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[User 479360]

Checking back in here. I hope you're all doing okay, and that things have improved. I know how hard it is.

As always, feel free to reach out to me if you'd ever like to talk. I'm on GAF a lot, and will reply to every message when I can.

I've had my good days and bad days, but I'm doing okay lately. Waiting to get on disability, too. I haven't felt well physically, because of stomach issues that have made me feel flu-like for almost all of July. But that's been better the last couple of days.

Currently med free, after kicking Cymbalta to the curb, and I feel better than I did while on it. However, if I'm not on meds then it'll be tough to get disability support and I need benefits/should be medicated. Things is, the only meds I get right now are free trials and the only two options my psychiatrist gave me were: A) something like Cymbalta or B) something that wouldn't help my anxiety, just my depression and OCD. I took the latter, but haven't really started it.

I just wish that I could know my Mom's okay and cancer-free like she was. She's doing well, but the unknown kills me/I can't stop worrying constantly. I know if we get any bad news, it'll be a drop off the cliff for my mental health.

 

[Hecatonchires Custom]

Sorry for the long post.

I was in a relationship with another guy for 4 years. The first 3.5 years were probably some of the best of my life ; I felt happy and loved and while the relationship wasn't perfect, I feel that what we had was strong and durable. But the last half year was pretty terrible, the sex got more and more scarce, we loved each other but it seemed like we were more like roomates than lovers. The best way I could describe it was that we were both unhappy but together, in love but falling out of love at the same time.

Since I didn't have other gay friends, I've made some new friends that knew that I was in a relationship and they were gamers too so we played Smash and LoL and frankly, it was fun and refreshing. Then one of them introduced me to a guy who, as he put it, fell in love with me at first sight and while the guy was charming as fuck, I told him that I was in a relationship and he understood. We started chatting more and more on facebook and I started opening up about my current relationship and how miserable I felt at times. The guy pretty much told me everything I wanted to hear from the boyfriend, especially since I felt less than desirable around him.

I made the mistake of kissing him one night and while it felt good and liberating at the time, I felt immensely guilty afterwards. I asked my boyfriend one night if he still loved me and confessed about the kiss. He was unsurprisingly devasted and left in his car only to return about at 3 or 4 AM. I waited by the window the whole time, crying out of shame and guilt. We broke it off that night.

This all happened 2 months ago. Since then, I have been agonizing and torturing myself about the whole deal. I've been crying myself to sleep every night for two months from the guilt, the pain and the loss of a relationship I was so happy in at first.

All of my free time is spent either crying or sleeping, I haven't gone out with people, played videogames or done anything else in the last 2 months. I have to move out soon and I'm scared of ending up alone in my appartment with my own despair. I would probably never kill myself but I know that I'll keep torturing myself over this since I really can't get over the fact that I knowingly and deliberately sabotaged my own happiness for a cheap thrill. I really don't know what to do to get out of this emotional limbo, I feel stuck in a cycle of guilt and loss and I'm scared of the idea that I'll never be happy again.

 

[Daria]

Would you have a job and an affordable living situation in the new city?

I didn't think anybody was going to reply to this. Anyway, I'm currently studying on my own again to pass the NREMT (to get my EMT license) that way I can land a job relatively easy before moving down there. If that doesnt happen again though then I dont know what i'd do for a job. I've always worked in the home health field so I'm sure i could find something small before moving down maybe.

Housing though I have no idea about. My girlfriend has a friend who i'd consider rooming with because it's her best friends boyfriend who I get along with but I think he's staying in the dorms in another city next year. Plus i'd feel weird asking that without really knowing him that well. Though my girlfriend is moving in with her sister and best friend over christmas break, i dont think i'd feel comfortable intruding in there asking if i can stay for a little while until i find a room to rent or figure out a dorm situation.

This is all really at least a good 6+ months out but it really freaks me out because i just want to get out of the town i am right now and out of the place i'm living at with the people i am. I'm 23 which seems young but I'm ready to get back on my own two feet again and start my life, career, etc.


-----------


I originally came in here to post about how i feel my weight and self image is doing harm to me. I've lost ~20lbs since last year but now i feel like i've lost too much. I hated myself when i weight more but now i feel too small. I'd like to go back to the gym and gain muscle weight so i can feel better about how i look and feel but I don't really have the money for another membership. hopefully i can figure out some stuff to do at home that will help me out in the same way.

 

[Omega Ultimus]

Housing though I have no idea about. My girlfriend has a friend who i'd consider rooming with because it's her best friends boyfriend who I get along with but I think he's staying in the dorms in another city next year. Plus i'd feel weird asking that without really knowing him that well. Though my girlfriend is moving in with her sister and best friend over christmas break, i dont think i'd feel comfortable intruding in there asking if i can stay for a little while until i find a room to rent or figure out a dorm situation.

Try not to feel ashamed about asking. It's a simple and understandable question, and I doubt anyone would take offense to it. If neither of those work out, you can always check local listings (usually through Craigslist, at least that's the one I'm aware of) in advance, and then move in prior to when the semester/quarter begins.

I originally came in here to post about how i feel my weight and self image is doing harm to me. I've lost ~20lbs since last year but now i feel like i've lost too much. I hated myself when i weight more but now i feel too small. I'd like to go back to the gym and gain muscle weight so i can feel better about how i look and feel but I don't really have the money for another membership. hopefully i can figure out some stuff to do at home that will help me out in the same way.

Perhaps there are some more DIY methods (posted online) to gain muscle weight through activities that are readily available to you. Also, not saying it's not just an aesthetic issue, but are you sure you're not judging yourself a bit harshly? Why do you feel small, and what will building up muscle do for you?

Just to clarify, I'm not judging you are trying to be antagonistic-if it sounds like it I apologize. I just feel it's important, when dealing with the perception of our bodies, to ensure that it's more than a feeling of inadequacy among our peers that drives the desire to change them.

 

[A Fish Aficionado]

Calisthenics is a good way to get in shape without a gym. There are online sources too.

