Support NeoGAF

[Advocatus Diaboli]

This sounds like an incredibly arrogant and misguided approach to dating. The way you worded that seems as though you're applying it to ALL dates, no? I mean, I guess whatever keeps the date nerves at bay bro, but seems like a healthier mindset might be to keep a more receptive attitude towards their personality potentialities too. Sure, you can tell usually in the first few minutes of convo if someone is dull, but I dunno, those kind of mental jumping jacks are a bit too you vs them for my liking. But hey if it works it works right?

It's called confidence combined with self-awareness. There's a reason Zackie never has a problem getting dates. And it's my approach too: the fact that I can rattle off stories about not building torture chambers in Afghanistan, prosecuting terrorists, and living in Japan makes me fairly interesting. Why wouldn't I go into dates knowing I'm objectively a great catch?

Thing is, we're not engaging in mental jumping jacks at all. And of course we're looking for interesting people too! But I firmly believe that people ought to realize that they're great catches and stop worrying so much. It's not you vs. them; it's realizing that dating is about seeing if two pieces fit together, not whether I can impress someone enough to score a second date.

 

[torontoml]

Meeting shows interest. Replying promptly to texts means nothing.

Guess you were right, texted her yesterday afternoon to meet up this week since I'm off work, but haven't heard from her since.

 

[ZackieChan]

It's called confidence combined with self-awareness. There's a reason Zackie never has a problem getting dates. And it's my approach too: the fact that I can rattle off stories about not building torture chambers in Afghanistan, prosecuting terrorists, and living in Japan makes me fairly interesting. Why wouldn't I go into dates knowing I'm objectively a great catch?

Thing is, we're not engaging in mental jumping jacks at all. And of course we're looking for interesting people too! But I firmly believe that people ought to realize that they're great catches and stop worrying so much. It's not you vs. them; it's realizing that dating is about seeing if two pieces fit together, not whether I can impress someone enough to score a second date.

To be clear, I sometimes have trouble GETTING a date (depending on where I am). But when I'm on it I'm cool as a cucumber. Though Vern and Blade will probably be hating.

 

[wanderingprostheyltite]

It's called confidence combined with self-awareness. There's a reason Zackie never has a problem getting dates. And it's my approach too: the fact that I can rattle off stories about not building torture chambers in Afghanistan, prosecuting terrorists, and living in Japan makes me fairly interesting. Why wouldn't I go into dates knowing I'm objectively a great catch?

Thing is, we're not engaging in mental jumping jacks at all. And of course we're looking for interesting people too! But I firmly believe that people ought to realize that they're great catches and stop worrying so much. It's not you vs. them; it's realizing that dating is about seeing if two pieces fit together, not whether I can impress someone enough to score a second date.

Of course I can't disagree with any of this, what you wrote obv sounds better than "I'm more interesting than you! Look at my resume!" I get that it's a self worth mantra, just seemed us vs them in that particular context.

 

[Keihart]

Getting old sucks, i really don't feel much like dating everytime i look into it but meeting someone new might be super difficult here on out with my current social circles.

Maybe i should just find a social hobby that let's me meet some new people.

 

[Salamando]

To be clear, I sometimes have trouble GETTING a date (depending on where I am). But when I'm on it I'm cool as a cucumber. Though Vern and Blade will probably be hating.

Was about to say...didn't you have problems in Texas or New Jersey or someplace mundane a few months ago?

What keeps me cool during first dates is knowing that I only stand to gain from it. With a bad date, I didn't have a girlfriend before, still don't have one after. At worst you could say I lost a potential girl, but potential that doesn't hold up to the crucible of a first date isn't worth holding on to.

While I'm not world-travelling video game lawyer cool, I'm gettin' there. Heading to Japan in April, and apparently there's a market for good looking guys that aren't coked up in Vancouver...

 

[Miles Quaritch]

Guess you were right, texted her yesterday afternoon to meet up this week since I'm off work, but haven't heard from her since.

