Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.
- Thread starter Septimius
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Nah if he was dating someone in this thread she'd be analyzing the situation to the point of paralysis before even saying hello.
totally guilty of this
Girl, I fucking hear you. I think guys get off on being able to be the one to turn down a girl or something? So they get really rude and insulting. When I was actually trying to date, it's all I got. "Ugly", "fat", "bitch", etc. for basically no reason. Like...K. I asked you how your day was. That's super nice of you...
Sorry you're having to deal with it.
Keihart
Member
Haven't dated since last year of highschool, and it wasn't really dating in the sense of having dates and all. Just a girlfriend.
Now i'm aproaching my 30's and i'm starting to feel like i should put some effort in to meet new people or i'll end up single for the next 10 years or more.
Anyone in a similar situation? any advice?
Now i'm aproaching my 30's and i'm starting to feel like i should put some effort in to meet new people or i'll end up single for the next 10 years or more.
Anyone in a similar situation? any advice?
Miles Quaritch
Member
Girl, I fucking hear you. I think guys get off on being able to be the one to turn down a girl or something? So they get really rude and insulting. When I was actually trying to date, it's all I got. "Ugly", "fat", "bitch", etc. for basically no reason. Like...K. I asked you how your day was. That's super nice of you...
Sorry you're having to deal with it.
Jesus Christ.
Join a few dating sites. Go to meetups using the meetup app. Use Tinder. There's lots of options, it really depends on how much effort you're willing to put in and how much patience you have as you won't just meet someone straight away or you might...you never know.
Lucian Cat
Kissed a mod for a tag; liked it
I did it. Australia and Germany. Would not recommend. Even if you can afford to visit each other every few months it is difficult to communicate frequently. Bummed me out seerely and had to call it quits.
I'm in another LDR currently but he's in Australia and I can see him within several hours of flying. It still sucks but it's much easier to manage seeing as we can afford to visit each other every month. Plus the timezone difference is 30 minutes lol.
Yeah, this was my bad. I apologize if I offended anyone. Girls with no meat on them are unattractive to me. That doesn't mean I get disgusted at someone who does not have said meat.
Girl, I fucking hear you. I think guys get off on being able to be the one to turn down a girl or something? So they get really rude and insulting. When I was actually trying to date, it's all I got. "Ugly", "fat", "bitch", etc. for basically no reason. Like...K. I asked you how your day was. That's super nice of you...
Sorry you're having to deal with it.
Those dudes are POS. They probably watched too much pick-up artists crap and think it works.
? Sorry, I don't want to offend, I just wanted to let gugi know she wasn't alone, that's all.
Finn of Ooo
Member
I believe he's commiserating with you.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Yeah. Sorry if that wasn't clear.
That's some truly messed up behaviour. I remember by current girlfriend telling me when we first started dating that she'd dealt with a few arseholes, but she never really went into detail and with how she'd change the subject, I didn't want push things and ask for more details.
If that's how things are for some women on dating sites. Jesus Christ.
ThanksGirl, I fucking hear you. I think guys get off on being able to be the one to turn down a girl or something? So they get really rude and insulting. When I was actually trying to date, it's all I got. "Ugly", "fat", "bitch", etc. for basically no reason. Like...K. I asked you how your day was. That's super nice of you...
Sorry you're having to deal with it.
it's funny because this time around that was the only mean comment I have gotten so far, normally it would be guys randomly messaging me and telling me I'm fat and what not. I would never think tof do that to someone but hey some guys are messed up themselves.I get excited when I get an obvious PUA because their "charms" don't work at all on me.
Yeah it's a lot of cruel shit but also way more sick sexual stuff like "can I put my dick between your toes" lol which yes I have had said to me.
On another note I met a guy who has what I consider an ideal body and he is very nice and not a sexist, racist, homophobe (as far as I can tell). He is actually giving me the attention I am looking for (actually showing interest that doesn't deflate) but I'm worried that he's suddenly very clingy? We haven't even met yet were still texting.
When me and my wife started dating, we were both on online dating sites. She showed me some of the stuff she got on Match (supposedly a more "classy" dating site) and it was pretty disgusting. She would politely turn down guys and she would get stuff like "fuck you, you fat cunt" in return. Some guys would send these long detailed rants. Not to mention all the dick pics and sexually forward stuff. Really kinda pathetic from my (male) point of view, but pretty scary for women. I imagine the stuff on free sites like POF is even worse. That's why a lot of women don't bother responding or ghost.
