupid. After it was over I went into a secluded area at my university and started yelling at a tree because I was so sad and angry, and the campus safety approached me and told me I needed to calm down. There's no way I can juggle all of my classes to the point of being able to pass them all without taking less than the optimal amount. Even if I spent 60~ hours a week on school or so, I'm just so slow with learning and doing homework and I feel terrible about it. And these exams just feel like near weekly schedules of extreme anxiety inducement that will never end until I graduate. And if I keep this up, I'll end up graduating after having spent at least six years in college with no work experience, extra curriculars, friends/connections made, and a below 2.5 GPA. And I'm sure once I'm past my fifth year my parents will start to tell me that they can't keep paying for college forever, and I'd probably rather take a break and work instead of taking on student loans, which would make things take longer.

 

[Booker Dewitt]

So I got off of work, had to fight through a aniexty attack while helping customers cuz I didn't want to be a cunt and request for help. Customers probably thought I was tweaking on something the way I was hopping around, my vocal inflections and cadence raising and lowering mid sentence, and my fingers constantly moving. Just knew if I stopped for a second I would shut down, be unable to move, breath and my hands would freeze up into something resembling the Klingon symbol.

Also that person who was supposed to come at four thirty, actually came at five. So it was an hour of this, occasionally punching the wall. I got better after my break, but yeah.

 

[Hecatonchires Custom]

Sorry for the long post.

I was in a relationship with another guy for 4 years. The first 3.5 years were probably some of the best of my life ; I felt happy and loved and while the relationship wasn't perfect, I feel that what we had was strong and durable. But the last half year was pretty terrible, the sex got more and more scarce, we loved each other but it seemed like we were more like roomates than lovers. The best way I could describe it was that we were both unhappy but together, in love but falling out of love at the same time.

Since I didn't have other gay friends, I've made some new friends that knew that I was in a relationship and they were gamers too so we played Smash and LoL and frankly, it was fun and refreshing. Then one of them introduced me to a guy who, as he put it, fell in love with me at first sight and while the guy was charming as fuck, I told him that I was in a relationship and he understood. We started chatting more and more on facebook and I started opening up about my current relationship and how miserable I felt at times. The guy pretty much told me everything I wanted to hear from the boyfriend, especially since I felt less than desirable around him.

I made the mistake of kissing him one night and while it felt good and liberating at the time, I felt immensely guilty afterwards. I asked my boyfriend one night if he still loved me and confessed about the kiss. He was unsurprisingly devasted and left in his car only to return about at 3 or 4 AM. I waited by the window the whole time, crying out of shame and guilt. We broke it off that night.

This all happened 2 months ago. Since then, I have been agonizing and torturing myself about the whole deal. I've been crying myself to sleep every night for two months from the guilt, the pain and the loss of a relationship I was so happy in at first.

All of my free time is spent either crying or sleeping, I haven't gone out with people, played videogames or done anything else in the last 2 months. I have to move out soon and I'm scared of ending up alone in my appartment with my own despair. I would probably never kill myself but I know that I'll keep torturing myself over this since I really can't get over the fact that I knowingly and deliberately sabotaged my own happiness for a cheap thrill. I really don't know what to do to get out of this emotional limbo, I feel stuck in a cycle of guilt and loss and I'm scared of the idea that I'll never be happy again.

I'm quoting myself 7 fucking months later and nothing has changed. I'm not sure if that's just really pathetic or a sign that nothing is going to improve ever.

 

[The Wall]

Before I had made it to my teen years, I had a series of what I guess should be considered night terrors but I did not wake up screaming and such. This was the first time I shut into myself. I am no expert, but I may have started developing a "second self" in order to function around the people that I had these night terrors about. They lasted over the period of a few weeks, or possibly up to a month. I have developed gaps in my childhood and youth. I believe I may have developed the ability to dissociate, but it may finally be dying off now that I have had the people in my life that caused me to need to do this to function have been removed and are no longer terrorizing me

Spoiler

(my father, for one)

DO NOT CLICK IF YOU ARE SQUEAMISH OR THINK YOU MAY KNOW ME

Spoiler

My grandmother, grandfather and several cousins were involved in a car accident when I was in elementary school. It killed my grandfather, severely injured my grandmother, but she survived, and caused at least minor physical damage to my cousins (they were all kids still), not to mention the psychological effects.