Don't sweat, onto the next one.

It is difficult to figure out, when someone always replies to your texts within minutes it can give the impression that person is interested, but the true test is if they are willing to meet.

If they start to make excuses as soon as it's brought up, time to get a stepping...as more likely than not, you just landed someone who wants attention and nothing else.

 

[ZackieChan]

Was about to say...didn't you have problems in Texas or New Jersey or someplace mundane a few months ago?

What keeps me cool during first dates is knowing that I only stand to gain from it. With a bad date, I didn't have a girlfriend before, still don't have one after. At worst you could say I lost a potential girl, but potential that doesn't hold up to the crucible of a first date isn't worth holding on to.

While I'm not world-travelling video game lawyer cool, I'm gettin' there. Heading to Japan in April, and apparently there's a market for good looking guys that aren't coked up in Vancouver...

Wexford, PA and South Jersey were duds for me!

 

[Salamando]

Wexford, PA and South Jersey were duds for me!

Wexford? Man, you should've come down to Pittsburgh proper. Wexford is where my aunt retired to. Hell were you doing up there?

This makes the second time (that I remember) of someone in this thread mention my part of the world...the first was that guy who recorded a song for a girl who flaked on him 4+ times.

 

[TBiddy]

Don't sweat, onto the next one.

If they start to make excuses as soon as it's brought up, time to get a stepping...as more likely than not, you just landed someone who wants attention and nothing else.

You, my man, are wise. I'd wish I had that kinda knowledge back when I was young and adventureous and looking for girls.

At least we grow older and wiser and actually learn what women want and, perhaps more important, don't want!

 

[bluethree]

You, my man, are wise. I'd wish I had that kinda knowledge back when I was young and adventureous and looking for girls.

At least we grow older and wiser and actually learn what women want and, perhaps more important, don't want!

while that is important, you also need to put importance on what YOU want in dating and relationships

 

[TBiddy]

while that is important, you also need to put importance on what YOU want in dating and relationships

Absolutely. I was thinking more of how to approach women. If you put them on a piedestal and treat them like they are queens, like you're unworthy of their presence, you don't stand a chance.

I think many of us have done so in the past. You learn, at some point, that that's not the way to treat them.

 

[ZackieChan]

Wexford? Man, you should've come down to Pittsburgh proper. Wexford is where my aunt retired to. Hell were you doing up there?

This makes the second time (that I remember) of someone in this thread mention my part of the world...the first was that guy who recorded a song for a girl who flaked on him 4+ times.

Haha, my aunt lives there, too! It sucks. I'll expand to the city next time I'm there. Or I'll just travel somewhere cooler next time. I'll be in Silicon Valley for a couple months, then Tokyo, then Germany, I think. Hopefully they are all fruitful.

 

[gugi40]

Coke game is the only game. Did he try to introduce you to his stove?

As soon as he said he did coke I blocked him, not interested in that life. He is probably either dead or on the street now i'm sure.

Oh...okay... Makes sense...

LOL I know right?

 

[Leeness]

While I'm not world-travelling video game lawyer cool, I'm gettin' there. Heading to Japan in April, and apparently there's a market for good looking guys that aren't coked up in Vancouver...

Hit up gugi--I don't and will never date

As soon as he said he did coke I blocked him, not interested in that life. He is probably either dead or on the street now i'm sure.

LOL I know right?

Hahahaha Jesus Christ

 

[SneakersSO]

Wexford, PA and South Jersey were duds for me!

South Jersey is a dud for NJ all-around. You have our condolences.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

I never knew cocaine was a thing in Vancouver.

 

[Krauser Kat]

girl i have been dating for 2 months bailed on our weekend together to go decompress from grad school and spend it doing homework with her brother in indiana. She also said she doesnt know if she has time to date and go to gradschool.

Im sure she is still super into me though. on wed she cancelled plans to hang out to do homework but then she asked if i wanted to come out way later and do homework with her after her class (we were also supposed to be in the middle of a blizzard which helped in the cancelling).