 

[jb1234]

All of my free time is spent either crying or sleeping, I haven't gone out with people, played videogames or done anything else in the last 2 months. I have to move out soon and I'm scared of ending up alone in my appartment with my own despair. I would probably never kill myself but I know that I'll keep torturing myself over this since I really can't get over the fact that I knowingly and deliberately sabotaged my own happiness for a cheap thrill. I really don't know what to do to get out of this emotional limbo, I feel stuck in a cycle of guilt and loss and I'm scared of the idea that I'll never be happy again.

Forgive yourself, dude. I know it's easy for me to say but you'll never be able to move forward unless you do. You also might want to give serious consideration to talking to a mental health professional to sort through these feelings. You're not a bad person, you will feel happy again. Take care of yourself.

 

[mgs2master2]

So i figured this would be my first post here... here it goes... just some short details for now

So i started my graduate program finally. However it has been quite a struggle. It was told that we need an 84 (lowest B) possible to advance to the next course. Currently sitting on a 78 in the course. I been stressing like crazy and it hasnt helped my depression a bit. One of the medications I was prescribed is adderall. It does help with my bouts with depression, but it hasnt helped and caused me to focus more on the negatives than positives. I mean in the last week, i probably got around 4 hours of sleep total in the last 5-6 days. This is in combination of everything, not just schooling. Adderall clearly doesnt help with sleeping so it has me laying in bed just focusing on negative things.

in addition, just earlier today (Pacific time zone) my dog for 6 years became very lethargic. He would not eat or drink or anything. When I was first offically diagnosed with depression, this dog was what helped me fight through my depression. I love him, he is family. I was clearly worried, still am worried about him. I managed to have him eat and drink something. He managed to walk around and found me upstairs to lay on the floor and hang out with me. As the day progressed, somehow he hurt his foot too and now on top of everything that hes going through, he limps everywhere. It doesnt help my newest dog wants to play fight (sometimes real fight) him. he stands there helpless and when i seperate them. he bites me when i check up on him. Right now my roommate brought him to my room ( he was under a table downstairs) and hes laying on the floor, just chilling and smiling at me. I feel so helpless with myself and even moreso to help him. My finances arent the best thing in the world right now, and last time i took him to the vet, he had a complication where i nearly dropped 1200 to keep him alive. :-/
I called my vet too who advised me to just watch him for the next 24 hours and if he doesnt snap out of it, to bring him in. im just super worried still.

i know i wrote alot so far, but one more. this one takes the cake of insanely draining and doesnt help my depression. being the person I am, I want to help others all the time. About 2 years ago my mom was diagnosed with scizophrenia, having delusions, bipolar, deminsa (spelled wrong?) and osteoprosis. As you can imagine its a heavy combo. I had her move in with me so i can watch out for her and help her. My brothers dont want to help, and my dad is going through several financial issues and health issues. So i been left to take care of her. Some reason every single time they take her to get her re-evaluated, the front she puts up tricks whoever is evaluating her. I would take her myself and try to speak to the doctors, but due to patient/client confidentially, they wont. she also requested to not have me speak to them too, which they must honor. They give her medication, all she does is flush it down the toliet, or in the kitchen sink. I got evidence and showed her doctors, they wont do a thing. It is very wearing because i have to take care of her, in addition to her sleepless nights where all she does is stay up and yell constantly about how people want to "have sex with her" and they will make her physical pain and voices go away. She keeps yelling to leave her alone and wont stop. I am thankful i have roommates who are willing to help with it, but it leaves us all worn out.

I usually do well to hold all these in, or speak to my doctor. Basically I usually manage things well, but lately it has been terrible for me. Its wearing me to insane points. i havent got to suicidial ideation yet (thankfully) im just very drained. At this rate i am afraid while im balancing out school, family, dog, and my job, i will just basically collaspe or worse. I have had meltdowns and breakdowns the last two weeks, more so then i ever had before. Doctor says sometimes this happens, stick to meds, and come in to vent or whatever. I just am physically drained, and at this point of my life (mentally, physically, socially) its really just too much to bear.

Thank you guys for this thread and allowing me to vent it here. i needed an output somewhere here.

 

[DrM]

I have a pretty rocky weeks behind me. Looks like combination of hard work and heat is taking its tool on my mental state. I am so tired /drained each evening that I just drop down, even at weekends - I have no will to go out even with my two best friends, let socializing with other people.

Therapy is going well otherwise, these bumps are expected and I need to listen more to my therapist, because she say every time that I am way too hard on myself. And ladies? Met a nice girl on Saturday evening , but probably left not so good first impression so I am not counting for anything...

 

[Bad_Boy]

Despite my tag, i don't actually take any medication.

Just chiming in to say that i hope all of you with serious issues find the help you need and are able to one day live a "normal" life. I can't imagine what you guys go through, but If anybody wants somebody to talk to about whatever feel free to pm me. Not sure what help I can offer, but I know that sometimes people just need somebody to listen.

 

[Daria]

Despite my tag, i don't actually take any medication.

Just chiming in to say that i hope all of you with serious issues find the help you need and are able to one day live a "normal" life. I can't imagine what you guys go through, but If anybody wants somebody to talk to about whatever feel free to pm me. Not sure what help I can offer, but I know that sometimes people just need somebody to listen.

echoing this for myself. whether you want an outside opinion, a strangers ear just to listen or just need to talk about anything, my inbox is always open for any of you. I don't want to see anyone suffer if I can help at all

 

[Piano]

Hanging out with friends and climbing (a major part of which is hanging out with friends) definitely fill the emptiness a lot. The main issue is that the second I'm back alone at home or at the office or whatever, the empty feeling immediately comes back. It's like my mind isn't able to remember the fact that I do live a full life, even if I'm not living a full life at that very moment. I essentially have to keep myself constantly busy or else I start sinking into a depression.

Regarding the next question, I've got absolutely no clue, but that's certainly something I'll try to be mindful of and start thinking exploring.

Hmm, so it sounds like for some reason even though you have fulfilling experiences you're not able to "keep them down", as in, they drain very quickly and then you're left back with the emptiness. I haven't got any advice for that phenomenon quite yet, unfortunately, as I've been struggling with a similar pattern over the past year. It's unreal to spend an entire day with good friends having a wonderful time and then two hours later cry because of how alone I feel.

I'm still working on it and thinking about it. Why can't we hold on to these experiences and carry their fulfillment with us? Why do we so easily feel abandoned? If I discover anything, you'll be the first to know.

