I went to a party on Friday and being a shy introvert sucks
- Thread starter KevinCow
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How About No
Member
HOLY SHIT this was me during my roomate's Super Bowl gathering. I thought the Onion was supposed to be satire??
Leaving my room closing my eyes and cross my fingers they wouldn't try to talk to me
Probably not but that was worded really, really badly
Incitemaybe
Member
The douchebag party certainly.
How old are you and your friend OP? How close are you? Were you trapped in an apartment with no easy way to slip outside.
weemadarthur
Member
True.
That makes it a perfect place to practice. There are no consequences to potential embarrassment that can really follow you home. And the first time you try, you'll probably suck at it.
Pinko Marx
Banned
I'm a recovering shy boy. The only way to stop being shy is to put yourself out there. It will suck at first but you'll get the hang of it, as everyone has done in their life.
NightShift
Member
Don't feel afraid to leave early, it's much better than the alternative. If you feel like staying longer then drink, I know it's shitty advice but it's effective.
As for why I didn't really interact with the people I played Street Fighter with, it's because of how the room was set up. I was close enough to lean over and ask for the controller or give it back, but not close enough to actually talk to them. And then they dispersed rather quickly when we got kicked off.
Also I find the people saying it would be terrible to bring a 3DS funny, because there were actually a few people with 3DSes playing Pokemon with each other.
Also I find the people saying it would be terrible to bring a 3DS funny, because there were actually a few people with 3DSes playing Pokemon with each other.
All the "you have to drink" posts are really strange and some of the descriptions make me question if many people in here have actually gone to parties or are just making up stories. I'm introverted and didn't drink until my senior of college and I was perfectly fine and sociable. Of course, people are different, so my experiences won't necessarily be true for everyone, but most parties where alcohol is present don't devolve into drunken ragers. There will, of course, be some people who drink way too much but there will also be people who drink a beer or two and others who don't drink at all. If you hate alcohol, you can still have a good time without forcing yourself to drink. If you hate being around people, then you probably just shouldn't be at any parties.
Solid SOAP
Member
Yea man, same here. I was a huge weirdo and introvert in high school and in my early college years. Video games and the internet all day from age 10 until 18 didn't do me any favors socially! However, practicing anything automatically makes you better at it, whether it's a video game or talking to people.
Believe me, being an introvert can make socializing horrible. HORRIBLE. The thought of having to come up with something spontaneously that will either inform someone of something worth knowing about or say something to make them laugh is a lot of pressure. But fuck man, just go out there and try! Ya know what? Good chance you'll say something silly that will perturb someone at least once. Good chance you'll feel awkward for a bit. However, you'll never know until you try, and you'll never get better until you try!
If sitting in is your thing, that's cool. Not every night has to be a social night. However, the world we live in is a social one, and gaining people skills will only help further yourself not only amongst your peers, but amongst those who can help you in the working world.
FYI: You don't have to drink to be successful socially. I like to have a few drinks at parties, but any more than 2 or 3 turns me into a raving asshole. Having a beer or two might strip a few of your social barriers, but your best bet is to just talk and talk with those who make you the most comfortable. You played SFV with people right? Chat em up about the game. Tell em how awesome (Or shitty! Self-depricating humor isn't a bad thing
) you are at it. Use that to jump into a new topic if possible.
Fall Into The GAF
Member
I am going to be even tempered about this subject, go against the grain (no pun intended...or is it?!) about the alcohol bullshit, and offer some other perspective. As someone who suffers/suffered from severe social anxiety, I kept it in my head that everybody at a social gathering, raging party or a quiet gathering, are fighting battles of their own and more than likely have a modicum of social anxiety. In essence, they are all scared shitless of eachother in some way, but are making the best of their situation. At least, that's how I interpret it. What that means for you is that, on some level, you have some sort of universal kinship with the other people in the room, even if your values, social strata, interests, etc are vastly different. I am not saying lay out all of your insecurities on the table, but find a common ground with somebody even if it's a single topic like your love towards SFV (That game got over well with the fighting game community, right?).