Do you have a desire to date him? If he isn't doing it, you can make the move to meet up in real life. As you may have seen in this thread, there's a lot of guys who don't know how to make that transition and invest too much in messaging/texting and might need a little nudge.
Do you have a desire to date him? If he isn't doing it, you can make the move to meet up in real life. As you may have seen in this thread, there's a lot of guys who don't know how to make that transition and invest too much in messaging/texting and might need a little nudge.
Well I'm kind of nervous to meet up in real life because of the sudden clingyness. He doesn't drive due to a traumatic event in his past which puts a strain on me because he is an hour and a half drive away, and he currently doesn't have a job. I want to see if maybe I'm just being paranoid but he does things like ask what I'm doing if I don't respond for a few minutes, and he went on pof and messaged me even though he has my phone number and he said it was because his I messages weren't going through but he can text me on my android? This behaviour is weird to me for someone who is ten years older than myself (nearing 24 very soon). But goddamn his body! I don't know what to do because I'm scared of turning him down now because he seems to be very attached already.
And yeah like you mentioned before the main reason women ghost or don't reply is because of the horrible retaliation we get from insecure guys.
It's also ten times worse when you don't want kids ever, because they don't believe you as a woman.
Bubbavelli
Banned
Im newly single and nothing gives me more anxiety than dating. Part of me wants to join tinder or something and get out there but not having a car and being busy with school/work is really hindering me from that.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
I've heard a lot of horror stories from women about dating sites. I'd take a lack of replies any day.
That's how I felt for a while when I was using online dating sites. Problem is that on those apps/sites, for many, it boils down to what you have and not what you can do as a person. You might get lucky and find someone that doesn't really care, but the odds of that are low.
If you live in an area where you can get away with not owning a car, it will matter less, but owning a vehicle in general is taken as a feeling of freedom.
I deleted all of those sites because of how they made me feel. I'm a student that is out of state, no car here, no real transportation except for buses (I live a hop/skip from SF) The bus system is widely used by many people. I've had better chances off of those sites.
It's easy to be dismissed as a person online, but it takes experience around someone to truly know if you like who they are.
I don't know, that's all I have to say.
Yeah :/ Douches ruining it for the rest of us.
Is he a GAFer?
Sounds like an insecure texter. Does it reflect his personality? Possibly/probably, but not necessarily. Some people are just bad texters. Just tell him that you're busy and you can't answer it all the time. If he keeps being a clingy texter after you've told him this once, I would be hesitant to pursue things.
If you do meet up, meet halfway. So he doesn't have a car, fine (I don't either). But the burden should not be placed on you to go to him. He can still use public transportation. Otherwise if you keep dating, the expectation will be that you are his chauffeur.
I don't think so
I mean I agree that he could just be excited and sucks at texting, and the thing is I really like a guy that texts a lot but I am busy sometimes and it is hard to always reply. He was the one that suggested I come out to him and go to dinner, but i would rather meet in the middle.
The only reason no car/no job worries me is because I dated a guy like that and I drove him everywhere and paid for everything and I don't have the kind of money to do that shit right now so it is really unfair, at the very least I need a guy that has his own money.
Banjo-Kazooie
Member
In Seattle for the week. Will swipe and see if anything comes of it.
Bruce Springsteen
Member
So the girl I've been seeing, I asked her why she sometimes gets shy when we kiss, because she said because there may be something there. With other guys she knows nothing will happen so she is less shy (she's reserved when it comes to physical). I didn't know how to respond to that directly and just kept the conversation moving, but I think about it. I like her a lot.
I would take it as a compliment. Maybe she is afraid of commitment though. Are you going to revisit the issue?
Bruce Springsteen
Member
If the mood is right, otherwise I'll just let things go naturally, I should have pressed then I suppose but I figured it was better to just let her talk and be comfortable
Sounds like you have a good mindset about it.
I don't think so
I mean I agree that he could just be excited and sucks at texting, and the thing is I really like a guy that texts a lot but I am busy sometimes and it is hard to always reply. He was the one that suggested I come out to him and go to dinner, but i would rather meet in the middle.
The only reason no car/no job worries me is because I dated a guy like that and I drove him everywhere and paid for everything and I don't have the kind of money to do that shit right now so it is really unfair, at the very least I need a guy that has his own money.
If he's not willing to meet you halfway, I would say to move on. He should be proving to you that not having a car or a job isn't a big deal, but he is doing the opposite. Did he at least offer to pay for dinner?
