I feel compelled to write a follow up to this post:
http://neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=201080008&postcount=15265
I know people, and probably Arnie in particular will think I'm a scumbag. I think I'm a scumbag as well. Short background: met a girl in my gym, learned she had a boyfriend, backed of, she kept initiating contact, I kept going along with it (because she is the coolest girl I've met in the last ten years, out of the probably 50 dates I've had).
Here's what happened, and why I feel I need to write about this. Every topic here on GAF, when cheating came up, I always said: don't be an asshole. If you make someone cheat you're to blame. That's a belief I've always held and still have. Somewhat. Until now. With this girl everything felt perfect. Conversation flowed naturally, she makes me laugh, I make her laugh. She makes me think, I make her think. I don't get bored talking to her all day through WhatsApp. That doesn't happen to me. With anyone.
Pretty soon it became clear that I really like her, and she really likes me. We start hanging out more in real life. All the while, in the back of my mind there was this thought. I can't do this, it's not right. What really scared me was how easy it was for me to ignore that voice in my head. Whenever it popped up she'd say something that wowed my. She'd make a remark that would put to rest my greatest insecurities, that made me believe she was literally everything I could hope to find in a woman. Meanwhile the voice in the back of my mind stayed there.
We kept growing closer and closer together, we'd end up on the couch, hugging, talking to each other. We were watching my favorite movie, Before Sunrise, and we both felt the tension, that we wanted to kiss. But we didn't. Because for me, kissing was officially cheating. Every day I felt guilty, but it was such a strange sensation to feel that despite my principles, despite the guilt that kept me up; everything felt so incredibly right. Being together. Working out together, walking through town together, talking through WhatsApp, over the phone. All the while knowing she had a boyfriend. I kept saying to myself; 'we haven't kissed, we haven't had sex. It's not cheating.' When I knew damn well she was cheating on her boyfriend with me.
Yesterday she was at my place again. We were talking about relationships. I asked her if she was perfectly happy with her boyfriend. She said: 'I'm happy with my life. My boyfriend is in my life." After a couple of seconds she said: "It's not a good thing I can't answer that question with a wholehearted yes."
The conversation went on, I mentioned how I have one big dream. When my book gets published, and makes at least 3000 euro's, I'm flying to Florida for a night in a super expensive underwater hotel. Which I've wanted to do since I was six. I wanted to do that with her. I just blurted it out, without thinking. She kissed me. I kissed her back. And at the moment, we officially crossed the line. We had crossed the line before and before, but this time it was official. So I said to her we couldn't to this anymore. We had to stop this. It wasn't fair to me, not to her, and not to her boyfriend.
She said she has to think about it. The past few weeks. Her future. Me. Her boyfriend. Her relationship. I haven't spoken to her since, and I'm pretty much a wreck. I figure she is as well.
I'm not sure why I'm typing this out. People will say I'm an asshole. Deservedly so. I think I just wanted to say how weird it is. To have a firm belief, a principle, for thirty years. And how the right, or wrong, woman can shatter that belief so easily.