A few years after this (and after having seen my grandmother in the hospital with part of her scalp ripped off and pieces of glass and windshield in her hair and head still, amongst other physical damages) is when these night terrors occurred. When my social worker started going through PTSD symptoms with me, night terrors were mentioned. I stopped dreaming or being able to understand and define what was a nightmare after these night terrors, because everything else after did not feel upsetting. Like I was just observing something happening.

The night terrors consisted of very vividly detailed accounts of my father slowly removing my grandmother's flesh and eating it, or raping her- alternating between these as she slowly died. I have never spoken of this or communicated it to anyone, ever before.

They stopped eventually, after that "short" time period; before I had made it to secondary school, part of me started to shut into myself. Whatever I developed to cope with this, among other things, feels like it is dying. I am trying to figure out how to be something that people shouldn't be afraid of because I have always partly understood why I haven't made many friends or was able to have healthy, lasting, supportive relationships.

I needed to be able to communicate this somehow and never have in my life.

 

[User 479360]

Sorry to hear you had to go through that The Wall. I can't imagine...

I'm still struggling with the moral dilemma and fears over my family member, but things are looking up a bit.

 

[Sagroth]

Not doing all that well at the moment. In some ways, it seems like I'm doing better than I should: I'm still on top of my anxiety and PTSD, and I'm taking better care of myself. That said, I had hoped the depression I've had for so long would get better without the anxiety, and instead it has spiked these last few weeks(for the record, I've been on top of the anxiety for about a year now). In many ways, it's nothing new to me: I'm used to having SOME level of suicidal thoughts at least a couple of days a week every week; it's just moreso now(and there have been phases like this before). Therapy and meds have never really managed to fix that, despite my advancements elsewhere, and I'm sure my medical problems(fibromyalgia, cushing's, autism) aren't helping either. Having to switch over to a new therapist due to insurance changes is also not helpful. Gonna make an appointment to see a psychiatrist ASAP, but meds have never been kind to me. Honestly, other than that, I'm not really sure what else there is to be done. I just want to feel a little closer to fine; that's all.

 

[Kipp]

Had a full-on mental breakdown at work last night. Started crying and just could not stop for an hour straight. I couldn't hide it from my employee I was working with either. Just had to confront her about it and be honest with her (through the tears, which was difficult) that I was super tired and when I get really tired I get really emotional and I simply couldn't stop crying. I kept telling her how embarrassed I was and she was nice about it. In the end, it wasn't consequential, but it was still highly embarrassing for me.

 

[redlegs87]

I am feeling way more depressed as of late then I have since starting therapy and medication. Things are changing but staying the same at the same time it seems. For every step forward I take I take one back and am just stuck in a rut. That and with the depression my anger issues are once again creeping up on me for the first time in a very long time. I find myself wanting to scream and shout at times throughout the day as of late. It's like I am building a sand castle as the tide is coming in and washing it away constantly. I can never keep what I've accomplished stable and improve upon it it seems. I am just feeling very defeated and feeling that way is fueling the depression and anger I've been feeling.

 

[Teriyaki Blues]

It looks like there are a few people recently that are not progressing what they feel is "fast enough", and I think we all know how discouraging that can be.

As far as I understand things, mental illnesses are not 100% cureable. They're something you can lessen only through learning how to cope with them, mitigate them, or literally rewire your brain in an attempt to replace negative emotional pathways with positive ones.

Therapy, prescribed medication, mindfulness, and even things like prayer (which is a form of meditation) and building/repairing your social networks (etcetera), are often not coping skills in and of themselves, but rather a toolkit that you can use to make those skills. Maintaining and adding to those skills is the task of a lifetime.

