So I just went on my girlfriends ipad....

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Damn OP. I feel for you. 4 years? Fuck!

You seem to know that this isn't going to work out. So if you're looking for an explanation or some sort of closure before you separate, have a conversation with her.

If you are just fucking done and want nothing else from it, then pack your shit and stay with family. Take care of the lease shit with her over the phone. Screw that bitch.

Or pack her shit and let her figure it out. But technically you are both on the lease, so most liking you'll have to choose to leave yourself.


If you TOTALLY don't give a shit.....you leave your own pic with a message that simply reads "Bye bitch". lol.
 
I have kind of been in the same place as you OP, and I forgave her time and again. Don't do my mistake. I ended it for good last January after we had been together for 4 years because I couldn't trust her fully. And lo and behold, right after I broke up, she went back to her ex and sent me pictures of them lol.

Get out of there and always remember during the tough and rough path, to always be good to yourself and focus on your work, school or interests. Just focus on you the next many months if you do decide to leave her, as it sounds like.
 
Sorry OP :(

I have to echo others and say go ahead and start making moves to get out. Gather you belongings and talk to the landlord. Explain what's going on and take some time to yourself after that. You deserve better.
 
Just one question OCD: are you an american?
I am asking because being faithful sexually seems a very important thing for you, a clear red line. In Europe and mostly in France, people are a bit more detached about it.

When your SO sleeps with somebody else, it sucks, of course, but c'est la vie.
In France, when you hit 40, it's more or less accepted that you will take up a lover or mistress at some point. A lot of people, including at least, two former presidents, openly had countless lovers while still being with their wives and no one gave a shit.
If you have a good thing going with someone, why ruin it just because he or she had sex with someone she does not plan on staying with?
Just a bit a cultural perspective.

As fas as your business is concerned, the situation definitely requires a serious conversation you should also keep your cool and keep things in perspective.
So far, she has not done anything, just fantasized about it.
 
OCD Guy said:
So it's my day off today and rather than use the laptop I decided to grab my girlfriends ipad to browse from.

Now I know her passcode (which she knows) but as I enter her passcode and the ipad unlocks it takes me into WhatsApp and I see a picture of a dick and some conversation that is not so innocent.

I'm a little bit thrown back to be honest, with feelings of disgust, anger and confusion.

I'm not sure what to do now, message this guy (or call him), call her, wait until she get's back, say nothing, pack my stuff and leave. To be honest it's done for me now, but still deciding whether it's worth the stress of the arguing and anger.

Obviously I'm writing about it on Neogaf (what could go wrong) but this is completely out of the blue. In the past when I've had shit like this it's normally been accompanied with a change in behaviour, taking all phones etc with them at all times.
Click to expand...

Screenshot it, post it to facebook and break up with her.
 
ezrarh said:
Forward the dick pick to her cellphone.
Click to expand...

Then set the picture as the wallpaper on her iPad, change her WhatsApp name to DickLover, and print out a picture of the dick and tape it to your face when she comes home so that she has to constantly look at it while talking to you.
 
Sushi Nao said:
Ok? Let's all rage against our biology for the rest of our lives and ruin otherwise decent relationships because we're unable to handle a little bit of emotional uncertainty and difficult communication
Click to expand...

For as much as you seem to claim that respecting sexuality is key, you're not practicing what you preach by implying that everyone who's not openly polyamorous must be secretly repressed.

Come on man.
 
Best of luck to you OP. Hopefully the lease issue gets resolved and you are not stuck there with her for any length of time because if she is vindictive over it (even though she is in the wrong) she could make things hell for you easily.
 
Hollywood Duo said:
You are full of shit. "Decent" relationships are built on trust. Sneaking around is a clear violation of that.
Click to expand...

So zero tolerance for a first offense is the answer? There's a reason people have a tough time talking about topics like this and it's because they've been socially railroaded into it. Sometimes trouble has to happen before people are willing to be real with themselves and their partners.

I'm not advocating staying in a toxic relationship, but christ, have a tough and meaningful conversation before you throw everything away.
 
Sucks, buddy. Just be cool if you talk to her later and be on your way. You raise your voice, she'll raise hers and eventually begin to attempt to justify her actions. Don't allow her that satisfaction.
 
OCD Guy said:
She's called again (so twice in total).