Been feeling angry and irritated lately. hmmm. Not nice.

A good friend told me one of his psychology professors used to say that "anger is a reaction to the experience of vulnerability." I've found it to often be very true. So it's worth considering if there's something that's making you feel vulnerable.

Checking back in here. I hope you're all doing okay, and that things have improved. I know how hard it is.

I'm glad you're checking in Chewie, and though it sounds like things are still sorta tough it also sounds like you're doing a pretty damn good job keeping your head on straight about all of it. I'm glad the stomach issues are clearing up and I hope they continue to do so.

Also, would it not be an option to take two medications, one for your OCD and one for anxiety? There are a lot of dedicated anxiety medications out there.

All of my free time is spent either crying or sleeping, I haven't gone out with people, played videogames or done anything else in the last 2 months. I have to move out soon and I'm scared of ending up alone in my appartment with my own despair. I would probably never kill myself but I know that I'll keep torturing myself over this since I really can't get over the fact that I knowingly and deliberately sabotaged my own happiness for a cheap thrill. I really don't know what to do to get out of this emotional limbo, I feel stuck in a cycle of guilt and loss and I'm scared of the idea that I'll never be happy again.

I'm sorry you're having such a rough time, HC.
One would imagine that if your boyfriend broke up with you immediately over a single kiss that the kiss itself is not the reason he broke it off but more of a catalyst for something that may have happened anyways. As such, one would hope that you can relieve yourself from some of the burdensome feelings of guilt, because it's probably not as simple as "you did this, then it was over." There must have been more going on - especially considering how long you had been dating.

Of course, I know none of that really makes it any easier. Guilt is a crushing weight to have on your shoulders. Have you considered seeing a therapist to work through your difficulties with the break-up?

So i figured this would be my first post here... here it goes... just some short details for now

Thank you guys for this thread and allowing me to vent it here. i needed an output somewhere here.

Hey mgs2master2. Glad you joined us. Those sound like a really, really difficult set of circumstances, and I'm really, really sorry you're suffering. I don't have any magic advice, unfortunately, I wish I did. I encourage you, however, to prioritize sleep, as being underslept makes everything more difficult and overwhelming.

Let us know if there's anything we can do. I hope for the best for your dog and your mother.

I have a pretty rocky weeks behind me. Looks like combination of hard work and heat is taking its tool on my mental state. I am so tired /drained each evening that I just drop down, even at weekends - I have no will to go out even with my two best friends, let socializing with other people.

Therapy is going well otherwise, these bumps are expected and I need to listen more to my therapist, because she say every time that I am way too hard on myself. And ladies? Met a nice girl on Saturday evening , but probably left not so good first impression so I am not counting for anything...

It's always best not to have expectations anyways, because if you don't have expectations you'll be content no matter what happens

I'm glad therapy is going well. Heat can be brutal, no two ways around that. I wonder whether there's a way you could relate with at least your close / best friends so that they would refuel you rather than drain you further? Most social situations drain me but I've found that there are some people that kind of "get" how and why I'm drained and so hanging out with them when I'm pooped doesn't drain me further.

<3

 

[Kipp]

Hmm, so it sounds like for some reason even though you have fulfilling experiences you're not able to "keep them down", as in, they drain very quickly and then you're left back with the emptiness. I haven't got any advice for that phenomenon quite yet, unfortunately, as I've been struggling with a similar pattern over the past year. It's unreal to spend an entire day with good friends having a wonderful time and then two hours later cry because of how alone I feel.

I'm still working on it and thinking about it. Why can't we hold on to these experiences and carry their fulfillment with us? Why do we so easily feel abandoned? If I discover anything, you'll be the first to know.

It's comforting to know that I'm not alone in this. It's definitely bizarre how that works.
I hope you're able to make some progress in that area!

 

[DrM]

It's always best not to have expectations anyways, because if you don't have expectations you'll be content no matter what happens

I'm glad therapy is going well. Heat can be brutal, no two ways around that. I wonder whether there's a way you could relate with at least your close / best friends so that they would refuel you rather than drain you further? Most social situations drain me but I've found that there are some people that kind of "get" how and why I'm drained and so hanging out with them when I'm pooped doesn't drain me further.

Yeah, you are totally right well, at least she responded to my mail, i get ghosted usually..

About draining energy - My work is very very physical demanding , daily load is around 15 tonnes of goods moved/organized by hand. Add outside heat, fatigue and pain in my back to equation and you get very very grueling work day. Multiply by 6 and you get my work week. And you will get an idea why I do not have a will to go anywhere on Friday/Saturday evening and why I want to get a different job

 

[mgs2master2]

Hey mgs2master2. Glad you joined us. Those sound like a really, really difficult set of circumstances, and I'm really, really sorry you're suffering. I don't have any magic advice, unfortunately, I wish I did. I encourage you, however, to prioritize sleep, as being underslept makes everything more difficult and overwhelming.

Let us know if there's anything we can do. I hope for the best for your dog and your mother.

it is appreciated on the advice. I will do my best to get sleep, but things are rough to the point that things wont be accomplished unless i dont get sleep. I may need to just take a break or something, but that still wont stop things from going on. :/ i
trust me thanks for this, it probably is the only piece of advice and someone allowing me to vent in a long time, and that goes a long way. I truly appreciate it.

 

[Red UFO]

Hello everyone, glad I found this thread.

Around 6-8 months ago I started feeling the weirdest I've ever felt in my life. Everything just felt like I was wandering through this strange haze. I suddenly stopped finding enjoyment in pretty much everything, and as a result my grades in my final year at university pretty much plummeted miserably. I got trapped in cycle which I could only describe as pretty horrific, which involved me looking at all my problems, saying "nope", and going back to bed. I did that until about a week ago, where I finally had to break down in front of my dad. Fortunately, both of my parents have been understanding, and have helped me book an appointment at the doctors so I can soon find some professional help.

Now I'm here, I'm not too sure why I'm actually making this post. I guess it's just nice to know I'm not completely alone in this. I guess one question I have is, is there any healthy response to try and have at those super low points? When I'm at the absolute lowest I just curl up and cry, does anyone they have any breathing exercises they have that help them get through?