Just sucks to probably lose a really cool person because the timing isnt right. Its not over yet but it seems grim, or she can come back and be super chipper and want to bang. no use stressing over shit that hasnt happened yet.

now i need to find plans on saturday, i cant spend all sunday teaching my grandma how to cook healthly without some debauchery on saturday.

 

[Exr]

I never knew cocaine was a thing in Vancouver.

We are a big port city, you can get anything here in vast amounts.

 

[WolfeTone]

Can't say I've encountered the coke scene much, but I've only been in Vancouver about two years. My biggest concern in dating in Vancouver is the fighting the idea that I have a fetish for Asian women. Seems like you date one Canadian-born Chinese girl them BAM the jokes about yellow fever start rolling in. Even from the girls themselves! One girl said to me "I was worried you might only be interested in me because I'm Asian". Wish I could show them all the white girls I've dated, but apparently it's poor taste for a first date.

Vancouver dating in general is pretty fun though. People here seem open and accepting of the online dating scene. Gone on close to 80 or so first dates in the past 2 years and have had a blast on almost all of them. Seawall walks are the best first dates in my opinion, thankfully the weather seems to be getting about right for them. Second date is when you can move on to a Tabris-style $200 meal at Hawksworth /s

 

[ZackieChan]

I may go there for a few weeks soon. Is Tinder what you use?

Also, why the hell are we talking about cocaine so much in here? Go to Tabris' Thailand travel thread for that

 

[WolfeTone]

I may go there for a few weeks soon. Is Tinder what you use?

Also, why the hell are we talking about cocaine so much in here? Go to Tabris' Thailand travel thread for that

Tinder and OKC are great in Vancouver in my experience. Girls here seem to hate on local Vancouver boys as being spoiled and boring, so being an exotic foreigner has worked wonders for me. Also having a job. Most girls seemed impressed that I wasn't living on my buddy's couch. You should do fine.

 

[War Peaceman]

If you wanna hang out you've got to take her out.
Cocaine.
If you wanna get down, down on the ground.
Cocaine.

If your thing is gone and you wanna ride on.
Cocaine.
Don't forget this fact, you can't get it back.
Cocaine.

Seems like cocaine could be of use to many posters in here

 

[gwailo]

OTOH the people who are clingy over-texters would be 1000 times worse.

 

[ZackieChan]

Ayy lmao

 

[ElephantShell]

I never knew cocaine was a thing in Vancouver.

I live a 3 hour drive inland from Vancouver and coke is really bad here too. For a small city there is definitely an unproportionate amount of cocaine here. It's a different crowd doing here than in Van and they probably aren't connected but still.

 

[Nether!]

Haha, yeah, casual coke use is very common here.
Quite a large amount of my friends use it.

 

[Jokab]

The girl I'm seeing and I are pretty much in a relationship at this point I feel. We've been dating for almost two months and see eachother a lot, things are just peachy. We haven't met eachother's family or friends yet, but she wants to bring her two friends when I go out with my guy friends the next time. That won't happen this weekend but maybe the next, we'll see.

Anyway, what I wanted to ask is if there's any use in confirming our relationship status? I mean I'm pretty sure she'd agree we are exclusive at this point, but is it necessary at all?

 

[bluethree]

The girl I'm seeing and I are pretty much in a relationship at this point I feel. We've been dating for almost two months and see eachother a lot, things are just peachy. We haven't met eachother's family or friends yet, but she wants to bring her two friends when I go out with my guy friends the next time. That won't happen this weekend but maybe the next, we'll see.

Anyway, what I wanted to ask is if there's any use in confirming our relationship status? I mean I'm pretty sure she'd agree we are exclusive at this point, but is it necessary at all?

best to clear it up IMO, doesn't have to be a big deal either.