TBH it sounds like you might be settling a bit, as he is a good looking guy who isn't a stereotypical hick. This tends to happen a lot with OLD after you get bombarded looking at hundreds of sub-par profiles. If your gut is saying something's off, it's probably right. There's a lot of gold-diggers/mooches of both sexes on dating sites.
Miles Quaritch
Member
It's already been covered, but yeah...if he's unwilling to meet you halfway, you're better off moving on.
As to the texting. I'd bring it up and let him know that you're busy and can't always reply when you're at work. He's unemployed, so of course that's why he's always wanting to talk. It's probably all he has going on.
As to the texting. I'd bring it up and let him know that you're busy and can't always reply when you're at work. He's unemployed, so of course that's why he's always wanting to talk. It's probably all he has going on.
Sorry, I was projecting...I generally assume if a guy is talking to me, they're angry with me, because they usually are... :/ Sorry again and thank you for not being offended/angry with what I said.
But yeah...I have some dating apps but don't really use them anymore and have no intention of dating ever, but when I used to try, it was really disheartening that if I ever tried to start a conversation, all I got was "well I was having a good day but then you talked to me, ugly bitch!" Like...okay. I thought guys wanted women to be more proactive
Thanks
I get excited when I get an obvious PUA because their "charms" don't work at all on me.
Haha, yeah, I ignore rude stuff now and try not to let it get to me, and I generally get excited for PUA tactics too because they're hilarious. One really upset me one time though (some dude was like "I've been staring at your boobs for a while and I've come to the conclusion they're fake" and I was like EXCUSE ME).
This kind of stuff generally just makes me lol if I get it. Like...why did you think that would work? Like... "Yeah boy get that D between my toes, ooh yeah"??? Lol.
Ride it out until you meet once and see? Maybe he'll calm down after you meet once (...or ramp up, in which case, abort lol).
I need to develop a form message for dating sites. I usually don't do that, but lately i've been running into profiles where the match percentage is good and they look cool, but i can't for the life of me come up with something to talk about out of their profile, and simply move on. Or the profiles with a high match percentage but nothing in them (despite passing the sniff test for not being bots).
Depends what you want to happen: http://nymag.com/scienceofus/2014/10/put-less-effort-into-your-online-dating-messages.html
Better than no message in the cases where i can't come up with something original, or the profile is blank. Something that seems a little thoughtful.
This is more what i was thinking of. "Cold conversation starters" for online dating that don't make me come off as immediately creepy.
SneakersSO
Member
Read Aziz Anzari's Modern Romance. I got out of actively dating sometime around 2012/2013, and recently got back in, and my GOD how much its changed. I honestly think this book is an incredible primer into getting back into dating in 2016.
SneakersSO
Member
Girl, I fucking hear you. I think guys get off on being able to be the one to turn down a girl or something? So they get really rude and insulting. When I was actually trying to date, it's all I got. "Ugly", "fat", "bitch", etc. for basically no reason. Like...K. I asked you how your day was. That's super nice of you...
Sorry you're having to deal with it.
I'm actually in the process of having to reject a girl right now (this is a tease to the update for that one girl I had mentioned in here last week) and it is absolutely KILLING me. She's a really nice girl, and I hope she becomes as happy as she can be, but I just know it won't work with us. Seeing how she is dealing with the rejection, and knowing that i'm the cause of it, just keeps pulling me back in & reengaging to 'ease' her, when I need to just pull back & get this over with for the both of us.
Most guys who are dating deal with rejection, so hearing how cruel they can get when they are doing the rejecting is pretty heinous, considering this thread alone stands as testament to the rejection guys have to endure. You'd think they would know better & could empathize.
Men do. Insecure idiots don't. The guys messaging you that are the same guys who'd break up with you if you ever made more than them because you'd either be emasculating them or you wouldn't be reliant on them. You wouldn't need them, men should be the head of households, and if they didn't have that, what did they have?Sorry, I was projecting...I generally assume if a guy is talking to me, they're angry with me, because they usually are... :/ Sorry again and thank you for not being offended/angry with what I said.
But yeah...I have some dating apps but don't really use them anymore and have no intention of dating ever, but when I used to try, it was really disheartening that if I ever tried to start a conversation, all I got was "well I was having a good day but then you talked to me, ugly bitch!" Like...okay. I thought guys wanted women to be more proactive
Or maybe I'm completely wrong. I have a hard time even putting myself in the mindset of a guy who'd send out a message like that. If I got a message from a girl and I wasn't attracted to her, worst I'd do is think to myself "ehhh, I'm not interested". That's nowhere near the animosity you receive.