With that said, don't ruminate if nothing works out and actively avoid flagellating yourself with words like "shy" and "introvert". Everyone is multi-dimensional in their own ways and shyness is just one tiny facet that you have. It doesn't have to define everything about you. Also, if by some chance, you are put into a circumstance again where you feel the need to socialize, reframe it in your mind to something more comfortable. Instead of framing something neutral as a social gathering as "terrifying", reframe it as an "opportunity" to slowly ease/desensitize yourself to other people (who, again, are probably waging the same battle as you are),
One last thing, every new situation brings up a lot of anxiety for people, extroverted or not. You can think of your anxiety as raw energy that can be filtered into something positive like spontaneity or creativity. How you diffuse and convert that anxiety is up to you. I wish you the best, man.
With that said, don't ruminate if nothing works out and actively avoid flagellating yourself with words like "shy" and "introvert". Everyone is multi-dimensional in their own ways and shyness is just one tiny facet that you have. It doesn't have to define everything about you. Also, if by some chance, you are put into a circumstance again where you feel the need to socialize, reframe it in your mind to something more comfortable. Instead of framing something neutral as a social gathering as "terrifying", reframe it as an "opportunity" to slowly ease/desensitize yourself to other people (who, again, are probably waging the same battle as you are),
One last thing, every new situation brings up a lot of anxiety for people, extroverted or not. You can think of your anxiety as raw energy that can be filtered into something positive like spontaneity or creativity. How you diffuse and convert that anxiety is up to you. I wish you the best, man.
I am a quiet person who doesn't socialise but now I'm older I realised one thing.
Socialising isn't for everyone.Don't try to be what you are not.I have gotten used to not being social and if I'm in the position where I'm stuck in a social situation (such as a party I can't leave (not that I ever get invited...)) I be myself,keep to myself and just watch other people being themselves.I suppose it helps that I enjoy people watching and there are certain people who I can talk to (geeks mainly) but don't think of shy and introverted as a weakness.I think a lot of people who are "extrovert" are having less fun than it seems.
Socialising isn't for everyone.Don't try to be what you are not.I have gotten used to not being social and if I'm in the position where I'm stuck in a social situation (such as a party I can't leave (not that I ever get invited...)) I be myself,keep to myself and just watch other people being themselves.I suppose it helps that I enjoy people watching and there are certain people who I can talk to (geeks mainly) but don't think of shy and introverted as a weakness.I think a lot of people who are "extrovert" are having less fun than it seems.
I'm very introverted but not shy.
I have the ability to "turn on" being sociable and talkative, but I feel exhausted afterwards and have to really be in the mood to do it in the first place. Plus, I have to build myself up to being sociable. If someone texts me and says "we're at the bar right now! #YOLO" I'm not going. You gotta give me a few hours to not only get physically ready but mentally. In fact, I actually get angry when I get a text or call like that because they damn know that's how I am. I make them perfectly aware of that.
When I had roomates, they'd say at the last minute "Oh, we're going out, wanna join?" and they assumed my "no" was me not wanting to hang out with them. It was more because I wasn't mentality there to want to be talkative etc... If I'm not in the right mind space, I'll just stand around or find a seat somewhere and not talk with anyone.
I have the ability to "turn on" being sociable and talkative, but I feel exhausted afterwards and have to really be in the mood to do it in the first place. Plus, I have to build myself up to being sociable. If someone texts me and says "we're at the bar right now! #YOLO" I'm not going. You gotta give me a few hours to not only get physically ready but mentally. In fact, I actually get angry when I get a text or call like that because they damn know that's how I am. I make them perfectly aware of that.
When I had roomates, they'd say at the last minute "Oh, we're going out, wanna join?" and they assumed my "no" was me not wanting to hang out with them. It was more because I wasn't mentality there to want to be talkative etc... If I'm not in the right mind space, I'll just stand around or find a seat somewhere and not talk with anyone.
very first time i got drunk in college we trolled around in our dorm room until my roommate got bored and FB'd some girl i was crushing super hard on my profile and then we met up with her and her friends and derped around some more. And then i smashed.
no regrets
Ohhhhh noooo, im poisoning my liver, the organ that conveniently regenerates for me.
Best case scenario, you miss out on all the spontaneous fun that comes from enjoying young life with your friends because you feel left out, and then you live 10 years longer in old age before you die for the rest of eternity
Nobody is telling him to get wasted and go jump into a frozen lake naked or anything. You can drink and not be a moron, just like you can smoke and not be a pothead, or how you can masturbate and not be sexually depraved.