She'll know somethings up, she knows I'm at home (day off) and I'd normally answer.
Click to expand...
The best advice I can say is be an adult about it. Talk about it with her when she gets home and talk about how you both are going to handle the lease if you break up. Not only can get yourself in a really sticky situation quick by bailing on the lease, but you're taking the high road and being a mature adult about it.

Unless you're 7 years-old, in which case negate anything I said above.
 
Madrin said:
Then set the picture as the wallpaper on her iPad, change her WhatsApp name to DickLover, and print out a picture of the dick and tape it to your face when she comes home so that she has to constantly look at it while talking to you.
Click to expand...

"this is why we're breaking up"
 
OP, when she calls continue to ignore her. The last thing you need here is try and either hold in your feelings and have a "normal" conversation with her (and she'll likely be able to figure out something is up anyway) or you end up confronting her about it over the phone. Let her wonder why you aren't picking up and then speak to her in person when she gets home.
 
OP... At the risk of channeling Grandpa Simpson.... Today is my anniversary - married 26 years (crissakes I feel old). I don't know you or your GF or anything else beyond what's in this thread. But just some advice from an OldMarriedGAF:

You feel like trust is broken, and you're right about that. But you need to have an adult conversation with your GF to try and understand why this happened. There's a reason and you need to know it. It doesn't mean you can salvage a relationship, but it means you'll know a little bit more about yourself and how your relationships work.

You also need to consider the possibility (and only the possibility) that your relationship can be repaired and it will be hard on you. That's also 'being an adult'. Trust is important to you, obviously. But I think it's useful to being open to the possibility that life is not so binary and trust can be repaired with more understanding and less pride.
 
Bloody_Five said:
Just one question OCD: are you an american?
I am asking because being faithful sexually seems a very important thing for you, a clear red line. In Europe and mostly in France, people are a bit more detached about it.

When your SO sleeps with somebody else, it sucks, of course, but c'est la vie.
In France, when you hit 40, it's more or less accepted that you will take up a lover or mistress at some point. A lot of people, including at least, two former presidents, openly had countless lovers while still being with their wives and no one gave a shit.
If you have a good thing going with someone, why ruin it just because he or she had sex with someone she does not plan on staying with?
Just a bit a cultural perspective.

As fas as your business is concerned, the situation definitely requires a serious conversation you should also keep your cool and keep things in perspective.
So far, she has not done anything, just fantasized about it.
Click to expand...

What is with the anti-monogamy rhetoric in this thread...
 
Bloody_Five said:
Just one question OCD: are you an american?
I am asking because being faithful sexually seems a very important thing for you, a clear red line. In Europe and mostly in France, people are a bit more detached about it.

When your SO sleeps with somebody else, it sucks, of course, but c'est la vie.
In France, when you hit 40, it's more or less accepted that you will take up a lover or mistress at some point. A lot of people, including at least, two former presidents, openly had countless lovers while still being with their wives and no one gave a shit.
If you have a good thing going with someone, why ruin it just because he or she had sex with someone she does not plan on staying with?
Just a bit a cultural perspective.

As fas as your business is concerned, the situation definitely requires a serious conversation you should also keep your cool and keep things in perspective.
So far, she has not done anything, just fantasized about it.
Click to expand...

Man, I didn't know France was so culturally different
 
It's time for you to make your Brexit and move on. It's good that you can go back to your parent's house. And make sure she doesn't talk you into anything.
 
Bloody_Five said:
Just one question OCD: are you an american?
I am asking because being faithful sexually seems a very important thing for you, a clear red line. In Europe and mostly in France, people are a bit more detached about it.

When your SO sleeps with somebody else, it sucks, of course, but c'est la vie.
In France, when you hit 40, it's more or less accepted that you will take up a lover or mistress at some point. A lot of people, including at least, two former presidents, openly had countless lovers while still being with their wives and no one gave a shit.
If you have a good thing going with someone, why ruin it just because he or she had sex with someone she does not plan on staying with?
Just a bit a cultural perspective.

As fas as your business is concerned, the situation definitely requires a serious conversation you should also keep your cool and keep things in perspective.
So far, she has not done anything, just fantasized about it.
Click to expand...
Writing down your handle to remind myself to look for it during Zwarte season
 
Only thing I can say is at least confront her before you move out.

I mean, it won't change anything now, but you really don't want to be in a situation 2 years from now wondering "What if I misread it?" or something, ya know? That's kind of a mystery you don't want to have hanging over you going into the future.