Very nice OP, the depression adventure blog does a fantastic job of articulating what I would consider something that is impossible to truly convey.

 

[shadowkat]

Just feel very low today, like I'm on the edge of tears. Looking for a job is crushing especially when I've really only got rejections. If I could at least get to an interview portion, I'd probably feel better.

 

[scotcheggz]

has anyone here taken sertraline before? It seems its also called zoloft and lustral too. my doctor prescribed me this for anxiety but I'm kinda freaked to take it, I don't really like medication and this stuff seems pretty hardcore but then on the other hand I can get pretty severe anxiety so... any experiences?

 

[Blues1990]

Hello everyone, glad I found this thread.

Around 6-8 months ago I started feeling the weirdest I've ever felt in my life. Everything just felt like I was wandering through this strange haze. I suddenly stopped finding enjoyment in pretty much everything, and as a result my grades in my final year at university pretty much plummeted miserably. I got trapped in cycle which I could only describe as pretty horrific, which involved me looking at all my problems, saying "nope", and going back to bed. I did that until about a week ago, where I finally had to break down in front of my dad. Fortunately, both of my parents have been understanding, and have helped me book an appointment at the doctors so I can soon find some professional help.

Now I'm here, I'm not too sure why I'm actually making this post. I guess it's just nice to know I'm not completely alone in this. I guess one question I have is, is there any healthy response to try and have at those super low points? When I'm at the absolute lowest I just curl up and cry, does anyone they have any breathing exercises they have that help them get through?

Very nice OP, the depression adventure blog does a fantastic job of articulating what I would consider something that is impossible to truly convey.

I don't know if this will help you, but I find taking classes in meditation have helped me with my anxiety, along with the deep breathing exercises in yoga. It's worth a shot to sign up, if there are any classes in your area. You can also read this.

Just feel very low today, like I'm on the edge of tears. Looking for a job is crushing especially when I've really only got rejections. If I could at least get to an interview portion, I'd probably feel better.

I know how you feel, man. Especially since I don't have anyone to be with, making the waiting game for me all the more painful for me.

 

[pixelation]

Just feel very low today, like I'm on the edge of tears. Looking for a job is crushing especially when I've really only got rejections. If I could at least get to an interview portion, I'd probably feel better.

I went to a job interview yesterday, seems like i might get the job. I'm not too thrilled because even though the pay is good, i'm not interested in the actual job itself... but hey! i can save up and buy a PS4 finally!, that should bring me some short lived happiness. And i can have some more studies done that may reveal what is it that's making me sick, maybe purchase a huge assed tv. But the last job i had... the time i spent away from home made me sooo home sick that i'd literally start sobbing. I'm weird i know that already...

 

[MikeDip]

More money would be nice. There are so many things I want to buy.

 

[Octavianus]

I have not been doing too great as of late. My mood is all over the place and My anxiety seems to be getting worse..
i'm at the point where I'm getting all of my grocerys home delivered but even opening the door for the delivery person is starting to become too much to handle.
I havent seen another person face to face in over two weeks (not counting the delivery person) and I honestly wish I could keep it up forever but i'm starting to run out of excuses to avoid family members and my sister is expecting me to babysit my nephew this weekend and I don't think I can weasel my way out of it.
I feel pretty bad about it because I actually like most of my family members but I just can't deal with being around anyone.

 

[Piano]

Now I'm here, I'm not too sure why I'm actually making this post. I guess it's just nice to know I'm not completely alone in this. I guess one question I have is, is there any healthy response to try and have at those super low points? When I'm at the absolute lowest I just curl up and cry, does anyone they have any breathing exercises they have that help them get through?

Very nice OP, the depression adventure blog does a fantastic job of articulating what I would consider something that is impossible to truly convey.

Hello Red UFO! Glad you can join us, and it's great to hear that you're already in the process of pursuing treatment.

I'm not sure I can give a catch-all answer for what to do at your lowest points since, well, low points can consist of many, many different emotions. Instead I'll offer the few thoughts I do have.

A friend told me once: you can fight your feelings your whole life and you'll never win. I think it's important at those low points to allow your feelings to the best of your ability even if that means crying. It can also help to continually talk it out with someone you trust or otherwise write your feelings out (which I do very often). A bonus perk to writing out your feelings is that when you go see a doctor or therapist you'll have a script to work from so you're sure you don't forget to mention anything.

Breathing or light meditation can help as well. Have you ever tried breathing practices or breath meditation? If not I can link you to some starting resources.

I hope you're able to find some sense of progress in pursuing your treatment, and it's great that you've opened up to your parents.

Just feel very low today, like I'm on the edge of tears. Looking for a job is crushing especially when I've really only got rejections. If I could at least get to an interview portion, I'd probably feel better.

The job hunt is truly hell. I'm sorry you're having such a tough time with it, shadowkat. Have you been able to make any sense of why you aren't getting interviews?

It might just be a senseless bad streak. I hope it lets up soon.

has anyone here taken sertraline before? It seems its also called zoloft and lustral too. my doctor prescribed me this for anxiety but I'm kinda freaked to take it, I don't really like medication and this stuff seems pretty hardcore but then on the other hand I can get pretty severe anxiety so... any experiences?

Yes, I took it for many years. It can be very effective in managing general anxiety. The effects, in my experience, were pretty gentle; it's likely that you'll get some fogginess and perhaps mild side effects for the first little bit but these usually subside. SSRIs, overall, are pretty gentle medications that are well tolerated. I think it's best if you follow your doctor's advice! Let me know if you have any other questions about Zoloft - I'll do my best to answer them.

More money would be nice. There are so many things I want to buy.

Me too, but I know none of them would truly bring me happiness or contentment...

I have not been doing too great as of late. My mood is all over the place and My anxiety seems to be getting worse..
i'm at the point where I'm getting all of my grocerys home delivered but even opening the door for the delivery person is starting to become too much to handle.
I havent seen another person face to face in over two weeks (not counting the delivery person) and I honestly wish I could keep it up forever but i'm starting to run out of excuses to avoid family members and my sister is expecting me to babysit my nephew this weekend and I don't think I can weasel my way out of it.
I feel pretty bad about it because I actually like most of my family members but I just can't deal with being around anyone.

