Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.

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Miles Quaritch said:
Change this. Immediately. Keep an old picture if you want, maybe make a point to highlight the date it was taken so you can show off how far you've come, but add a newer pic.

This line of thinking is just ridiculous.
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I'm joking, but I am serious about all my pics pretty much me 40 lbs heavier.

I seriously don't know how to go about getting pics of me doing things. Also I think I look awkward doing selfies.

I think I look...okay in the face I guess. Here's a pic of me showing folks my hair.

1jtDg8L.jpg
 
AHealy said:
Its hard for me, I guess being an empathetic person I have some type of savior complex where I want for her to be with me cause I know I could make her happy. Seems her life is a horror story after horror story of relationships and I want the be the one who doesnt break her heart.
Her story is from 19-23 she lived with a guy...who kicked her out...then from 23-26 she lived with another guy..who kicked her out...she spent the last 6 years without a single guy making a relationship with her official, basically they ghost her or she find out they have GF's. Her last guy she saw she knew had a GF away at college and she played the side-chick to this guy for 3 years. Even when she tells me about these guys, they are absolute losers and it baffles me how her, with a masters degree, is getting shit on by bartenders and doormen or why she even dated them!?

When we first got together and I asked her out she was amazed. A couple days later she said a line shes changed a bit "When your done with me, let me know...dont keep me around"
That line has changed to "When you find a better looking girl, let me know"

I'm not gonna lie...I could do better in terms of looks and in terms of stability financially and mentally...but shes grown on me.

And to be honest its kind of hard to find what she is considering what I bring to the table.
I have a kid, but dont want to date anyone with them or anyone who wants them..
I am 36 but I got lucky and I look 25..
Shes also the first petite woman Ive ever dated and I just learned its EXACTLY what I've always wanted lol

So at 36, almost 37, its hard to find another 28-30ish girl with no kids and doesnt want them and she has to be about 5'4 and 100lbs and cute as a fucking button lol
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Maybe all of those other men left her after finding out how batshit crazy she is? People like her are great at making up excuses. Nothing is ever their fault, even when she is the one seeking out these "losers" since she knows deep down inside it will be a self fulfilling prophecy that the relationship will fail and she will be able to put another notch in her belt of self-pity.

You're basically admitting that you're into her for the sex. Which is fine in the sort term. But it is nothing to base a long term relationship on. You're basically trying to sow your wild oats after the breakup with your wife and looking for a fuck buddy. Again, nothing wrong with that. But you are blinding yourself into thinking this might turn into something more. This chick is definitely not girlfriend material in anywhere besides your head.
 
Krauser Kat said:
The first time in my life, i think im talking to a girl who might be more famous than i want to deal with.

She has over 8k instagram followers and is fancy as fuck. Alright gents. Let the games begin.
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*rolls eyes*

Take comfort in knowing that she's also "talking" to tons of other dudes as well. Let us know where you place in the "Giving Instagram 'models' the attention they want" games, though.

Unless she is "famous" for something legit and not just showing off her body on social media. In that case, disregard my comment.
 
Krauser Kat said:
The first time in my life, i think im talking to a girl who might be more famous than i want to deal with.

She has over 8k instagram followers and is fancy as fuck. Alright gents. Let the games begin.
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Fancy like high maintenance? Cause instagram follors doesnt mean instant recognition as far as I know.
 
Cudder said:
*rolls eyes*

Take comfort in knowing that she's also "talking" to tons of other dudes as well. Let us know where you place in the "Giving Instagram 'models' the attention they want" games, though.

Unless she is "famous" for something legit and not just showing off her body on social media. In that case, disregard my comment.
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Dated a girl like this before. Never again.

That need for endless social media attention by posting half-nudes is a big indicator of a lot of their deeper insecurities. At least, that's how I've perceived it from my experience.
 
Afrocious said:
I'm joking, but I am serious about all my pics pretty much me 40 lbs heavier.

I seriously don't know how to go about getting pics of me doing things. Also I think I look awkward doing selfies.

I think I look...okay in the face I guess. Here's a pic of me showing folks my hair.

1jtDg8L.jpg
Click to expand...

Okay, head up and smile. Try not to frown.

You look good, you're a good looking dude. Flash a smile.
 
Krauser Kat said:
The first time in my life, i think im talking to a girl who might be more famous than i want to deal with.

She has over 8k instagram followers and is fancy as fuck. Alright gents. Let the games begin.
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Yeah, dude, that sounds like more trouble than it's worth. Just imagine, some day you might be the guy who is lucky enough to take the artsy Instagram photos for her!
 
Krauser Kat said:
I met her on bumble too so she had to start talking...
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Then what's the problem. She obviously likes you. Instagram followers are meaningless. Just go out and have some fun and if it turns into more, so be it.