This is just how it works for me, and I'm sure that everyone else is different, but please keep in mind that starting things is just a first step. And often (at least with different kinds of depression) getting help does make things "worse" temporarily as you are learning to feel and deal with your emotions again, which can be really overwhelming if you're the kind of person who tends to go emotionally numb because of how much everything hurts.

Maybe you're making a step that counts as 1 step forward, and taking 9/10ths of a step back (or more), but maybe taking those fruitless steps is what builds your muscles a little bit so you can take bigger ones later. Or a larger number of small steps. Whatever works for you.

It is so important for me to remember to do things very slowly, and set my expectations low, because I fall on my face a lot if I don't. It sucks.

I'm having a good day today, by the way. Wish I could give some of it out to people who need it more.

 

[redlegs87]

-snip-

I'll get past these feelings eventually. I got a book that Bagel recommended to me Mind Over Mood it's about CBT and the benefits it can bring when used. Showed it to my therapist and she's on board to help me work through the book at the right pace. Glad you're having a good day you deserve it.

 

[Anth0ny]

it's one of those nights

I can't sleep, too many negative thoughts on my mind

this sucks

 

[Tapejara]

GAF I'm kind of scared and don't know what to do. I post in this thread infrequently, but some of you may recall my last few posts. Basically, I suffer from agoraphobia and depression, in the last three years I've barely been able to leave my house. Had to drop out of school, rarely get to hang out with my friends, etc, etc; I'm sure most of you have similar experiences. Possible trigger warning stuff in spoilers.

Spoiler

For the first time in three years I'm legitimately terrified, lost, and don't know what to do next. My sleep schedule has been completely reversed (it's currently 4:23 and I'm wide awake) which has been impeding my ability to get things done. I can't do exposure therapy when it's four in the morning, especially because leaving the house would wake up every one in the family (we have a loud dog and she's always on alert). I can see my mother's being unhappy because I'm unhappy, because she sees me sleeping all day and regressing; and it tears me up inside. I don't have any more motivation, I wish I was dead - but don't worry I won't actually do anything for a variety or reasons - I'm sick of seeing my friends going out and doing things without me. I'm sick of not being in school learning. I'm sick of not having a job. But I can't do anything. I've tried. I've tried so hard for the past year to get my sleep schedule back on track. I've tried to do exposure, I've tried to go places and I've tried so fucking hard but I don't feel like I'm making any progress.

My psychologist and I decided to maybe take a break from our sessions as I've come back with no progress and we figured that maybe always reporting back with nothing new was taking its toll. But I realize now that was a mistake and I'm going to contact her in the morning so we can hopefully work up a new plan. But I'm afraid that nothing's going to change, that not matter how hard I try I'm going to be stuck here. I'm afraid that maybe one day I'll give up and end it all. I don't believe I will, but I'm so scared of that being a possibility. I'm starting to ramble, I don't know what else to say, I'm just so scared and I want to curl up and cry. I want to take wake up tomorrow and just feel better .

 

[The Wall]

GAF I'm kind of scared and don't know what to do. I post in this thread infrequently, but some of you may recall my last few posts. Basically, I suffer from agoraphobia and depression, in the last three years I've barely been able to leave my house. Had to drop out of school, rarely get to hang out with my friends, etc, etc; I'm sure most of you have similar experiences. Possible trigger warning stuff in spoilers.

~snip

Do you intake anything that could potentially screw up your sleep schedule? It might not seem like much, but drinking coffee or something else caffeine-based regularly can be just enough to muck you up from naturally keeping a daylight hours schedule, where you're up at a decent time and can have access to opportunities for yourself that are only available during normal "working" hours, we'll call it.

Figuring out simple stuff with your physical health (and diet) no matter how tedious it seems, is more important than I think people want to give it credit for. You wanting to give yourself exposure therapy is a good sign. Progress is slow, and it takes time for many of us to come down off that intense "I want to do something to permanently feel better now!" feeling.