If he knows himself well enough to think he lacks the self control, then fine by him, but if you never really go out of your way to experience anything, how can you be positive you even have an opinion
I'm pretty good with people one on one, but not sure why in groups I have a lot of trouble all of a sudden. It helps if I have another person to go with that's more talkative, but I usually just listen over talking either way. Depends on the type of people there really and I rarely mesh well in parties. Working on it though
Hale-XF11
Member
If 'The Fun Police' were an actual thing that existed, this is exactly what I'd picture them saying.
Sucks to be that way sometimes, but we play the hand we're dealt. I'm sure many here sympathize, even if they're not speaking up.
The real crime is your friend not introducing you to anyone. It always blows my mind that people fail to do this; if you're meeting up with a person or persons you know but your friend(s) doesn't, you make an introduction. It ain't rocket science.
The real crime is your friend not introducing you to anyone. It always blows my mind that people fail to do this; if you're meeting up with a person or persons you know but your friend(s) doesn't, you make an introduction. It ain't rocket science.
I'm shy with getting the opening line but i just found ways to spark up conversation.
How i met my wife was at party, ( i was sober ) but I would sign up for beer pong and put my name and then ???? as my partner this gets people curious and when its your turn just speak up. You don't even need to make eye contact and someone will jump on your team. After that just start playing and the conversation will flow.
I think drinking helps but is not a need. I enjoy myself a fine gin but my world is not over if I don't drink.
How i met my wife was at party, ( i was sober ) but I would sign up for beer pong and put my name and then ???? as my partner this gets people curious and when its your turn just speak up. You don't even need to make eye contact and someone will jump on your team. After that just start playing and the conversation will flow.
I think drinking helps but is not a need. I enjoy myself a fine gin but my world is not over if I don't drink.
CountAntonius
Member
You are not. I'm a bit more social with a ton of drinking but without i'll pretty much sit in a dark corner want watch everyone interact.
NervousXtian
Thought Emoji Movie was good. Take that as you will.
Practice it. Being socially awkward is an easily overcome-able problem.
Stop accepting being socially inept as some normal thing, do something about it.
Everyone else was having fun but you, and the problem is them? No.. no.. no.. the problem is you. Do something about.
Join https://www.toastmasters.org/ or some shit, learn to talk random ass people. You already had something in common with every single person in that room, you just choose to not use that as a point of getting to know someone.
You don't even need to drink.
Yes! Look standoffish and basically close yourself to anyone approaching you to make conversation!
OP, I was you - I still am to a degree - but I have to agree with the majority of people talking about alcohol. Even if you just drink half a bottle and then carry it around for the night; people will assume you're more sauced than you are and will be more willing to approach you with a half empty beer, than someone glued to their phone. You say people were on their 3DS' and people were playing Street Fighter earlier on? Well great! You're on GAF so you like games. You can make conversations about games.
"Hey, how's the fight going? Cool. What do you think about the new Pokemon games coming out? Gonna be pretty sweet, which do you reckon you'd get based on the name?"
It's not the best of conversations - some may even call it banal - but it's a real conversation you can make, instead of reading GAF on your phone.
Are you me? I feel like I could have written this post. I've definitely gotten mad at my friends for not giving me more notice to mentally prepare before.
Has anyone pointed out that being shy has nothing to do with being an Introvert? You can be a shy Introvert or a shy Extrovert.
Shy = you find it hard to talk to other people.
Introvert = talking to people wears you out. You recharge in solitude.
Extrovert = talking to people gives you strength. You get worn out in solitude.
Also, don't confuse Asocial (avoiding social situations, the word is more like Atheist or Asexual) with Anti-Social (doing something that would earn you the label of dick, asshole, douchebag).
Shy = you find it hard to talk to other people.
Introvert = talking to people wears you out. You recharge in solitude.
Extrovert = talking to people gives you strength. You get worn out in solitude.
Also, don't confuse Asocial (avoiding social situations, the word is more like Atheist or Asexual) with Anti-Social (doing something that would earn you the label of dick, asshole, douchebag).
Introverted doesn't mean antisocial - it's a common misconception. Introverted people get tired when socializing and from certain stimuli. I know because I am introverted, but very social when needed.