 

[Leeness]

Tinder and OKC are great in Vancouver in my experience. Girls here seem to hate on local Vancouver boys as being spoiled and boring, so being an exotic foreigner has worked wonders for me. Also having a job. Most girls seemed impressed that I wasn't living on my buddy's couch. You should do fine.

Vancouver guys, when I was looking, seemed to be rude, liked to ghost and/or if the girl is more than 110lbs, she's a whale and they'd better make sure the girl knows.

Sorry, I'd be anorexic at 110, so...no. :|

 

[Llyranor]

As soon as he said he did coke I blocked him, not interested in that life. He is probably either dead or on the street now i'm sure.

Nice coke-block!

My biggest concern in dating in Vancouver is the fighting the idea that I have a fetish for Asian women. Seems like you date one Canadian-born Chinese girl them BAM the jokes about yellow fever start rolling in. Even from the girls themselves! One girl said to me "I was worried you might only be interested in me because I'm Asian"

That's probably because so many white guys with yellow fever have already hit on them, commented on their exotic eyes, and suggested anime-and-chill while eating Pockies.

Just treat them like normal people and you'll be fine. There's a high Asian demographic, it's just natural that you'll go out with an Asian girl.

Or you could turn the tables on them and ask if they're only dating [white*] guys.

(*I don't know if you're white, it's just the usual yellow fever association)

 

[ssharm02]

glad I am not getting any strange looks from the librarians, looks like crush didn't spread the news. so glad

now i can concentrate on studying

 

[WolfeTone]

Vancouver guys, when I was looking, seemed to be rude, liked to ghost and/or if the girl is more than 110lbs, she's a whale and they'd better make sure the girl knows.

Sorry, I'd be anorexic at 110, so...no. :|

Personally, I'm thankful that these guys exist. They make me look much better by comparison. Obviously sucks for most of the girls in Vancouver who have to put up with these douche-bros.

Nice coke-block!


That's probably because so many white guys with yellow fever have already hit on them, commented on their exotic eyes, and suggested anime-and-chill while eating Pockies.

Just treat them like normal people and you'll be fine. There's a high Asian demographic, it's just natural that you'll go out with an Asian girl.

Or you could turn the tables on them and ask if they're only dating [white*] guys.

(*I don't know if you're white, it's just the usual yellow fever association)

I'm was mostly just kidding around. Most girls realize I don't have yellow fever after they meet me and discover that I just have general dating fever.

I often ask if they ever date non-white guys and that usually makes things interesting! One Asian girl told me that dating a white guy is almost like a status symbol to certain girls. Gotta get that Michael Kors handbag and white boyfriend.

 

[Leeness]

Personally, I'm thankful that these guys exist. They make me look much better by comparison. Obviously sucks for most of the girls in Vancouver who have to put up with these douche-bros.

I don't have to put up with them because I took myself out haha. Not like I was ever "in" anyway.

I feel bad for gugi though 😩

 

[Gotdatmoney]

As soon as he said he did coke I blocked him, not interested in that life. He is probably either dead or on the street now i'm sure.

I don't blame you. Its a very weird thing to talk about during online dating.

 

[gugi40]

I live a 3 hour drive inland from Vancouver and coke is really bad here too. For a small city there is definitely an unproportionate amount of cocaine here. It's a different crowd doing here than in Van and they probably aren't connected but still.

I don't know why it got so big? It used to be acid or mushrooms for people but coke seems like a heroin type deal why do that to yourself? It's gaining popularity somehow.

Nice coke-block!

That's probably because so many white guys with yellow fever have already hit on them, commented on their exotic eyes, and suggested anime-and-chill while eating Pockies.

Just treat them like normal people and you'll be fine. There's a high Asian demographic, it's just natural that you'll go out with an Asian girl.

Or you could turn the tables on them and ask if they're only dating [white*] guys.

(*I don't know if you're white, it's just the usual yellow fever association)

LOL I will coke block all the cokeheads, I have SOME standards

There are a LOT of guys here that go for Asian girls for the sole fact they are Asian, and I feel really badly for these girls because they get the weirdest shit from these guys so it's no wonder they ask, they have to make sure you aren't a fetishist.