Octavianus, it sounds like you are having some really debilitating, paralyzing anxiety. It sounds a lot like a really, really, really rough spot I was in my junior year of college. Are you receiving any mental health treatment?

Also, what do you mean when you can't "deal" with things?
(I used to say almost the same thing, for what it's worth, and I wasn't able to really explain what it meant until much later)

<3

 

[DrM]

Yay, I am 30 today and just endured one of the most shitty nights in recent months. Looking at other people my age, how much they achieved and how they enjoy their life or they already have families.... and here I am, stuck at hellish job for minimal wage, still living at home,serving as a handyman, girls ignoring me after one date and I could continue on and on. There is no way for me to turn this trend around. Simply no way.

ah fuck it, I will get drunk today.

 

[Octavianus]

Octavianus, it sounds like you are having some really debilitating, paralyzing anxiety. It sounds a lot like a really, really, really rough spot I was in my junior year of college. Are you receiving any mental health treatment?

Also, what do you mean when you can't "deal" with things?
(I used to say almost the same thing, for what it's worth, and I wasn't able to really explain what it meant until much later)

<3

Not anymore. I've been seeing a psychiatrist for years but she recently moved to the other side of the country.
She made arrangements for me to talk to one of her colleagues instead but I didn't want to get to know another psychiatrist all over again.

I'm not sure how to describe it. I just get this really awful almost claustrophobic feeling whenever I'm around someone.
There's some paranoia as well, like sometimes I'll notice someone is walking behind me on the street and I wont be able to shake the feeling that they're going to do something bad, like pull a knife on me or something. I usually have trouble breathing and my body will start shaking and sweating whenever that happens.

I've been dealing with this stuff for about ten years now and I've never been the most social person to begin with, and I've been told that I act like a prick without realising it on occasion, but I used to be able to suck it up with family members at least but they're starting to become to much to handle as well.

Other problems I've been dealing with are depressions and scoliosis.

My scoliosis is pretty mild, apparently, which makes me wonder what more severe cases are like.. It hurts a lot, all the time, and I feel like every bone in my body is misaligned.

Depression is.. well, depression. I feel bad realy often and I often don't even have enough energy to get out of bed.
It has gotten bad enough for me to think about suicide a couple of times but I've never had enough energy to figure out how to actually go about doing it whenever I'm at that point.

 

[Deleted member 18827]

Does anyone have experience with Seroquel/Quetiapine? I'm on 60mg Cymbalta and my Doc has prescribed me the Seroquel to help with sleep. He said it's a sedative but reading up it's an anti-psychotic? It's great for sleep, knocks me the fuck out, but not overly comfortable taking an anti-psychotic and a little worried now my Doc doesnt know what he is on about.

 

[A Fish Aficionado]

Is it a GP/family doc or a psychiatrist?
Have you been properly screened and or diagnosed?

Add ons are sometimes added for things such as sleep. I had trazodone, but that just made me oversleep when i could actually sleep and irritable. Works for others?

I don't know enough to properly assess medications, but talk with your doc and if possible get another opinion by a psychiatrist.

For chronic sleep problems medication can be problematic. It's probably one of the few areas that I believe that have to have medication as a last resort.

 

[Deleted member 18827]

Yea just the GP. Prob time to up the insurance to cover for a psych.

 

[A Fish Aficionado]

Depending on location, you can use public mental health clinics.

 

[Piano]

Yay, I am 30 today and just endured one of the most shitty nights in recent months. Looking at other people my age, how much they achieved and how they enjoy their life or they already have families.... and here I am, stuck at hellish job for minimal wage, still living at home,serving as a handyman, girls ignoring me after one date and I could continue on and on. There is no way for me to turn this trend around. Simply no way.

I know you've got no reason to believe me, but I think there is nearly always a way to turn it around. You mentioned recently that therapy was going well - has your therapist offered any help in how you could change your circumstances?

Also, happy birthday

Not anymore. I've been seeing a psychiatrist for years but she recently moved to the other side of the country.
She made arrangements for me to talk to one of her colleagues instead but I didn't want to get to know another psychiatrist all over again.

I'm not sure how to describe it. I just get this really awful almost claustrophobic feeling whenever I'm around someone.
There's some paranoia as well, like sometimes I'll notice someone is walking behind me on the street and I wont be able to shake the feeling that they're going to do something bad, like pull a knife on me or something. I usually have trouble breathing and my body will start shaking and sweating whenever that happens.

I've been dealing with this stuff for about ten years now and I've never been the most social person to begin with, and I've been told that I act like a prick without realising it on occasion, but I used to be able to suck it up with family members at least but they're starting to become to much to handle as well.

Other problems I've been dealing with are depressions and scoliosis.

My scoliosis is pretty mild, apparently, which makes me wonder what more severe cases are like.. It hurts a lot, all the time, and I feel like every bone in my body is misaligned.

Depression is.. well, depression. I feel bad realy often and I often don't even have enough energy to get out of bed.
It has gotten bad enough for me to think about suicide a couple of times but I've never had enough energy to figure out how to actually go about doing it whenever I'm at that point.

I know finding another psychiatrist and rebuilding that relationship may seem like just another one of those things you can't deal with but I really, really, really think you should try your best to hold your nose and go through with it.

I'm sorry to be pushy, it's just that your descriptions remind me so vividly of a period of my life where anxiety absolutely ran my life. I mostly stopped seeking treatment because I couldn't deal with what they were telling me and I couldn't deal with letting go of the few things I was holding on to so, so tightly. It wasn't until I had a big breakdown, had to quit my job and move home for a summer that I started seeing a therapist who I didn't continually lie to, opened up (both to myself and my therapist!) about what was going on and started taking medications as instructed.

There are many, many anixolytic medications out there that could alleviate your symptoms and there are many, many therapists who could help you work through why anxiety has such command over your life so that you can see lasting improvements.

Did you trust the psychiatrist you were seeing? Was she helpful?

Does anyone have experience with Seroquel/Quetiapine? I'm on 60mg Cymbalta and my Doc has prescribed me the Seroquel to help with sleep. He said it's a sedative but reading up it's an anti-psychotic? It's great for sleep, knocks me the fuck out, but not overly comfortable taking an anti-psychotic and a little worried now my Doc doesnt know what he is on about.