Not like I know what is best for you. I just think that regret over not doing something could be worse than the act itself.

Good luck, OP.
 
Crazylegs said:
OP... At the risk of channeling Grandpa Simpson.... Today is my anniversary - married 26 years (crissakes I feel old). I don't know you or your GF or anything else beyond what's in this thread. But just some advice from an OldMarriedGAF:

You feel like trust is broken, and you're right about that. But you need to have an adult conversation with your GF to try and understand why this happened. There's a reason and you need to know it. It doesn't mean you can salvage a relationship, but it means you'll know a little bit more about yourself and how your relationships work.

You also need to consider the possibility (and only the possibility) that your relationship can be repaired and it will be hard on you. That's also 'being an adult'. Trust is important to you, obviously. But I think it's useful to being open to the possibility that life is not so binary and trust can be repaired with more understanding and less pride.
Click to expand...

Quoting as this is the best damn advice in the thread.
 
Bloody_Five said:
Just one question OCD: are you an american?
I am asking because being faithful sexually seems a very important thing for you, a clear red line. In Europe and mostly in France, people are a bit more detached about it.

When your SO sleeps with somebody else, it sucks, of course, but c'est la vie.
In France, when you hit 40, it's more or less accepted that you will take up a lover or mistress at some point. A lot of people, including at least, two former presidents, openly had countless lovers while still being with their wives and no one gave a shit.
If you have a good thing going with someone, why ruin it just because he or she had sex with someone she does not plan on staying with?
Just a bit a cultural perspective.

As fas as your business is concerned, the situation definitely requires a serious conversation you should also keep your cool and keep things in perspective.
So far, she has not done anything, just fantasized about it.
Click to expand...

No, this it not the norm.
 
Retsudo said:
You are out of your mind. Seriously.
Click to expand...

I bet his post resonates in a bad way with a lot of people. While his attempted point is true, the problem, as pointed out by Hoo-Doo is that it was hidden, which then bubbles down to betrayal.


This is as old as sin. It's OK to want sex from people other than your partner. It's not OK to make your partner believe you are one way, and then in truth be something completely different. She probably liked the perks, the security and the affirmation of the relatiinship, but also wanted to get sexual with other guys. That's fine, except when that's hidden from what's supposed to be one of the closest confidants in your life.

You can rest perhaps a little easier knowing that this is disfunctional behavior, and it's not just you that are incompatible with her, but most likely everyone at this point. You guys are young, and IMO it's extremely rare to be fit for a relationship at a young age.
 
Sushi Nao said:
So zero tolerance for a first offense is the answer? There's a reason people have a tough time talking about topics like this and it's because they've been socially railroaded into it. Sometimes trouble has to happen before people are willing to be real with themselves and their partners.

I'm not advocating staying in a toxic relationship, but christ, have a tough and meaningful conversation before you throw everything away.
Click to expand...
You are framing this like she admitted to it and begged for forgiveness. She is actively sneaking around. Not only would I not want to be in a romantic relationship like that I wouldn't even remain friends with someone who did that to their partner. Life is too short to put up with shifty people bringing you down.
 
Bloody_Five said:
Just one question OCD: are you an american?
I am asking because being faithful sexually seems a very important thing for you, a clear red line. In Europe and mostly in France, people are a bit more detached about it.

When your SO sleeps with somebody else, it sucks, of course, but c'est la vie.
In France, when you hit 40, it's more or less accepted that you will take up a lover or mistress at some point. A lot of people, including at least, two former presidents, openly had countless lovers while still being with their wives and no one gave a shit.
If you have a good thing going with someone, why ruin it just because he or she had sex with someone she does not plan on staying with?
Just a bit a cultural perspective.

As fas as your business is concerned, the situation definitely requires a serious conversation you should also keep your cool and keep things in perspective.
So far, she has not done anything, just fantasized about it.
Click to expand...


You aren't respecting the OPs feelings and you projecting your own expectations onto the OP. Bad on you.
 
Also, no one is talking about the possibility of you two talking about this and working it out.

Good people can make shitty decisions. Talking to her you might find places that you didn't step up in the relationship that caused her to faulter. I'm not justifying her actions in any way, but infidelity can often be someone in the relationship not getting something they need from their partner so they seek it elsewhere.