The more time she has to invest in whatever you have, the harder it'll be for her.
I haven't tried it myself, but if I ever get dumped, I might try the multiple question format, using various things from their profile and making silly jokes about them.
I simply didn't reply to those.
When I was on the receiving end, I preferred received no reply to getting one proper reply then radio silence.
I simply didn't reply to those.
When I was on the receiving end, I preferred received no reply to getting one proper reply then radio silence.
Found out through a third party that a girl I dig is seeing someone. We've really been hitting it off and are kinda flirty. Is it cool to joke that I was going to ask her out and that we dodged a bullet to let her know I like being around her? I don't expect anything to happen but I don't want to act like I'm not attracted to her. Basically where is the flirting line and is that too far given the situation?
Miles Quaritch
Member
Sorry, I was projecting...I generally assume if a guy is talking to me, they're angry with me, because they usually are... :/ Sorry again and thank you for not being offended/angry with what I said.
But yeah...I have some dating apps but don't really use them anymore and have no intention of dating ever, but when I used to try, it was really disheartening that if I ever tried to start a conversation, all I got was "well I was having a good day but then you talked to me, ugly bitch!" Like...okay. I thought guys wanted women to be more proactive
No need to apologise.
Sala already covered this, but someone who is confident in themselves and and doesn't view relationships/interactions with women through a prism of patriarchy wouldn't find a problem with this.
I actually think it's great and kinda sexy when a woman takes the lead. Some boys can't deal with that, they'll always have issues with relationships and take their issues out on others they deem to be weaker. Screw those arses.
It's easy to be disheartened by such idiots and it's easy for me to say as someone who hasn't been on the receiving end that you shouldn't let it get to you, but it's always worth bearing in mind, as hard as it might be sometimes, that these boys aren't necessarily representative of the wider dating pool.
SneakersSO
Member
A few things. What is flirty for you? What are some examples of flirty behavior that is occurring between you two? I ask this because I want to ensure you may not be misinterpreting things. If she is still being flirty with you, and she is seeing someone, then perhaps that relationship isn't as committed as it may seem.
Don't hide how you feel. You haven't yet, and I don't think its a good idea to start now. Just know the reality of her situation, and don't expect anything from her just because she doesn't shy away from flirting back. If anything is going to happen, let her make the first move.
I accepted, so we'll see what happens.You definitely should bother. Accept her invite and see how things go.
In other news a girl just asked me out on Tinder for a drink this week, which took me by surprise to be honest (it was only the 3rd message).
As long as you're straight with her, don't feel bad
At least you're not calling her names, or ghosting her. So...better than anyone I ever met lol. Haha these guys were late 20s/early 30s. Doesn't seem to matter what age, guys just never liked me. I've always been rather reviled haha.
I don't let it get to me anymore because...I have no reason to. I'll never be dating anyone so...even if every man on the planet decided I was hideous, it doesn't matter because none of them have to date me. Haha. So...insult away if it makes you feel better, you know? No skin off my back anymore.
Bruce Springsteen
Member
I hope so, my greatest fear is this not working out. After all the dates I've been going on in recent months, NONE of them except this one is someone I felt there was something there.... At least on my end, sigh
I said "You don't drive so it's a bit far yeah" and he responded with "So u would drive down here. U could met me somewhere here for dinner or something"
I don't expect to have dinner paid for ever but if i'm spending all that gas to get down there then yeah maybe an equal effort would be nice.
I mean I don't get the vibe that he is a gold digger because he is actively looking for work apparently. I am scared that I won't find any attraction to him when I see him or that he will be super weird when we meet. I have had way too many shitty dates so far and now i feel ruined.
I mentioned it to him and he said "It's ok u don't need to respond that fast lol
" I think you are very right though he obviously doesn't have much to do in the day and is only texting me.Maybe, I mean I am so paranoid now of having someone constantly harass me after rejecting them after one date because they get so attached. Also, yeah some PUA are so fun to fuck with its the best entertainment, I usually tell them I want to meet up to harvest their flesh for my interior designs. For some reason they like to lie and say "Um actually sometimes that line works bitch" for their rude or sexist messages in which case I am like wtf who would respond to that and be delighted?Sorry, I was projecting...I generally assume if a guy is talking to me, they're angry with me, because they usually are... :/ Sorry again and thank you for not being offended/angry with what I said.