Either way, drink a little to get a buzz (not a problem for the liver) and have something to eat.
The goal is to loosen up your inhibitions so you can lower your anxiety.
Either way, drink a little to get a buzz (not a problem for the liver) and have something to eat.
The goal is to loosen up your inhibitions so you can lower your anxiety.
Pinko Marx
Banned
Both of these are A++ posts.
Regarding the first one and the fact that everyone carries their own insecurities in life. These people are the parties don't necessarily have any one special thing over you, OP, they've just practiced the art of socializing.
I like the 2nd post because it pretty much describes me. I don't have problems socializing, it's just draining and afterwards I need a few hours of "me time" otherwise I get grumpy as hell.
You need to realize that everyone is awkward in their own way, but they've gotten over that fear of being rejected, they've developed their confidence strong enough to not let that rejection ruin their day. It sounds like you are just low on self-esteem and need to first build a firm, positive image of yourself.
Nastrodamous
Member
it really isnt his friends job to babysit him
Host's job is to introduce people, them's the rules.
Subpar Scrub
Banned
That's like being at a LAN but you hate games.
How about learning to drink, dance or socialise? Why not all of them? People who label themselves as introverts, as I used to, are usually just using it as an excuse to not develop their social skills.
Tell your comfort zone to go die in a ditch.
Think about it, when you see someone socialising and talking and hey say something silly or embarrassing, everyone laughs for a few seconds and moves on. You won't be an exception, you only perceive yourself to be one.
Go live bruh.
How about learning to drink, dance or socialise? Why not all of them? People who label themselves as introverts, as I used to, are usually just using it as an excuse to not develop their social skills.
Tell your comfort zone to go die in a ditch.
Think about it, when you see someone socialising and talking and hey say something silly or embarrassing, everyone laughs for a few seconds and moves on. You won't be an exception, you only perceive yourself to be one.
Go live bruh.
Jaffaboy
Member
I hope your friend introduced you to his friends, and if he did it's on you to carry on the socialising. I know it's difficult being introverted, but the only way to get past it is to put yourself out there and force yourself to talk to people. Ask where are you from, what do you do, how do you know *insert friend here*, these are key because people fucking love talking about themselves. I've gone from being incredibly introvert and shy when I started university, to basically getting to know new people almost daily through my job that it's become second nature.
Eh, I'm the same way. I tried to go to some parties while I was in college but I could never really get into it. People were just operating on a different mental and social level than I was. I would even know or be friends with multiple people at the party and I still couldn't mingle or enjoy myself. It's not that I didn't want to have fun, I just didn't know how to. Drinking at them would only make me sad that I didn't have the social skills or interest to keep up with anyone else. It would make me feel even more alone.
I feel that there are upsides to being introverted, though.
I feel that there are upsides to being introverted, though.
blame space
Banned
Uh being a shy introvert owns.
-Pyromaniac-
Member
Lol at your buddy not introducing you to anyone. That shit is etiquette 101.
User 479360
Banned
I'm like that at bigger parties, too. It sucks. I haven't gone to one in a while, but that's a combination of getting older and friends quitting hosting them.
I don't miss them too much, although it does get lonely being a single shut-in who's introverted and awkward.
I don't miss them too much, although it does get lonely being a single shut-in who's introverted and awkward.
UncleSporky
Member
Don't feel like you have to change at all unless you want to. There's absolutely nothing wrong with browsing the internet on your phone if that's what will bring you the most enjoyment in that particular moment. Why should it matter what others think?
Obviously if you wish you were one of those people out in the party talking and laughing, then you can work toward being one of those people. But if they annoy you, you don't have to join them. It's fine to not enjoy parties and just do what you like.
I don't drink either. My friends used to have drunken parties once or twice a year, and I learned that they weren't really my thing...and they also learned that these parties weren't really their thing. Everyone woke up feeling sick, somebody passed out in the bathtub covered in their own puke, and they realized they couldn't keep that shit up. Now we play D&D or have board game parties or watch movies, and it's awesome for everybody, and a lot of people don't seriously drink even if they're the type who used to.
I think parties get better for the introverted as people get older, in general. Hang in there.
Obviously if you wish you were one of those people out in the party talking and laughing, then you can work toward being one of those people. But if they annoy you, you don't have to join them. It's fine to not enjoy parties and just do what you like.