Personally, I'm thankful that these guys exist. They make me look much better by comparison. Obviously sucks for most of the girls in Vancouver who have to put up with these douche-bros.

I am not thankful for them lol because guys that are normal and kind are too far and few between.

I don't have to put up with them because I took myself out haha. Not like I was ever "in" anyway.

I feel bad for gugi though 😩

Vancouver guys, when I was looking, seemed to be rude, liked to ghost and/or if the girl is more than 110lbs, she's a whale and they'd better make sure the girl knows.

Sorry, I'd be anorexic at 110, so...no. :|

Don't worry about me, I can only get called a whale so many times before I just don't care anymore. I think it is just the attitude that offends me more than the words, it makes you think like 'Jeez are these the only types of guys available right now?' the good ones are taken lol.

And the bolded is 100% true of many guys out here, even though I show very recent pictures of myself (full body shot)on all my profiles it is almost like they don't look at them or something and then get shocked that I am not whatever body they thought I was? I can't say all were bad like that though, many guys like my body surprisingly...must be the boobs.

 

[ZackieChan]

Personally, I'm thankful that these guys exist. They make me look much better by comparison. Obviously sucks for most of the girls in Vancouver who have to put up with these douche-bros.



I'm was mostly just kidding around. Most girls realize I don't have yellow fever after they meet me and discover that I just have general dating fever.

I often ask if they ever date non-white guys and that usually makes things interesting! One Asian girl told me that dating a white guy is almost like a status symbol to certain girls. Gotta get that Michael Kors handbag and white boyfriend.

Don't tell them about your Nintendo avatar!





(´・ω・`)

 

[Gotdatmoney]

I may go there for a few weeks soon. Is Tinder what you use?

Also, why the hell are we talking about cocaine so much in here? Go to Tabris' Thailand travel thread for that

I built my house with these bricks. Don't hate.

 

[ssharm02]

Any reasons as to why she didn't tell her CO workers? Any theories?

 

[ZackieChan]

Any reasons as to why she didn't tell her CO workers? Any theories?

Because nothing happened. You asked her to talk for a few minutes and she said no. You didn't confess your undying love or anything. What you did was a normal, everyday human interaction. Did you even get to the point of asking her out?

For you it was a huge deal. For her, it was Tuesday. Soon it will be the same to you. Just keep doing it.

 

[Llyranor]

Yeah, it was likely a trivial non-event for her. Like holding the door for a stranger - you smile/nod at each other or whatever, but 5-10 min later the interaction is already gone from your consciousness.

 

[Leeness]

Don't worry about me, I can only get called a whale so many times before I just don't care anymore. I think it is just the attitude that offends me more than the words, it makes you think like 'Jeez are these the only types of guys available right now?' the good ones are taken lol.

And the bolded is 100% true of many guys out here, even though I show very recent pictures of myself (full body shot)on all my profiles it is almost like they don't look at them or something and then get shocked that I am not whatever body they thought I was? I can't say all were bad like that though, many guys like my body surprisingly...must be the boobs.

<3

I agree, it was more the attitudes. But I'm also super low esteemed and fragile so it always got to me, and still does, even though it doesn't matter. I could be beautiful or hideous, it doesn't matter, I'm still not gonna date haha.

Lmao, right, they look at one and then comment, and then are like WAIT. Stupid.

And yeah... My boobs seem to be the only mentionable feature about me, positive or negative. But yeah...I don't think men like any part of me haha. Face, body, personality. It all seemed to clash.

 

[Royal_Phalanx]

Is OkCupid A-List worth it? Or any 'premium' option for online dating platforms really. It's time for me to throw myself fully into the online dating world, given how my efforts to meet girls in real life really are failing. I'm not getting my hopes up though, I feel I should preemptively prepare myself for a lot of disappointment, based on the fact that a lot of guys struggle to get dates from them. I'm going to try and take a new profile picture (social life still is deader than the dinosaurs though), I'll try to look happier and I've just got a new salon haircut, so I'll see how that goes. It's a good thing that condoms don't expire very quickly, because I'm definitely not going to be needing them anytime soon

 

[LelouchViBritannia]

Gaf, dunno if this is the right place to post this, but i wanted to get some advice on a current situation.

