So I just went on my girlfriends ipad....
- Thread starter OCD Guy
- Start date
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Lashley
Why does he wear the mask!?
There'll be an argument regardless
All you're doing is hurting yourself by prolonging it
Dorsal Axe
Member
It's good to take time to calm down, but I wouldn't wait too long if I were you OP. You're not going to sleep on it, and you'll just be prolonging the agony, and be left dreading the inevitable confrontation. Sometimes it's just better to get it over and done with, even if it is unpleasant.
Oof, this has been quite the ride. My sympathies with you OP. Finding a sudden end to a relationship of 4 years (which seems like forever), whether it be this manner or another, is never easy.
It sounds like you're pretty much following the advice I would give, but I'll say it again and probably echo what others have already said. If you're already convinced it's over with - and such a breach in trust is perfectly acceptable reason - keep your cool. Talk with people in charge of the lease tomorrow and see if there's any way out of it. Hopefully there is some manner to do so. Find somewhere you can stay as if you're both on the lease, it'll be easier for you to do that than to "kick her out" as others have been saying. I'd make sure all of this is in order before you talk with her. You're done with the relationship and this really goes to show that. When you talk with her, do so while being rational and not escalate to anger. Explain how you found it. Explain why this is such a big to you. Explain that it's over and explain whatever you found out with regards to the lease. After the conversation, leave and get your mind off of it. Find some way to blow off that anger, whether it be going to the gym or hunting down Pokemon in Pokemon Go. It will definitely sting for awhile, but that feeling goes away.
Above all else, don't let her convince you otherwise. I've honestly been in a similar situation before with an ex and, well, I let her convince me that we should stick together. It wasn't my best moment. Afterwards, the trust was never there and being a relationship like that absolutely sucks.
Good luck with you, OP.
It sounds like you're pretty much following the advice I would give, but I'll say it again and probably echo what others have already said. If you're already convinced it's over with - and such a breach in trust is perfectly acceptable reason - keep your cool. Talk with people in charge of the lease tomorrow and see if there's any way out of it. Hopefully there is some manner to do so. Find somewhere you can stay as if you're both on the lease, it'll be easier for you to do that than to "kick her out" as others have been saying. I'd make sure all of this is in order before you talk with her. You're done with the relationship and this really goes to show that. When you talk with her, do so while being rational and not escalate to anger. Explain how you found it. Explain why this is such a big to you. Explain that it's over and explain whatever you found out with regards to the lease. After the conversation, leave and get your mind off of it. Find some way to blow off that anger, whether it be going to the gym or hunting down Pokemon in Pokemon Go. It will definitely sting for awhile, but that feeling goes away.
Above all else, don't let her convince you otherwise. I've honestly been in a similar situation before with an ex and, well, I let her convince me that we should stick together. It wasn't my best moment. Afterwards, the trust was never there and being a relationship like that absolutely sucks.
Good luck with you, OP.
Put me in the talk about it now and get it over with group.
Tell her that she hurt you and you can't trust her. Get it out, let it be raw (but not abusive) and when you've spent the pain that this has caused, let it (and her) go.
Move on and replace her with someone who cares enough about you to not do those things. Life is too short to spend in a toxic relationship.
Tell her that she hurt you and you can't trust her. Get it out, let it be raw (but not abusive) and when you've spent the pain that this has caused, let it (and her) go.
Move on and replace her with someone who cares enough about you to not do those things. Life is too short to spend in a toxic relationship.
The thing is I don't want any answers.
There was a guy posting earlier today that I should hear her out and an explanation could change my mind.
There's nothing she could say that would make think ok, let's work it out.
I know I'm burying my head in the sand, but spending the rest of the night arguing isn't going to make me feel better.
DeathoftheEndless
Crashing this plane... with no survivors!
That's a good plan. It'll take some time to get over it, but I'm sure you'll be chatting up new girls and living the life soon enough.
Bruh he's in a committed relationship
Alebrije
Member
This is the better , in fact if your trust is over there is not reason to keep the relationship, basically you know is over now ( today) . Tomorrow will be just a good by and no harm will be done specially to you , at this moment you do not need answers because no matter what she says tomorrow, all has been settled in your mind today.
Sometimes it is the wise thing to do. What if he loses it during said confrontation and something happens he could possibly not reverse?
dealer-
Member
This, just bite the bullet and talk about it now unless you aren't going to do anything at all.
Always-honest
Banned
You have to talk about this man. You can't go on like this.
Sunster
Member
I'm going to urge you to watch that video I posted before you ask her questions... Certain questions are worth asking for either of you: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2AUat93a8Q
diablos991
Can’t stump the diablos
OP, do you have family or relatives nearby that would let you stay for free until you get your lease figured out?
If so then just make those arrangements and leave. You're torturing yourself by being around her.
If so then just make those arrangements and leave. You're torturing yourself by being around her.
dragonflys545
Member
Sometimes having an argument is better than not having any. It means that you're both communicating and are trying to tell each other problems you have for one another. I've been in a long-term relationship there were no arguments whatsoever, but that's actually a red flag, because no relationships are perfect.