Yes, I took Seroquel for a spell. At low doses it can be used for anxiety or sleep assistance; it takes a much higher dose for the antipsychotic effects to fully kick in. My issue with it is that it was too sedating. Even on the lowest dose I was out for 10-11 hours a night, which just wasn't workable. Apparently for a lot of people the effect levels off a bit, though, and it can be a big help.

There's nothing inherently dangerous about taking an antipsychotic, especially for the short term. The newer AAP medications may cause you to feel loopy as you come onto them but otherwise sedation is the big struggle ... but if that's why you're taking it then never mind! My understanding is that the main health concerns come when taking a higher dose for a very long while (years?).

<3

 

[DrM]

I know you've got no reason to believe me, but I think there is nearly always a way to turn it around. You mentioned recently that therapy was going well - has your therapist offered any help in how you could change your circumstances?

Also, happy birthday

Thank you

Well, only scenarios are:
1) Quit my job and stay without one. This would mean that I would have to leave my home
2) Quit my job and get another low paid, because there are no jobs in my field
3) Move abroad, which poses huge financial risk which I cannot take and my family will not support me. Plus get a stable, long term job in current economical situation.

So I will see... but current job is killing me physically and mentally. oh and my date from Saturday responded that she found somebody else. But I am glad for her and that she even told me and not simply vanished into thin air.

 

[A Fish Aficionado]

It's always the nights that are terrible

Instead of going to work, I cried and thought of killing myself. Just a few moments and that would be it. Why I got back in the car is a mystery. Why I keep myself from taking that leao, I don't know.

 

[Zoolader]

I had to put my 14 year old dog down tonight. She was truly my best friend and the only thing that made me happy. I can't control the constant tears even though I knew this day would come soon. There is never enough time to prepare for death. I feel so alone and dead inside.

R.I.P. Roxy, I love you.

 

[jb1234]

It's always the nights that are terrible

Instead of going to work, I cried and thought of killing myself. Just a few moments and that would be it. Why I got back in the car is a mystery. Why I keep myself from taking that leao, I don't know.

I'm very glad you didn't. The odds are very good that I'll be down in your neighborhood around Novemberish and I want you to take me out to Korean BBQ. <3

 

[shadowkat]

The job hunt is truly hell. I'm sorry you're having such a tough time with it, shadowkat. Have you been able to make any sense of why you aren't getting interviews?

It might just be a senseless bad streak. I hope it lets up soon.

Not exactly. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm just applying to the wrong things. I have a ton of experience, it's just diverse and not specific. Unless I count the years of customer service experience, which I don't want to go back to. It's causing a great deal of doubt and then of course I start to believe that I will never find anything.

I'm hoping, like you said, it's just some bad streak.

I also want to say that I really appreciate how you take the time to reply to everyone in the thread. <3

I had to put my 14 year old dog down tonight. She was truly my best friend and the only thing that made me happy. I can't control the constant tears even though I knew this day would come soon. There is never enough time to prepare for death. I feel so alone and dead inside.

R.I.P. Roxy, I love you.

I'm so sorry about your dog.

 

[Izuna]

I feel stupid. I can't leave a note for anyone else.

So many people left in this world. All I ever do is try and help. I have come to understand that I never can unless I have help too, or help myself. Those two things, I can't do.

NeoGAF isn't my family, or the people who care about me the most. It's likely that after I'm gone no one will bother to read this that know me.

I just found out what it was like to feel happy again. But it was all based on a lie. I'm done being lied to. I've given absolutely everything I could, and I dream of it.

If I can be born again... I want to be able to help people. It's all I ever wanted to do in this life and I fully understand that my existence has harmed so many people.

If I see one more fucking email about what was sacrificed just because I was born, I think I would end up angry.

I've only been angry once before it was the scariest thing ever.

I may not make any sense. But this is the last thing I'll leave.

I've already started. I've tried to call the people I love to say goodbye... but apparently they don't want to listen. Something is more important. I don't want to take that away from them anymore.

It's strange. It's like I'm saying goodbye to know no one I know.

I'm sorry for wasting your time by posting this.

I just wanted to do one more thing.

Please, don't have children if all you are going to do is blame them for the things you life would be without them.

 

[Piano]

...

I'm sorry things are difficult right now, izunadono. If you're having the desire to hurt yourself please, please immediately go to your local ER or call 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

 

[Zoolader]

And now I just broke up with and blocked my long distance girlfriend because she was saying all the wrong things and acting like a sociopath after I told her my dog died.

 

[redlegs87]

I've been feeling great had another session with the therapist at the beginning of the week. Said I am much more put together and have a plan then I did the session before. Her and my case manager are going to help me apply to some jobs as that is still very stressful to me at my next session.

I've been stressing over my health as of recently but thankfully test results came back pretty good. Don't have that on my chest anymore either bumping my mood up even further. It feels strange to be so happy and looking forward to things for once.

 

[pixelation]

.

Dude don't do anything rash, life is worth it sometimes... even if rarely. But that's better than the uncertainty of what comes after you leave this place. What if you end up in a worse place/situation?, keep marching on dude!

 

[Zoolader]

never mind.

 

[MyWhiteRequiem]

I feel stupid. I can't leave a note for anyone else.

So many people left in this world. All I ever do is try and help. I have come to understand that I never can unless I have help too, or help myself. Those two things, I can't do.

NeoGAF isn't my family, or the people who care about me the most. It's likely that after I'm gone no one will bother to read this that know me.

I just found out what it was like to feel happy again. But it was all based on a lie. I'm done being lied to. I've given absolutely everything I could, and I dream of it.

If I can be born again... I want to be able to help people. It's all I ever wanted to do in this life and I fully understand that my existence has harmed so many people.

If I see one more fucking email about what was sacrificed just because I was born, I think I would end up angry.

I've only been angry once before it was the scariest thing ever.

I may not make any sense. But this is the last thing I'll leave.

I've already started. I've tried to call the people I love to say goodbye... but apparently they don't want to listen. Something is more important. I don't want to take that away from them anymore.

It's strange. It's like I'm saying goodbye to know no one I know.