And really, for future reference. I'm pretty sure Instagram famous usually means 1m+ followers.
 
I got a hit back from the most random conversation, where I commented on a girl who had read the Iliad and mentioned that i was daunted by the vast amount of random names in that story and mostly just used the book for name-fodder when i'm writing, which she replied to weeks later out of the blue. I threw out a response to that, unthinking but unwilling to just let it lie (because you wouldn't reply at that amount of time lag if you had no interest in talking), and she responded in turn, so now i'm opening up a little.

Much like job applications, you can't spam with thoughtless messages, but you also can't put your heart and hope into any message, no idea what will and won't get a hit, or how long it will take.

The process parallels job applications so weirdly, just with the fact that your need for a job is much more urgent than your need for a mate.
 
Ogodei said:
I got a hit back from the most random conversation, where I commented on a girl who had read the Iliad and mentioned that i was daunted by the vast amount of random names in that story and mostly just used the book for name-fodder when i'm writing, which she replied to weeks later out of the blue. I threw out a response to that, unthinking but unwilling to just let it lie (because you wouldn't reply at that amount of time lag if you had no interest in talking), and she responded in turn, so now i'm opening up a little.

Much like job applications, you can't spam with thoughtless messages, but you also can't put your heart and hope into any message, no idea what will and won't get a hit, or how long it will take.

The process parallels job applications so weirdly, just with the fact that your need for a job is much more urgent than your need for a mate.
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Dating site?

If it's a dating site and it continues to go well, ask for a number/off site information if she doesn't offer it up herself.
 
Miles Quaritch said:
Dating site?

If it's a dating site and it continues to go well, ask for a number/off site information if she doesn't offer it up herself.
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Yeah, OKC. I moved the conversation onto Rick and Morty (last time i didn't feel like bothering to look at her profile again, this time i did. I never like to open with common media unless it's clear they're a superfan, because you figure that's cliche). If she's receptive i'll definitely go that way.
 
Before my current GF I dated a girl just a bit over the 2k follower mark..

Not worth the headache at all.

The lewd comments, guys finding her home addy and sending gifts, etc..

We eventually split cause she started catching feelings an a real famous person that contacted her and they became "friends". I told her she was fucking up and he was gonna play her ass...she said he "got her"
Couple months late she called me, he did.

I tapped it one last time, told her we would never work as a couple again.
She tells me she's OK with sidechick status as long as I take her out to eat and shopping occasionally lol
I declined but we're still friends.

She just got played by another C-list dude who smacked her tooth out her mouth during sex lol
She got "He put it in once but it wasn't sex" by a washed up guitarist from a 90's metal band.
And now she's head over heels for a bassist who's 10 years younger then her.
One dude just PayPal her $500, another sent her a ticket to meet him LA..

I had my doubts an worries when we dated by now that I'm on the outside and her confidant I'm heading all the REAL stories that probably happened behind my back.
 
AHealy said:
Before my current GF I dated a girl just a bit over the 2k follower mark..

Not worth the headache at all.

The lewd comments, guys finding her home addy and sending gifts, etc..

We eventually split cause she started catching feelings an a real famous person that contacted her and they became "friends". I told her she was fucking up and he was gonna play her ass...she said he "got her"
Couple months late she called me, he did.

I tapped it one last time, told her we would never work as a couple again.
She tells me she's OK with sidechick status as long as I take her out to eat and shopping occasionally lol
I declined but we're still friends.

She just got played by another C-list dude who smacked her tooth out her mouth during sex lol
She got "He put it in once but it wasn't sex" by a washed up guitarist from a 90's metal band.
And now she's head over heels for a bassist who's 10 years younger then her.
One dude just PayPal her $500, another sent her a ticket to meet him LA..

I had my doubts an worries when we dated by now that I'm on the outside and her confidant I'm heading all the REAL stories that probably happened behind my back.
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Wow. And that's a girl with just 2,000 instagram followers. Imagine the headache a girl with FOUR TIMES AS MANY would cause!
 
backflip10019 said:
Wow. And that's a girl with just 2,000 instagram followers. Imagine the headache a girl with FOUR TIMES AS MANY would cause!
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OK, I just looked at that account..headache may be waaaaaay less.

My girl was an actual BDSM model. Tattoos, fake tits etc..
We didn't date as much as we banged 5 days a week and went to bondage events.
That looks way more harmless then the fire I was playing with lol
 
Miles Quaritch said:
What happened for her to have such low self esteem. I feel sorry for her and I don't even know her.

Good grief...
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I used to be obsessed with her, think "OMG my luck! I scored a banging ass model!"

Now..