But yeah...I have some dating apps but don't really use them anymore and have no intention of dating ever, but when I used to try, it was really disheartening that if I ever tried to start a conversation, all I got was "well I was having a good day but then you talked to me, ugly bitch!" Like...okay. I thought guys wanted women to be more proactive
Haha, yeah, I ignore rude stuff now and try not to let it get to me, and I generally get excited for PUA tactics too because they're hilarious. One really upset me one time though (some dude was like "I've been staring at your boobs for a while and I've come to the conclusion they're fake" and I was like EXCUSE ME).
This kind of stuff generally just makes me lol if I get it. Like...why did you think that would work? Like... "Yeah boy get that D between my toes, ooh yeah"??? Lol.
Ride it out until you meet once and see? Maybe he'll calm down after you meet once (...or ramp up, in which case, abort lol).
His message altogether was meant to be an insult because of the way it was written, he was no beauty queen himself so maybe his insecurities made him act a fool.
She kind of sounds really adorable, and if you haven't felt that way in many dates try with her. I miss that good feeling of someone who seems to be a fit.
Based on what you mentioned earlier it seems like she might feel the same way.
Here's a link to the situation prior to today.
http://m.neogaf.com/showpost.php?p=195886031
A few while back, I mentioned that I had plans to go backpacking in the Hoh Rainforest in Washington to her. It wasn't me asking her if she wanted to go with me in any way, but just us talking about our outdoor pursuits.
She likes rock climbing, etc, etc. We both mentioned our love for REI and etc.
Well, today, we started talking after class again (I guess she doesn't feel comfortable talking with me with the rest of the class present. When there are less people in the room, about 3 others, she starts to talk more.) We get to talking about random stuff, and out of the blue, she tells me that she's tired of rock climbing and that she was wondering if I would like to to go backpacking/hiking with her friends since I mentioned that I like hiking.
I told her that I was interested in going, so she told me to keep it in mind, and she'll tell me more about what is going on.
It doesn't seem like it's a completely solid plan, but she mentioned that the time will be around 4 weeks (Spring Break). She mentioned going to Joshua Tree, but she's not too sure on that locale.
So, she's the one that approached me with the idea of going hiking/outdoors together. Initially, I thought that it would be kind-of fast for us to do something like that, but the way she's been communicating with me through body language and the way we speak shows that she's comfortable being around me.
(Close eye contact, working with each other, compliments, contact (she does this slow rub across my back every time she's saying bye to me.)
She lives in SF (rung a bell in my head: No clue on what she does to live there.), so I'll try to find some time to get together for a bit the next time I'm in town. I have her name/phone number.
What do you all think of this? As of now, I'm just going where the wind blows. The talking between each other flows naturally, so things are just happening.
http://m.neogaf.com/showpost.php?p=195886031
A few while back, I mentioned that I had plans to go backpacking in the Hoh Rainforest in Washington to her. It wasn't me asking her if she wanted to go with me in any way, but just us talking about our outdoor pursuits.
She likes rock climbing, etc, etc. We both mentioned our love for REI and etc.
Well, today, we started talking after class again (I guess she doesn't feel comfortable talking with me with the rest of the class present. When there are less people in the room, about 3 others, she starts to talk more.) We get to talking about random stuff, and out of the blue, she tells me that she's tired of rock climbing and that she was wondering if I would like to to go backpacking/hiking with her friends since I mentioned that I like hiking.
I told her that I was interested in going, so she told me to keep it in mind, and she'll tell me more about what is going on.
It doesn't seem like it's a completely solid plan, but she mentioned that the time will be around 4 weeks (Spring Break). She mentioned going to Joshua Tree, but she's not too sure on that locale.
So, she's the one that approached me with the idea of going hiking/outdoors together. Initially, I thought that it would be kind-of fast for us to do something like that, but the way she's been communicating with me through body language and the way we speak shows that she's comfortable being around me.
(Close eye contact, working with each other, compliments, contact (she does this slow rub across my back every time she's saying bye to me.)
She lives in SF (rung a bell in my head: No clue on what she does to live there.), so I'll try to find some time to get together for a bit the next time I'm in town. I have her name/phone number.
What do you all think of this? As of now, I'm just going where the wind blows. The talking between each other flows naturally, so things are just happening.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
Don't sabotage the date before it's even happened. If you go in with the mindset of "I've already spent so much time and money driving there and what if I don't like him" then it's not going to change things.
However, if you are uncomfortable driving that way then let him know about your concerns. If he's genuinely interested he should accommodate you.
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