Astral Dog
Member
:/
That sounds kinda untypical in a marriage, its alright if you both like to do that but dont assume most people will be ok with sending dick picks and flirting with others,
op has every right to be worried/angry
Cabbagehead
Member
Don't think of it as a argument or at least try to avoid making it one if possible. Or can you guys not have a conversation about more personal or harder subjects that test boundaries without it breaking out in a shouting match? question is all.
Also can you really say that whatever she will bring forth will not change you're perspective even if it doesn't immediately change you're mind. Because despite what the scenario presents. Realizing later that a overreaction occurred and a relationship was ended. Would be the worst of all for not real reason or not the reason you may have thought.
GreatestHits
Member
I think OP fears the confrontation, which is understandable. My assessment is there's more to OCD guy's situation than this failed relationship but he's not interested in talking about it. However I do think we will get the details as to what happens.
MisterR
Member
Sitting at your house sick inside all night putting it off sure isn't going to make you feel better either. Shes gonna figure it out soon enough. No way you can pull that off without being majorly passive aggressive
Tabasco
Member
Didn't he have the time to think that kind of situation over before she arrived home?
No rush for OP, but still.
Art Teitlebaum
Member
Might be true, but that nagging pain in your chest isn't great either, right?
Sometimes thunder and lightning are healthier than this terrible humid heat that lets you suffer.
BibiMaghoo
Member
Time to step up man and talk to her. You will feel better after you have said your piece and heard hers, trust me on this. Sitting on shit only harms you man, you don't deserve that here.
Blackleg-sanji1
Banned
Definitely burying your head here. Tho I do get it. Sounds like you don't want to say anything at all tho? If that's the case fine but if you do plan on it I can guarantee 100% that you in it will cause more of an argument than it would have today.
I feel the same way but ultimately that really not of our business until he himself brings it up.
Ash Sparrow
Banned
Wink LOL
Yeah it was, was actually glad he went and volunteered to wipe it off. I've actually been the guy who spread a rumor about someone before. she was someone who harassed me a lot and I thought gee I'll get back at her, I had no idea how it would spread around our town. seeing girl burst in tears did not make me feel better
GuitarAtomik
Member
For real though OP, unless you're going to bed right now you're going to have a hard time pretending nothing's wrong unless she completely leaves you alone for the rest of the day. Even then, you're going to have a hard time putting this all out of your mind when she jumps on the iPad tonight. Best to get it over with asap.
GreatestHits
Member
The Real Abed
Perma-Junior
Please, OP. You have to get it over with. You're just hurting yourself more than if you just rip the bandaid off.
Personally I'd probably have packed what I could fit of mine in my car before she got home, brought it up as soon as the arrived and left for a friend or relative's house just to make sure she didn't destroy my stuff. But everyone would probably handle it differently.
Obviously the lease is a problem. Definitely discuss it with the landlord and find out what the penalties are.
Personally I'd probably have packed what I could fit of mine in my car before she got home, brought it up as soon as the arrived and left for a friend or relative's house just to make sure she didn't destroy my stuff. But everyone would probably handle it differently.
Obviously the lease is a problem. Definitely discuss it with the landlord and find out what the penalties are.
starchild excalibur
Member
Well, OP, it's ultimately your call as to what you feel is best. But I do agree with those that say that waiting it out til tomorrow may not make anything better. The apartment situation is something that will take days to properly resolve even in the best case scenario and I wouldn't necessarily wait to hear back about that before confronting the gf about it.
But if you feel like talking to her about it tonight may cause you to do some stuff (especially physically) then yeah - maybe take a breather from it. On the other hand, I hope you watching her go about her day like normal doesn't cause you to swell up even more.
It's a shame you already used the sickness excuse - maybe it would have been better to say you were going over to a friend's or out to see a movie or something. That way you could be physically removed from this shared space.
But if you feel like talking to her about it tonight may cause you to do some stuff (especially physically) then yeah - maybe take a breather from it. On the other hand, I hope you watching her go about her day like normal doesn't cause you to swell up even more.
It's a shame you already used the sickness excuse - maybe it would have been better to say you were going over to a friend's or out to see a movie or something. That way you could be physically removed from this shared space.
BibiMaghoo
Member
Only reason people are telling him to jump in is because they know how much it burns to sit on things instead of getting it out there. OP needs to find that for sure, but it will save some hurt to get it done sooner.
Astral Dog
Member
i think its worth it, you may grow out of this relationship learning something, at least, instead of not knowing anything and starting from zero, you just need to be calm,
yes, its likely whatever explanation she has might be worthless, but you could both learn something about each other arguing that could help you in your future relationship (something positive, i hope)
This is how I would react too. Good luck OP, hope things work out for the best.
StarCreator
Member
I have to agree with the people saying you shouldn't put off talking this out with her. The talk isn't to convince you that you need to stay with her or anything, but she's still human and deserves at least a chance to explain herself - and how forthcoming she is will be a good measure of her character. You might never date again, but maybe you can come out of this as friends; you wouldn't have been with her for four years if you were outright incompatible, and maybe you can have some sort of relationship after this, if not necessarily a romantic one.
Vicetrailia
Banned
Don't waste your time OP, find someone who truly puts loyalty and trust first. Tell her what you know, that you can't trust her again, and that it's over.
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