On the outside, the distance, hearing the stories...I feel so sad for her.

Don't get me wrong, the sex was GREAT. My first venture into the BDSM realm was her and she said she never had it as good as she did with me. The guy she went off with the first time had her performing anal sex so much she had to seek medical treatment, the other guy like I said smacked he'd tooth out.

Maybe as a noob to the scene and a normy mostly I blended a softness to my aggression, I didn't use her as a hole/recepticle.

She wanted me back, like a real relationship. Said she'd delete her IG and leave that life but I have a mental thing where I may be able to go back and sleep with someone if theyve been with someone after me but I can never have a normal relationship with them.

She understood but wanted to have the sexual relationship still. I agreed but said I would still date around. Once I said that she said fine but if she was just gonna be used for sex then she would need gifts also.
 
Salamando said:
Different girl. Sidechick is this instagram BDSM queen, low self esteem girl is current GF.
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Oh yeah, this is before my current GF.

This BDSM model was after my divorce, almost a year or more ago. My current GF and me have only been together 6 months.

And yes, current GF uses this girl against me..
Says "I know how this ends, you leave me for one of those girls who likes to be hurt"
 
AHealy said:
She tells me she's OK with sidechick status as long as I take her out to eat and shopping occasionally lol
I declined but we're still friends.
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Omg my ideal. I want to be a side chick who a guy goes out with occasionally and watches movies with, and he can have a real girlfriend otherwise.

My ideal. ;_;
 
Leeness said:
Omg my ideal. I want to be a side chick who a guy goes out with occasionally and watches movies with, and he can have a real girlfriend otherwise.

My ideal. ;_;
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Your honestly not the first girl I've heard say this since I've been in the single world lol
I wish I had the ability to share like women do.
 
AHealy said:
Oh yeah, this is before my current GF.

This BDSM model was after my divorce, almost a year or more ago. My current GF and me have only been together 6 months.

And yes, current GF uses this girl against me..
Says "I know how this ends, you leave me for one of those girls who likes to be hurt"
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Oh, we've established by now current GF has zero self esteem and would benefit from a good therapist. Actually, is she in therapy?

Leeness said:
Omg my ideal. I want to be a side chick who a guy goes out with occasionally and watches movies with, and he can have a real girlfriend otherwise.

My ideal. ;_;
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Sidechick status implies sex. Thought you were looking for something more platonic? 'Cause if not...prepare your inbox.
 
Salamando said:
Oh, we've established by now current GF has zero self esteem and would benefit from a good therapist. Actually, is she in therapy?
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Oh boy..opening the therapy grab bag.

Should she be? yes! Is she? No!

She went for a little bit before the second guy she lived with tossed her out. He was seeing girls behind her back and she knew it but couldn't prove it. He basically convinced her she was crazy and she sought therapy for her "paranoia"
The guy crashed his truck, with another girl in it, then kicked her out of the house (they shared car insurance so she knew their was a second passenger) The guy marries one of the girls she suspected a few years later.
And you know what?
She still won't admit he was cheating on her and gaslighting her. When we talk about it she still says "I don't really know. I may have been crazy and it wasn't true"
I'm like wtf?

She saw a therapist after her carjacking also, police mandated.
She went to two sessions she said and when they brought up her mother she said she stormed out and never went back.

And yeah, she admits to battling depression. Says some days she can't do anything. If I try to talk about it, understand it, she says she can't cause Ill make I worse or bring it on.

Today's thing was anxiety. She said she woke up at like 5am and was battling it all day long. I bought her a .Edu email off Fiverr to brighten her day so she could get 6 months of Amazon Prime. She's been better since.

She has words I can't use..like relax. She says it's a dirty word and she can't ever relax. Happy is another..she says she will never be a happy person and the best I can hope for is neutral. So when I say I want her to be happy or make her happy she says "I just want to be neutral"
Another thing she will say is she just "exist"
Also can't ask her what her plans are. She says "I don't ever have them or make them"

I could on and on. I didn't even get into some of the red flags I should be apparent to and use to gtfo of there ASAP.

Thats me tho..Mr.Empathetic, Captain Save-a-Ho...or just call me Dumbass cause I know I am Lol.
 
Salamando said:
Oh, we've established by now current GF has zero self esteem and would benefit from a good therapist. Actually, is she in therapy?



Sidechick status implies sex. Thought you were looking for something more platonic? 'Cause if not...prepare your inbox.
Click to expand...

I would like to be the platonic side chick lol
 
Do you guys think I should go for a girl that's turned me down? I mean I know somebody else is flirting with her and she may like him so my chances of success are really low... Or should I move on? Most of you would probably say yes but she's been on my mind for like a month now despite her turning me down...
 