I will literally eat a whole sliced cucumber with hummus and a fairly healthy breakfast smoothie for meals, or lentil soup, etc. I drink a lot of tea and water. Fries and frozen chicken with breading might be the only "bad" thing I eat because it's cheap.

I know you've got plenty on your plate to deal with, but try to slowly work on the physical too. It can ease some of the things that can effect you mentally in small ways that eventually culminate in actual biological changes (like getting your sleep to fall into a natural day/night schedule).

I also think working on physical changes (and maybe even exercising more) are something fairly simple to focus on while you work towards larger changes with your mental health that can't always improve right away. Physical and mental health are tied to each other. If your mental health is overwhelming, learn and research on slow, sustainable physical health changes you can make in the meantime.

 

[Tapejara]

Do you intake anything that could potentially screw up your sleep schedule? It might not seem like much, but drinking coffee or something else caffeine-based regularly can be just enough to muck you up from naturally keeping a daylight hours schedule, where you're up at a decent time and can have access to opportunities for yourself that are only available during normal "working" hours, we'll call it.

Figuring out simple stuff with your physical health (and diet) no matter how tedious it seems, is more important than I think people want to give it credit for. You wanting to give yourself exposure therapy is a good sign. Progress is slow, and it takes time for many of us to come down off that intense "I want to do something to permanently feel better now!" feeling.

I will literally eat a whole sliced cucumber with hummus and a fairly healthy breakfast smoothie for meals, or lentil soup, etc. I drink a lot of tea and water. Fries and frozen chicken with breading might be the only "bad" thing I eat because it's cheap.

I know you've got plenty on your plate to deal with, but try to slowly work on the physical too. It can ease some of the things that can effect you mentally in small ways that eventually culminate in actual biological changes (like getting your sleep to fall into a natural day/night schedule).

I also think working on physical changes (and maybe even exercising more) are something fairly simple to focus on while you work towards larger changes with your mental health that can't always improve right away. Physical and mental health are tied to each other. If your mental health is overwhelming, learn and research on slow, sustainable physical health changes you can make in the meantime.

Thank you for the response and advice . I suspect after reading this that my diet and lack of exercise could be the reason why I'm struggling so much. I don't eat healthy at all, I drink a lot of Coke and I never exercise. I actually decided to change the Coke intake shortly after posting (I'm sitting here with a bottle of water!), but I'm definitely going to look into changing my diet and perhaps going for walks more often.

 

[Dunedain_Ranger]

Well gaf I don't usually post but today is pretty bad . I've never had a good relationship with my Father after they lost us due to drugs like 20 years ago . They did what they had to do to get us back like a year later yet ever since then it's like me and my father have a lost relationship. These last three weeks he have been shitty. Every weekend he has went fishing with my brothers and even brothers in law and I have to find out through other people. I don't know why I even try to have a relationship with him? I know most would say it's just fishing but it's been a past time of the men in my family and it just hurts.

 

[The Wall]

Thank you for the response and advice . I suspect after reading this that my diet and lack of exercise could be the reason why I'm struggling so much. I don't eat healthy at all, I drink a lot of Coke and I never exercise. I actually decided to change the Coke intake shortly after posting (I'm sitting here with a bottle of water!), but I'm definitely going to look into changing my diet and perhaps going for walks more often.

It takes time to make these into permanent lifestyle changes that your body will eventually want to eat/drink/do instead of the bad choices, like coke all the time. (I only have pop now when I go to a diner or something, and it just "feels right" with some fries, a burger, sandwich or something).

It will be difficult to get your body and mind to adjust to healthy lifestyle choices. You will go through mental conflict withdrawals. You are literally breaking a form of addiction, even if it's minor. It also takes time to properly educate yourself on sustainable, affordable, healthy eating and cooking habits + an exercise regime you can handle and build on once you've made it part of your lifestyle.