About a month ago, we got an intern on placement working with us at the office. She seemed kool initially, but during the last week and a half, we really got to know each other much better.

Her last day was a few days ago and while i dont want to pursue any romantic relations, i would like to mantain and develop the friendship going forward.

Any advice on how i should go about doing this?

 

[Granadier]

If you have her number, send her a text to see if she'd be up for a drink.

 

[torontoml]

Don't sweat, onto the next one.

It is difficult to figure out, when someone always replies to your texts within minutes it can give the impression that person is interested, but the true test is if they are willing to meet.

If they start to make excuses as soon as it's brought up, time to get a stepping...as more likely than not, you just landed someone who wants attention and nothing else.

Just wish the next one was easier to come by.

Also she did end up responding last night saying she had the flu. But I more or less stated flat out that she was interested in meeting and she responded saying she wasn't. Honestly kinda surprising I got an honest response.

But yeah, I think I live in the wrong place to meet women, since the single male population outnumbers the female one.

I've had multiple people message me on pof about my beard but they seem to just want to compliment it or ask questions. Does anyone else find that kinda odd?

 

[Psychoward]

I'm back home and am kinda clueless on how to start a conversation on Tinder. I don't have any bars or a large network here either so I'm not gonna be able to meet people as often as I did at college. What are some good opening lines in general? What should I avoid, other than "hey" obviously.

 

[ZackieChan]

Is OkCupid A-List worth it? Or any 'premium' option for online dating platforms really. It's time for me to throw myself fully into the online dating world, given how my efforts to meet girls in real life really are failing. I'm not getting my hopes up though, I feel I should preemptively prepare myself for a lot of disappointment, based on the fact that a lot of guys struggle to get dates from them. I'm going to try and take a new profile picture (social life still is deader than the dinosaurs though), I'll try to look happier and I've just got a new salon haircut, so I'll see how that goes. It's a good thing that condoms don't expire very quickly, because I'm definitely not going to be needing them anytime soon

If you look anything like your avatar here, cut your goddamned Carl Grimes hair
Don't get discouraged. Just keep putting yourself out there. It does get easier. I used to be a total mess in social situations and a sputtering idiot on the rare dates I got. I'm not a particularly good looking guy, and I'm bald and chubby, but even I do alright for myself!

Gaf, dunno if this is the right place to post this, but i wanted to get some advice on a current situation.

About a month ago, we got an intern on placement working with us at the office. She seemed kool initially, but during the last week and a half, we really got to know each other much better.

Her last day was a few days ago and while i dont want to pursue any romantic relations, i would like to mantain and develop the friendship going forward.

Any advice on how i should go about doing this?

This isn't Friend-Age, buddy.

But seriously, just talk to her like you'd talk to any other friend. If you don't have romantic intentions, most of the pressure is off.

 

[GK86]

I'm back home and am kinda clueless on how to start a conversation on Tinder. I don't have any bars or a large network here either so I'm not gonna be able to meet people as often as I did at college. What are some good opening lines in general? What should I avoid, other than "hey" obviously.

Avoid hi/hey/hello/how are you?/how's it going?/what's up?/etc.

1) A witty comment/joke about something from her profile.
2) A witty comment/joke about something from her photos.
3) A "out of left field" type of question (robots or ninjas, who wins?)

 

[bluethree]

Avoid hi/hey/hello/how are you?/how's it going?/what's up?/etc.

Eh. Pretty much all of my opening messages are literally just "hey you look cute in those pictures" and I have noticed zero difference in response rate.

The real work is done with your profile imo, if she likes that it doesnt really matter much.