I'm sorry for wasting your time by posting this.

I just wanted to do one more thing.

Please, don't have children if all you are going to do is blame them for the things you life would be without them.

Hey, i dont normally post much on this site, but i just wanted to check in to tell you to beg you not to do anything rash. There is always help available for you if you need it, and there will always be people who will listen to you and do all they can to help you get better and help you work through any problems you may be having.

It might not seem like it sometimes and you may not believe it, but things can and will get better. I beg you please don't do anything to harm yourself.

 

[RoyaleDuke]

I was put on Zoloft in combination with the rest of my other meds(Cyproheptadine, Latuda), don't know how I feel yet I took it about 45 minutes ago but from the sounds of things I'll have to keep track of how I feel over the next month.

I'm hanging in there, just trying to keep myself together.

I've had a lot of anxiety, and I mean a lot over a lot of different things(going to sleep, going out).

I've been trying to work on getting back in shape since I'm kinda getting chubby again, so far over about 5 days, walking at just under a mile a day I've done almost five miles(4.86 on my Nike plus application on my phone).

I'm gonna try and get up early and do walks in the morning and at dusk, the unseasonably high temperatures keep me from doing much in the day unfortunately. I don't want to push myself because then I'll get sick or probably die of a heatstroke. I get dangerously sick and dehydrated very easily when it comes to heat.

 

[titiklabingapat]

I just recently started a therapist for my panic disorder. I'm on week 2 and I'm curious about medications. He me told me he can't prescribe it but a psychiatrist can. I don't wanna be on any meds yet but I've read some good things about SSRI. But the referral to one takes a long time and I wonder if my nurse practitioner can do it instead and she will be the one supervising me, etc.

 

[Piano]

It's always the nights that are terrible

Instead of going to work, I cried and thought of killing myself. Just a few moments and that would be it. Why I got back in the car is a mystery. Why I keep myself from taking that leao, I don't know.

I'm sorry things have been so tough in the night time, AFA. As tempting of a fantasy as suicide may be, it sounds as though there's some part of you that's still holding on, and I think that's a tremendously powerful motivator to keep in mind.

Also, for what it's worth, I've found nighttime to be the most difficult time by far. Always. With no exceptions. Sometimes the contrast between my day time and night time is so much that I feel like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde - a complete, put together individual all day long and then absolute breakdown once the evening begins. I haven't been able to really figure out the root of it all.

Have your daytimes been going alright? What's been happening at night to make things so tough?

And now I just broke up with and blocked my long distance girlfriend because she was saying all the wrong things and acting like a sociopath after I told her my dog died.

Zoolader, I'm so sorry for your dog's passing. I hope you're able to find some sympathy and connection from others, perhaps us here. Losing a pet is no joke. For now it's important to let yourself grieve and feel sad, even if it is unpleasant in the short term.

I've been feeling great had another session with the therapist at the beginning of the week. Said I am much more put together and have a plan then I did the session before. Her and my case manager are going to help me apply to some jobs as that is still very stressful to me at my next session.

I've been stressing over my health as of recently but thankfully test results came back pretty good. Don't have that on my chest anymore either bumping my mood up even further. It feels strange to be so happy and looking forward to things for once.

I'm so glad to hear it, redlegs
A fresh bill of a health and a strong therapy appointment sound like a wonderful recipe for a great day! I hope your feeling of momentum continues.

Has anybody here self medicated with marijuana before making a switch to SSRI's? I need a therapist but just wondering what kind of difference it might make from people who have experience with both and suffer from depression and anxiety.

Yes, I don't recommend it. Marijuana will make you forget about your problems for a few hours but it doesn't make them go away and for me they simply waited and piled on harder after I came down. I found that it was instead useful for me to work on achieving some of the effects I enjoyed from marijuana (focus, present moment awareness) in a sober state.

It's certainly not an excessively harmful drug and I do think it's safer than alcohol (and thus should be legal!) but the way I was using it (which sounds sort of like how you want to use it) was not to my betterment.

I was put on Zoloft in combination with the rest of my other meds(Cyproheptadine, Latuda), don't know how I feel yet I took it about 45 minutes ago but from the sounds of things I'll have to keep track of how I feel over the next month.

I'm hanging in there, just trying to keep myself together.

I've had a lot of anxiety, and I mean a lot over a lot of different things(going to sleep, going out).

I've been trying to work on getting back in shape since I'm kinda getting chubby again, so far over about 5 days, walking at just under a mile a day I've done almost five miles(4.86 on my Nike plus application on my phone).

I'm gonna try and get up early and do walks in the morning and at dusk, the unseasonably high temperatures keep me from doing much in the day unfortunately. I don't want to push myself because then I'll get sick or probably die of a heatstroke. I get dangerously sick and dehydrated very easily when it comes to heat.

I'm glad you're able to keep some forward momentum, RoyaleDuke. Both exercise and walks have been demonstrated to help with anxiety (see this, for instance) so I think it's wonderful that you're finding the motivation for them. Recovery and betterment are greatly aided by both medical treatment and lifestyle changes.

Hopefully Zoloft will help ease your anxiety as it does for many others. It'll likely take a few weeks to get a sense of what the effect is.

Not exactly. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm just applying to the wrong things. I have a ton of experience, it's just diverse and not specific. Unless I count the years of customer service experience, which I don't want to go back to. It's causing a great deal of doubt and then of course I start to believe that I will never find anything.

I'm hoping, like you said, it's just some bad streak.

Yeah, customer service is...taxing. I can sympathize with why you wouldn't want to return there. Though it's definitely valuable experience. Personally, I think EVERYONE could benefit from a year in customer service, retail or food service. Gives you a perspective that is very valuable in just, you know, being a nice person. I've sworn I'll never be like some of the customers I had to deal with!

Diverse experience can sometimes be tough to sell but it really must depend on the field. You mentioned that you might be applying for the wrong things - are there other sorts of positions you're considering? Could you maybe apply to just a couple of a different sort to see if you have more luck with it? Also, have you gotten anyone to look over your CV / Resume or maybe even give a mock interview and give you feedback?