Too often, people see all the shiny, unrealistic professionals touting their workout systems, food products, diet meal plans, etc- and you know what... for the average person.. it's all nothing but mind warping shit that holds us back from making realistic, small, obtainable (and mostly FREE) goals, then working from there. It's often the very things we love/idolize that cause us to chase these unrealistic expectations because it means we will be duped and spend money on the shit instead of bettering ourselves in those reasonable, sustainable, realistic ways first. It has us all running into the glass wall of our computer and tv screens, because that in-between build-up period before any of those more high-end goals are obtainable is often never mentioned, and many of us struggle with the mental conflict of why we still seem to be "failing".

It is a slow process- educating yourself on what works for you that is still backed by simple, realistic facts, results and starting goals takes time and patience with yourself.

 

[redlegs87]

My sleep has been very piss poor the last few months. I wake up at least 3-4 times a night and take about 20-30 min to get back to bed. I am going to talk to my psychiatrist about it and see if he suggest any sleeping aids or I try and adjust my diet some more who knows. Other than the sleep issue I am feeling much better today then I have the past few days feel like I have much more clarity.

Thank you for the response and advice . I suspect after reading this that my diet and lack of exercise could be the reason why I'm struggling so much. I don't eat healthy at all, I drink a lot of Coke and I never exercise. I actually decided to change the Coke intake shortly after posting (I'm sitting here with a bottle of water!), but I'm definitely going to look into changing my diet and perhaps going for walks more often.

I cut out soda 6 months back and in that time dropped 40 pounds. It took me some time before I finally kicked the habit and over the same time I've quit smoking two big changes I never thought possible but you just have to put your mind to it. You will falter and feel like why bother but just push through it's worth it!

 

[Makoto-Yuki]

i can't tell if i'm depressed or not any more. i know that sounds stupid but i was severely depressed for many years and finally in 2009 i managed to start medication/counselling and about 4 years ago i was able to come off the medication and stop counselling. part of me feels like it really hasn't gone away but i've just learned to cope with it better and part of me sometimes thinks i'm just making it up in my head.

just the other day i really did believe i wasn't depressed but last night i just felt really miserable/depressed and nothing could shake it. like always the only thing i could do was go to sleep. feel better this morning. i really don't want to have to go back through all that medication/counselling again. i still keep thinking of killing myself.

i don't think i'm ever gonna be able to beat this. i felt like i won for a while but still feel like it's in control of my life and i'm losing the will to fight it. the sadness never ends.

 

[The Wall]

Well gaf I don't usually post but today is pretty bad . I've never had a good relationship with my Father after they lost us due to drugs like 20 years ago . They did what they had to do to get us back like a year later yet ever since then it's like me and my father have a lost relationship. These last three weeks he have been shitty. Every weekend he has went fishing with my brothers and even brothers in law and I have to find out through other people. I don't know why I even try to have a relationship with him? I know most would say it's just fishing but it's been a past time of the men in my family and it just hurts.

They sound like right assholes. Have you spoken to them about it at all? At worst, focus on you and the people who are in your life, or get involved in something more social and welcoming, separate from them.

Edit:

~snip

Do you exercise at all? Have anything in your life that keeps you on a schedule? Drink enough water/stay hydrated? Not have a lot of caffeine that could be a temporary pick me up, then have you crash after, and feel low?

Do you drive? Is there anything you have to do regularly that you could walk to instead? Do you have any social setting you are in regularly that's positive/good for you?

Try finding something welcoming local to participate in. Even something as simple as going to a small church can give you something to schedule into your life and build off of.

Also, Sia's Chandelier makes me feel like I should cry...

/sigh

 

[Astral Dog]

I'm quoting myself 7 fucking months later and nothing has changed. I'm not sure if that's just really pathetic or a sign that nothing is going to improve ever.

Omg you need to move on NOW, you made a mistake but that relationship was sinking anyways, it happens but there is nothing you can do but learn from that experience to have a healthier relationship in the future, whats done is done.

 

[Kipp]

This past week I have just been So. Damn. Depressed.
Can't even figure out how to get back on the right track.