If she's worth it you can work past it, it's really hard and takes a lot of effort on both parts, but only you can decide if you are done, or if she's worth forgiving.

Whatever you choose OP, I wish nothing but happiness for you. :tup:
 
Bloody_Five said:
Just one question OCD: are you an american?
I am asking because being faithful sexually seems a very important thing for you, a clear red line. In Europe and mostly in France, people are a bit more detached about it.

When your SO sleeps with somebody else, it sucks, of course, but c'est la vie.
In France, when you hit 40, it's more or less accepted that you will take up a lover or mistress at some point. A lot of people, including at least, two former presidents, openly had countless lovers while still being with their wives and no one gave a shit.
If you have a good thing going with someone, why ruin it just because he or she had sex with someone she does not plan on staying with?
Just a bit a cultural perspective.

As fas as your business is concerned, the situation definitely requires a serious conversation you should also keep your cool and keep things in perspective.
So far, she has not done anything, just fantasized about it.
Click to expand...

Any other French here to corroborate this? Sounds like BS to me.
 
I'd be snooping further on her if I were you before showing your hand. But I can understand that it's difficult to hide these emotions and act normal.
 
Crazylegs said:
OP... At the risk of channeling Grandpa Simpson.... Today is my anniversary - married 26 years (crissakes I feel old). I don't know you or your GF or anything else beyond what's in this thread. But just some advice from an OldMarriedGAF:

You feel like trust is broken, and you're right about that. But you need to have an adult conversation with your GF to try and understand why this happened. There's a reason and you need to know it. It doesn't mean you can salvage a relationship, but it means you'll know a little bit more about yourself and how your relationships work.

You also need to consider the possibility (and only the possibility) that your relationship can be repaired and it will be hard on you. That's also 'being an adult'. Trust is important to you, obviously. But I think it's useful to being open to the possibility that life is not so binary and trust can be repaired with more understanding and less pride.
Click to expand...

thanks for this.
 
Bloody_Five said:
Just one question OCD: are you an american?
I am asking because being faithful sexually seems a very important thing for you, a clear red line. In Europe and mostly in France, people are a bit more detached about it.

When your SO sleeps with somebody else, it sucks, of course, but c'est la vie.
In France, when you hit 40, it's more or less accepted that you will take up a lover or mistress at some point. A lot of people, including at least, two former presidents, openly had countless lovers while still being with their wives and no one gave a shit.
If you have a good thing going with someone, why ruin it just because he or she had sex with someone she does not plan on staying with?
Just a bit a cultural perspective.

As fas as your business is concerned, the situation definitely requires a serious conversation you should also keep your cool and keep things in perspective.
So far, she has not done anything, just fantasized about it.
Click to expand...
I've never heard of this; I mean, I know some of the former Presidents had mistresses without anyone caring but that seems like more of a political difference. I'm pretty sure most regular French people wouldn't tolerate being cheated on like that.
 
Bloody_Five said:
Just one question OCD: are you an american?
Click to expand...

No I'm from the UK.

Anyway I'm going to take a break from the laptop now (and ipad) as I need a break, think about what to do as she'll be home shortly.

The letting agents are actually closed as of now (it's 5:43pm over here). So plan of action is obviously call them first thing in the morning once I get to work tomorrow.

I'm gonna need to decide what to do with her, I've even thought about not saying anything at all tonight, find out where I stand with regards to the lease as I don't know what happens if one person on the agreement is no longer living there, and whether that breaks the terms of the agreement, if I'm responsible for the rent etc.

Obviously I'll find out exactly what I can do once I've spoken to them tomorrow. Either way I won't be staying here, firstly because I couldn't afford it by myself anyway, but also because I'd not want to be here as I've been here with her from the start and it would be too difficult for me. I just want a fresh start, a break from women and just focus on me for a while.

I would love to explode and give her a peace of my mind, but it won't do anything aside from stress me out, and it won't change anything at all.

Anyway thanks again for all the replies, there's been a lot of good advice, and even some funny posts which is why I love reading neogaf so much as some of you genuinely make me laugh (even if it's not intentional with some posters)
 
Crazylegs said:
OP... At the risk of channeling Grandpa Simpson.... Today is my anniversary - married 26 years (crissakes I feel old). I don't know you or your GF or anything else beyond what's in this thread. But just some advice from an OldMarriedGAF:

You feel like trust is broken, and you're right about that. But you need to have an adult conversation with your GF to try and understand why this happened. There's a reason and you need to know it. It doesn't mean you can salvage a relationship, but it means you'll know a little bit more about yourself and how your relationships work.