I also want to say that I really appreciate how you take the time to reply to everyone in the thread. <3

Thanks
It gives me a sense of purpose, I guess. And I try really hard not to be preachy. I definitely do not think I totally understand anyone's problems or suffering other than my own. A very valuable part of my struggles with mental health have been gaining the perspective on just how little I have felt, just how little I have known. There's so much out there.

I just recently started a therapist for my panic disorder. I'm on week 2 and I'm curious about medications. He me told me he can't prescribe it but a psychiatrist can. I don't wanna be on any meds yet but I've read some good things about SSRI. But the referral to one takes a long time and I wonder if my nurse practitioner can do it instead and she will be the one supervising me, etc.

For what its worth, SSRIs have been very, very valuable in managing my panic attacks. In conjunction with therapy to identify and understand the circumstances of why I panic I've managed to go a long while without one. They're definitely not a miracle cure but they have helped.
If you are considering psychiatric medication I, personally, would recommend seeing a specialist (a psychiatrist). They will have the greatest familiarity with the options available. However, a GP can also prescribe medications and if you feel most comfortable going that route it can also work.

<3

 

[whiterabbit]

I'm glad it's the weekend coming up. Hope everyone has a good night, and doesn't feel too depressed or anxious. I'm about to take my meds for the night. Not sure if they really do anything at all. It's not a big deal to take meds unless you have some noticeable side effects. I worry about it sometimes but then again I'm in a program so I really can't stop taking meds even if I want to. I forget what one of them is called but one of them is zyprexa.

 

[Astral Dog]

I feel stupid. I can't leave a note for anyone else.

So many people left in this world. All I ever do is try and help. I have come to understand that I never can unless I have help too, or help myself. Those two things, I can't do.

NeoGAF isn't my family, or the people who care about me the most. It's likely that after I'm gone no one will bother to read this that know me.

I just found out what it was like to feel happy again. But it was all based on a lie. I'm done being lied to. I've given absolutely everything I could, and I dream of it.

If I can be born again... I want to be able to help people. It's all I ever wanted to do in this life and I fully understand that my existence has harmed so many people.

If I see one more fucking email about what was sacrificed just because I was born, I think I would end up angry.

I've only been angry once before it was the scariest thing ever.

I may not make any sense. But this is the last thing I'll leave.

I've already started. I've tried to call the people I love to say goodbye... but apparently they don't want to listen. Something is more important. I don't want to take that away from them anymore.

It's strange. It's like I'm saying goodbye to know no one I know.

I'm sorry for wasting your time by posting this.

I just wanted to do one more thing.

Please, don't have children if all you are going to do is blame them for the things you life would be without them.

i get that sometimes this world is meaningless and full of stupidity, but please, just dont listen to your parents, they may gave you life but existense is much more than that, surely you can try to find help or a place to feel safe?

yes first you would need to help yourself, its difficult to help others if you are not alright

 

[jb1234]

I wish I could find a way out of this depression cycle that my health has forced me into. I've never handled being alone all that well and yet, I'm alone all day, day after day. I start out okay but by the evening, my mood tanks. All the friends I used to have in the area stopped calling because I couldn't hang out and with my only close friend in the area likely moving away, it just isolates me further. I'd do anything to get a hug right now. Not an online hug but a real one.

I just know I'll wake up tomorrow and the day will be exactly the same as the days before it and it makes me want to kill myself.

 

[demon]

My youngest sister tried to commit suicide today. She lives in London and she was back home just a week ago when I last saw her. I don't know many details yet but a friend or roommate found her and she was taken to the hospital to have her stomach pumped. She's been really fucked up from an Ambien addiction for a while and a doctor recently prescribed her Klonopin to help her wean off it. She's also developed a drinking problem and sometimes drinks all day apparently. She's 26 and we haven't been close at all in years but over the past couple years we've gotten a little closer and I think and we've been talking a lot more although I'll still go weeks/months without seeing or talking to her sometimes. It's really fucked up. My other sister is usually the "messed up" one with all sorts of emotional issues and has had suicide attempts over the years, so this was a shock. My parents have known about it all day and I've been texting my mom about stuff and she didn't mention it at all, I had to hear it from my other sister. My mom is fucking weird like that. It kind of makes me not want to talk to them about this at all- I'm uncomfortable talking to them about difficult shit and I can guess why. I've been in therapy and on zoloft since last year and I haven't even told them. They have all sorts of problem of their own, including constantly dealing with the problems of my other sister, and laying all of my shit on them would just be more burdens. Fuck.

 

[Link0080]

Nvm

 

[Octavianus]

I know finding another psychiatrist and rebuilding that relationship may seem like just another one of those things you can't deal with but I really, really, really think you should try your best to hold your nose and go through with it.

I'm sorry to be pushy, it's just that your descriptions remind me so vividly of a period of my life where anxiety absolutely ran my life. I mostly stopped seeking treatment because I couldn't deal with what they were telling me and I couldn't deal with letting go of the few things I was holding on to so, so tightly. It wasn't until I had a big breakdown, had to quit my job and move home for a summer that I started seeing a therapist who I didn't continually lie to, opened up (both to myself and my therapist!) about what was going on and started taking medications as instructed.

There are many, many anixolytic medications out there that could alleviate your symptoms and there are many, many therapists who could help you work through why anxiety has such command over your life so that you can see lasting improvements.

Did you trust the psychiatrist you were seeing? Was she helpful?



<3

Yes and no, there were certain things which I felt comfortable talking to her about which I wasn't capable of talking to anyone else about, which felt nice, but there were still some things I'd try my best to hide.
I was pretty open about my depression / mood swings and about how debilitating my physical problems are but we didn't talk too much about my social anxiety .
She knew about it because I wasn't able to completely hide it from her and she'd sometimes comment on it but I'd always pretty much just zone out until she started to talk about something else.
I guess I mostly kept talking to her because she'd become a part of my life. I started seeing her when I was 17 and I'm 27 now.

She reccomended prescription drugs a couple of times but I've never taken them due to my irrational fears for taking prescription drugs for mental health problems. I'm fine with taking pain meds and anti-epileptic drugs though.
I know my fears don't make a whole lot of sense (if any) but I've seen my mom get worse when drugs started getting involved for her mental health problems, when I was really young, so I don't think that's something I'll ever be able to get past..