 

[whiterabbit]

I wish I had a better life. I have no idea what people did before they stared at phones and computers all day. That's all I seem to do and it's bothering me a bit.

I'm in a treatment centre and my dr insists I have schizophrenia. I don't think I do even though I have had times where I was probably psychotic.

 

[Grug]

Wrong thread.

 

[redlegs87]

I got another interview lined up but they want a resume and I haven't made or updated one in years. I don't even know where to begin to make one and it's stressing me out. I know it's something that should be really simple to do but certain things like this just hit my stress button.

 

[mkenyon]

Good little sound bit from a coworker on Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation:

https://soundcloud.com/kinkfm/simon-kaplan-seattle-neuropsychiatric-treatment-center

 

[EverythingShiny]

My sleep has been very piss poor the last few months. I wake up at least 3-4 times a night and take about 20-30 min to get back to bed. I am going to talk to my psychiatrist about it and see if he suggest any sleeping aids or I try and adjust my diet some more who knows. Other than the sleep issue I am feeling much better today then I have the past few days feel like I have much more clarity.

Have you had any sleep studies done? You might have sleep apnea that's causing you to wake up. Maybe ask your psychiatrist about that. It's totally possible that you don't - I have the same issues as you and I tend to wake up several times a night without having sleep apnea (have done two sleep studies, ugh). My issues probably stem more from anxiety than anything else.

I know that feeling, though, and it sucks. Interrupted sleep is pretty terrible. Do you use electronics right before bed? It can be a hard habit to break, but not looking at a screen for an hour or so before bed can also help.

 

[Symphonia]

I got another interview lined up but they want a resume and I haven't made or updated one in years. I don't even know where to begin to make one and it's stressing me out. I know it's something that should be really simple to do but certain things like this just hit my stress button.

You could always use one of the many CV builders found online or, if you like, I can email you mine and you can use that. Either way, try not to stress too much about it.

 

[redlegs87]

Have you had any sleep studies done? You might have sleep apnea that's causing you to wake up. Maybe ask your psychiatrist about that. It's totally possible that you don't - I have the same issues as you and I tend to wake up several times a night without having sleep apnea (have done two sleep studies, ugh). My issues probably stem more from anxiety than anything else.

I know that feeling, though, and it sucks. Interrupted sleep is pretty terrible. Do you use electronics right before bed? It can be a hard habit to break, but not looking at a screen for an hour or so before bed can also help.

I have not had any sleep studies done before. I never use to have an issue sleeping through the night till the recent months. I'll be sure to talk to him about it for sure.

You could always use one of the many CV builders found online or, if you like, I can email you mine and you can use that. Either way, try not to stress too much about it.

I found a solution for it thanks for the offer though. I just had to sit myself down and take a deep breath and I figured it out for myself.

 

[Joe]

Does depression cause random and crippling exhaustion? Muscle aches and joint pains?

Last weekend, out of nowhere, I got ridiculously exhausted and just slept and laid down both days. I rested up and Monday-Thursday were pretty good and then this past Friday it hit again. And I spent the weekend in bed again. More tired than I have ever been in my life. My diet and activities are the same, nothing has changed. It all came out of the blue and it hit me hard.

I slept 32 hours the past 3 nights and did nothing but lay in bed the past 2 days and I'm still tired today. Better, but still tired.

I have a doctor appointment for next Wednesday but I'm just curious if anyone has had anything similar?

I was in the middle of a bout with the "winter blues" while this happened but I get the winter blues every year.

Over my entire adult life, every time I have a medical issue my symptoms always bring up depression as a possibility but I don't feel depressed. I'm very honest with myself and I wouldn't hide it out of shame but every time I ask myself or if a doctor asks me if I am depressed I always respond with "I really don't think so".

Does depression hide itself? Is it even possible for me to know for sure?

TL;DR: Hit with random and hard-hitting exhaustion. Depression would be nice a catch-all diagnosis for exhaustion and lots of other ailments I have. I don't feel like I am depressed but possible depression keeps popping up in my life. Does depression cause random exhaustion? Can I even know for sure if I have depression?