I don't drink either. My friends used to have drunken parties once or twice a year, and I learned that they weren't really my thing...and they also learned that these parties weren't really their thing. Everyone woke up feeling sick, somebody passed out in the bathtub covered in their own puke, and they realized they couldn't keep that shit up. Now we play D&D or have board game parties or watch movies, and it's awesome for everybody, and a lot of people don't seriously drink even if they're the type who used to.
I think parties get better for the introverted as people get older, in general. Hang in there.
Calling the OP a terrible person because he's a shy introvert wasn't a mistake. And his edit reason makes it seem like he was very much telling OP to commit suicide.
TheGreyHulk
Member
Ive been there before. Best thing to do is try to enjoy the party. Drink a little and just start talking to random people via small talk questions like "how do you know blah blah blah?" and all that.
Key thing to do is "not give a fuck" and by that i mean, these are people you dont know and you probably wont see them often after so f it. Dont over think things. Joke around and join in. If you really dont drink and are straight edge then it's going to be hard to socialize with drunk people cuz they dont make sense when talking lol.
Your friend should have been introducing you to people to kick things off for you though. That's a douche move to not do so.
Key thing to do is "not give a fuck" and by that i mean, these are people you dont know and you probably wont see them often after so f it. Dont over think things. Joke around and join in. If you really dont drink and are straight edge then it's going to be hard to socialize with drunk people cuz they dont make sense when talking lol.
Your friend should have been introducing you to people to kick things off for you though. That's a douche move to not do so.
Buuuut that's what he said. And in the post he made saying that wasn't what he meant, he didn't clarify what he meant.. So that's what he meant too. And why would the edit reason be "extreme insensitivity" if that isn't what he meant?
Yeah, that's what he meant.
Lord_Byron28
Member
Exact same thing happened to me last week except they stayed up till 5 am and I had barely gotten any sleep the past few days. Although I can recognize when I'm starting to get drained and don't want to be around people. So I got up and went on a walk for 30 minutes by myself. Came back and I was okay and was socializing fine. If people asked I just explained that I'm more of an introvert and just had been around and met 30 new people in the past few days and that I needed a little time to myself as I was surrounded by people I barely knew and they understood.
I do understand what you're going through though as I'm a shy introvert and do have some social anxiety in large group settings.
I do understand what you're going through though as I'm a shy introvert and do have some social anxiety in large group settings.
blame space
Banned
Frankly I'm upset you didn't make a thread during the party.
How About No
Member
Your buddy should at least introduce you to a few people. Honestly don't be afraid to kindly mention that to him/her next time. One person can lead to another and another. IMO this is practically required if you don't know anybody else.
I hate parties, not because I don't like getting drunk or socializing, but because most parties suck. Music is garbage, keg is foam, too many people let in, house is tiny, no theme, etc. It may sound stupid but the key to a good party... is actually finding a good party.
Speaking personally, my biggest issue is small talk. Heavy topics (which I get a lot out of) and party crowds rarely go hand in hand (weed does help this). I'm powerless when conversations go to friendship gossip, football or stories about other parties. I rather stare at the stars. I also can't dance to save my life so...
Other things you can try... bringing something to the party to act as a conversation piece. I love cooking, so some nights I break out my home bartending equipment and bring some mixed drinks ingredients. Some drinks go to the winner of a pong game while others are punishment for the loser. Arrange this with the host before hand. Learning a magic trick or two also works well.
I hate parties, not because I don't like getting drunk or socializing, but because most parties suck. Music is garbage, keg is foam, too many people let in, house is tiny, no theme, etc. It may sound stupid but the key to a good party... is actually finding a good party.
Speaking personally, my biggest issue is small talk. Heavy topics (which I get a lot out of) and party crowds rarely go hand in hand (weed does help this). I'm powerless when conversations go to friendship gossip, football or stories about other parties. I rather stare at the stars. I also can't dance to save my life so...
Other things you can try... bringing something to the party to act as a conversation piece. I love cooking, so some nights I break out my home bartending equipment and bring some mixed drinks ingredients. Some drinks go to the winner of a pong game while others are punishment for the loser. Arrange this with the host before hand. Learning a magic trick or two also works well.