You also need to consider the possibility (and only the possibility) that your relationship can be repaired and it will be hard on you. That's also 'being an adult'. Trust is important to you, obviously. But I think it's useful to being open to the possibility that life is not so binary and trust can be repaired with more understanding and less pride.
Click to expand...

This seems like some great perspective.
 
Bloody_Five said:
Just one question OCD: are you an american?
I am asking because being faithful sexually seems a very important thing for you, a clear red line. In Europe and mostly in France, people are a bit more detached about it.
Click to expand...

It happens, but that's viewed negatively in the English-speaking world and has tarnished John F. Kennedy's reputation, for example. This perspective on fidelity goes for the whole English-speaking world too, not just America.

Being faithful is a pretty big deal.
 
Bloody_Five said:
Just one question OCD: are you an american?
I am asking because being faithful sexually seems a very important thing for you, a clear red line. In Europe and mostly in France, people are a bit more detached about it.

When your SO sleeps with somebody else, it sucks, of course, but c'est la vie.
In France, when you hit 40, it's more or less accepted that you will take up a lover or mistress at some point. A lot of people, including at least, two former presidents, openly had countless lovers while still being with their wives and no one gave a shit.
If you have a good thing going with someone, why ruin it just because he or she had sex with someone she does not plan on staying with?
Just a bit a cultural perspective.

As fas as your business is concerned, the situation definitely requires a serious conversation you should also keep your cool and keep things in perspective.
So far, she has not done anything, just fantasized about it.
Click to expand...
Don't know what Europe you're referencing, but this is all bull, except the presidents bit, which wasn't "accepted"
 
That suspense of confrontation must be killing you. Remain strong footed and try not to let your rage take you over. Stay stern and reasonable, man. It'll feel good after you've let out your feelings in front of her and truly let her know how what she did made you feel. Take some time and come back to discuss how you guys are going to move on/separate from that flat. In due time, you'll be back on your feet again.
 
Bloody_Five said:
Just one question OCD: are you an american?
I am asking because being faithful sexually seems a very important thing for you, a clear red line. In Europe and mostly in France, people are a bit more detached about it.

When your SO sleeps with somebody else, it sucks, of course, but c'est la vie.
In France, when you hit 40, it's more or less accepted that you will take up a lover or mistress at some point. A lot of people, including at least, two former presidents, openly had countless lovers while still being with their wives and no one gave a shit.
If you have a good thing going with someone, why ruin it just because he or she had sex with someone she does not plan on staying with?
Just a bit a cultural perspective.

As fas as your business is concerned, the situation definitely requires a serious conversation you should also keep your cool and keep things in perspective.
So far, she has not done anything, just fantasized about it.
Click to expand...
I am highly skeptical the French wives are cool with this.
 
OCD Guy said:
No I'm from the UK.

Anyway I'm going to take a break from the laptop now (and ipad) as I need a break, think about what to do as she'll be home shortly.

The letting agents are actually closed as of now (it's 5:43pm over here). So plan of action is obviously call them first thing in the morning once I get to work tomorrow.

I'm gonna need to decide what to do with her, I've even thought about not saying anything at all tonight, find out where I stand with regards to the lease as I don't know what happens if one person on the agreement is no longer living there, and whether that breaks the terms of the agreement, if I'm responsible for the rent etc.

Obviously I'll find out exactly what I can do once I've spoken to them tomorrow. Either way I won't be staying her, firstly because I couldn't afford it by myself anyway, but also because I'd not want to be here as I've been here with her from the start and it would be too difficult for me. I just want a fresh start, a break from women and just focus on me for a while.

I would love to explode and give her a peace of my mind, but it won't do anything aside from stress me out, and it won't change anything at all. Best of luck.

Anyway thanks again for all the replies, there's been a lot of good advice, and even some funny posts which is why I love reading neogaf so much as some of you genuinely make me laugh (even if it's not intentional with some posters)
Click to expand...

Let us know what happens man. When you get the chance. The next few days will be rough.
 
Is there enough time to get the dick printed onto a shirt? If I had something like this pulled on me I'd do something like that. That way she can't skirt around the issue and needs to look at it the entire time we have our final talk.
 
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