Mastermind Vade said:
Do you guys think I should go for a girl that's turned me down? I mean I know somebody else is flirting with her and she may like him so my chances of success are really low... Or should I move on? Most of you would probably say yes but she's been on my mind for like a month now despite her turning me down...
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What has changed to make you think you have a better chance now?
 
AHealy said:
Thats me tho..Mr.Empathetic, Captain Save-a-Ho...or just call me Dumbass cause I know I am Lol.
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I'm going with Dumbass. Bears repeating. You can't fix someone, you shouldn't be responsible for their happiness. That's their job. She needs therapy. Or professional help. Or something.

If you want to be with her to have fun, go ahead. But I don't think anyone here thinks this is a good long term prospect.
 
Mastermind Vade said:
Do you guys think I should go for a girl that's turned me down? I mean I know somebody else is flirting with her and she may like him so my chances of success are really low... Or should I move on? Most of you would probably say yes but she's been on my mind for like a month now despite her turning me down...
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She turned you down a month ago and you're still thinking about her?

Okay, you need to stop this. Forget about her, she's not interested in you. She's made that abundantly clear by rejecting you. "Mastermind Vade, it's me, the girl you're thinking about..I do not like you and do not want to date you."

That's it, it's done. Move on. Now. For your sanity. One month, what the hell....
 
Man, it thought that losing weight would be easier for chicks to write to me. Going from Large/XL in clothe size to S/XS, buying new clothes and actually starting to look decent for a couple of months. Having a much better self esteem now but nope. Nobody ever visits my profile page on badoo or replies to me, once or twice in 3 months is not good.

It's making me think that I should have just stayed the same as an over weight guy since I really hoped that losing weight would at least open eyes for people (or females). But I guess that once a social outcast always a social outcast?
 
Mr Swine said:
Man, it thought that losing weight would be easier for chicks to write to me. Going from Large/XL in clothe size to S/XS, buying new clothes and actually starting to look decent for a couple of months. Having a much better self esteem now but nope. Nobody ever visits my profile page on badoo or replies to me, once or twice in 3 months is not good.

It's making me think that I should have just stayed the same as an over weight guy since I really hoped that losing weight would at least open eyes for people (or females). But I guess that once a social outcast always a social outcast?
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Maybe get out there and hit the bars? And no, you shouldn't have stayed the same weight. Great job shedding the pounds, don't revert back to that lifestyle.

Don't focus all your efforts on just one site either. Hit up Tinder, OKC, POF and go to bars, go out with friends and hit up some clubs. There's no reason for you to feel like giving up when you haven't even seemingly tried...
 
If you want to be with her to have fun, go ahead. But I don't think anyone here thinks this is a good long term prospect.
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He's paying for Amazon stuff, she never has to drive, and I suspect he pays for everything when they go out.

He's basically her sugar daddy but also has to put up with her crazy ass.

Just find a professional sex worker if you are going to continue down this road. It will be cheaper financially and mentally in the long run.

Going to therapy one or two times doesn't mean jack shit, especially when they storm out like a baby. It's typical deflecting behavior of a sociopath.
 
AHealy said:
Thats me tho..Mr.Empathetic, Captain Save-a-Ho...or just call me Dumbass cause I know I am Lol.
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For the sake of positivity in these dating age threads I never use the term "Save-a-Ho" (even though god knows it describes so many cases in this thread) but like, how could you type that out and not arrive at dumbass or save-a-ho? Empathy is not synonymous with idiocracy so dont use that shit. This is some literal beyond excess shit.

I dont have problems with people wanting to date others with anxiety or depression (even if I can't personally) but like that person has to actually be trying to work through their problem. You can't say relax or happy. Really? Fuck outta here with this bullshit. I think we all know this wont last so . . .
 
Miles Quaritch said:
Maybe get out there and hit the bars? And no, you shouldn't have stayed the same weight. Great job shedding the pounds, don't revert back to that lifestyle.

Don't focus all your efforts on just one site either. Hit up Tinder, OKC, POF and go to bars, go out with friends and hit up some clubs. There's no reason for you to feel like giving up when you haven't even seemingly tried...
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There is only 2 bars here in my shitty town I live in (Sweden) and I'm not that comfortable sitting with people I don't know. But yeah I'm probably going to do that just to see what happens.

I've tried tinder and it's more or less the same, many girls living close by but no dice. And the only friend I have really doesn't like to go out to bars either and he is studying atm.

Well I'm going to bed, it's late :/
 
Well, I'm headed over for some grubhub, wine and Netflix (hopefully sex!)
I keep ya guys updated on this train wreck as it happens.

Have a concert on Friday night and a play the following Friday...so gotta keep it together for another week or two.
 
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