Admiral Woofington
Member
Whenever I'm in a group of friends having a party and we have someone not from that group I always make sure to bring them with me and include them in conversations.
Dick move by your friend I've had the exact same experience.
Dick move by your friend I've had the exact same experience.
I thought about it but I don't like typing up long posts on my phone and I couldn't get to my computer.
BKatastrophe
Member
I missed over it when I was posting, which I quoted to agree with you. I just deleted it out of my original post.
So why didn't you go over and chill with them and talk about Pokemon?
This.
"I'm shy" is a lazy excuse to not engage with people. You are always going to be presented with situations where you don't know anyone, and are surrounded with new people. New job, new community, whatever. You're the one choosing to not engage in situations like this beyond "Street Fighter! Aww no more Street Fighter..."
You need to learn to make your own fun, and looking at your own phone and intentionally cordoning yourself off doesn't really count. It's no one else's job to make that effort for you, and yeah, being introduced helps, but you can't rely on that by any means.
Because, as I say in the thread title, I'm extremely shy. Also I have extremely low self-esteem. My first assumption about anyone is that they don't like me and want me to leave, so the last thing I want to do is butt into their conversation and impose myself on them.
I'm not choosing not to engage in situations like this. I legitimately don't know how to. I don't know how to walk up to someone I don't know and start a conversation. I don't know how to butt into a conversation between two people who are clearly friends.
You're right, I've been presented with situations like this many times in my life: new jobs, new communities, new schools. And I always wind up being the loner who eats lunch by himself while everyone else laughs and has a good time. I'm halfway through my fifth semester at my current school and I haven't made a single friend.
I don't know what to do about it. I think I just had so many bad experience with my peers as a child that it's irreparably crippled my ability to have a normal social life.
Kingpin Rogers
Member
Parties have never seemed fun to me op so I can sympathize, I still remember when I went round to a friends house once and he ended up taking me to a small party. It was terrible, just me sat awkwardly on a couch whilst they all spoke about people and topics I knew nothing about and since I was never introduced either that's how the entire night went My only advice is don't go to any more parties (they've never seemed fun to me anyway) and always check with friends just in case they're hosting any parties haha.
TickleMeElbow
Member
Hey dude. I sort of went through a similar thing when I quit drinking. Although I had friends I could talk to, I spent such a long time being drunk and fucked up on all sorts of shit, that I didn't know how to interact with people I didn't know while sober. Like I didn't give a shit about what other people thought of me, but then I got sober and suddenly gave a shit lol. Like, a lot. I fucked up so hard that I felt like a worthless piece of shit, and in my mind other people saw me that way as well. I know it's not the same, but yeah....
So, what helped me was taking small steps. If I went to the gas station, I'd just say "hi" to the clerk. Then do that every time I went to the corner store or to the gas station until I felt comfortable. Then a "hi" would turn into something like "damn, it's been raining the past few days", which would start a quick convo. If I went to the grocery store, I'd ask the person at the register something like "has it been busy today?" Random shit like that. Eventually I got used to talking to people again, and now almost three years later, I'm pretty much back to where I was before becoming an addict (basically I can talk to anyone).
Oh, and I know that in order to gain confidence, people often say work out, change your diet, get some new clothes, etc. That helps for sure. But, before you do any of that, you just have to learn to be brave, as corny as that sounds lol. You're afraid, and that fear is just you trying to protect yourself. But instead of protecting yourself, your fear of social interaction is actually hurting you in the long run. Even if people do judge you, and people will judge you for a lot of reasons, it's not like their judgement is going to directly kill you. So, just be brave and do it. Start small, but do it. Eventually it'll get easier.
That's how I feel about it. Good luck.
Supermanisdead
Member
so u played street fighter 5 with some ppl and then when it stopped... u went back to your corner to mope?
I get the feeling OP. I don't think I'm exactly shy anymore, but I'm definitely introverted (social situations drain me very fast, I get quite tired and can't keep up) plus I have a few medical conditions that effect my energy levels. I can keep up at first but slowly it feels like everyone else pulls away and I get left behind and just sort of end up sitting on a couch or chair with a drink while watching everyone else go by. It's a bummer but I've just had to accept who I am. It's super cool when someone else who's lost track of the party comes and sits down with me to just chat though. I like when that happens, feels nice.
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