 

[The Wall]

I want to know why people automatically assume going through blood-family is a good way to help/get to a person, whether the reasons are bad or good. Often, those are the very people who have been most abusive and the worst people to go through.

Whoever was pulling the strings by going at my family? Congratulations, you are mostly dealing with a bunch of in-denial liars and abusive people that I can never have anything to do with again because you thought it was a good idea to use them to communicate to me, when it was simply giving them more power to prolonge a lifetime of abuse that they never would admit to since the beginning.

Child services was called and came to the home I grew up in when I was 3 or 4 for a reason, and they did NOTHING.

 

[Teriyaki Blues]

-snip-

Yes, depression can cause or exacerbate both physical illness/pain and fatigue. It can just make everything you're already dealing with worse. It sounds to me like you might have SAD, or Seasonal Affective Disorder instead of another type of depressive disorder. Talk to your doctor about this if it only happens during this time of year, it is one of the most treatable depressions ever.

It is also one of the easiest to self-diagose accurately, but many people don't even realize it is a -thing-!

-also snip-

This is the one kind of abuse that makes me so angry I wish I could blow up the planet to stop it. Both as a child and teen who was physically and psychologically abused by both parents as well as other family members (though to a much lesser extent than many, I got off extremely lightly as far as sexual abuse was concerned) and as a parent.

The lengths that family will go through to cover shit up when CPS gets involved and the fact it just makes things worse for the child afterwards. It makes my blood boil.

I'm so sorry you went through this. It wasn't your fault, ever, and you deserve better.

 

[The Wall]

This is the one kind of abuse that makes me so angry I wish I could blow up the planet to stop it. Both as a child and teen who was physically and psychologically abused by both parents as well as other family members (though to a much lesser extent than many, I got off extremely lightly as far as sexual abuse was concerned) and as a parent.

The lengths that family will go through to cover shit up when CPS gets involved and the fact it just makes things worse for the child afterwards. It makes my blood boil.

I'm so sorry you went through this. It wasn't your fault, ever, and you deserve better.

It's really, really bad. Some literally gossip/conspire amongst themselves to keep it covered up and hide it over an entire lifetime, and abuse the person who tries to speak up in any way they can to shut them up and try to condition them into silence.

Then, anyone who approaches/listens to the family and thinks they're helping is just inviting the abusive family to have MORE power over abusing the person, instead of LESS. It's really fucking sad. Then everyone gets into a built-up circle jerk set of lies they agree on to gaslight and discredit the person who just needed some help. They'll put all energy and effort into keeping the person from getting access to help or speaking to anyone who could actually do anything- ticking time bombs when the messy truth starts to come out.

 

[MisterLuffy]

Anybody here knows physics? The subject has been stressing me out, and its one of the subject I spend so much time on and yet I get no where. I've been using google and yahoo to search for answers but I knew that it won't help me in the long run. The midterm is coming soon, and I don't feel ready at all. I really hate physics, its one of those subjects I never want to take but have to.

 

[User 479360]

Yes, depression can cause or exacerbate both physical illness/pain and fatigue. It can just make everything you're already dealing with worse. It sounds to me like you might have SAD, or Seasonal Affective Disorder instead of another type of depressive disorder. Talk to your doctor about this if it only happens during this time of year, it is one of the most treatable depressions ever.

Fatigue is one of my worst symptoms of depression. Some days, I have next to no energy and am on the couch most of the time. I want to get up and shower/game (OCD ritual) but don't have the energy and just want to lay there with my eyes closed.

 

[Booker Dewitt]

Fatigue is one of my worst symptoms of depression. Some days, I have next to no energy and am on the couch most of the time. I want to get up and shower/game (OCD ritual) but don't have the energy and just want to lay there with my eyes closed.

Getting that something fierce on my days off, and only alcohol seems to perk me up...and then I get sleepy from the beer and I'm at the same point where I started.